Why is it that I must procrastinate every time? Why is it that I make it every time?
It's amazing what the mind can do under pressure.
Right now, I'm supposed to be writing a prospectus. Supposed to photocopy and highlight my sources. Suppose to show how well I've mastered the topic of tulip speculations.
Oh, and read my class material, too.
I just don't want to do it. Whatever strength I had these last two semesters has left me. Summer has reduced me to a kernel of my former self. Guess it's time to pick myself up and get back to where I was. Building that momentum is hard, though.
If only I could find the motivation to really want the degree from this place. I think i'd get my focus.
I'm such a lazy bitch sometimes.
[15:33] (jeremiah): oh the dumb people... it hurts the brain darrel. dealing with people who have so much power and so little intelligence... it hurts every day ...
Saturday, October 28
Friday, October 27
Do It In the Road
School's getting better and better.
I think my financial problem is coming back to haunt me -- I have to go visit the financial aid office, once again, to fight for what's owed. At least, now, I have a job. I've got enough money that I'm not going to die if they pull the plug. I don't think I'll get to go to school, though.
I had breakfast club this morning. All the participants enjoyed it. We got our day going well, learned a bit about eachother, had a lot of fun. I'm trying to turn the "club" into a student club, though. I have the goal of getting free breakfast for all from the University. I think it's quite attainable. I'm going to try securing funding by using the mission statement, "to bring about University unity by having students have breakfast together". I plan on getting other clubs, fraternities, etc. etc. to come together to have breakfast. And then have breakfast myself with them. I also plan on fundraising by walking library walk with an apron on (maybe it'll say "kiss the cook") and having a mason jar with a sign that says "support breakfast club -- feed hungry students breakfast" attached to the jar wall. I'll have coins inside, and I'll jingle the jar in front of people, while I say nothing (okay. Maybe I'll ask for donation).
I'm also planning on starting a student empowerment club. I'm dismayed that I'm paying so much money, yet there's no organized group where I can have a say in how my money on the campus gets spent. Somebody needs to step up to the plate on this, and because of that, I guess I'll step up to the plate.
In other news, two days ago, I was supposed to go meet for the first time at a volleyball tourney. That didn't happen. Instead, I went to a microsoft meeting (a meeting for prospective microsoft hires), and learned about microsoft. Mainly, I was hoping to get the XboX 360 so I could sell it (I don't play games anymore. Don't even have a TV).
Well, they had a lot of prizes, but I didn't get anything. Such is life. However, at the end, they needed people to get rid of the subway sandwiches, soda, and chips. So, I took an entire subway platter full of sandwiches and ran towards the volleyball court.
Now, if that ain't a good way to introduce yourself to your team, I don't know what is.
We chatted it up for quite a while after the game. I was late for bed. I didn't mind, though.
...
I had a strange idea come across me. I learned about this new contraption, called The Tower of Babel. Though it is just a pun, it made me wonder: is technology taking the bible and going backwards? Are we going the inverse of the bible? Am I just being too creative?
Not that I really believe in the bible. In fact, I haven't read it. It's just that I had a thought of how we may be striving towards a veritable garden of eden -- a way to go backwards.
Anyway, I have to go. Lose my cellphone, gain a pager. And write a prospectus (bleh).
Derby crash, Miracle Gangster
I think my financial problem is coming back to haunt me -- I have to go visit the financial aid office, once again, to fight for what's owed. At least, now, I have a job. I've got enough money that I'm not going to die if they pull the plug. I don't think I'll get to go to school, though.
I had breakfast club this morning. All the participants enjoyed it. We got our day going well, learned a bit about eachother, had a lot of fun. I'm trying to turn the "club" into a student club, though. I have the goal of getting free breakfast for all from the University. I think it's quite attainable. I'm going to try securing funding by using the mission statement, "to bring about University unity by having students have breakfast together". I plan on getting other clubs, fraternities, etc. etc. to come together to have breakfast. And then have breakfast myself with them. I also plan on fundraising by walking library walk with an apron on (maybe it'll say "kiss the cook") and having a mason jar with a sign that says "support breakfast club -- feed hungry students breakfast" attached to the jar wall. I'll have coins inside, and I'll jingle the jar in front of people, while I say nothing (okay. Maybe I'll ask for donation).
I'm also planning on starting a student empowerment club. I'm dismayed that I'm paying so much money, yet there's no organized group where I can have a say in how my money on the campus gets spent. Somebody needs to step up to the plate on this, and because of that, I guess I'll step up to the plate.
In other news, two days ago, I was supposed to go meet for the first time at a volleyball tourney. That didn't happen. Instead, I went to a microsoft meeting (a meeting for prospective microsoft hires), and learned about microsoft. Mainly, I was hoping to get the XboX 360 so I could sell it (I don't play games anymore. Don't even have a TV).
