Independence Year

Okay. Been a while since I last posted. This should be expected for who knows how long. At least i'm updating.

So, I got through the spring semester successfully, and I suprised myself -- got all A's. Now CR keeps sending me spam, trying to get me to take engineering courses and whatnot. It's probably because they're short on people for those classes, and want to make sure that the classes don't get cancelled. I have other plans (which I'll get to later), so I won't be taking the classes, but it feels good to get these letters, and, if anything, at least the letters are handsigned :) .

Anyway, as the semester pulled to a finish, I burned out. However, I did make one huge rally of work on finals that paid off, particularly in calculus (where I memorized everything and then took the test without the book (which we were allowed to use. I only forgot it. Bah!)). It was a nice bang to the semester, especially considering that I started turning nerdy once more.

In fact, the computer, teamed up with people leaving me, really decimated my drive. By far, the computer was the worst because I had discovered Rome: Total War. I'll talk more in a minute about the computer, suffice to say that the worst of the computer was in store for me after school ended. As for my friends, most simply moved away, out of contact, and that knocked the wind out of me when I started noticing their absence. And, furthermore, I had one who, in a weird meeting said that we shouldn't see eachother anymore! It was the most bizarre meeting friends for 3 years, and then I become a slightly inconvenient person because I ditch my car and decide to get serious about schooling. Chalk one up for my theory about the direct relationship between beauty and bitch-ness (in particular, lack of respect for others)

As for the computer, I was playing after school quite a bit, and thinking about it during school. Typical addiction, but fortunately I had a very stable plan for studying, so at least I got stuff done. In particular, me getting rid of my car made me take the bus, which is cool cuz there's nothing to do but study (if I can get away from the friends I've made on it)

But, the computer, being a machine, was ready for me when I got done. Being burned out, and also having no set schedule (no order), I got sucked into it. For several weeks, I would just play play play, and still not feel content. four days a week, I would play, and then I'd squeeze time in for it on the other three days.
-sigh-
I hate it when games do that. I love it, though, in an addictive sort of way. I don't know what happens, but the next thing I notice after playing a game that hooks me like that is that it's 4 in the morning (why is it that the fun things make me lose time? Attention span problem, I suppose) I've theorized how I could go through my entire life and not notice anything else, and i've wondered if it would be so bad for that to happen. Not that it's going to happen to me; I am planning on being slightly ludditic in the future. I'll talk more about that in a minute though.

Anyway, many good weeks of fair weather were wasted at the computer. Finally, the hex was broken when I got irritated by the small bugs of Rome:Total War, and me not being able to patch the game (slightly less than legal). Problems such as horrible memory management when the game renders the flaming arrows (turns a sw33t video card into mush and makes the game choppy), the arrows striking your men when they get too close, the AI being retarded in some ways, etc finally made the game less addictive enough to get away from. It's still a really good game (brilliant in many ways), and I think about playing it again just to see an alternate route, but I know better.

but that was not the end of the computer.

To make sure that I really got away from Rome, as well as thinking that my computer was sweet enough to not need MS windows, I turned to going cold turkey with linux. And I did. I used SuSE first (64 bit SuSE), and then debian (which is the first distro I ever came across). I recompiled the kernel to be optimized for my computer. I wrecked the kernel doing that. I tried it again (this time not forgetting to make the modules). All was good. I relearned most everything that I forgot.

I forgot how much of a pain in the ass linux is. Compared to everything else, Linux was cool back in the late 1990's, all the way to 2002, but now i'm starting to be convinced that we're in a new era of computing. I'm tired of reinventing the wheel, just to tailor to my computer. I don't ever want that to happen anymore. Processor's are so fast today, and hard drive space is so huge, that I don't think I mind having to deal with slightly unoptimized code. as long as it works. My computer boots so fast in windows, I turn it on and the desktop is in front of me in 3 seconds, and I didn't have to do anything to it! I don't really care about making the computer better anymore; I just want it to work. That's where we're at today. To sum it up with Eric's words, "Windows is really good for personal workstations. Linux is better for networks such as in government or corporations" and he's right.
However, I do like using those CD based distros (Dyne:bolic is such an awesome one. I think I could swear by it). But, that's about it.

So, I had linux going, no video games (I did use Wine, though), and then I got bored and annoyed with it. So, I went back. But, my inner nerd has stayed with me. I can't think of anything else to do, so I always gravitate back to the computer. Like the protagonist in Apocalypse Now, who is waiting for his mission in his room. He tries to find something better to do, but can't. I've tried reading books, but that only works so long. My eyes get tired, and my back starts having fits (I guess I'm getting old), and that monitor does beckon. So, I've got back to it. And I know why.
Right now, just like at other points in my life, I'm an audiowhore. See, the truth of the matter is, I don't get on the computer for anything but to hear music. This has been the hardest addiction to root out, and it will probably end one of two ways, 1) I conscientiously stop and get away from the computer, or 2) I lose my hearing. What's even worse is that I get all that music in my head, playing ALL THE TIME, wherever I go. I'm half listening to the music in my head, half paying attention to what's going on around me. Its been a good distraction, especially when I am doing nothing important, like mindlessly working at my job, but I don't think it's right. (I guess this is why I'm volunteering at a radio station. Heh.)

