New, Modern, Sleek... My blog?

Ok. So I got *some* things done. The colors are still the same, and so forth...
I'm thinking about getting pictures linked up to this thing

But I wonder if that'll cause problems for people with slow connections.
What's a mother to do? Hmm...
Well, I will continue working on this some other day (probably tomorrow)

Amongst the notes:

*Switching to blogger's comment system (for more control) was kind of painful. I did get to learn all about how blogger works, though. I 4m Bl0Ggi|\|G M4$tx0r!
*I think I may have put too many links on the side there. It may overwhelm people!
*The combo box for the archives is pretty handy, and cuts down on that ugly dark grey clutter.
*Hehehehe... I was thinking of using slash, of slashdot code fame, for the site...

Time to Sleep. I may have a whole bunch of people that will support me if I become homeless, but I must find a house tomorrow! That and get more scholarships (I just got a check repaying my tuition that I paid today. I was very happy about that. The money is pouring in! Now that I am conserving it so well. But, it will be spent)

Also, I'm thinking of trying not to live at Richard's. Even if he lets me live there, the price of 350$/month is really high. I could go rent my own nice 1 bed apartment with that much money... yet, he's charging this for a room in Eureka! *shakes head*
That man has always tried to rip me off in odd ways.

But, I must sleep. I still haven't mentioned the cool twists and turns of the past few days...
They're coming to take me away, ho ho hee hee ha ha to the funny farm where life is beautiful all the time and I'll be happy to see those nice young men in their coats...
D.

Turning Over the Inventory

Ok. So I'm going to start messing around with my blog. It'll look different soon, you'll see!

Unfortunantly, I may break a lot of things... and it may take me a long time to fix them!

Here's to hoping I get it all operational...

A New Twist

So a lot of things have been happening lately. A few people have stepped up to help me if I need them when I move. I did some other really fun stuff today, though I must say that my friendship "problem" is getting out of control. Too many people!

Oh, and there's some other locals that found my site through searching. Welcome aboard!

Anyway, I do believe that I need to talk a bit about the weird twists my life just took the past few days, though I must go to bed, for that crappy 7 in the morning to 3:30 in the afternoon shift awaits...

Also, I think I'm suffering from iron deficiency again. I haven't been eating like I used to (starving at certain parts of the day), and the quality of the food has been going down. Way down. I come home tired and sleepy (which is the best thing after a hard day's labor (sitting in a chair and reading a book))

But, I just don't feel compelled to fix anything until I move out of here. My schedule will jumble up again when that happens! But I must, so I will try.

Team Chef... Hoo! Ha!-(just formed a cooking group that happens on Sunday. More on that later)
D.

AssHat: News that People Can Relate To!

So the day went by quick today.

I was so busy alternating to different tasks, the day flew on by like no tomorrow! What's more, I had some sugar for the first time in a good while... I just couldn't resist the special deal of Mudd Pie, complete with the lunch lady at the cafeteria (that I trust) recommending it. "It's really good!" She may have just been trying to sell it to me, but, boy did I enjoy it!

However, I have been having old thoughts and philosophies strike me today. When the lunch lady was so positive about the pie, it made me remember how giving a compliment to one person each day helped me build so much. The Universal Law of Reciprocation, they call it. Just give at least one person a compliment with something you think they do well. People get flattered at how you really feel about how they do things, and it builds a positive relationship with yourself and others.

Anyway, I enjoyed the rest of my shift, albeit hyper, due to the intense amount of sugar in the pie. I'm getting better at drawing, but maybe that was just the hyperness... (?)

When work was over, I went over to Meghannraye's house and FINALLY did the bike ride. Unfortunantly, my bike was rusty and the WD-40 evaporates pretty quickly -- I was pedaling my bike with at least twice as much exerted energy as she throughout the trip.

It was worth it, though. It was very beautiful outside, with the fields and country spread out with all its lush greenness. One of the things that always staggers me about this place is how green and pretty it is. Pasture after pasture, tree after tree. It was great. You capture things many people never notice, never get the chance to see, because they're too busy and too urbanized to go spend some time in the country.

About half way through the trip, we found some blackberry bushes that were practically untouched. There were so many blackberries... we ate a whole bunch and then continued on our trip.

We talked at length during the ride, and then talked some more when we got back to her house. Then, I left.

I was so hungry again after doing that bike ride that I *had* to eat. But, what was strange was that I wanted to eat at one place and one place only: Amy's Restaurant. So, I drove on over there, but found Kyle's car there (I could tell it was his. Who else would have an old camry with a homestar runner sticker on the back?). Due to protocols of silliness, I can't eat there while he's there. Too much drama and weird stabbing pains-in-the-heart type stuff, you know? So, I went off to APD and tried something new (and it was good.)

Something struck me as I went home: A philosophical memory that I applied to great success. As i've said before, I'm going to be poor soon. I will have little, if anything. I am fine with this. My personal, final test under the meat grinder of life. But, I've been feeling really lost the past few months, beginning when I quit WinCo. My life changed drastically, my schedule being flip-flopped, and the people that I once worked beside then despised me. To add to the confusion, I started a new job, a job I was unfamiliar with, with a different schedule that threw me off. To top it all off, my mentality had been changing due to the void of time that school used to occupy. With the excess time, and my inability to plan for what to do with all of it, I decided to squander it on luxuries that didn't help me, or I found not valuable: playing games, talking to people, and doing absolutely nothing on the internet.

But, things have been changing. My schedule has stabilized; the people at WinCo still care about me; I have familiarized myself with my new job; most of all my personal dissatisfaction has begotten me a desire for change. All I needed was a spark to get it going...