Well, they had a lot of prizes, but I didn't get anything. Such is life. However, at the end, they needed people to get rid of the subway sandwiches, soda, and chips. So, I took an entire subway platter full of sandwiches and ran towards the volleyball court.
Now, if that ain't a good way to introduce yourself to your team, I don't know what is.
We chatted it up for quite a while after the game. I was late for bed. I didn't mind, though.
...
I had a strange idea come across me. I learned about this new contraption, called The Tower of Babel. Though it is just a pun, it made me wonder: is technology taking the bible and going backwards? Are we going the inverse of the bible? Am I just being too creative?
Not that I really believe in the bible. In fact, I haven't read it. It's just that I had a thought of how we may be striving towards a veritable garden of eden -- a way to go backwards.
Anyway, I have to go. Lose my cellphone, gain a pager. And write a prospectus (bleh).
Derby crash, Miracle Gangster
Friday, October 20
Silly Slashdot
Something be an retarded that I posted on slashdot
----------------------------
I foresee a new videogame -=- a videogame that puts an end to sweatshops!
All we need is to create some software to interface with some robots. Then, we need to take that software and turn it into a game. In this game, we'll make a person's avatar be connected to a robot!
Think of it like this: take a robot that hoes the ground. Interface it with, say, a game much like diablo. Now, every time the user clicks the mouse, the robot hoes! And every time the user moves the character, the robot moves as well! We'll award points for doing a job right. We may even give treasure in the game for doing a task so many times.
The user will see a barbarian/wizard/paladin/whatever in the game. They'll never suspect: robots.
The biggest advantage is that people will be so hooked from the eye-candy and life-like sound that they won't mind hoeing the ground in exchange for a monthly fee.
Tom Sawyer indeed.
-------------------------
I'm noticing that I am posting my work from other places on here. I just don't have the time to write independently, lately.
At least this is something to chew on!
----------------------------
I foresee a new videogame -=- a videogame that puts an end to sweatshops!
All we need is to create some software to interface with some robots. Then, we need to take that software and turn it into a game. In this game, we'll make a person's avatar be connected to a robot!
Think of it like this: take a robot that hoes the ground. Interface it with, say, a game much like diablo. Now, every time the user clicks the mouse, the robot hoes! And every time the user moves the character, the robot moves as well! We'll award points for doing a job right. We may even give treasure in the game for doing a task so many times.
The user will see a barbarian/wizard/paladin/whatever in the game. They'll never suspect: robots.
The biggest advantage is that people will be so hooked from the eye-candy and life-like sound that they won't mind hoeing the ground in exchange for a monthly fee.
Tom Sawyer indeed.
-------------------------
I'm noticing that I am posting my work from other places on here. I just don't have the time to write independently, lately.
At least this is something to chew on!
Tuesday, October 17
I think I'm getting the Hang of this
Things are getting better at UCSD.
I'm learning that passing a course and learning are two very different things.
I'm learning that passing a course and learning are two very different things.
Friday, October 13
well well well
Okay. I'm feeling a lot better lately. In fact, I feel so good, I feel almost bad.
I dropped the chemistry course. That silly course made me feel like I was taking 20 credits instead of 12. Though I feel the pressure has been taken off of me, I wonder what I'm going to do about staying in UC San Diego. They require 36 units a year to stay in, and I may not be able to do 16 units at a time (though I might just pick up a junker course for an easy extra 4 credits).
Furthermore, this does not resolve my concern about how I'm not really learning anything in class. I'm thinking that SDSU is a better fit, but we'll see!
Oh, and I'm not worried about losing half my financial aid this quarter from dropping out of the course. I just don't care about anything anymore.
Today, I got to run (during chemistry meeting) the 2k event. Tonight, I could've seen "hot hot fire" at the RIMAC (but I'm not interested in large-scale garage rock music). And tomorrow, I'm going to see Anoushka Shankar play at the Mandeville Auditorium... I think I'm going to listen to the recitals that happen every other day at the auditorium. This should be cool.
Maybe I don't need to attend UCSD to enjoy its benefits. A degree is a degree, after all.
I dropped the chemistry course. That silly course made me feel like I was taking 20 credits instead of 12. Though I feel the pressure has been taken off of me, I wonder what I'm going to do about staying in UC San Diego. They require 36 units a year to stay in, and I may not be able to do 16 units at a time (though I might just pick up a junker course for an easy extra 4 credits).
Furthermore, this does not resolve my concern about how I'm not really learning anything in class. I'm thinking that SDSU is a better fit, but we'll see!
Oh, and I'm not worried about losing half my financial aid this quarter from dropping out of the course. I just don't care about anything anymore.
Today, I got to run (during chemistry meeting) the 2k event. Tonight, I could've seen "hot hot fire" at the RIMAC (but I'm not interested in large-scale garage rock music). And tomorrow, I'm going to see Anoushka Shankar play at the Mandeville Auditorium... I think I'm going to listen to the recitals that happen every other day at the auditorium. This should be cool.
