Tuesday, June 29
Monday, June 28
This one time, I tied my shoe, and...
mmm... my hands reek of ginger and cinnamon. It's a sickly delicious flavor. My reeking hands are a sign that good food was made! (here's a cooking secret: go light on the cumin when on pasta)
but anyway, the news!
So much has happened lately, I don't think I can recall it all in one sitting. Here goes.
So, yesterday, I woke up late in the day(noon), as usual. I'm starting to get really frustrated with my shifted schedule, because I keep expecting to wake up and the having the sun just rising. It's kind of reassuring to see the sun rise when you wake, and set when you sleep. Most people in my age group never wake up at 7 and crash at 11:30 (especially on a consistent enough basis), but after trying it (and I used to call myself a night owl!), and leaving it, I miss it. Sure, I always felt slightly tired. I like to keep going till i'm exhausted (a nightowl trait), and so I consistently stayed up too late too much. Sure, I felt that time, in the long run, was passing by too quickly (they say you've live half your life when you're 20!). But, I got so much done each day. Boom! Boom! Boom! One task, one event, one chore, done one after another, and before I knew it, I had completed so much, I had learned so much...
Sadly, I base my life's worth on what I've done (though I give a little bit of credit to what I know). Am I just a mindless zombie who may only work?
The work takes the pain away, pain that I don't have anymore. My pain was stolen by time while I was busy working, I think. Time seems to steal everything eventually (don't I sound gothic?)
If I were playing an RPG, like, say, Seiken Densetsu III, I would name my character Chronos. (too bad I work too much to play, yes?)
and that brings me to back to video game playing. I got off video games quite easily when my new job started up. I don't miss them at all. It was so boring, just investing so much time to yield secret treasures, I hated it.
So many people are wasting their lives playing these distractions. It's heinous! I did it, and after sampling the real world, it was so good that I don't think I want to go back to video games (although I might engineer one that has all the fixes that I think need to be made, but that would be in the far future). People who play them a billion times are typically so shallow... they don't even know it!
A lot of those people have potential. It saddens me to see it suppressed by the box.
Whoa! Way off topic! So precious! So Siam! Whow!
Anyway, (as I was saying) I woke up late Sunday morning, and was pissed. I got myself ready for the day, mowed the lawn till done (done!), went inside, tried to study for japanese class (4-6!) but couldn't because of phone calls from friends, so I settled on making a schedule of to-do's and a generalized plan of my week.
I learned a lesson last week. With the shift in my schedule giving me a jet-lag effect, and my lack of planning bringing little structure to my life, little is getting done. I need to double up and take hold of my plans (which have been in such high gear now that I can't stop them. Everything must continue!)
A little side note, I always warp my plans whenever some sort of special occasion occurs (special in that it doesn't happen all the time) I feel that I can put off other things, but not the special event!
And now, back to our regular viewing experience!~
Anyway, I left the house early to study at my teacher's house (free of distractions, packed with lots of references!), and was driving down broadway (the long way to Richard's) to get gas at CostCo...
Hey! Little Japan's is open! I can get that covetted sesame seed grinder that I've always wanted! YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
YAY!
so, I go in there, and find my sesame seed grinder. But!
BUT!
I see lots of dishes. Lots of dishes that appealed to me. I must have them!
So I bought them! And nice soap! And Panco batter!
Now, I have to mention the title of this story. You are reading the classic tale of "Darrel and the $200 in his pocket". I got $200 because I was entitled to a share of the deposit of the apartment I used to live at. I was meaning to deposit it at the bank but... well, it burnt a hole in my pocket! (that and I have enough money to buy a decent used car, which somehow justifies my frivolous spending)
After going to little Japan, I continued on my way to Costco for gas. After getting the gas, I decided, "Hey, let's go into Costco!" And off I went, to the maginificent Wholesale monstrosity that is Costco (at least they pay their employees $40,000-50,000/year). After reviewing certain items, I decided to buy a new 100 pack of CDs(the ones that I had at home were crappy. The brand of CD-R that costco has is really good) and some of their higher quality olive oil (from Tuscany. Good stuff). I was really tempted to buy a new hard drive, since I keep filling my computer up with stuff. But, I didn't. I keep thinking about a 600 gig hard drive instead (you know I'll love it when it suffers a head crash). With these goods in hand, I left CostCo for Staples.
At Staples, I purchased 2 10 packs of DVD-R's on sale.
Now, I saved more money buying the DVD's than the CD-Rs!
for CD-Rs:
$26/(100 CDs * 650 Megs per CD)=$.40/Gig
for DVD-Rs:
(2*$12)/(20 DVDs * 4.7 Gigs per DVD)~$.255/Gig
Good deal!
So, after that, I ran off to WinCo where a hearty welcome by Evan ("You have a lot of nerve coming back here, buddy")and Dezzie ("Let's go over here, where the bad man isn't at") made my day (actually, all but Dezzie and Evan greeted me with smiles and happiness at my presence) I bought some various items, then ran off to Japanese class, because I was late.
At Japanese class, we studied some more fictional japanese stories. Very fun, though I was still disoriented and tired from my flip-flopped schedule. Then, in anticipation of Paul and Erin for old movie night, we cooked this awesome pasta! As we slowly edged toward thinking that they had flaked out, we ate what we had made and started the movie. First movie that we saw was Dead on Arrival, a very well done movie involving an insurance broker who was poisoned with an incurable poison and has very little time to figure out the case before he dies. The second movie, (an Alfred Hitchcock film) 39 steps, was about how a guy gets framed for the death of a British spy and must foil enemy spies' attempts to prove his innocence.
Both were very good, and when I got home I cleaned house (and talked to Meghannraye) till 2 in the morning (I was very restless)
Before I move on, I'd like to say that Meghannraye has been sticking up for me at her workplace... She's been such a big help, defending me whenever she hears any gab about me at work (primarily from Dezzie and Evan). After I left WinCo earlier, (and got my "warm hearted" greetings from Dez and Evan), Meghannraye went to break and found Evan and Dezzie talking. "You were communicating with the traitor, weren't you?" Said Dezzie. "Why can't you put it all behind you, Dezzie?" She said. "You know, he only quit early to get back at Randy(the manager)." "He did?!?" Said Dezzie. "Why?"
"Because he was treating him very badly." Said Meg. "That's not fair! Randy treats me bad, too!" and then Dezzie left. Evan was still left, so she went up to him and said, "And what's your problem?" "He's selfish." "How is he selfish? I don't understand." "He's just a selfish person" He wouldn't give a specific reason, and then he left.
Meghannraye has been helping me clear up problems in ways that I can't do by myself. She's such a great person.
Anyway, so I finished cleaning my bathroom at 2 in the morning and went to sleep, apprehensive of what was to come in the morning
THE DENTIST
I had a hard time sleeping last night. Just had my mind thinking about all kinds of things (what's more, sleeping at 2 is early for me now) But when I awoke in the morning, I was half awake. I got up, brushed my teeth and flossed (to clean anything that could've possibly gotten in) and went off.
The trip to the dentist was crazy. Maybe it was rush hour or something, I don't know. I was half awake on the road. People merging, others cutting people off. I would've had serious road rage if I weren't so tired. I had to slow down so many times...
Meh, what do I care now?
I got to the dentist on time, and learned a good lesson
ALWAYS FLOSS YOUR TEETH
I got in that dentist chair (does the dentist sit in it?) and had the pleasure of having 4 big cavities sealed. Yum. The numbing was fun, but trying not to swallow that water that was used to flush my drilled teeth was not. It was like spending 2 hours swimming with a snorkel, with water coming over the air tube. It was annoying! What's more, the smell emanating from the teeth when the dentist drilled reeked of asbestos (which it wasn't, but was definitely something ground up). In the end, I made it, and have a dental checkup in a few weeks (hopefully not when I fly back to Utah). The dentist is worried that, if the teeth don't get better, some root canals may be necessary.
Yum... pain...
I brushed my teeth every morning and every night. Sometimes even more than that. It was the flossing that mattered. Never did it. I'm ashamed!
So, I drive back home with a MASSIVELY numbed mouth, take a shower, and fall asleep in my empty living room (I want to get a table with chairs, but all we got is driftwood and a credenza)
Woke up on the floor feeling better, and ran off to do laundry. After starting the wash cycle, I went to Tin Can Mailman and bought a few interesting books, one a former HSU book on the history of china (still used) and another being a very nice Japanese dictionary. Then, I got some lunch at Smugs and nearly gagged because of my new fillings (I guess there was junk still in my mouth that never got out that I ingested. It made me sick)While doing my laundry, I found Adrienne at a phone booth
Who's Adrienne? I believe she was in a post a long time ago. She's involved in the Duncan <-> Page saga, which is a sad tale of how Page who couldn't stay faithful to Duncan, but wanted to be with him, and how the mischievious Oliver tainted her mind (and I'm not kidding or being biased. Her dressing style and everything is 80's punk, just like Oliver. She talks like Oliver. It's creepy) and how only Oliver won in the end (and Page coming out with the shortest straw). Adrienne is a roommate of Evan's, former porn star person, a cook, wannabe Japanese fluent person, and very interesting person to spend time talking to. Because a lot our big projects are (coincidentally) the same, we spend a lot of time together, working together to help eachother out.
Anyway, after Evan lost his telephone/internet due to failure to pay, Adrienne was unable to contact me. She used to contact me once every few days at my old house, but when her house lost telephone service she stopped, and when I moved it all turned worse (and since she's roommates with Evan, with Evan treating me so badly as of late, I didn't want to try to get back to her by visiting)
After exchanging formalities, Adrienne told me about how she was moving out of Evan's house to Jeriah "the Tank"'s house. Jeriah is a painter and a good one at that, but I don't enjoy being at his house that much. Jeriah is called the tank because, well... let's just say that his privates remind people of a tank. Jeriah has nude parties, and I'll never forget the first few moments meeting Jeriah (when Adrienne was there)... anyway, I'm gonna have to find some way to deal with this, but at least I can get ahold of Adrienne!
Back to the story! Me and Adrienne both had laundry (coincidentally) that was processing, so we decided to run around Arcata. First stop, the Oxygen bar/Colonic Irrigation place. I had the bright idea of peeking in the windows to see if we saw anything interesting but we threw that idea down and decided to walk in to get a brochure on all of it. Instead, all we got was an oxygen bar "menu" with flavored oxygen types and prices, presented by a weird lady in a very odd but tidy office. We left since we didn't want to spend money.
Next, we went over to Granny B's Chocolate and had ourselves yummy chocolate dipped, caffeinated toffee, while shooting the shit with the baker (we like to cook, so does he!) All kinds of interesting talks about dessert recipes ensued, and me and Adrienne agreed that we'd have to try some.
Then, me and Adrienne walked to the laundromat, having a whole bunch of fun, with me hoarding a whole bunch of toothpicks from the bakery. We said our goodbyes at the laundromat, after agreeing that we really need to get in much better touch with eachother, and that there's many odd similarities in the strangest of places between us.
You know, It's strange. I haven't thought about Adrienne or toothpicks in such a long time. I used to enjoy chewing toothpicks every day last summer, but then I stopped and never thought about it after that. No reason, just stopped.
But somehow this morning, I had this insane longing to visit Adrienne, only to think, "Wait. I can't visit Evan's house. Too many problems!" and then thinking about how to defeat that. I couldn't think of any way except to see her at school, so I tried to put that idea to rest, but I still wanted to visit her.
Now, this is weird because I don't think about Adrienne at all. Mainly, we stopped really talking in late March and I didn't think twice about it (I have too many friends. If you don't try hard enough to get in my life, someone else will!) I still don't think about her. But this morning (before I met up with her) was odd.
What compounds it is that simultaneously, I had really wanted a toothpick in my mouth when I wanted to see Adrienne. Weird, huh? When I got that toothpick with the free sample on it at the bakery, I felt very suspicious.
What the hell? Two things that I had yearned for earlier simultaneously in the morning, neither one a normal want, had become mine, simultaneously. What's going on? I guess we'll never know.
Anyway, cleaned my house completely after getting home, fixed my car up, began to backup my computer for immediate linux-ization (decided on Fedora, though I wanted to go for something more hardcore (like Debian) since I've spent way too much time on linux in the past to be stuck with something more simplistic, but was talked out of it by Eric Anapolsky), but got sidetracked by her grace, the Jaeger. It was worth it, though
Whew! Massive post, and I'm so tired I'm just giving the facts without any interesting detail!
He who has a why to live can bear almost any how. ~Friedrich Nietzsche
but anyway, the news!
So much has happened lately, I don't think I can recall it all in one sitting. Here goes.