I want to fully participate in the world by using my mind to affect what's around me. I don't want what's in my mind to stay there and be forgotten. That's a waste. Instead, I would like to put my mind to good use.

But therein lies some problems. I could start actively engaging my mind right now if I wanted to, but for things like my job, I would get stressed and burned out quickly (keeping track of things *STRAIGHT* for a 10 hour shift (no breaks. Not even lunch!) can get tiresome and stressful). So, I need to put my mind in situations where it will not be taxed like that (have a healthy relationship with the environment, so to speak).

I should mention to you all that the nerd side has been with me for the past few months (but won't be soon). I have had nothing better to do than the computer, so I get on it. I've tried books, but I can only read for so long.

Recently, a great opportunity to focus my mind has opened up. You see, I'm getting kicked out by my father. Heh, every year, he gets closer and closer to kicking me out, only to have it deflected closer and closer to the kickout date. Well, this year, it has come to pass. I didn't do anything wrong; he just thinks i'm too old, and he has 2 girls, one of them expecting a child (I'm gonna be an uncle), so he wants to focus on them (and I'm so close to being done with CR!)

I have had a lot of friends vouch for me, just like all the past times, and I've been offered some sweet deals, but I've decided to move to WestHaven to live with my friend and his family, and finish out my school. It's cool, because i'm going to be 15 minutes away from the beach, and 5 minutes from some awesome bike trails.

I will be living in a tent, though. Hey, it's August, it's fine. To complement this tent, I'll have a bathroom, a washer and dryer, and kitchen. Just no bedroom.
I will have one soon, though. I'm going to work at his place one day a week (they said I could stay for free, but I insist on helping those who help me out. Nobody wants to be jacked), and, when I get his bathroom fixed up, I can stay in their little inlaw house, which is this small victorian looking house, that, inside has this small stove, small sink, table area, and a ladder to the bunk that I could sleep in.
The reason why I can't have it right now is because there's a BIG window to the current bathroom (not the one that needs fixing), and it would be difficult for me to coexist with it, particularly because the current bathroom is outdoors (granted, it's pretty secluded because of how many bushes and trees are around, but still) It's cool though. Once I have this bathroom, I can take baths in a victorian bathtub... outside!

So, I'm actually getting a sweet deal. The bus runs up there, and I'll have plenty of time to study, the only problem is that I'm going to have to bicycle from westhaven to the hospital 2 days a week. But, that's not so bad. It's pretty scenery, and I love exercise. It's only an hour each way...

This isn't the end of the saga, though. About 2 months ago, the landlord (who was only a landlord in name - he had alzheimers) died, and the houses went to the current landlord, who set us up with the house that we're in right now. Well, the new landlord, for some reason, has outright lied to us and has been selling the properties left and right. Furthermore, he's having the realtors sell this place, and he still hasn't told us that he's selling the houses!

So, me and my dad are quite pissed (although not so much I, because I was moving out anyway). It might be hard for taking care of him if he comes to the hospital (he's a sickly guy, so it's highly likely that he'll come). I'm not saying we're going to hurt him; it's standard protocol not to treat people you don't like at the hospital (it's called refusing to treat the patient, and it's not uncommon. Someone else, who doesn't refuse, takes care of the patient instead) but, it's going to be *mighty* awkward to have him in the hospital. Know what I mean?

Anyway, because my dad is getting the boot the way I am, he's been QUITE sympathetic to me. He has given me a car, and is letting me sell an amplifier and 4 x 12' cab to boot (curse that audio equipment for the problems it has caused my family! May the $ help me, though) I think I might sell the car and buy a motorcycle instead; gas is so expensive, and is only going to get worse. Westhaven is far away. But, in any case, he's still giving me the boot to make way for my pregnant sister (whom I don't want to live with anyway. She may not be on drugs anymore, but she can be out of control).

This severance is good in a few ways, though. It means I'll be getting quite a bit of financial aid (I have a lot of friends in the financial aid dept.) as an independent student. Furthermore, I found out that, if I relocated to Utah (I am keeping all options open) I could use the california virtual campus for 2 years to get a bachelors!

However, I'm thinking of biting the bullet and going to a UC -> take out loans if i have to. I'm thinking about becoming a radiology tech (they make GOOD money, and don't even require an associates degree! You can get all the way to a bachelors with it, though) and then using that to get me the degrees I want. Radiology would be a good stepping stone into physics and the other sciences, which is something that i'd like to do (that, and business, ecology, and language). Radiology can be used for x-raying aircraft, various equipment for defects, and some of that technology is just so cool! (ask for a tour at your local hospital. Most radiology techs love to show others what they do!)

So, that's in the cards for me. Once I get the tech degree, I'm going to stay out of debt (make money) but then, I don't know where I'll go. Will I finish up my schooling? (that would be the safe, conservative choice) or will I throw it all to the wind and go traveling and meet people? (Even though it's not the more brilliant choice, my heart is set on this)

I dunno. All I know is that I'm moving to Westhaven soon, and this is a good thing. I will now focus even MORE seriously on schooling, and I will not rest until I get what I'm after.

Now is the time to get out there and do it. No more dicking around. Just do it.

There are no second chances; only wasted opportunities