Maybe I don't need to attend UCSD to enjoy its benefits. A degree is a degree, after all.
Wednesday, October 11
vitamin vending machine
Ok. So I was getting up today, took a shower, starting eating my daily plain-yogurt regimen (I've learned to love it). Out comes my roommate. Obviously, he had been up too late because he was breathing heavy, had tired rings around the eyes, wasn't really focusing, etc. etc. He was in a hurry to get to the bus on time (I beat the bus to school by riding my bicycle, btw)
I chatted with him a bit, and almost offered a B vitamin to him to get his strength up. But, considering his state, he just ran off, and I said nothing. I thought about this as I downed some vitamins and got my bike ready to take off for school.
And then I thought: everyone should take vitamins, right? Vitamins can do wonderful things for the fatigued, the cranky, so on and so forth. College students especially need them, for they're liable to neglect their bodies.
And then I thought about opening a small vitamin stand where people could get vitamins dispensed to them at .25 a pop.
and then I took it a step further and thought that it would be greater still to just have little vending machines, like those candy machines, dispense the vitamin. Then, one only needs to fill it back up every day/week/whatever, keeping costs down. Furthermore, just put aggressive signs on the machines explaining the vitamin's power/"YOU WILL BUY THIS PILL"/etc. to market (aka confuse and annoy) the passersby.
So simple. So cheap. So profitable.
Why on earth do I think like a businessman? I despised business for ever...
I chatted with him a bit, and almost offered a B vitamin to him to get his strength up. But, considering his state, he just ran off, and I said nothing. I thought about this as I downed some vitamins and got my bike ready to take off for school.
And then I thought: everyone should take vitamins, right? Vitamins can do wonderful things for the fatigued, the cranky, so on and so forth. College students especially need them, for they're liable to neglect their bodies.
And then I thought about opening a small vitamin stand where people could get vitamins dispensed to them at .25 a pop.
and then I took it a step further and thought that it would be greater still to just have little vending machines, like those candy machines, dispense the vitamin. Then, one only needs to fill it back up every day/week/whatever, keeping costs down. Furthermore, just put aggressive signs on the machines explaining the vitamin's power/"YOU WILL BUY THIS PILL"/etc. to market (aka confuse and annoy) the passersby.
So simple. So cheap. So profitable.
Why on earth do I think like a businessman? I despised business for ever...
Rough draft of some law I made up
I was talking to my Aunt last night, and she noticed an instance of a law (rule) that I created in my head two years ago. I haven't worked out the kinks in it, but it's pretty good as-is, and so I probably won't do anything more with it.
Inverse quality law: the amount one gets out of something increases inverse proportionally to the amount one puts in. For example, the faster an object is going, the harder it is to make the object go even faster (you need much more energy to increase an extra Km/hr at high speeds, but not much at low speed). Another example: the more one pays for a service, the less one gets out of it (think of how the higher in rank a manager is, the less work/stress they generally have. The grunt who gets paid least works the hardest). A third example (and I do say, I *have* to stop thinking this way about school...) The more money spent on a school, in the long scheme, the less significant advantage the school has compared to others (a degree is a degree. But the extras that make a school cost more cost a lot and yield little).
Take a look around. It's easy to be paid more for less.
Inverse quality law: the amount one gets out of something increases inverse proportionally to the amount one puts in. For example, the faster an object is going, the harder it is to make the object go even faster (you need much more energy to increase an extra Km/hr at high speeds, but not much at low speed). Another example: the more one pays for a service, the less one gets out of it (think of how the higher in rank a manager is, the less work/stress they generally have. The grunt who gets paid least works the hardest). A third example (and I do say, I *have* to stop thinking this way about school...) The more money spent on a school, in the long scheme, the less significant advantage the school has compared to others (a degree is a degree. But the extras that make a school cost more cost a lot and yield little).
Take a look around. It's easy to be paid more for less.
Battle Rhythm
Normally I don’t have time to blog, but today I keep watching movies in class (I don’t understand why). One of these movies, in my “Making of the Modern World” class, is about “Nanook of the North”. I took an early cinema class, and I know that this entire movie is staged (as well as I’ve already seen it). Thus, I’m not interested in watching it. Thus, I can blog on mi laptop!
Anyway, I’m doing much better this week than I was last semester. What I’m noticing is that having severe troubles mirrors the stages of grief: all the reactions are set in a certain sort of way. Maybe there’s some article out there on the stages of stress coping… probably, but I’ve never heard of it.
Anyway, what ultimately happened is that I let go of UCSD. I don’t care whether I pass or fail anymore. I’m going to try to pass, but I’m not going to feel bad if I don’t. I feel that I have succeeded in getting admitted into the system; getting my butt down here by myself; moving said butt into a rich district; finding a sustainable, even prosperous, job; getting into college despite not having any financial aid (and then later getting the financial aid); and managing it all together.