So, yesterday, I woke up late in the day(noon), as usual. I'm starting to get really frustrated with my shifted schedule, because I keep expecting to wake up and the having the sun just rising. It's kind of reassuring to see the sun rise when you wake, and set when you sleep. Most people in my age group never wake up at 7 and crash at 11:30 (especially on a consistent enough basis), but after trying it (and I used to call myself a night owl!), and leaving it, I miss it. Sure, I always felt slightly tired. I like to keep going till i'm exhausted (a nightowl trait), and so I consistently stayed up too late too much. Sure, I felt that time, in the long run, was passing by too quickly (they say you've live half your life when you're 20!). But, I got so much done each day. Boom! Boom! Boom! One task, one event, one chore, done one after another, and before I knew it, I had completed so much, I had learned so much...
Sadly, I base my life's worth on what I've done (though I give a little bit of credit to what I know). Am I just a mindless zombie who may only work?
The work takes the pain away, pain that I don't have anymore. My pain was stolen by time while I was busy working, I think. Time seems to steal everything eventually (don't I sound gothic?)
If I were playing an RPG, like, say, Seiken Densetsu III, I would name my character Chronos. (too bad I work too much to play, yes?)
and that brings me to back to video game playing. I got off video games quite easily when my new job started up. I don't miss them at all. It was so boring, just investing so much time to yield secret treasures, I hated it.
So many people are wasting their lives playing these distractions. It's heinous! I did it, and after sampling the real world, it was so good that I don't think I want to go back to video games (although I might engineer one that has all the fixes that I think need to be made, but that would be in the far future). People who play them a billion times are typically so shallow... they don't even know it!
A lot of those people have potential. It saddens me to see it suppressed by the box.
Whoa! Way off topic! So precious! So Siam! Whow!
Anyway, (as I was saying) I woke up late Sunday morning, and was pissed. I got myself ready for the day, mowed the lawn till done (done!), went inside, tried to study for japanese class (4-6!) but couldn't because of phone calls from friends, so I settled on making a schedule of to-do's and a generalized plan of my week.
I learned a lesson last week. With the shift in my schedule giving me a jet-lag effect, and my lack of planning bringing little structure to my life, little is getting done. I need to double up and take hold of my plans (which have been in such high gear now that I can't stop them. Everything must continue!)
A little side note, I always warp my plans whenever some sort of special occasion occurs (special in that it doesn't happen all the time) I feel that I can put off other things, but not the special event!
And now, back to our regular viewing experience!~
Anyway, I left the house early to study at my teacher's house (free of distractions, packed with lots of references!), and was driving down broadway (the long way to Richard's) to get gas at CostCo...
Hey! Little Japan's is open! I can get that covetted sesame seed grinder that I've always wanted! YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
YAY!
so, I go in there, and find my sesame seed grinder. But!
BUT!
I see lots of dishes. Lots of dishes that appealed to me. I must have them!
So I bought them! And nice soap! And Panco batter!
Now, I have to mention the title of this story. You are reading the classic tale of "Darrel and the $200 in his pocket". I got $200 because I was entitled to a share of the deposit of the apartment I used to live at. I was meaning to deposit it at the bank but... well, it burnt a hole in my pocket! (that and I have enough money to buy a decent used car, which somehow justifies my frivolous spending)
After going to little Japan, I continued on my way to Costco for gas. After getting the gas, I decided, "Hey, let's go into Costco!" And off I went, to the maginificent Wholesale monstrosity that is Costco (at least they pay their employees $40,000-50,000/year). After reviewing certain items, I decided to buy a new 100 pack of CDs(the ones that I had at home were crappy. The brand of CD-R that costco has is really good) and some of their higher quality olive oil (from Tuscany. Good stuff). I was really tempted to buy a new hard drive, since I keep filling my computer up with stuff. But, I didn't. I keep thinking about a 600 gig hard drive instead (you know I'll love it when it suffers a head crash). With these goods in hand, I left CostCo for Staples.
At Staples, I purchased 2 10 packs of DVD-R's on sale.
Now, I saved more money buying the DVD's than the CD-Rs!
for CD-Rs:
$26/(100 CDs * 650 Megs per CD)=$.40/Gig
for DVD-Rs:
(2*$12)/(20 DVDs * 4.7 Gigs per DVD)~$.255/Gig
Good deal!
So, after that, I ran off to WinCo where a hearty welcome by Evan ("You have a lot of nerve coming back here, buddy")and Dezzie ("Let's go over here, where the bad man isn't at") made my day (actually, all but Dezzie and Evan greeted me with smiles and happiness at my presence) I bought some various items, then ran off to Japanese class, because I was late.
At Japanese class, we studied some more fictional japanese stories. Very fun, though I was still disoriented and tired from my flip-flopped schedule. Then, in anticipation of Paul and Erin for old movie night, we cooked this awesome pasta! As we slowly edged toward thinking that they had flaked out, we ate what we had made and started the movie. First movie that we saw was Dead on Arrival, a very well done movie involving an insurance broker who was poisoned with an incurable poison and has very little time to figure out the case before he dies. The second movie, (an Alfred Hitchcock film) 39 steps, was about how a guy gets framed for the death of a British spy and must foil enemy spies' attempts to prove his innocence.
Both were very good, and when I got home I cleaned house (and talked to Meghannraye) till 2 in the morning (I was very restless)
Before I move on, I'd like to say that Meghannraye has been sticking up for me at her workplace... She's been such a big help, defending me whenever she hears any gab about me at work (primarily from Dezzie and Evan). After I left WinCo earlier, (and got my "warm hearted" greetings from Dez and Evan), Meghannraye went to break and found Evan and Dezzie talking. "You were communicating with the traitor, weren't you?" Said Dezzie. "Why can't you put it all behind you, Dezzie?" She said. "You know, he only quit early to get back at Randy(the manager)." "He did?!?" Said Dezzie. "Why?"
"Because he was treating him very badly." Said Meg. "That's not fair! Randy treats me bad, too!" and then Dezzie left. Evan was still left, so she went up to him and said, "And what's your problem?" "He's selfish." "How is he selfish? I don't understand." "He's just a selfish person" He wouldn't give a specific reason, and then he left.
Meghannraye has been helping me clear up problems in ways that I can't do by myself. She's such a great person.
Anyway, so I finished cleaning my bathroom at 2 in the morning and went to sleep, apprehensive of what was to come in the morning
THE DENTIST
I had a hard time sleeping last night. Just had my mind thinking about all kinds of things (what's more, sleeping at 2 is early for me now) But when I awoke in the morning, I was half awake. I got up, brushed my teeth and flossed (to clean anything that could've possibly gotten in) and went off.
The trip to the dentist was crazy. Maybe it was rush hour or something, I don't know. I was half awake on the road. People merging, others cutting people off. I would've had serious road rage if I weren't so tired. I had to slow down so many times...
Meh, what do I care now?
I got to the dentist on time, and learned a good lesson
ALWAYS FLOSS YOUR TEETH
I got in that dentist chair (does the dentist sit in it?) and had the pleasure of having 4 big cavities sealed. Yum. The numbing was fun, but trying not to swallow that water that was used to flush my drilled teeth was not. It was like spending 2 hours swimming with a snorkel, with water coming over the air tube. It was annoying! What's more, the smell emanating from the teeth when the dentist drilled reeked of asbestos (which it wasn't, but was definitely something ground up). In the end, I made it, and have a dental checkup in a few weeks (hopefully not when I fly back to Utah). The dentist is worried that, if the teeth don't get better, some root canals may be necessary.
Yum... pain...
I brushed my teeth every morning and every night. Sometimes even more than that. It was the flossing that mattered. Never did it. I'm ashamed!
So, I drive back home with a MASSIVELY numbed mouth, take a shower, and fall asleep in my empty living room (I want to get a table with chairs, but all we got is driftwood and a credenza)
Woke up on the floor feeling better, and ran off to do laundry. After starting the wash cycle, I went to Tin Can Mailman and bought a few interesting books, one a former HSU book on the history of china (still used) and another being a very nice Japanese dictionary. Then, I got some lunch at Smugs and nearly gagged because of my new fillings (I guess there was junk still in my mouth that never got out that I ingested. It made me sick)While doing my laundry, I found Adrienne at a phone booth
Who's Adrienne? I believe she was in a post a long time ago. She's involved in the Duncan <-> Page saga, which is a sad tale of how Page who couldn't stay faithful to Duncan, but wanted to be with him, and how the mischievious Oliver tainted her mind (and I'm not kidding or being biased. Her dressing style and everything is 80's punk, just like Oliver. She talks like Oliver. It's creepy) and how only Oliver won in the end (and Page coming out with the shortest straw). Adrienne is a roommate of Evan's, former porn star person, a cook, wannabe Japanese fluent person, and very interesting person to spend time talking to. Because a lot our big projects are (coincidentally) the same, we spend a lot of time together, working together to help eachother out.
Anyway, after Evan lost his telephone/internet due to failure to pay, Adrienne was unable to contact me. She used to contact me once every few days at my old house, but when her house lost telephone service she stopped, and when I moved it all turned worse (and since she's roommates with Evan, with Evan treating me so badly as of late, I didn't want to try to get back to her by visiting)
After exchanging formalities, Adrienne told me about how she was moving out of Evan's house to Jeriah "the Tank"'s house. Jeriah is a painter and a good one at that, but I don't enjoy being at his house that much. Jeriah is called the tank because, well... let's just say that his privates remind people of a tank. Jeriah has nude parties, and I'll never forget the first few moments meeting Jeriah (when Adrienne was there)... anyway, I'm gonna have to find some way to deal with this, but at least I can get ahold of Adrienne!
Back to the story! Me and Adrienne both had laundry (coincidentally) that was processing, so we decided to run around Arcata. First stop, the Oxygen bar/Colonic Irrigation place. I had the bright idea of peeking in the windows to see if we saw anything interesting but we threw that idea down and decided to walk in to get a brochure on all of it. Instead, all we got was an oxygen bar "menu" with flavored oxygen types and prices, presented by a weird lady in a very odd but tidy office. We left since we didn't want to spend money.
Next, we went over to Granny B's Chocolate and had ourselves yummy chocolate dipped, caffeinated toffee, while shooting the shit with the baker (we like to cook, so does he!) All kinds of interesting talks about dessert recipes ensued, and me and Adrienne agreed that we'd have to try some.
Then, me and Adrienne walked to the laundromat, having a whole bunch of fun, with me hoarding a whole bunch of toothpicks from the bakery. We said our goodbyes at the laundromat, after agreeing that we really need to get in much better touch with eachother, and that there's many odd similarities in the strangest of places between us.
You know, It's strange. I haven't thought about Adrienne or toothpicks in such a long time. I used to enjoy chewing toothpicks every day last summer, but then I stopped and never thought about it after that. No reason, just stopped.
But somehow this morning, I had this insane longing to visit Adrienne, only to think, "Wait. I can't visit Evan's house. Too many problems!" and then thinking about how to defeat that. I couldn't think of any way except to see her at school, so I tried to put that idea to rest, but I still wanted to visit her.
Now, this is weird because I don't think about Adrienne at all. Mainly, we stopped really talking in late March and I didn't think twice about it (I have too many friends. If you don't try hard enough to get in my life, someone else will!) I still don't think about her. But this morning (before I met up with her) was odd.
What compounds it is that simultaneously, I had really wanted a toothpick in my mouth when I wanted to see Adrienne. Weird, huh? When I got that toothpick with the free sample on it at the bakery, I felt very suspicious.
What the hell? Two things that I had yearned for earlier simultaneously in the morning, neither one a normal want, had become mine, simultaneously. What's going on? I guess we'll never know.
Anyway, cleaned my house completely after getting home, fixed my car up, began to backup my computer for immediate linux-ization (decided on Fedora, though I wanted to go for something more hardcore (like Debian) since I've spent way too much time on linux in the past to be stuck with something more simplistic, but was talked out of it by Eric Anapolsky), but got sidetracked by her grace, the Jaeger. It was worth it, though
Whew! Massive post, and I'm so tired I'm just giving the facts without any interesting detail!
He who has a why to live can bear almost any how. ~Friedrich Nietzsche
Sunday, June 27
The Mad Pierrot
So I woke up a bit tired this morning, nothing much, just stayed up way too late last night. Looked at my clock, and -yeep!- found out that it was noon:30. I had meant to fix my car up, clean the big house up, and get the lawn all cleaned up. Well, scratch all that! I got my std::wakeup() function completed, and started on that lawn (knowing that I wouldn't finish).
What lay before me was an electric lawnmower that my dad had bought. This sucker is WEIRD! I hate having to manipulate the chord all the time so I don't cut it (I usually run over the vacuum chord when vacuuming), but I do like how the thing STOPS when I let go of the choke, and how it's much quieter (not to mention more efficient) I give it a thumb up!
So then I had to run to work. Damn, the chaos that resulted from not planning and executing nearly wrecked my week schedule! Have so much to do on my next two days off... (that's right, mofo's. I have Tuesday-Saturday as my job, at 2:30-11:00!) I will try to survive, but now I gotta work double time!