I don't know why I remembered what my dad had said to me a year ago, but something clicked when I was thinking of a place to eat that didn't cost much, after not going to Amy's. A year ago from today, I was unemployed, starving like an Ethiopian, but not putting forth the effort to get enough school credits done that semester (I was searching like mad for a job, though). Upon hearing about my planned school schedule, he told me: If you were born into a rich family you could play all you want; but you weren't. I don't have much to give you. You were born poor and don't have the luxury to play. You must work. You don't play until the work is done. No matter what, if the work isn't done, you can't play. My dad says the worst things sometimes, and, unfortunantly, he rarely changes his opinion until what he says, fails. To others, this may seem lecture to hear. But, this man is my dad, and no matter what, I can't help but feel obligated to listen to what he says. My worst depressions stemmed from things he did. He doesn't even know this...

I always recover, though. But what a tangent this is.

Anyway, the point is that this memory had meaning. They say that an emotional trigger can be very powerful: it can conjure up motives and keep a person driven to complete a goal. This is what happened to me. I couldn't change my dad's opinion; he's too irrational to do that. I had to suffer the consequences of a further strained financial situation with plans of even less support at set dates in the future. Thereafter, whenever I'd ask my dad for help or advice with, say, an insurance company or with school habits, he'd always shrug me off. "You're big enough to take care of it yourself." Thanks a lot, dad. You cost me money and aide from places that could've helped me if you had given me the right information.

But now is not the time for this! I was so pissed off at the world, so angry with so many things going south in my life, that I took that advice to heart. Nothing was going to get done by itself; I had to create and define every last detail of what I wanted. I felt rage, and a desire to do anything and everything that I could. I would keep going forever to help myself.

I spent months doing everything I could, and I did so much that I impressed myself.

And therein lies the problem. When I'm satisfied with progress, I don't push to keep going. I even fear that I'm going to burn up. Thus, I get stuck going nowhere, in a comfort zone. It's like someone looking forward for the longest time while driving, but eventually, for a moment, wonders what's in his lap. So, he stares at his lap for a long time. Meanwhile, the car is still going, but he doesn't know what's coming up on the road. What's more, he may be encouraged to look backwards to see who is seated with him. He may find that no one is sitting with him: They all bailed out when they saw him looking down. Now, all he can see is where he's gone, but he doesn't know how he got to that point, nor does he know where he's going. He's trapped in the past.

I've been looking down. I've been playing to "not lose", rather than to "win". Let me tell you, settling for second best (or even less) stinks, and it gets something inside me bubbling, telling me I can do better.

And now, the chain reaction of change inside, this deep burning flame in my chest that I've been yearning to feel once more, has come back. I know it when I feel it there, never waning, always burning. I am dissatisfied with everything, and now I know it's up to me to change it. I'm poor, uncared about, being thrown out into a violent and dangerous world that would soon slaughter me for the betterment of others. It's me vs. the world.

For the quite a while now, I have been trying to do things because I feel like they'll help me. Now, I've got a drive. A true reason to work, and work hard. It's for the success of myself, and my community of people that deal with me.

My community of people... I have too many people to deal with. I spend so much of my free time from work talking to people... It's turned into an obligation. It must be controlled and regulated, or I will fail. But, what do I do?



Anyway, I had other things to rant about. I'm getting so fed up with people that I know who act "elite". It's such a terrible disservice to themselves and to others! For example, one of my friends is too good to work for McDonald's or gas stations. He works very very hard, too hard in fact, but refuses to take out a job that pays less for super duper easy work. Furthermore, and more importantly, he won't go below a certain standard of living. "My house must have this in it. Nothing less!" is his mantra. The thrift shop will occasionally have what he needs, but he's too good for that, even with his low wage. This person is DROPPING out of SCHOOL because he has to pay his bills to maintain such a standard of living. That's the price he pays for not settling for something merely workable until he gets out of college.
And another thing, those elitest groups, such as the macintosh groups. "Best Operating System" in the world, my ass. Sure, it's great for desktop publishing, but has terrible support for other things. It's such a limited system, with such a high price tag... it's not justifiable! Windows and Linux have more support than Macs, at a fraction of the cost.
Macs are like Porsches (and laptops). Very expensive and hard to fix/tinker with.
They're getting better, though. But, until then... such a waste of money!
I believe the rest of the world agrees with me (particularly businesses) when we see how many PCs are sold compared to macs.
Same thing with people saying exercising is a bad thing. I hate hearing people spittle such nonsense down their lips and chins to their shirts. It's horrendous.
But what a waste of space. Macs are fine, as are porsches, laptops, thrift shops, McDonald's (well... almost!), and gas stations. It's just when people start saying, "I'm better than everyone else because I have this" that I have to stand up.
And I'm here to say, "No, you're not better than the rest of us. Now sit down, please."

There's so much you can gain from keeping an open mind. It's staggering. I must go to sleep now, but I'd like to conclude that an open mind isn't just keeping yourself open to activities you'd normally never consider, but also understanding the activity.

I hated rap for a long time... but it was because I didn't understand rap. It took Paul to show me rap, to understand why people do this usually abominable form. I don't like rap all the time, but that's just like other music. I don't like to hear the same genre all the time.

Most relationships end because of misunderstanding between the two parties. Furthermore, differing interests stem from past experiences.

Bleh. What have I just wrote towards the end here? I haven't given any justifications. I have plenty, but I'm tired. I must sleep!

Oh, quick notes

Paul wants to buy a gun on Saturday. I, being one who has shot many a different gun in my youth, am going to help him. Could get interesting...

Film Noir is my favorite Genre. I love how it shows the dark side of society... So creepy. hmm...

Eat right and Exercise. What could be more difficult than this?

Update: Fixed the problem. Blogger has such a screwy WYSIWYG editor....