I made it BY MYSELF. And it took serious effort on my part.
What I’m noticing is that the University is not as serious as I am about these things. I think it’s ridiculous that the University is charging me $2300 a quarter so that I can have incompetent Teacher Assistants, shallower studies of subjects compared to community colleges (because a quarter just isn’t enough time), and a similar quality resources compared to a community college.
I don’t mean to sound so negative lately. It’s just that I’m sorely disappointed by the quality of education here. I see so much good stuff go to waste. I mean, I know I didn’t come here for the education (I came here to meet people). But, I thought that maybe I would get a little bit of instruction along the way. I worry that I’m paying all of this money to learn nothing. I think the crux of the matter is the rote memorization required here. Meaningless facts. Data. Blah.
But then again, I’m told by several people (one of which is Paul Chamberlain, master of studies) that you forget everything after a while of not being in college. I won’t worry too much, then.
Anyway, things are getting better. In my chemistry class, I noticed that I’m not the only person stressed out and fed up with the class. My entire class of 700 was in such an uproar last meeting (after we were assigned twice as much to memorize as last week), we barely got through anything. Every time the teacher would talk, the class would drown her out. When she stopped speaking, the class would silence. But, when she’d start up again, so would the class!
Furthermore, people were shouting at the teacher. I’m a bit worried about my class meeting today, because this teacher, graduate of BYU, has a fieriness to her when her boundaries are overstepped.
Anyway, I’m thinking of changing my major to communication. I’m discovering that maybe I don’t really care about science after all (not to the degree of retarded seriousness, at least).
I recall a story from my math teacher at CR, about the power of language. During one of his high-level chemistry classes, he, the current CR chem. Teacher, and an English major had to work on a term project and to present the project to the class. The English major made a deal that he would present the project to the class if the chemistry teacher and math teacher did all the other work. They agreed, and the English major did an outstanding performance, getting the group an A.
Well, as it turns out, the math teacher, chem. Teacher, and English major, graduated. The chem. And math teachers (appropriately) got jobs as teachers, while the English graduate got employed at a bioengineering firm as the manager of an entire division.
The English graduate has only a bachelor’s in English. He commands over 200 Ph.D.’s. Furthermore, he makes more than any of the Ph.D.’s. And it’s only because of communication.
When I went into CR, I quickly decided to master language. It is a language school. That’s their strongest point. I decided to change my major because of this school’s strengths, but I’m always studying language and communication in my spare time. I think it’s obvious why I want to major in communication now.
I have to go. Class is over!
Oh, and I was thinking of vitamin vending machines as a lucrative business
Things are getting better. Gotta go!!~
Anyway, I’m doing much better this week than I was last semester. What I’m noticing is that having severe troubles mirrors the stages of grief: all the reactions are set in a certain sort of way. Maybe there’s some article out there on the stages of stress coping… probably, but I’ve never heard of it.
Anyway, what ultimately happened is that I let go of UCSD. I don’t care whether I pass or fail anymore. I’m going to try to pass, but I’m not going to feel bad if I don’t. I feel that I have succeeded in getting admitted into the system; getting my butt down here by myself; moving said butt into a rich district; finding a sustainable, even prosperous, job; getting into college despite not having any financial aid (and then later getting the financial aid); and managing it all together.
I made it BY MYSELF. And it took serious effort on my part.
What I’m noticing is that the University is not as serious as I am about these things. I think it’s ridiculous that the University is charging me $2300 a quarter so that I can have incompetent Teacher Assistants, shallower studies of subjects compared to community colleges (because a quarter just isn’t enough time), and a similar quality resources compared to a community college.
I don’t mean to sound so negative lately. It’s just that I’m sorely disappointed by the quality of education here. I see so much good stuff go to waste. I mean, I know I didn’t come here for the education (I came here to meet people). But, I thought that maybe I would get a little bit of instruction along the way. I worry that I’m paying all of this money to learn nothing. I think the crux of the matter is the rote memorization required here. Meaningless facts. Data. Blah.
But then again, I’m told by several people (one of which is Paul Chamberlain, master of studies) that you forget everything after a while of not being in college. I won’t worry too much, then.
Anyway, things are getting better. In my chemistry class, I noticed that I’m not the only person stressed out and fed up with the class. My entire class of 700 was in such an uproar last meeting (after we were assigned twice as much to memorize as last week), we barely got through anything. Every time the teacher would talk, the class would drown her out. When she stopped speaking, the class would silence. But, when she’d start up again, so would the class!
Furthermore, people were shouting at the teacher. I’m a bit worried about my class meeting today, because this teacher, graduate of BYU, has a fieriness to her when her boundaries are overstepped.