Today was my first day being all by my little lonesome (well, not quite. Sara (formerly a checker at WinCo) worked with me, but she's done the ER booth as much as I have -- 5 days), and I got to say, me and Sara did awesome (she agrees). After being VERY dead for the morning shift people, The hospital got HAMMERED with all kinds of people; it was like a jungle! So many qeues... people spilling over into other waiting rooms for need of a seat... it was staggering!
There was this one crazy guy who tried to act all cool in a James Dean sort of way. When the nurses became busy with other patients, he got off of the gurney outside of the hallway and started walking down the hall, looking at everything. As one of the nurses caught him, he insisted that he just wanted to check out the hospital, especially because he used to work at the hospital. When the nurse got him back on the gurney, she left because there were too many people to take care of to mess with him. So, the guy got back up. THEN, he flipped out a knife.
The knife was connected to a chain, and the guy would rotate his hand like a wild west gunman to get the blade spinning. He even started cutting the hallway every now and again!
After a whole bunch of sudden patient concerns, I called the police (who came by rapidly), and had them convince the guy that he should give up his knife until he's done with his visit.
That's just one of the many psychos we get. It feels kind of normal to deal with them now. But, I was a little bit antsy over how so many patients were lined up for a visit. What if one of them couldn't take having to wait anymore?
I'll never forget the army of old ladies that visited. They had waited there for 3 hours just to get a triage. At the end of the 3rd hour, the lady (that all the other old ladies were at the hospital for) got so upset that she got up, out of her wheelchair, and started hobbling towards the exit. The other old ladies tried to get her to get back on the wheelchair because she was damaging herself (or so I overheard), while at the same time screaming at the top of their lungs (at me) with that harsh old lady tone. I won't easily forget the large emotional dumpings of those angry, angry faces and the angry postures and gesures I was graciously given. Reminded me of a flock of wet hens
In a way, I love my job. I love it so much that I don't take breaks when I should. My coworkers feel the same way and we all stay in there and fight it out! Progress!
I still don't really feel like I'm helping these people, though (which is what everyone, including my dad, the nurses at work, and even the patients insist). I feel like I'm there to steal their money. I feel like it isn't fair; it isn't right. At least, I don't feel like the volumes of money being extracted is ok to do. Secretly, I root for the people who ask me questions that make me do more work, just to get them out of billing (rescind bills that are not earned, etc.) I can't help everyone, since there's too many things to do to fix every bill, but...
Strangely, I'm a very happy person. What is it that makes me happy after doing my job? Is it the fact that I have to be happy for all the sick people? My job is not an amusement park job, after all.
Or is it that seeing hurting people makes me happier to be all well? Meh.
Could it be that there's lots of hot women around me and in close quarters 8 hours a day? Could be. But I'm not really thinking about that.
Could it be that my job is easy? Possible, too.
It's probably a combination of all these factors. Just know that, a middleman job is usually easier than a job that gives the immediate good or service.
Anyway, I need to sleep so sign off time be now. yow.
No matter what happens... somebody will find a way to take it too seriously. ~Dave Barry, "Things That It Took Me 50 Years to Learn"
What lay before me was an electric lawnmower that my dad had bought. This sucker is WEIRD! I hate having to manipulate the chord all the time so I don't cut it (I usually run over the vacuum chord when vacuuming), but I do like how the thing STOPS when I let go of the choke, and how it's much quieter (not to mention more efficient) I give it a thumb up!
So then I had to run to work. Damn, the chaos that resulted from not planning and executing nearly wrecked my week schedule! Have so much to do on my next two days off... (that's right, mofo's. I have Tuesday-Saturday as my job, at 2:30-11:00!) I will try to survive, but now I gotta work double time!
Today was my first day being all by my little lonesome (well, not quite. Sara (formerly a checker at WinCo) worked with me, but she's done the ER booth as much as I have -- 5 days), and I got to say, me and Sara did awesome (she agrees). After being VERY dead for the morning shift people, The hospital got HAMMERED with all kinds of people; it was like a jungle! So many qeues... people spilling over into other waiting rooms for need of a seat... it was staggering!
There was this one crazy guy who tried to act all cool in a James Dean sort of way. When the nurses became busy with other patients, he got off of the gurney outside of the hallway and started walking down the hall, looking at everything. As one of the nurses caught him, he insisted that he just wanted to check out the hospital, especially because he used to work at the hospital. When the nurse got him back on the gurney, she left because there were too many people to take care of to mess with him. So, the guy got back up. THEN, he flipped out a knife.
The knife was connected to a chain, and the guy would rotate his hand like a wild west gunman to get the blade spinning. He even started cutting the hallway every now and again!
After a whole bunch of sudden patient concerns, I called the police (who came by rapidly), and had them convince the guy that he should give up his knife until he's done with his visit.
That's just one of the many psychos we get. It feels kind of normal to deal with them now. But, I was a little bit antsy over how so many patients were lined up for a visit. What if one of them couldn't take having to wait anymore?
I'll never forget the army of old ladies that visited. They had waited there for 3 hours just to get a triage. At the end of the 3rd hour, the lady (that all the other old ladies were at the hospital for) got so upset that she got up, out of her wheelchair, and started hobbling towards the exit. The other old ladies tried to get her to get back on the wheelchair because she was damaging herself (or so I overheard), while at the same time screaming at the top of their lungs (at me) with that harsh old lady tone. I won't easily forget the large emotional dumpings of those angry, angry faces and the angry postures and gesures I was graciously given. Reminded me of a flock of wet hens
In a way, I love my job. I love it so much that I don't take breaks when I should. My coworkers feel the same way and we all stay in there and fight it out! Progress!
I still don't really feel like I'm helping these people, though (which is what everyone, including my dad, the nurses at work, and even the patients insist). I feel like I'm there to steal their money. I feel like it isn't fair; it isn't right. At least, I don't feel like the volumes of money being extracted is ok to do. Secretly, I root for the people who ask me questions that make me do more work, just to get them out of billing (rescind bills that are not earned, etc.) I can't help everyone, since there's too many things to do to fix every bill, but...
Strangely, I'm a very happy person. What is it that makes me happy after doing my job? Is it the fact that I have to be happy for all the sick people? My job is not an amusement park job, after all.
Or is it that seeing hurting people makes me happier to be all well? Meh.
Could it be that there's lots of hot women around me and in close quarters 8 hours a day? Could be. But I'm not really thinking about that.
Could it be that my job is easy? Possible, too.
It's probably a combination of all these factors. Just know that, a middleman job is usually easier than a job that gives the immediate good or service.
Anyway, I need to sleep so sign off time be now. yow.
No matter what happens... somebody will find a way to take it too seriously. ~Dave Barry, "Things That It Took Me 50 Years to Learn"
Saturday, June 26
Summer Rain
What could the hospital be classified as? I was pondering this during some free time that I had.
The hospital could be an exonerated hotel, ready to serve any and all customers with its fine, top-of-the-line (and expensive) service. 5 companies -- or more! -- to serve your need, as well as to bill you.
The ER booth is a lot like McDonald's (but better, of course). You got to get things done fast, because speed is essential. You have "orders" that can not be removed from the screen until certain things have been done.
At least I don't have those fricking annoying buzzers going off all the time (like mcdonald's did). What's more, the people that work there are intelligent and actually give a damn about their job (and i'd like to stress this. Look at those italics for god's sake!).
That keeps my morale up, and that's all I need in a job. (oh, and pay, too)
"Yes, I see that your finger is bleeding. ^h^h^h^h^h^h^h^h^hSo what? Please sign here"
I've been running as of late. Did it again tonight. Methinks I should start a record of my exercising, much like the Jaeger of lore has. (that's right. Get back up and record your exploits, Jaeger!)
and now, a gossiping story, straight from the ER booth.
"So I had just started my shift, right? and this guy comes up, and I ask, 'what's the problem?' and the guy says, 'I have itchy knees, cutie.' 'What from?' I asked, ignoring him. 'Well, a few days ago, I was at this party, and I, uh, met this girl. She would scratch her shoulders a lot but said she was fine. Well, I, uh, had sex with her and the next day my legs itched. Been doing that ever since.' 'ok.' So, I type up all his stuff, and have him go to the ER. When he came back, he said with a flirty smile, 'hey, I'm back. The doctor diagnosed me with scabies. Say, you wanna hang out some time?'with a wink."
Anyway, I'm getting back into my routines! Somehow, I thwarted the entertainment console device thingy, and am now on my way getting back into all sorts of learning stuff.
I just needed something to give me enough structure (work)to plot around.
Now, I just need to get to bed at good times (and get enough rest...)
Heh, my life sounds shallow today (and, save for the mad dash to work, it was), but I have so many awesome plans in the making coming up!
WOOHA!
I don't hold anything so dear that I'm not capable of changing my opinion on it, and I won't cry if you disassemble my beliefs and poke at them with a stick.
The hospital could be an exonerated hotel, ready to serve any and all customers with its fine, top-of-the-line (and expensive) service. 5 companies -- or more! -- to serve your need, as well as to bill you.
The ER booth is a lot like McDonald's (but better, of course). You got to get things done fast, because speed is essential. You have "orders" that can not be removed from the screen until certain things have been done.
At least I don't have those fricking annoying buzzers going off all the time (like mcdonald's did). What's more, the people that work there are intelligent and actually give a damn about their job (and i'd like to stress this. Look at those italics for god's sake!).
That keeps my morale up, and that's all I need in a job. (oh, and pay, too)
"Yes, I see that your finger is bleeding. ^h^h^h^h^h^h^h^h^hSo what? Please sign here"
I've been running as of late. Did it again tonight. Methinks I should start a record of my exercising, much like the Jaeger of lore has. (that's right. Get back up and record your exploits, Jaeger!)
and now, a gossiping story, straight from the ER booth.
"So I had just started my shift, right? and this guy comes up, and I ask, 'what's the problem?' and the guy says, 'I have itchy knees, cutie.' 'What from?' I asked, ignoring him. 'Well, a few days ago, I was at this party, and I, uh, met this girl. She would scratch her shoulders a lot but said she was fine. Well, I, uh, had sex with her and the next day my legs itched. Been doing that ever since.' 'ok.' So, I type up all his stuff, and have him go to the ER. When he came back, he said with a flirty smile, 'hey, I'm back. The doctor diagnosed me with scabies. Say, you wanna hang out some time?'with a wink."
Anyway, I'm getting back into my routines! Somehow, I thwarted the entertainment console device thingy, and am now on my way getting back into all sorts of learning stuff.
I just needed something to give me enough structure (work)to plot around.
Now, I just need to get to bed at good times (and get enough rest...)
Heh, my life sounds shallow today (and, save for the mad dash to work, it was), but I have so many awesome plans in the making coming up!
WOOHA!
I don't hold anything so dear that I'm not capable of changing my opinion on it, and I won't cry if you disassemble my beliefs and poke at them with a stick.
Friday, June 25
They Say, That In Space, No One Can Hear You Fart
I feel like I'm in space. Free, able to rotate in any position, but unable to move in a different direction. Free (?) but helpless.
Helplessly free?
I was thinking about characters in a story while driving home from my run today, and how authors typically progress conversation by having one character talk about something already obviously known (such as, "so, you're a princess?") and then having the other character respond with what the audience expects ("yeah. It's such a terrible thing to be, though") then, the author has the first character respond with, again, the answer that he wants the audience to expect ("Why is that??? Having riches and fame and people waiting on you would be one of the best things that I would dream of!") and then the author, yet again, has the second character respond with something he thinks the audience expects ("Well, for starters, you can't go anywhere. you're imprisoned as some sort of figure of the people. If only I could go out someday... -sigh-")
Note that the author uses the previous sentence to build the next. It's very linear, but in our society we've grown accustomed to it.
One thing that sets shows apart from real life is that the writers attempt to keep the characters stuck on a limited set of issues, issues that affect the entire group of characters. Personal issues are usually snubbed out (either that or introduced and then resolved by the end of the episode, which puts the character group (hereafter referred to as "the party") back to square one, just like at the start of most every episode).
In real life, everybody is getting together just to meet and have fun for a little while. If 2 or more people are doing the same thing, it's pure coincidence, and those 2 people will break apart as soon as they aren't doing exactly the same thing. It's kind of sickening. Everybody's alone. Nobody's together (except for, I presume, married couples and families. But even that is not true always)
Of course, that is American culture. "Mind your own business" is the order of the day. No one wants to be rude to people who may be possibly in their lives.
In Japan, it's different. "We Japanese" is the saying. It's odd. I have a friend from Japan who says, you know one, you know them all (of course, that's a broad generalization with serious flaws, but they all are very similar). He could predict every aspect of a person, AND get it right, if he found out they were japanese (of course, this is in japan)
America is full of people who are different, diverse. Japan is full of people who act the same, who are in it to accomplish a specific goal.
Individuality vs. Community. Lose the self for the collective?
Japanese people are VERY productive. Indeed, for a country (with population) that size, those people are a powerful economic force.
But they had to make sacrifices.
But anyway, I was talking about people busy with their own lives.