Anyway, I’m thinking of changing my major to communication. I’m discovering that maybe I don’t really care about science after all (not to the degree of retarded seriousness, at least).
I recall a story from my math teacher at CR, about the power of language. During one of his high-level chemistry classes, he, the current CR chem. Teacher, and an English major had to work on a term project and to present the project to the class. The English major made a deal that he would present the project to the class if the chemistry teacher and math teacher did all the other work. They agreed, and the English major did an outstanding performance, getting the group an A.
Well, as it turns out, the math teacher, chem. Teacher, and English major, graduated. The chem. And math teachers (appropriately) got jobs as teachers, while the English graduate got employed at a bioengineering firm as the manager of an entire division.
The English graduate has only a bachelor’s in English. He commands over 200 Ph.D.’s. Furthermore, he makes more than any of the Ph.D.’s. And it’s only because of communication.
When I went into CR, I quickly decided to master language. It is a language school. That’s their strongest point. I decided to change my major because of this school’s strengths, but I’m always studying language and communication in my spare time. I think it’s obvious why I want to major in communication now.
I have to go. Class is over!
Oh, and I was thinking of vitamin vending machines as a lucrative business
Things are getting better. Gotta go!!~
Thursday, October 5
Personal Hell
Hmm...
I'm so tired right now. I've been getting headaches every day. Today took so long and was so painful (despite having a pizza/pie party at work) that I had to engineer ways to distract and calm my mind so I didn't feel pain.
Things are getting better though. I did surprisingly perfect on my chemistry test and I intend to get my much-needed sleep tonight (though I should be studying. Bleh.). Moreover, everything is evening out.
But there's always going to be a level of hard work that I will have to do. And there's things that I just can't have.
For example, A few nights ago, I started hearing rain outside of the house. I love hearing rain, especially after sleeping in the little shack. When I hear it, I have a bigger awareness of nature and my environment.
Unfortunately, I live in the desert. That noise turned out to be a slow-moving car. I was disappointed to be reminded of the fact that the only rain I may hear has to come from sprinklers.
As I was riding home tonight (against heavy traffic that might smoosh me), I started thinking about when I lived at my girlfriend's house. I didn't pay rent, nor was I expected to -- she wanted me to manage her money. I got driven around. I made sweet love with her all the time. She made me food and was totally interested in everything that I am. All the amenities I could want were there, too. It was heaven.
But I chose Hell. I decided to leave her when I didn't even really want to go, to live down in San Diego. Smog. Capitalism. Noise. Power. That's what chose to move into. And I knew it. The deck has always been stacked against me down here. I've literally had to carve my own hole-to-call-home out of this hunk of rock with my bare hands just to not get swept away.
Why did I choose Hell over Heaven? I'm not sure. Maybe it was because I don't want to be Hedonistic. Maybe because my worst problem is not improving myself (I can tell you one thing. I KNOW I'm tough enough. I can shave with smooth rocks!(only girls use sharp rocks)) Maybe I wanted a challenge (everyone is immensely proud of me). Maybe it was because I had this entire plan set into motion long ago, back in November. The application to the UC alone was hard to get through. Didn't even know what I was getting into. I just wanted to show Meghannraye who's what...
In any case, I'm fighting a fight down here. Slowly but surely, I'm gaining ground. Now I just need to get myself together, to rally my mind, body, heart, and spirit, for one last charge and I'll be at the top of this here rock. Otherwise, I might slip. I've come too far to slip now. It all starts with getting those Z's.
I don't want to do this anymore. But I'm gonna keep doing it. Sad thing is, I know I'll do this to myself again someday.
I think Hell is a healthier place to be in than heaven (Not Hell in the religious sense, but Hell in the worldly sense). It takes sacrifice of the self to attain higher states.
I think I need to go to bed now. And I need to quit getting tangled up in meaningless retrospectives (which I only get when I'm tired). Good night!
I'm so tired right now. I've been getting headaches every day. Today took so long and was so painful (despite having a pizza/pie party at work) that I had to engineer ways to distract and calm my mind so I didn't feel pain.
Things are getting better though. I did surprisingly perfect on my chemistry test and I intend to get my much-needed sleep tonight (though I should be studying. Bleh.). Moreover, everything is evening out.
But there's always going to be a level of hard work that I will have to do. And there's things that I just can't have.
For example, A few nights ago, I started hearing rain outside of the house. I love hearing rain, especially after sleeping in the little shack. When I hear it, I have a bigger awareness of nature and my environment.
Unfortunately, I live in the desert. That noise turned out to be a slow-moving car. I was disappointed to be reminded of the fact that the only rain I may hear has to come from sprinklers.
As I was riding home tonight (against heavy traffic that might smoosh me), I started thinking about when I lived at my girlfriend's house. I didn't pay rent, nor was I expected to -- she wanted me to manage her money. I got driven around. I made sweet love with her all the time. She made me food and was totally interested in everything that I am. All the amenities I could want were there, too. It was heaven.
But I chose Hell. I decided to leave her when I didn't even really want to go, to live down in San Diego. Smog. Capitalism. Noise. Power. That's what chose to move into. And I knew it. The deck has always been stacked against me down here. I've literally had to carve my own hole-to-call-home out of this hunk of rock with my bare hands just to not get swept away.
Why did I choose Hell over Heaven? I'm not sure. Maybe it was because I don't want to be Hedonistic. Maybe because my worst problem is not improving myself (I can tell you one thing. I KNOW I'm tough enough. I can shave with smooth rocks!(only girls use sharp rocks)) Maybe I wanted a challenge (everyone is immensely proud of me). Maybe it was because I had this entire plan set into motion long ago, back in November. The application to the UC alone was hard to get through. Didn't even know what I was getting into. I just wanted to show Meghannraye who's what...
In any case, I'm fighting a fight down here. Slowly but surely, I'm gaining ground. Now I just need to get myself together, to rally my mind, body, heart, and spirit, for one last charge and I'll be at the top of this here rock. Otherwise, I might slip. I've come too far to slip now. It all starts with getting those Z's.
I don't want to do this anymore. But I'm gonna keep doing it. Sad thing is, I know I'll do this to myself again someday.
I think Hell is a healthier place to be in than heaven (Not Hell in the religious sense, but Hell in the worldly sense). It takes sacrifice of the self to attain higher states.
I think I need to go to bed now. And I need to quit getting tangled up in meaningless retrospectives (which I only get when I'm tired). Good night!
Tuesday, October 3
Dreams
What's crazy now is that I'm posting again, when I didn't even have time to post the first message!
I just wanted to write down my dreams for a moment.
By the end of the school year, I want to:
*get lean again
*invest in stocks (I forgot to add that I'm helping my father retire through investments. He says he needs to start saving for retirement. It's about time! However, I'm glad that he didn't invest in a company pension)
*get through a year of UCSD with really good grades (shooting for A's)
*work regularly at Scripps as a part-time student
*meet lots of cool people
*join a few clubs
*own a vehicle of some sort
*be more entrenched, set up in San Diego
*regularly spend time thinking about religion, and awareness
*Eat well
By the end of 5 years:
*Graduate UCSD
*Have lots of friends down here
*Be ready to travel everywhere, anywhere
*Be "Buff" (or at least cut)
*have lots of different internship/job experiences (break through the barriers of low level employment, which is already happening now, but instead of in just one field, be able to go in higher levels in many fields)
*Eat well
*Do really well in stock investment: not have to work ever again? (the secret is good research)
*be active in the community
*not live in a living room :-)
Things to do at the right times:
*Get rich
*Be popular,
*be a leader
*Be a teacher
*publish a book
*go on a motorcycle trip with Evan and Jeremiah
-- visit a certain set of places
-- rebuild and strengthen kindredship
-- have fun
-- write
-- other
*buy a somewhat large boat and go on a boating trip with (at least) Paul
-- work out like crazy
-- fish
-- have no internet, but a computer to do writing
-- fun
-- visit ports around the world
*learn electronic music production, and spend time doing it
*art
*science
*change the world for the better in a big way
*have a family someday in the far future
*always be active
*be a culinary master
more to come later
I just wanted to write down my dreams for a moment.
By the end of the school year, I want to:
*get lean again
*invest in stocks (I forgot to add that I'm helping my father retire through investments. He says he needs to start saving for retirement. It's about time! However, I'm glad that he didn't invest in a company pension)
*get through a year of UCSD with really good grades (shooting for A's)
*work regularly at Scripps as a part-time student
*meet lots of cool people
*join a few clubs
*own a vehicle of some sort
*be more entrenched, set up in San Diego
*regularly spend time thinking about religion, and awareness
*Eat well
By the end of 5 years:
*Graduate UCSD
*Have lots of friends down here
*Be ready to travel everywhere, anywhere
*Be "Buff" (or at least cut)
*have lots of different internship/job experiences (break through the barriers of low level employment, which is already happening now, but instead of in just one field, be able to go in higher levels in many fields)
*Eat well
*Do really well in stock investment: not have to work ever again? (the secret is good research)
*be active in the community
*not live in a living room :-)
Things to do at the right times:
*Get rich
*Be popular,
*be a leader
*Be a teacher
*publish a book
*go on a motorcycle trip with Evan and Jeremiah
-- visit a certain set of places
-- rebuild and strengthen kindredship
-- have fun
-- write
-- other
*buy a somewhat large boat and go on a boating trip with (at least) Paul
-- work out like crazy
-- fish
-- have no internet, but a computer to do writing
-- fun
-- visit ports around the world
*learn electronic music production, and spend time doing it
*art
*science
*change the world for the better in a big way
*have a family someday in the far future
*always be active
*be a culinary master
more to come later
Punishing Pistons!