People are not really creating exciting stories that you'd find on TV, movies, or in novels. Time and again, I find this primitive grouping mentality that goes on, with head honchos, majority rules governing the new government of the group, and the "leader" of the group (who got there by being the most powerful person in the group)having a heavy weight on the group. It's interesting from one perspective, and it's kind of odd. You'll find that the groups tend to do the same activity over and over, seldom venturing out and trying some new activity, until the fun is just not enough to justify the group(and the governing rules of the group)'s existence. Then, it breaks up and new groups are formed with somewhat different rules. It's interesting.
I try to be an outsider, an independent person. I don't think I do a very good job at it.
These groups don't usually have a quest; just try to make the fun last until things don't work anymore, and then end it all. I think quite a few relationships work this way in this day and age, too.
A lot of people are just static. I guess a fair analogy is that everyone is kind of like a part to a machine for someone else to put together and enjoy (until it falls apart) it's kind of odd, since everyone is a part to everyone elses' machine (multiple instances of the same part existing in the same place)... uh, yeah. Think about that one, will you? (I want to move on to something else now since it's so late)
but anyway.
buckets of fun was had at work today. I had one person who was just throwing up (well, that person wasn't throwing anything up but the person's body was trying to) with every exhale, so that one got THE BUCKET. One kid kept asking me for morphine (as if I had the authority to give it!) as I countered with personal information inquiries ("name?" "John/Jane Doe. Can I have some morphine now?"). Others just looked plain awful. We had one "frequent flyer", who kept insisting that they had a standing order for pain medication. Apparently, that person comes in to get drugs that they don't need.
Tricking the tricksy tricksters is tricky
overrall, I still like my job.
The same can't be said for Meghannraye, though. She says her job stinks (as usual) and she's getting fed up with the bad wages and hard work. But, more than that, she doesn't talk to too many people when she's off of work, so she doesn't have much to do, which makes her have only one thing to look forward to... work. What's more, she's been not wanting to deal with her social life because, well...
For the past month, she's been seeing someone that she *FINALLY* deeply cares about (in *that* sort of way)... Heh, I used to love mentioning his name to her, just to see that extreme smile of happiness... She's been seeing him every day, hanging out, what-have-you... and then he didn't talk to her for 4 days, and then came back and said he was going to Chico to find a new house to move into... didn't call her for three days, came back and said he was moving to Chico! And she's been devastated ever since, and feels like she should just break up now.
her mind's in the gutter right now. Poor Meghannraye.
Good news for Meghannraye? She got this nasty bill from the hospital, whereby she owed $3000 for getting her shoulder located (I think I mentioned this before in an earlier entry), lowered down to $300. She learned the importance of insurance...
Speaking of money, I cashed in a whole bunch of accrued checks, and now have enough to buy a decent car (the higher side of cheap. $2000...) I feel like I need to buy a new compy system, though, since
1) this hard drive ain't cutting it. I have STACKS (and I mean STACKS) of DVD-R's, full of data (4.7 gigs a DVD) most of the data I've never looked at, heh, but one day... (well, I got way too much to do. Maybe when I'm 80 and the program is out-of-date)
2) I want a more powerful workhorse processor (to do what? Umm... load mozilla faster? Ok. Maybe my brother needs a better processor for his music data crunching (he records music)) primarily, I think I just want a better hardware RAID-ed ability (mine, while it's SATA, awesome for RAIDing, and fast when done being booted up, has a horrendous load time when all the devices are loading)
umm.. yeah.
Oh! Also, I found out that my job is so easy that I can spend MORE time memorizing MORE japanese words than at my OLD workplace. (take note that i'm referring to when I could memorize a whole bunch of words during (old) work. As fewer and fewer carts were left to work with, I stopped being able to memorize any words at all)
I love my job.
Anyway, I *really* need to sleep. I've been having this headache problem as of late (i'm thinking I need to figure out a water-drinking routine) and I have so much stuff to fix up, since I'm behind when I stopped doing anything (save for play time wasting video games)
I would also like to mention, before I sleep, that I finally recognize that it's summer! The time goes by slowly, but it's enjoyable, and I don't feel stuck in January anymore. Something tells me that I'm going to mark this point in my life as a good point in my life. Options are immense! The future is mine to manipulate! (you can never command it. I'm being a smartass, accurate and that)
Sleep now. For your wives may weep (what am I saying???)
Easy to poke yourself square in the eye
Harder to like yourself, harder to try
These are espouses
Postcards and neoprene
Roses a dollar a stem
Everyone`s sleeping or pulling the long haul and
Keys in the cooler its three A.M.
And Saturn is beckoning no one
It`s off on its own
It`s offering up
D.
Helplessly free?
I was thinking about characters in a story while driving home from my run today, and how authors typically progress conversation by having one character talk about something already obviously known (such as, "so, you're a princess?") and then having the other character respond with what the audience expects ("yeah. It's such a terrible thing to be, though") then, the author has the first character respond with, again, the answer that he wants the audience to expect ("Why is that??? Having riches and fame and people waiting on you would be one of the best things that I would dream of!") and then the author, yet again, has the second character respond with something he thinks the audience expects ("Well, for starters, you can't go anywhere. you're imprisoned as some sort of figure of the people. If only I could go out someday... -sigh-")
Note that the author uses the previous sentence to build the next. It's very linear, but in our society we've grown accustomed to it.
One thing that sets shows apart from real life is that the writers attempt to keep the characters stuck on a limited set of issues, issues that affect the entire group of characters. Personal issues are usually snubbed out (either that or introduced and then resolved by the end of the episode, which puts the character group (hereafter referred to as "the party") back to square one, just like at the start of most every episode).
In real life, everybody is getting together just to meet and have fun for a little while. If 2 or more people are doing the same thing, it's pure coincidence, and those 2 people will break apart as soon as they aren't doing exactly the same thing. It's kind of sickening. Everybody's alone. Nobody's together (except for, I presume, married couples and families. But even that is not true always)
Of course, that is American culture. "Mind your own business" is the order of the day. No one wants to be rude to people who may be possibly in their lives.
In Japan, it's different. "We Japanese" is the saying. It's odd. I have a friend from Japan who says, you know one, you know them all (of course, that's a broad generalization with serious flaws, but they all are very similar). He could predict every aspect of a person, AND get it right, if he found out they were japanese (of course, this is in japan)
America is full of people who are different, diverse. Japan is full of people who act the same, who are in it to accomplish a specific goal.
Individuality vs. Community. Lose the self for the collective?
Japanese people are VERY productive. Indeed, for a country (with population) that size, those people are a powerful economic force.
But they had to make sacrifices.
But anyway, I was talking about people busy with their own lives.
People are not really creating exciting stories that you'd find on TV, movies, or in novels. Time and again, I find this primitive grouping mentality that goes on, with head honchos, majority rules governing the new government of the group, and the "leader" of the group (who got there by being the most powerful person in the group)having a heavy weight on the group. It's interesting from one perspective, and it's kind of odd. You'll find that the groups tend to do the same activity over and over, seldom venturing out and trying some new activity, until the fun is just not enough to justify the group(and the governing rules of the group)'s existence. Then, it breaks up and new groups are formed with somewhat different rules. It's interesting.
I try to be an outsider, an independent person. I don't think I do a very good job at it.
These groups don't usually have a quest; just try to make the fun last until things don't work anymore, and then end it all. I think quite a few relationships work this way in this day and age, too.
A lot of people are just static. I guess a fair analogy is that everyone is kind of like a part to a machine for someone else to put together and enjoy (until it falls apart) it's kind of odd, since everyone is a part to everyone elses' machine (multiple instances of the same part existing in the same place)... uh, yeah. Think about that one, will you? (I want to move on to something else now since it's so late)
but anyway.
buckets of fun was had at work today. I had one person who was just throwing up (well, that person wasn't throwing anything up but the person's body was trying to) with every exhale, so that one got THE BUCKET. One kid kept asking me for morphine (as if I had the authority to give it!) as I countered with personal information inquiries ("name?" "John/Jane Doe. Can I have some morphine now?"). Others just looked plain awful. We had one "frequent flyer", who kept insisting that they had a standing order for pain medication. Apparently, that person comes in to get drugs that they don't need.
Tricking the tricksy tricksters is tricky
overrall, I still like my job.
The same can't be said for Meghannraye, though. She says her job stinks (as usual) and she's getting fed up with the bad wages and hard work. But, more than that, she doesn't talk to too many people when she's off of work, so she doesn't have much to do, which makes her have only one thing to look forward to... work. What's more, she's been not wanting to deal with her social life because, well...
For the past month, she's been seeing someone that she *FINALLY* deeply cares about (in *that* sort of way)... Heh, I used to love mentioning his name to her, just to see that extreme smile of happiness... She's been seeing him every day, hanging out, what-have-you... and then he didn't talk to her for 4 days, and then came back and said he was going to Chico to find a new house to move into... didn't call her for three days, came back and said he was moving to Chico! And she's been devastated ever since, and feels like she should just break up now.
her mind's in the gutter right now. Poor Meghannraye.
Good news for Meghannraye? She got this nasty bill from the hospital, whereby she owed $3000 for getting her shoulder located (I think I mentioned this before in an earlier entry), lowered down to $300. She learned the importance of insurance...
Speaking of money, I cashed in a whole bunch of accrued checks, and now have enough to buy a decent car (the higher side of cheap. $2000...) I feel like I need to buy a new compy system, though, since
1) this hard drive ain't cutting it. I have STACKS (and I mean STACKS) of DVD-R's, full of data (4.7 gigs a DVD) most of the data I've never looked at, heh, but one day... (well, I got way too much to do. Maybe when I'm 80 and the program is out-of-date)
2) I want a more powerful workhorse processor (to do what? Umm... load mozilla faster? Ok. Maybe my brother needs a better processor for his music data crunching (he records music)) primarily, I think I just want a better hardware RAID-ed ability (mine, while it's SATA, awesome for RAIDing, and fast when done being booted up, has a horrendous load time when all the devices are loading)
umm.. yeah.
Oh! Also, I found out that my job is so easy that I can spend MORE time memorizing MORE japanese words than at my OLD workplace. (take note that i'm referring to when I could memorize a whole bunch of words during (old) work. As fewer and fewer carts were left to work with, I stopped being able to memorize any words at all)
I love my job.
Anyway, I *really* need to sleep. I've been having this headache problem as of late (i'm thinking I need to figure out a water-drinking routine) and I have so much stuff to fix up, since I'm behind when I stopped doing anything (save for play time wasting video games)
I would also like to mention, before I sleep, that I finally recognize that it's summer! The time goes by slowly, but it's enjoyable, and I don't feel stuck in January anymore. Something tells me that I'm going to mark this point in my life as a good point in my life. Options are immense! The future is mine to manipulate! (you can never command it. I'm being a smartass, accurate and that)
Sleep now. For your wives may weep (what am I saying???)
Easy to poke yourself square in the eye
Harder to like yourself, harder to try
These are espouses
Postcards and neoprene
Roses a dollar a stem
Everyone`s sleeping or pulling the long haul and
Keys in the cooler its three A.M.
And Saturn is beckoning no one
It`s off on its own
It`s offering up
D.
Thursday, June 24
INFINITE TEA!!! MAXIMUM COFFEE!!! MORE CAKE MR. SULU!!! WHOOOO!!!
Well, I said I was going to post more, but I never got around to it! Just too many things happening, such as:
The great car insurance battle: I got a letter stating that my insurance would be cancelled come the morning (this morning!) and so I had to yell at people with that angry large eyed pissed-off face, screaming, "WHY DID YOU SHUT OFF MY $*&# INSURANCE! YOU BASTARDS! MAY YOU ROT IN HELL!"
of course, I realize that the receptionists I talk to are people, too, and weren't necessarily responsible for the car insurance plug pulling. So, with a smile, I happily explained my dilemma to the, umm, large lady behind the desk. She called my insurance company, found that what I had said was true, and talked to a representative.
Ya know, it's really awesome to watch a fat lady scream at people over the phone to get things done. Especially when they're done for you. I got a good kick out of it.
Moral of the story: be nice to the receptionist. Especially when she's a fat lady. You don't want her yelling at you.
then, there was last night. Paul, Ben (my brother), and I decided to play with isopropyl alcohol, and it was fun. Especially the hand ignition tricks. A lot of hair singe-ing took place (Paul's arm looked barren), but good fun was had. But that wasn't it. Being pyros, the stuff must ignite on the ground in an uncontrolled state of FURY! (the aforementioned site is one of my favorites. I'm a secret punk fan, though my demeanor's too nice to ever get close to that... heh, it's not apparent at all that I like punks, less you catch me on that site! But anyway...). Then, we decided that crisco *MUST* be mixed in the bizarro cooking area, along with plants. Unfortunantly, we were out of sugar (for that sickeningly nasty smell), and flour (for that explosive effect. (yes, flour explodes. we used to make flame throwers using large syringes full of flour close to a flame. Did you know that flour mills would sometimes explode back in the medieval days?)) Yum Yum Crisco!
Then, I was lead off to YAP (yet another Party) because Mo (who has never been mentioned on this site before) is running off to New Zealand. Heh, maybe she'll meet Greg Arditto from Weta Digital (the people who made lord of the rings, and a buddy of mine)? It is a small island, and they both have lots of family in the same city that they both live in...
THAT would be interesting. Maybe I should give both of them the information...?
Nah!
Moral of the story: If you are planning to wake up early for something like, say, breakfast club, DON'T GO TO A PARTY!
Need I cite a reason why? ? ?
Actually, that moral is CRAP! KRRRAAAAPPPP!!!!
the true moral is: why bother buying wax to take off those nasty hairs? just buy isopropyl alcohol and a lighter, spread the isopropyl over your legs, and light em up, running everywhere! It's less painful (if done correctly, no you shouldn't spread it over your legs like that silly! or you'll get burns like the ones I got from running up strawberry hill, with all the plants leaving whip gashes (poison oak?), but WORSE)
I don't think I'd ever use isopropyl alcohol to get rid of hair, but if you dabbed small areas with it... it'd probably be cheaper and less painful.
Good moral? Glad you agree. (YOU HAVE NO CHOICE! I HEAR ONLY YESes)
I got my teeth checked for the first time in 4 years (I only delayed the dentist visit because I hadn't gone in a long time. I kept putting it off, not thinking of it as that important. But, mark my words, I will visit every 6 months! To me, it'll be like getting an oil change. You know when you should get it done) My teeth looked all nice, and the lady complimented the straightness of them (she asked if I had had braces before, and I said I hadn't. She said I was a very lucky individual, especially because I've had 2 wisdom teeth come in, and they've fit in just fine)
BUT!
the 4 pits from previous dentist visits are rotting away (all the other teeth are fine). I need to get them refilled! Now, I get to play the insurance game with my former workplaces' insurance company. Fun...
Insurance is a very important thing to have and use:LESSON LEARNED.
Anyway, I had my first day of work yesterday (as well as today) and it was GREAT!!! heh, these people complain about how busy it gets... yesterday, we were "slammed" with 8 patients in the ER (I run the ER booth) and 8 patients waiting in the waiting room. I was told that this was a horrible, bad, no good day, and that we had a lot of work to do. When we were done with the work, I asked, "That's it?" I was surprised that we had gotten done with all the patient reports and stuff and had time to lounge around. I work about 1/4th as hard as I did at WinCo...
THIS JOB IS EASY, LENIENT, AND PAYS WELL!!!
What's more, I get UNLIMITED tea and coffee. My head is swimming in a fishbowl of pain right now from such a large dosage (after having no caffeine in over a month) so I feel like sleeping to take that edge off... but I'm active!
bottom line is: Treat the doctors and nurses right and they'll never complain. Be mean to them and they'll get you fired. Or something.
Anyway, I wished I had posted all the things I wanted to post earlier, since I've forgotten most of the stuff! (well, actually, I haven't really forgotten anything. It's just that it has been stored in the back of my mind)
My head hurts, too, and so what few notes I wrote up to talk about I will save for another day (at least when my head paing goes down, tomorrow maybe?)
Now I just gotta get my studying and exercise time set in stone and I'll be set...
There's that Brian Eno tune again. Damn... change it! Wha? Music to watch space girls by??? slow tunes slow the mind
The great car insurance battle: I got a letter stating that my insurance would be cancelled come the morning (this morning!) and so I had to yell at people with that angry large eyed pissed-off face, screaming, "WHY DID YOU SHUT OFF MY $*&# INSURANCE! YOU BASTARDS! MAY YOU ROT IN HELL!"
of course, I realize that the receptionists I talk to are people, too, and weren't necessarily responsible for the car insurance plug pulling. So, with a smile, I happily explained my dilemma to the, umm, large lady behind the desk. She called my insurance company, found that what I had said was true, and talked to a representative.
Ya know, it's really awesome to watch a fat lady scream at people over the phone to get things done. Especially when they're done for you. I got a good kick out of it.
Moral of the story: be nice to the receptionist. Especially when she's a fat lady. You don't want her yelling at you.
then, there was last night. Paul, Ben (my brother), and I decided to play with isopropyl alcohol, and it was fun. Especially the hand ignition tricks. A lot of hair singe-ing took place (Paul's arm looked barren), but good fun was had. But that wasn't it. Being pyros, the stuff must ignite on the ground in an uncontrolled state of FURY! (the aforementioned site is one of my favorites. I'm a secret punk fan, though my demeanor's too nice to ever get close to that... heh, it's not apparent at all that I like punks, less you catch me on that site! But anyway...). Then, we decided that crisco *MUST* be mixed in the bizarro cooking area, along with plants. Unfortunantly, we were out of sugar (for that sickeningly nasty smell), and flour (for that explosive effect. (yes, flour explodes. we used to make flame throwers using large syringes full of flour close to a flame. Did you know that flour mills would sometimes explode back in the medieval days?)) Yum Yum Crisco!
Then, I was lead off to YAP (yet another Party) because Mo (who has never been mentioned on this site before) is running off to New Zealand. Heh, maybe she'll meet Greg Arditto from Weta Digital (the people who made lord of the rings, and a buddy of mine)? It is a small island, and they both have lots of family in the same city that they both live in...
THAT would be interesting. Maybe I should give both of them the information...?
Nah!
Moral of the story: If you are planning to wake up early for something like, say, breakfast club, DON'T GO TO A PARTY!
Need I cite a reason why? ? ?
Actually, that moral is CRAP! KRRRAAAAPPPP!!!!
the true moral is: why bother buying wax to take off those nasty hairs? just buy isopropyl alcohol and a lighter, spread the isopropyl over your legs, and light em up, running everywhere! It's less painful (if done correctly, no you shouldn't spread it over your legs like that silly! or you'll get burns like the ones I got from running up strawberry hill, with all the plants leaving whip gashes (poison oak?), but WORSE)
I don't think I'd ever use isopropyl alcohol to get rid of hair, but if you dabbed small areas with it... it'd probably be cheaper and less painful.
Good moral? Glad you agree. (YOU HAVE NO CHOICE! I HEAR ONLY YESes)
I got my teeth checked for the first time in 4 years (I only delayed the dentist visit because I hadn't gone in a long time. I kept putting it off, not thinking of it as that important. But, mark my words, I will visit every 6 months! To me, it'll be like getting an oil change. You know when you should get it done) My teeth looked all nice, and the lady complimented the straightness of them (she asked if I had had braces before, and I said I hadn't. She said I was a very lucky individual, especially because I've had 2 wisdom teeth come in, and they've fit in just fine)
BUT!
the 4 pits from previous dentist visits are rotting away (all the other teeth are fine). I need to get them refilled! Now, I get to play the insurance game with my former workplaces' insurance company. Fun...
Insurance is a very important thing to have and use:LESSON LEARNED.
Anyway, I had my first day of work yesterday (as well as today) and it was GREAT!!! heh, these people complain about how busy it gets... yesterday, we were "slammed" with 8 patients in the ER (I run the ER booth) and 8 patients waiting in the waiting room. I was told that this was a horrible, bad, no good day, and that we had a lot of work to do. When we were done with the work, I asked, "That's it?" I was surprised that we had gotten done with all the patient reports and stuff and had time to lounge around. I work about 1/4th as hard as I did at WinCo...
THIS JOB IS EASY, LENIENT, AND PAYS WELL!!!
What's more, I get UNLIMITED tea and coffee. My head is swimming in a fishbowl of pain right now from such a large dosage (after having no caffeine in over a month) so I feel like sleeping to take that edge off... but I'm active!
bottom line is: Treat the doctors and nurses right and they'll never complain. Be mean to them and they'll get you fired. Or something.
Anyway, I wished I had posted all the things I wanted to post earlier, since I've forgotten most of the stuff! (well, actually, I haven't really forgotten anything. It's just that it has been stored in the back of my mind)
My head hurts, too, and so what few notes I wrote up to talk about I will save for another day (at least when my head paing goes down, tomorrow maybe?)
Now I just gotta get my studying and exercise time set in stone and I'll be set...
There's that Brian Eno tune again. Damn... change it! Wha? Music to watch space girls by??? slow tunes slow the mind
Tuesday, June 22
Mismanagement
So, I've had almost 2 weeks all to myself, to enjoy, before I begin my plunge of work and schooling again.
And now I have 30 minutes left.
Primarily, I wasted a whole bunch of the time that I had, but I don't regret it.
See, one of my favorite things to purchase when I was alternating between a job, schooling, and friends were the cheap-o playstation games that are only cheap because of age. But, I never had the chance to play any of them because I was so busy (my friends filled up any spare time that I had, if I had any that week!)
This time, however, I have had no school or work. Well, that's not true. I sanded houses last week for my landlord (doing realty work), doing a total of 21.5 hours of work, but gained a whole bunch of extra money because the landlord loved my work (said that I really hustle, and that I don't cut corners. That made me feel good about myself. What's more, I believe I have another reference if I ever apply for a different job (which I will some day)). Though, the money flew out of my wallet in one brutal shopping session of food, clothes (for my new job. Gotta look good!), games (as if I'll ever play them), and gas. Seeing that hard-earned $150 go out of my wallet after all that work made me cringe. What's more, I'm visiting the dentist (hopefully my insurance coverage from my old job is still in effect. I believe it is), and I won't be seeing a paycheck for 3 weeks.
Good thing I've saved up my money!
I just hate to see all that money leave my wallet, after months of saving.
Anyway, I've been getting drawn into all sorts of crazy ventures with my friends (on top of the regular ventures, such as old movie night and breakfast club), even making new friends (I've been inducted into yet another group of people. Fun!) I've been having friends shocking me with their presence in the backyard, seemingly popping out of nowhere, knocking on my window in my backyard with disgruntled faces and demands of attention, friends calling me on the phone at the same time (I know that they try since my pager keeps going off, sometimes 5 times in a session when I'm talking to one friend), and friends setting up appointments to play with me, without me agreeing. Aggressive? Yes.
Talk about having friends up to your ears.
What's more, something very peculiar has been happening. I KID YOU NOT. Wherever I go, I keep get people saying, "Hi, Darrel!" or "Hey, Darrel! Come into apartment 3B!" or "Congratulations on your new job, Darrel!" What's more, these are people that I don't know. Who are these people? Why do I keep getting repeated "Hi Darrel"'s? In one instance, a large group of people at the oyster festival (which I didn't know was happening, I was just doing my laundry. Haven't gotten my washer yet...) started shouting my name, calling me to come over. Unfortunantly, I was really busy and couldn't. WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
My friends have been dragging me into plans of surfing, playing, running, cooking, watching movies, partying (some of the parties are weird. Others are not. Pirate party? Burning down a wooden ship that's just been built), storytelling, just to name a few.
Of note, my friends have been getting me to run. Heh, one time, up strawberry mountain, I cut my legs up good from all the flora along the trail. We were trying to beat the sunset up the mountain. A race against the sun... All the "whipping" flora made those legs burn like MAD.
In other times, running late at night has been good. We've been doing 5 mile runs, ranging from the one of the topmost parking lots at HSU to deep into the marsh area past Arcata... and back. It's tough, but it's just awesome.
Anyway, I wanted to talk about my laziness with video games (I've been not returning my friends' calls, as well as doing mischievious things like ditching them purposefully (of which I want to make my confession here, where I'm comfortable)), how star ocean is a lot like tales of phantasia (only 3D!), how it all reminds me of everquest (it's not fun to play, but you spent so much time trying to get this ONE THING to work that you keep working on it to finish the job. A bad trap that I fell into purposefully, one that took Evan 3 months to get out of.) and so on and so forth but
I GOT TO RUN TO WORK (1st day)!!!
Did you know that the materials used to make houses smell/taste a lot like candy when ground up??? I'll never forget the smell from grinding the houses...
And now I have 30 minutes left.
Primarily, I wasted a whole bunch of the time that I had, but I don't regret it.
See, one of my favorite things to purchase when I was alternating between a job, schooling, and friends were the cheap-o playstation games that are only cheap because of age. But, I never had the chance to play any of them because I was so busy (my friends filled up any spare time that I had, if I had any that week!)
This time, however, I have had no school or work. Well, that's not true. I sanded houses last week for my landlord (doing realty work), doing a total of 21.5 hours of work, but gained a whole bunch of extra money because the landlord loved my work (said that I really hustle, and that I don't cut corners. That made me feel good about myself. What's more, I believe I have another reference if I ever apply for a different job (which I will some day)). Though, the money flew out of my wallet in one brutal shopping session of food, clothes (for my new job. Gotta look good!), games (as if I'll ever play them), and gas. Seeing that hard-earned $150 go out of my wallet after all that work made me cringe. What's more, I'm visiting the dentist (hopefully my insurance coverage from my old job is still in effect. I believe it is), and I won't be seeing a paycheck for 3 weeks.