Jepus!I can't believe I'm updating right now. Somehow, I've been thinking about this blog, and am posting -- despite not even having enough time in a day to do the minimum required amount of work at school.
Because of the lack of time, what follows is going to be just a stream of my thoughts. I don't have time to error correct, so if this all comes out right that's cool, if not, I told you so!
I've been working at Scripps Hospital in La Jolla. Very beautiful place. I get pampered a lot. We have 1, 2, sometimes 3 parties every week, free good food most of the time, Great pay ($13/hr!), cheap medical insurance benefits, $1000 tuition reimbursement/yr, easy work, and a family-sort of relationship down in the Health Information (medical record) department. It's a nice job to have, and is definitely a good place to advance -- if I were interested in records management.
As it stands, I hate records management in the career sense. I think I may have to find another job at some point just because I want to transcend this sort of work. I'm young, I should diversify around low-ish paying jobs.
However, it's really, really cool that I have this job in the meantime. I know i've made it now! So, I'll be staying a while, maybe even get the credentials for this sort of work as a backup.
The types of things I do are very easy to describe. The easiest thing I do is this: take your left hand, and make it straight, like it was lying on a table. Now, bend and straighten your middle finger. That's one of the tasks I do (and the only task, if I wanted). What I really do is move paper stacks to check for consistency -- very easy.
Most of the time, though, I am cataloguing, and adding/removing volumes from the shelves of medical records. I am basically a librarian. I check records in, I "purge" them to the big long-term warehouse, I process them, and I append new information inside of old. It's easy.
The only drawback to this job is the 30 minute bicycle ride to work. Still a huge leg up from my mad river hospital commute, which was an hour and 10 minutes each way (and I think it's not as hilly, either. Still hot, though).
But the bike ride isn't so bad. I get my exercise, and my trip goes straight through UCSD -- I get to see all the awesome buildings at sunrise. I also get to stop and study along the way.
So, work is awesome. (Oh, and my boss gives me days off IMMEDIATELY. I don't have to wait next week or whatever. How cool is that? I think this is all part of the "great place to work" campaign the hospital has. They want to be listed on the fortune 500 as one of the top 100 places to work for in the nation. They have that award in many other demographics, such as working mother and AARP magazine.)
Now, school.
I am so frustrated with this school. Every step of the way has been sheer pain! From the moment of applying to today, it has been one nasty struggle. I don't know if I should just give up on the place (is this a sign of some sort not to go here?), or if it's all a lesson to make me a better person, or what. But what I do know is that I'm thoroughly irritated by the school. Nobody helps me out. People are very stern here. The work is so hard, yet the teachers don't bother to thoroughly explain the material. I feel like I'm teaching myself, and don't need the class!
I forgot to say that I'm working full time and going to school full time. Not enough time to do anything (maybe I already mentioned this?!??)
It was so hard to get into this school. It was so hard getting down here, conserving money, eating ramen to make it to payment, attending the MANDATORY yet useless meetings (though I give credit that all universities have this requirement in some way or another...), not getting help with my financial aid, being misled on class registration and then receiving no help, being turned away for career/job aid on campus, being denied access to counselors and those in power to help...
What irks me the most, though, is how I see so much activity on campus but I can't participate in it! This campus is supposed to help me link up to people who can help me in life, and I feel like those extra-curricular activities that I cannot do are just there to mock me. I want to volunteer. I want to meet others. I want to have friends, to have fun! But, I have to work.
Well, I got my scholarship and Federal Financial aid (as of a few days ago): it's a total of about $26,000. Teamed with this well-paying job, mark my words, I'm gonna claw my way through this Fizbucking school. I'm gonna take internships, network with teachers, and turn this ridiculously hard place into my tool.
I just gotta get used to the whole "learn on your own" shit that this school has. I feel gypped educationally, so I'll salvate with socialization.
But first, I gotta go brush up on my physics and calculus for this entry-level chemistry class. Got a test tomorrow. The TA is incompetent, won't speak at all, folds arms and tenses muscles in a shy manner. It's all up to me.
Memorize and regurgitate indeed. Maybe I shouldn't take human biology or any other science course (although it also pays well, I'm mainly taking human biology because I'm interested in my own body and the school is "strong" in it)
I need to sleep. I've been getting sick. I'm kicking down my work schedule to 32 hours/week so I can at least finish memorizing planck's constant, epsilon-zero, and h-bar, among others (wished the course had listed physics as a prerequisite!). I guess I'm supposed to meet two girls tomorrow in some sort of "blind date". I'm sure they'll both be disappointed to find out that I'm already taken. The more friends, the better. I wish I could make some guy friends (who aren't partying idiots) for a change.
Fuck.