Good thing I've saved up my money!
I just hate to see all that money leave my wallet, after months of saving.
Anyway, I've been getting drawn into all sorts of crazy ventures with my friends (on top of the regular ventures, such as old movie night and breakfast club), even making new friends (I've been inducted into yet another group of people. Fun!) I've been having friends shocking me with their presence in the backyard, seemingly popping out of nowhere, knocking on my window in my backyard with disgruntled faces and demands of attention, friends calling me on the phone at the same time (I know that they try since my pager keeps going off, sometimes 5 times in a session when I'm talking to one friend), and friends setting up appointments to play with me, without me agreeing. Aggressive? Yes.
Talk about having friends up to your ears.
What's more, something very peculiar has been happening. I KID YOU NOT. Wherever I go, I keep get people saying, "Hi, Darrel!" or "Hey, Darrel! Come into apartment 3B!" or "Congratulations on your new job, Darrel!" What's more, these are people that I don't know. Who are these people? Why do I keep getting repeated "Hi Darrel"'s? In one instance, a large group of people at the oyster festival (which I didn't know was happening, I was just doing my laundry. Haven't gotten my washer yet...) started shouting my name, calling me to come over. Unfortunantly, I was really busy and couldn't. WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
My friends have been dragging me into plans of surfing, playing, running, cooking, watching movies, partying (some of the parties are weird. Others are not. Pirate party? Burning down a wooden ship that's just been built), storytelling, just to name a few.
Of note, my friends have been getting me to run. Heh, one time, up strawberry mountain, I cut my legs up good from all the flora along the trail. We were trying to beat the sunset up the mountain. A race against the sun... All the "whipping" flora made those legs burn like MAD.
In other times, running late at night has been good. We've been doing 5 mile runs, ranging from the one of the topmost parking lots at HSU to deep into the marsh area past Arcata... and back. It's tough, but it's just awesome.
Anyway, I wanted to talk about my laziness with video games (I've been not returning my friends' calls, as well as doing mischievious things like ditching them purposefully (of which I want to make my confession here, where I'm comfortable)), how star ocean is a lot like tales of phantasia (only 3D!), how it all reminds me of everquest (it's not fun to play, but you spent so much time trying to get this ONE THING to work that you keep working on it to finish the job. A bad trap that I fell into purposefully, one that took Evan 3 months to get out of.) and so on and so forth but
I GOT TO RUN TO WORK (1st day)!!!
Did you know that the materials used to make houses smell/taste a lot like candy when ground up??? I'll never forget the smell from grinding the houses...
Monday, June 21
One quick Note Before I Pass Out From Exhaustion...
As my life comes back together after the brief vacationing, you will notice that I will be posting more often.
Expect a post tomorrow!
5 times out of 7, I conclude my day with "Brian Eno - Deep Blue Day"...
D.
Expect a post tomorrow!
5 times out of 7, I conclude my day with "Brian Eno - Deep Blue Day"...
D.
Restructuring
Sunday Morning. I'm waking up. Can't even focus on a coffee cup
Don't even know who's bed I'm in.
Where do I start, where do I begin?
I feel messed up from the crazy chaos I have pushed myself into. Making several life changing decisions in the blink of an eye, decisions that change how time is allocated, decisions that change careers, decisions that change friendships, decisions that change education, all at once, is catastrophic with its consequences. Like the federal reserve ratio, one should change their lives only as a last resort.
I went to Japanese class today. Haven't gone since the Thursday before last. I lost my desire and motivation to go. If I can't go to the 4-day-a-week class because of my new work schedule, then why should I go at all?
But I know better than that. I talked to Richard, and agreed to reacquaint myself with Japanese today.
As I finally dragged myself away from the mindless, entrancing box known as the television (which I hadn't had time to REALLY get to know since last summer), I popped in some sort of Tenchi Muyo! OSV Disc 1 CD into my car CD Player, hoping to maybe catch japanese phrases here and there (as well as memorize the music), and took off down the road for the japanese class.
Eureka was a ghost town today. There were cars on the road, yes, but they were few and far between. I must've had, at most, 2 moving cars visible. The side of the road had very few cars and the fog started to roll in.
I made it to Japanese class a wee bit late. Historically, I've always been late to the class and this particular incident didn't bother the teacher. He had to leave for his son's birthday a little bit early but wanted me to stick around his house to watch old movies.
I wasn't sure whether to or not, since the prospect of playing dungeons and dragons followed by getting in an insanely long run sounded pretty appealing. I agreed to hang around for one movie, though, and then we started class.
We didn't start where we left off; I hadn't even bothered to ingest the new material that I had been given 1.5 weeks ago. Instead, we constructed a list of all the major body parts and pains. Sensei was stunned by his own correct remembrances of various body parts, since he didn't think he knew them that well!
As class wound down, Richard had to leave, but, as stated before, wanted me to stay. I stated that I was hungry and wanted to go somewhere to eat. He left his back door for me to come in to watch the movie when I was done eating.
I looked at a few potential places to eat, but was dismayed to see them all closed. However, as I went down the road, I saw Amiga's Burritos open! Remembering old times of going in there with various friends (and sometimes family) I decided to go visit the place once more, for nostalgia's sake. The fog had really rolled in at that point and that always gets me thinking and reflecting, enjoying the environment.
Up on the walls were pieces of art. I felt like I had to critique all of them since they each had prices posted with them, and I found that each picture had small flaws that, as I thought about more and more, made me feel like the picture had been done completely wrong. Some of them were simple things, such as the color of the background being black rather than blue, or colors used for the focus being too vibrant, while others had very subtle placements that made me not like them.
and, as I began to think more and more about these paintings and how they wouldn't represent myself well enough, I began to wonder: would it be better for me to hang up my own portraits in my house? Surely, the art that I would do would more than likely have everything exactly the way I wanted it. The art would most accurately reflect me. The eyebrow would be at just the right angle, the colors would be the tone that I want, the detail would be perfected...
But that's where the problem comes in. If I don't have good enough precision, if I don't have the right knowledge of color placement, If I don't have the knowledge of how to fill in the correct amount of detail that I want, then I cannot represent myself well enough. I have to use somebody else to represent me. Somebody else who doesn't have quite the same idea as I. Somebody who can never have quite the same idea as I, though he/she can come close.
There are many people out there who buy these paintings for the art. It's nice art, but these people are not representing themselves and their ideas as good as they could. It feels, to me, like they are settling for some sort of second best in trying to express the mood of their house, their thoughts, who they are.
Some people buy the art for the prestige of telling guests, "hey, I bought so and so's picture! I'm cool!" and that's a completely different story. To me, that is accurately reflecting ones' self, since they're not trying to communicate the art to people, but rather what kind of buyer they are. Whole different ball game.
Anyways, back to art.
Am I saying that everyone should create their own pictures, just to represent themselves perfectly? No. That would be impossible to ask for, anyway. I just feel as though it's more accurate to do so if it's possible.
But what would be the use, anyway? Everyone has an interpretation of the same pattern of colors, each one at least slightly different.
The art is there for you to enjoy. It should reflect everything exactly the way you want it to reflect and nothing else.
And so, I'm the one who would highly praise an artist and his/her house for the pieces lined up within, but would not look as highly to the same artists' purchased portraits, hung up by others. The artist's house perfectly reflects the owner, while the purchased portraits somewhat reflect the buyers. (all this, assuming each party, the artist and the buyer, hung up a portrait and said, "That's the picture that I want to be placed RIGHT THERE")
You can tell I don't have very many portraits hung up at my house (really only photography).
But don't forget that I'm a hypocrite (especially because I lack the dexterity to draw, stemming from my use of my left hand as my primary hand when I'm really naturally right handed (but have no right hand practice)). I will probably own a portrait or two, created by someone else, as I get older, and that doesn't bother me.
All this I thought of as I finished my meal at Amiga's and headed outside, to the temporary ghost town of Eureka, to go home... doing neither old movies nor D&D/running.
I'm restructuring my life again. I'm too busy being mindful of my experience with chaos to be playing today.
D.
Don't even know who's bed I'm in.
Where do I start, where do I begin?
I feel messed up from the crazy chaos I have pushed myself into. Making several life changing decisions in the blink of an eye, decisions that change how time is allocated, decisions that change careers, decisions that change friendships, decisions that change education, all at once, is catastrophic with its consequences. Like the federal reserve ratio, one should change their lives only as a last resort.
I went to Japanese class today. Haven't gone since the Thursday before last. I lost my desire and motivation to go. If I can't go to the 4-day-a-week class because of my new work schedule, then why should I go at all?
But I know better than that. I talked to Richard, and agreed to reacquaint myself with Japanese today.
As I finally dragged myself away from the mindless, entrancing box known as the television (which I hadn't had time to REALLY get to know since last summer), I popped in some sort of Tenchi Muyo! OSV Disc 1 CD into my car CD Player, hoping to maybe catch japanese phrases here and there (as well as memorize the music), and took off down the road for the japanese class.
Eureka was a ghost town today. There were cars on the road, yes, but they were few and far between. I must've had, at most, 2 moving cars visible. The side of the road had very few cars and the fog started to roll in.
I made it to Japanese class a wee bit late. Historically, I've always been late to the class and this particular incident didn't bother the teacher. He had to leave for his son's birthday a little bit early but wanted me to stick around his house to watch old movies.
I wasn't sure whether to or not, since the prospect of playing dungeons and dragons followed by getting in an insanely long run sounded pretty appealing. I agreed to hang around for one movie, though, and then we started class.
We didn't start where we left off; I hadn't even bothered to ingest the new material that I had been given 1.5 weeks ago. Instead, we constructed a list of all the major body parts and pains. Sensei was stunned by his own correct remembrances of various body parts, since he didn't think he knew them that well!
As class wound down, Richard had to leave, but, as stated before, wanted me to stay. I stated that I was hungry and wanted to go somewhere to eat. He left his back door for me to come in to watch the movie when I was done eating.
I looked at a few potential places to eat, but was dismayed to see them all closed. However, as I went down the road, I saw Amiga's Burritos open! Remembering old times of going in there with various friends (and sometimes family) I decided to go visit the place once more, for nostalgia's sake. The fog had really rolled in at that point and that always gets me thinking and reflecting, enjoying the environment.
Up on the walls were pieces of art. I felt like I had to critique all of them since they each had prices posted with them, and I found that each picture had small flaws that, as I thought about more and more, made me feel like the picture had been done completely wrong. Some of them were simple things, such as the color of the background being black rather than blue, or colors used for the focus being too vibrant, while others had very subtle placements that made me not like them.
and, as I began to think more and more about these paintings and how they wouldn't represent myself well enough, I began to wonder: would it be better for me to hang up my own portraits in my house? Surely, the art that I would do would more than likely have everything exactly the way I wanted it. The art would most accurately reflect me. The eyebrow would be at just the right angle, the colors would be the tone that I want, the detail would be perfected...
But that's where the problem comes in. If I don't have good enough precision, if I don't have the right knowledge of color placement, If I don't have the knowledge of how to fill in the correct amount of detail that I want, then I cannot represent myself well enough. I have to use somebody else to represent me. Somebody else who doesn't have quite the same idea as I. Somebody who can never have quite the same idea as I, though he/she can come close.
There are many people out there who buy these paintings for the art. It's nice art, but these people are not representing themselves and their ideas as good as they could. It feels, to me, like they are settling for some sort of second best in trying to express the mood of their house, their thoughts, who they are.
Some people buy the art for the prestige of telling guests, "hey, I bought so and so's picture! I'm cool!" and that's a completely different story. To me, that is accurately reflecting ones' self, since they're not trying to communicate the art to people, but rather what kind of buyer they are. Whole different ball game.
Anyways, back to art.
Am I saying that everyone should create their own pictures, just to represent themselves perfectly? No. That would be impossible to ask for, anyway. I just feel as though it's more accurate to do so if it's possible.
But what would be the use, anyway? Everyone has an interpretation of the same pattern of colors, each one at least slightly different.
The art is there for you to enjoy. It should reflect everything exactly the way you want it to reflect and nothing else.
And so, I'm the one who would highly praise an artist and his/her house for the pieces lined up within, but would not look as highly to the same artists' purchased portraits, hung up by others. The artist's house perfectly reflects the owner, while the purchased portraits somewhat reflect the buyers. (all this, assuming each party, the artist and the buyer, hung up a portrait and said, "That's the picture that I want to be placed RIGHT THERE")
You can tell I don't have very many portraits hung up at my house (really only photography).
But don't forget that I'm a hypocrite (especially because I lack the dexterity to draw, stemming from my use of my left hand as my primary hand when I'm really naturally right handed (but have no right hand practice)). I will probably own a portrait or two, created by someone else, as I get older, and that doesn't bother me.
All this I thought of as I finished my meal at Amiga's and headed outside, to the temporary ghost town of Eureka, to go home... doing neither old movies nor D&D/running.
I'm restructuring my life again. I'm too busy being mindful of my experience with chaos to be playing today.
D.
Monday, June 14
Funky Sunshine
Ok. So I was supposed to go (finally) visit the South Jetty with Meghannraye yesterday, right?
Well, it didn't happen (though I'm willing to bet none of you even knew we were going to the beach. I don't throw in my "other" activities to you unless... I want to build suspense ( ! ) )
Instead, I was awakened early by my father. He decided to take me to Manila for the drag races. Being tired, I completely forgot all of my arrangements for the day and slept in the car until we got there...
Those drag races were... awe inspiring (?)... invigorating (?)... masculine (!)
All kinds of odd-shaped cars participated. It was kind of fun just to sit back and watch people burn their tires up (so they stuck to the pavement when they accelerated real quick). It seemed almost as if the fellow competitors were trying to be cocky to put down others, though that was completely not the case (practically all the contestants that I talked to were very kind and just... beaming with happiness. I got the notion that they were having that feeling that I get whenever I'm doing something I love to do... I'm just happy and friendly). Primarily, the contestants were bracket racing so they weren't racing the other car so much as they were racing themselves
Anyway, my dad's buddy from work participated with this really nice, suped up Camaro that kept having a coil wire loosen up (duct tape fixed that!). he had it tuned so that it would not go under 10 seconds since he didn't want to get a special driver's license and inspection every 3 years. According to the guy, there's so many variables to consider and calibrate when you're drag racing that, well, it's just a thrill to drag race!
Anyway, after a few hours of spectating, my dad got a call on his dope cell phone from my brother, who needed to get his drum set to the gay pride parade so he could give one of the bands the ability to play
BACK TRACK A BIT!
My brother originally agreed to be the sound man for the parade (which is actually large, seeing as how this is a rather liberal county), since any community activities he works on increases his popularity (and resume of events he's done). In any case, whoever was supposed to bring the drum set did not, and so my brother decided to be the backup, "donating" his *NICE* set of drums to the parade. He dispatched me and my father to pick the set up and bring it to the plaza in Arcata, which we did. When we got there...
The place was packed. Everybody was watching the podium, and I had to be the one setting up the drums. By being there, I learned that
1) I'm definitely not gay. I was so uncomfortable there... with all the flaming gays, "got lube?" trash bins, and angry looking women (who were probably not angry but just had short hair) that I felt like I shouldn't have been there at all
2) I'm definitely gay bait. So many people were watching me and trying to strike up conversations out of the blue... I've never had so many people (what's more, some in BDSM gear) try to talk to me in such a short period of time!
Anyway, I was fixing up the drums, thinking only of Dr. Syd from KSLG, who was up on the stage talking to people. Now, here's something I gotta confess, somehow, some way, Dr. Syd has become my DJ hero. I don't know why! But he is. I'd like to get on the radio with him sometime, just for kicks... but for now, I practice on Pirate Radio (which has dissolved temporary in order to relocate).
"Dr. Syd isn't gay, so let's pretend that that justifies my being here," I thought.
Now, before I continue, I have to admit that it sounds really stupid to think that being at the parade makes me gay. But, I can't help but think that! Just the sheer uncomfortableness of it all made me keep wondering that... sort of. So, the compulsion reigned supreme, and my cerebrum was utterly defeated in the wastelands of nothingness (...or something)
Anyway, as my story goes, I finished fixing up the drums and got away from the stage as quickly as possible... hopefully not drawing attention to myself. But, as I was walking down the block, who else would I bump into but
Paul!
Apparently, Ben had pressured him into taking things down when the event was over. He was very uncomfortable as well. We both declared our heterosexuality, and bolted for Porter Street Barbecue, past the "rave" area, but not before we were asked questions by people.
But, as we got to Porter Street, we found out that it was CLOSED. Dismayed, we decided to SWATH back, through the plaza again, and go to Smug's Pizza.
And it was good.
We finished lunch and went back to the plaza to talk to Ben (plan a time to take things down so we didn't have to be there until the event was over), people continued to stare at us. I was looking down and smiling while Paul was talking when I saw, out the corner of my eye
THE THING THAT SHOULD NOT (BE || MEET ME)
(for those of you that don't know C++, || means operand OR)
Ok, so calling them things isn't nice. I'm ripping this off of a song, alright? Earlier during my time at the plaza, I had spotted two (TWO!) men, with nicely trimmed beards and moustaches, covered in white makeup, with artificial but undeniably pretty colored eyelashes that stuck out at least 4 inches, and dressed in drag, with pink tutu's (Psst. They're on the front page of today's paper!) waiting around one of the vendors.
Whenever I see people in drag, I burst into laughter. To me, it's one of the most funniest things to see. It just doesn't look right at all! I just think of funny things (maybe I was scarred by a clown?)
But when I saw that pink tutu out the corner of my eye while Paul talked to Ben, I gasped really loudly, dropped my jaw, and looked up with wide eyes. I didn't mean to do that, but I was surprised and scared by the two gay transvesites that had approached us. Funny had been overridden by the reflex that was the fear of being considered gay, and there was nothing I could do to stop it, save for give out fake smiles and politely kill the conversation.
"Hey! You and your partner there are going to need these!" and then he handed me a whole bunch of condoms. I said, "Uh, thank you" and gave a fake ol' smile that reached beyond the sky. The eyelashes of that guy were ENORMOUS! Good god! and the jester-ey hat!
Will I ever laugh at transvestites again?
Well, the other guy decided that we didn't have enough condoms and gave us a whole bunch more, trying to prod for more conversation. We were very polite, trying to talk to Ben (my brother the sound guy! with his *official* staff placard) and I think he got the message to leave.
After being hit on by so many people, one more person made his appearance. This guy that I talked to quite a bit from my piano class approached, but did not really make eye contact. (I forget his name, so I shall call him John) John, would, however, glance briefly in my direction, and I felt like I had no choice but to greet him with a smile and wave. He came over, and I found out that he had a partner, whom he introduced me to.
It was odd, since I didn't see John being gay at all. But, it made sense. He said he came up here from San Francisco to help his aging mother, and with his age (he has grey hair and he's a tad bit overweight) I thought of him as a scholarly bookworm person. He's a really nice guy, and comes off a bit conservative in a way, so I was schocked.
In any case, make no mistake. I wholeheartedly support gay/lesbian/*sexual rights. These are just people, people that love someone who happens to be the same gender. BUT! I'm not gay.
In conclusion, If someone wants to do something, and it isn't hurting you, DON'T BE A FUCKING DICK
ANYWAY!
We ran off to my house, only to return when the event was over.
I got free bread from Brio while I was taking things down, as well as I got to talk to Dr. Syd! YEAH!
Did I mention he's my hero? Yes? Ok. Good. Very nice guy in person.
Anyway, I really have to go to bed right now, and I haven't even talked about today! SOOO MUCH more has happened today than yesterday, and so I'll have to blog it But...
I have to fill out the papers/do physical for my new job, then immediately go do my temporary job ($10/hr! yay!) of fixing up houses, and then go do Dungeons and Dragons with Paul (which we did on Sunday (yesterday) after we finished helping Ben move all the stuff off the plaza. It was very good. MAYBE I'll post something about my D&D adventures. MAYBE I'll post something about Sunday's adventures. MAYBE the atom bomb will fall first)
So, I don't think I'll be able to blog about today for a while.
I'm amazed at how well I keep myself busy, even after quitting my job of 40 hours AND having no school
anyway, I should quit blogging when I'm tired...
I consider myself blessed whenever I have more to do than I have time for... Especially considering the alternative of not having anything to do!
D.
Well, it didn't happen (though I'm willing to bet none of you even knew we were going to the beach. I don't throw in my "other" activities to you unless... I want to build suspense ( ! ) )
Instead, I was awakened early by my father. He decided to take me to Manila for the drag races. Being tired, I completely forgot all of my arrangements for the day and slept in the car until we got there...
Those drag races were... awe inspiring (?)... invigorating (?)... masculine (!)
All kinds of odd-shaped cars participated. It was kind of fun just to sit back and watch people burn their tires up (so they stuck to the pavement when they accelerated real quick). It seemed almost as if the fellow competitors were trying to be cocky to put down others, though that was completely not the case (practically all the contestants that I talked to were very kind and just... beaming with happiness. I got the notion that they were having that feeling that I get whenever I'm doing something I love to do... I'm just happy and friendly). Primarily, the contestants were bracket racing so they weren't racing the other car so much as they were racing themselves
Anyway, my dad's buddy from work participated with this really nice, suped up Camaro that kept having a coil wire loosen up (duct tape fixed that!). he had it tuned so that it would not go under 10 seconds since he didn't want to get a special driver's license and inspection every 3 years. According to the guy, there's so many variables to consider and calibrate when you're drag racing that, well, it's just a thrill to drag race!
Anyway, after a few hours of spectating, my dad got a call on his dope cell phone from my brother, who needed to get his drum set to the gay pride parade so he could give one of the bands the ability to play
BACK TRACK A BIT!
My brother originally agreed to be the sound man for the parade (which is actually large, seeing as how this is a rather liberal county), since any community activities he works on increases his popularity (and resume of events he's done). In any case, whoever was supposed to bring the drum set did not, and so my brother decided to be the backup, "donating" his *NICE* set of drums to the parade. He dispatched me and my father to pick the set up and bring it to the plaza in Arcata, which we did. When we got there...
The place was packed. Everybody was watching the podium, and I had to be the one setting up the drums. By being there, I learned that
1) I'm definitely not gay. I was so uncomfortable there... with all the flaming gays, "got lube?" trash bins, and angry looking women (who were probably not angry but just had short hair) that I felt like I shouldn't have been there at all
2) I'm definitely gay bait. So many people were watching me and trying to strike up conversations out of the blue... I've never had so many people (what's more, some in BDSM gear) try to talk to me in such a short period of time!
Anyway, I was fixing up the drums, thinking only of Dr. Syd from KSLG, who was up on the stage talking to people. Now, here's something I gotta confess, somehow, some way, Dr. Syd has become my DJ hero. I don't know why! But he is. I'd like to get on the radio with him sometime, just for kicks... but for now, I practice on Pirate Radio (which has dissolved temporary in order to relocate).
"Dr. Syd isn't gay, so let's pretend that that justifies my being here," I thought.
Now, before I continue, I have to admit that it sounds really stupid to think that being at the parade makes me gay. But, I can't help but think that! Just the sheer uncomfortableness of it all made me keep wondering that... sort of. So, the compulsion reigned supreme, and my cerebrum was utterly defeated in the wastelands of nothingness (...or something)
Anyway, as my story goes, I finished fixing up the drums and got away from the stage as quickly as possible... hopefully not drawing attention to myself. But, as I was walking down the block, who else would I bump into but
Paul!
Apparently, Ben had pressured him into taking things down when the event was over. He was very uncomfortable as well. We both declared our heterosexuality, and bolted for Porter Street Barbecue, past the "rave" area, but not before we were asked questions by people.
But, as we got to Porter Street, we found out that it was CLOSED. Dismayed, we decided to SWATH back, through the plaza again, and go to Smug's Pizza.
And it was good.
We finished lunch and went back to the plaza to talk to Ben (plan a time to take things down so we didn't have to be there until the event was over), people continued to stare at us. I was looking down and smiling while Paul was talking when I saw, out the corner of my eye
THE THING THAT SHOULD NOT (BE || MEET ME)
(for those of you that don't know C++, || means operand OR)
Ok, so calling them things isn't nice. I'm ripping this off of a song, alright? Earlier during my time at the plaza, I had spotted two (TWO!) men, with nicely trimmed beards and moustaches, covered in white makeup, with artificial but undeniably pretty colored eyelashes that stuck out at least 4 inches, and dressed in drag, with pink tutu's (Psst. They're on the front page of today's paper!) waiting around one of the vendors.
Whenever I see people in drag, I burst into laughter. To me, it's one of the most funniest things to see. It just doesn't look right at all! I just think of funny things (maybe I was scarred by a clown?)
But when I saw that pink tutu out the corner of my eye while Paul talked to Ben, I gasped really loudly, dropped my jaw, and looked up with wide eyes. I didn't mean to do that, but I was surprised and scared by the two gay transvesites that had approached us. Funny had been overridden by the reflex that was the fear of being considered gay, and there was nothing I could do to stop it, save for give out fake smiles and politely kill the conversation.
"Hey! You and your partner there are going to need these!" and then he handed me a whole bunch of condoms. I said, "Uh, thank you" and gave a fake ol' smile that reached beyond the sky. The eyelashes of that guy were ENORMOUS! Good god! and the jester-ey hat!
Will I ever laugh at transvestites again?
Well, the other guy decided that we didn't have enough condoms and gave us a whole bunch more, trying to prod for more conversation. We were very polite, trying to talk to Ben (my brother the sound guy! with his *official* staff placard) and I think he got the message to leave.