One thing I can count on about my bad feelings, which I always look forward to, is that I'm not always going to feel that way. I won't be sad/angry/scared forever. Why not feel better sooner, rather than later?
Because of the lack of time, what follows is going to be just a stream of my thoughts. I don't have time to error correct, so if this all comes out right that's cool, if not, I told you so!
I've been working at Scripps Hospital in La Jolla. Very beautiful place. I get pampered a lot. We have 1, 2, sometimes 3 parties every week, free good food most of the time, Great pay ($13/hr!), cheap medical insurance benefits, $1000 tuition reimbursement/yr, easy work, and a family-sort of relationship down in the Health Information (medical record) department. It's a nice job to have, and is definitely a good place to advance -- if I were interested in records management.
As it stands, I hate records management in the career sense. I think I may have to find another job at some point just because I want to transcend this sort of work. I'm young, I should diversify around low-ish paying jobs.
However, it's really, really cool that I have this job in the meantime. I know i've made it now! So, I'll be staying a while, maybe even get the credentials for this sort of work as a backup.
The types of things I do are very easy to describe. The easiest thing I do is this: take your left hand, and make it straight, like it was lying on a table. Now, bend and straighten your middle finger. That's one of the tasks I do (and the only task, if I wanted). What I really do is move paper stacks to check for consistency -- very easy.
Most of the time, though, I am cataloguing, and adding/removing volumes from the shelves of medical records. I am basically a librarian. I check records in, I "purge" them to the big long-term warehouse, I process them, and I append new information inside of old. It's easy.
The only drawback to this job is the 30 minute bicycle ride to work. Still a huge leg up from my mad river hospital commute, which was an hour and 10 minutes each way (and I think it's not as hilly, either. Still hot, though).
But the bike ride isn't so bad. I get my exercise, and my trip goes straight through UCSD -- I get to see all the awesome buildings at sunrise. I also get to stop and study along the way.
So, work is awesome. (Oh, and my boss gives me days off IMMEDIATELY. I don't have to wait next week or whatever. How cool is that? I think this is all part of the "great place to work" campaign the hospital has. They want to be listed on the fortune 500 as one of the top 100 places to work for in the nation. They have that award in many other demographics, such as working mother and AARP magazine.)
Now, school.
I am so frustrated with this school. Every step of the way has been sheer pain! From the moment of applying to today, it has been one nasty struggle. I don't know if I should just give up on the place (is this a sign of some sort not to go here?), or if it's all a lesson to make me a better person, or what. But what I do know is that I'm thoroughly irritated by the school. Nobody helps me out. People are very stern here. The work is so hard, yet the teachers don't bother to thoroughly explain the material. I feel like I'm teaching myself, and don't need the class!
I forgot to say that I'm working full time and going to school full time. Not enough time to do anything (maybe I already mentioned this?!??)
It was so hard to get into this school. It was so hard getting down here, conserving money, eating ramen to make it to payment, attending the MANDATORY yet useless meetings (though I give credit that all universities have this requirement in some way or another...), not getting help with my financial aid, being misled on class registration and then receiving no help, being turned away for career/job aid on campus, being denied access to counselors and those in power to help...
What irks me the most, though, is how I see so much activity on campus but I can't participate in it! This campus is supposed to help me link up to people who can help me in life, and I feel like those extra-curricular activities that I cannot do are just there to mock me. I want to volunteer. I want to meet others. I want to have friends, to have fun! But, I have to work.
Well, I got my scholarship and Federal Financial aid (as of a few days ago): it's a total of about $26,000. Teamed with this well-paying job, mark my words, I'm gonna claw my way through this Fizbucking school. I'm gonna take internships, network with teachers, and turn this ridiculously hard place into my tool.
I just gotta get used to the whole "learn on your own" shit that this school has. I feel gypped educationally, so I'll salvate with socialization.
But first, I gotta go brush up on my physics and calculus for this entry-level chemistry class. Got a test tomorrow. The TA is incompetent, won't speak at all, folds arms and tenses muscles in a shy manner. It's all up to me.
Memorize and regurgitate indeed. Maybe I shouldn't take human biology or any other science course (although it also pays well, I'm mainly taking human biology because I'm interested in my own body and the school is "strong" in it)
I need to sleep. I've been getting sick. I'm kicking down my work schedule to 32 hours/week so I can at least finish memorizing planck's constant, epsilon-zero, and h-bar, among others (wished the course had listed physics as a prerequisite!). I guess I'm supposed to meet two girls tomorrow in some sort of "blind date". I'm sure they'll both be disappointed to find out that I'm already taken. The more friends, the better. I wish I could make some guy friends (who aren't partying idiots) for a change.
Fuck.
One thing I can count on about my bad feelings, which I always look forward to, is that I'm not always going to feel that way. I won't be sad/angry/scared forever. Why not feel better sooner, rather than later?
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