After being hit on by so many people, one more person made his appearance. This guy that I talked to quite a bit from my piano class approached, but did not really make eye contact. (I forget his name, so I shall call him John) John, would, however, glance briefly in my direction, and I felt like I had no choice but to greet him with a smile and wave. He came over, and I found out that he had a partner, whom he introduced me to.
It was odd, since I didn't see John being gay at all. But, it made sense. He said he came up here from San Francisco to help his aging mother, and with his age (he has grey hair and he's a tad bit overweight) I thought of him as a scholarly bookworm person. He's a really nice guy, and comes off a bit conservative in a way, so I was schocked.
In any case, make no mistake. I wholeheartedly support gay/lesbian/*sexual rights. These are just people, people that love someone who happens to be the same gender. BUT! I'm not gay.
In conclusion, If someone wants to do something, and it isn't hurting you, DON'T BE A FUCKING DICK
ANYWAY!
We ran off to my house, only to return when the event was over.
I got free bread from Brio while I was taking things down, as well as I got to talk to Dr. Syd! YEAH!
Did I mention he's my hero? Yes? Ok. Good. Very nice guy in person.
Anyway, I really have to go to bed right now, and I haven't even talked about today! SOOO MUCH more has happened today than yesterday, and so I'll have to blog it But...
I have to fill out the papers/do physical for my new job, then immediately go do my temporary job ($10/hr! yay!) of fixing up houses, and then go do Dungeons and Dragons with Paul (which we did on Sunday (yesterday) after we finished helping Ben move all the stuff off the plaza. It was very good. MAYBE I'll post something about my D&D adventures. MAYBE I'll post something about Sunday's adventures. MAYBE the atom bomb will fall first)
So, I don't think I'll be able to blog about today for a while.
I'm amazed at how well I keep myself busy, even after quitting my job of 40 hours AND having no school
anyway, I should quit blogging when I'm tired...
I consider myself blessed whenever I have more to do than I have time for... Especially considering the alternative of not having anything to do!
D.
Friday, June 11
two weeks notice
School has started again! It's only been about 3 weeks since we got out from spring semester but... there's so much to learn!
Anyway, I got the job at mad river hospital on Tuesday I'm really relieved that I did since my work has been such a living hell lately. In fact, It's been so badly lately that I refer to the parking lot as the "Outer area of Hell" and the inside of the building the "Inner area of Hell".
Yeah.
As I said before, I was very relieved to have the offer extended to me on Tuesday. I accepted it very readily, and felt like "Only a little bit longer and I'll be through with my job". I went to work later , beaming with happiness over my get-out-of-jail-free card, only to find out that they had fired Karl 15 minutes before I started work.
Karl is one of the new cart pushers. He is referred to as "the cart pusher with the moustache" or "The annoyingly obvious exclaimer" (he explains the obvious all the time).
Once again, the painful reality of my situation was horrid.
Apparently, Karl and Jon (another new cart pusher. Not worth too much talking about in here. Fun guy to talk to, and very stocky to boot (DOS boot? Wait. That's Cle'.)) were working together, pushing carts downhill from one of the cart corrals with the motorized cart hawk. Well, Karl was in the back, next to the hawk, with the remote, and Jon in the front (who was pushing the carts uphill of the corral so he could get enough slack out of the chain to unhook it from the corral). Karl suddenly hit the button to accelerate the hawk (apparently he did it on accident), while Jon had just barely gotten the chain off.
Now, at that precise moment, a Ford Bronco zoomed by behind Jon. It was so close that it was practically an inch away from him. SOMEHOW, with his stocky build, he was able to analyze it all, determine the correct thing to do, and do it without hesitation or difficulty (consider that he's a really big guy).
Basically, he figured out what was going on as Karl hit the button and sidestepped all the carts as they all flew out of the corral.
He could've been pinned to that moving Ford Bronco! After he sidestepped, all the carts (plus a 650 pount cart hawk) slammed into the Bronco's driver side door, twisting it inward. The driver was unhurt, though.
In the end, Karl got fired for talking back to the manager. However, Everyone else thinks that the manager just used a stupid excuse to fire him because he didn't like him.
So, my life got harder since Karl left. What's more, I had to cover his shifts. I did that on Wednesday, coming in at 5 (and the opener being exhausted. We usually have someone come in at 2:30, not 5) though I refused to clock in early (I was requested to do so) until 1 minute before I would be unable to get overtime. Then, I worked.
Today, I called them and told them that I just flat-out quit. It's not worth doing, and I know people who will give me short term work that pays better (basically fixing up realtor's houses. My landlord needs a lot of help, as does Meghannraye's grandfather. On a side note, PM is now a property manager). By the way, today is my 2 year anniversary since I was first hired...
Me: What up bitch?
Manager: Huh?
Me: This be Darrel. I quit, suckah! You gots nothing on me!
manager: Are you scheduled to work today?
Me:yes.
manager:Are you scheduled to work next week?
Me:yes.
manager:You know that this is a do not rehire, right?
Me:yes.
manager: Ok.
*End Of Phone Conversation*
(manager sounded pretty down when I said this. Made me feel all the better (why have I been so angry and profane lately? Must be the job... better go wash out my mouth)
I feel free! My life was scheduled around that crappy job, and time seemed to fly by so fast that I still feel like I'm living in January, when it's actually June. I hate missing out on things. Especially my life.
So, now, it's just me and my books/hardware/crap that I'll be using for the next 4 weeks while I wait for the first true paycheck to get in.
Did I mention that I just barely got a credit card?
That and I got a very, VERY cute puppy named Bell today.
All kinds of things to talk about (this blog feels really incomplete right now) but I gotta go fix my brother's computer (reformat and OS installation. Joy)
Anyway, I got the job at mad river hospital on Tuesday I'm really relieved that I did since my work has been such a living hell lately. In fact, It's been so badly lately that I refer to the parking lot as the "Outer area of Hell" and the inside of the building the "Inner area of Hell".
Yeah.
As I said before, I was very relieved to have the offer extended to me on Tuesday. I accepted it very readily, and felt like "Only a little bit longer and I'll be through with my job". I went to work later , beaming with happiness over my get-out-of-jail-free card, only to find out that they had fired Karl 15 minutes before I started work.
Karl is one of the new cart pushers. He is referred to as "the cart pusher with the moustache" or "The annoyingly obvious exclaimer" (he explains the obvious all the time).
Once again, the painful reality of my situation was horrid.
Apparently, Karl and Jon (another new cart pusher. Not worth too much talking about in here. Fun guy to talk to, and very stocky to boot (DOS boot? Wait. That's Cle'.)) were working together, pushing carts downhill from one of the cart corrals with the motorized cart hawk. Well, Karl was in the back, next to the hawk, with the remote, and Jon in the front (who was pushing the carts uphill of the corral so he could get enough slack out of the chain to unhook it from the corral). Karl suddenly hit the button to accelerate the hawk (apparently he did it on accident), while Jon had just barely gotten the chain off.
Now, at that precise moment, a Ford Bronco zoomed by behind Jon. It was so close that it was practically an inch away from him. SOMEHOW, with his stocky build, he was able to analyze it all, determine the correct thing to do, and do it without hesitation or difficulty (consider that he's a really big guy).
Basically, he figured out what was going on as Karl hit the button and sidestepped all the carts as they all flew out of the corral.
He could've been pinned to that moving Ford Bronco! After he sidestepped, all the carts (plus a 650 pount cart hawk) slammed into the Bronco's driver side door, twisting it inward. The driver was unhurt, though.
In the end, Karl got fired for talking back to the manager. However, Everyone else thinks that the manager just used a stupid excuse to fire him because he didn't like him.
So, my life got harder since Karl left. What's more, I had to cover his shifts. I did that on Wednesday, coming in at 5 (and the opener being exhausted. We usually have someone come in at 2:30, not 5) though I refused to clock in early (I was requested to do so) until 1 minute before I would be unable to get overtime. Then, I worked.
Today, I called them and told them that I just flat-out quit. It's not worth doing, and I know people who will give me short term work that pays better (basically fixing up realtor's houses. My landlord needs a lot of help, as does Meghannraye's grandfather. On a side note, PM is now a property manager). By the way, today is my 2 year anniversary since I was first hired...
Me: What up bitch?
Manager: Huh?
Me: This be Darrel. I quit, suckah! You gots nothing on me!
manager: Are you scheduled to work today?
Me:yes.
manager:Are you scheduled to work next week?
Me:yes.
manager:You know that this is a do not rehire, right?
Me:yes.
manager: Ok.
*End Of Phone Conversation*
(manager sounded pretty down when I said this. Made me feel all the better (why have I been so angry and profane lately? Must be the job... better go wash out my mouth)
I feel free! My life was scheduled around that crappy job, and time seemed to fly by so fast that I still feel like I'm living in January, when it's actually June. I hate missing out on things. Especially my life.
So, now, it's just me and my books/hardware/crap that I'll be using for the next 4 weeks while I wait for the first true paycheck to get in.
Did I mention that I just barely got a credit card?
That and I got a very, VERY cute puppy named Bell today.
All kinds of things to talk about (this blog feels really incomplete right now) but I gotta go fix my brother's computer (reformat and OS installation. Joy)
Lord of the Nametags, by Greg Arditto
THE LORD OF THE BADGES
It began with the manufacturing of the I.D.Badges. Four were given to the Cart Clerks, Depressed, Broke and Lowest Rank of all workers. Four Badges were given to the Security Crew, great Guards of the Eureka WinCo Store. And nine badges were given to the P.I.C.'s, who above all else, desire power. For within the P.I.C. badges, was bound the strength and will to govern their own department. But they were all of them deceived, for another Badge was made.
In the land of Modesto, in the fires of WinCo Destribution Building Furnace, the Dark Lord General Manager made in secret a master Badge, to control all others. And into this Badge, he poured his cruelty, his malice, his cost cutting and his will to Monopolise the entire Grocery Industry.
"One Badge to rule them all." onebadgetorulethemall
One by one, the Grocery Stores on the West Coast fell to the power of the Badge. But there were some who resisted. A last alliance of Safeway and CostCo marched against the Freight Crew of Modesto WinCo and at the front doors of the WinCo Building, they fought for the freedom of West Coast Grocery Stores.
Victory was near. But the power of the Badge could not be undone.
It was in this moment when all hope had faded, that Ian, Assistant to the Manager of CostCo, took up his Boss' sword.
The WinCo General Manager, the enemy of the free-business of the West Coast was defeated. The Badge passed to Ian, who had this one chance to destroy evil WinCo forever.
But the hearts of men are easily corrupted. And the Badge of power has a will of its own. It betrayed Ian to his death. And some things that should not have been forgotten were lost.
History became legend, legend became myth and for two and a half years, the Badge passed out of all knowledge. Until when chance came, it ensnared a new bearer.
((RAY: My Precioussssss))
The Ring came to the weirdo Raymond, who took it deep into the tunnels of the Shasta Mountains. And there, it consumed him.
((RAY: It came to me, my own, my love, my prrrrreciousssss!))
The Badge brought Raymond unnatural Popularity. For five days, it poisoned his weak little mind. And in the gloom of Gollum's cave, it waited. Darkness crept back into the forest of the world. Rumor grew of a shadow in Modesto, whispers a nameless fear, and the Badge of Power perceived. Its time had now come.
It abandoned Raymond, like a california skank. But something happened then the Badge did not intend. It was picked up by the most unlikely person imaginable.
((Don: What’s this?))
A Cart Clerk, Donald Reid of the Humboldt County.
((Don: A WinCo Badge))
((RAY: (from afar) Losssst!…My precious is lost!))
For the time soon come when Cart Clerks will shape the fortunes of all.
THE FELLOWSHIP OF THE BADGE
The Humboldt County…1 year later
Chris, The WinCo Security Guard: (SINGING)The road goes ever on and on down from the door where it began....
Greg: You're late!
(THE man does not look at Greg at first, then turns slowly, emphatic expression on his face that begins twitch to an old with and)
Chris: Security is never late, Greory Arditto. Nor are they early. They arrive precisely when they mean to.
(BOTH he and Greg slowly begin grin crack up into laughter)
Greg: (WALKS up toChris in the goft cart)Its wonderful to see you Chris!
Chris: You didn’t think I’ll miss Don's birthday?
Greg: What news outside of WinCo is there? Tell me everything.
Chris: Everything? But eager and curious for a Cart Clerk, most unnatural. Well what can I tell you? Life in California world goes on much as it has this past age, full of its own comings and goings. Scarcely aware of the existence of lowly paid Cart Clerks..., which I am very thankful.
Darrel: Look it's Chris! Its Chris!
(Chris grins and tips hat slightly)
(WinCo staff were putingup a banner by the shasta drink machines that reads ?Happy Birthday Donald Reid )
Chris: Ooh! The long expected party! So how is the ol' Don? I hear there’s going to be a party of special magnificence.
Greg: You know Don, he's got the whole Store in an uproar
Chris: Hmm, now well that should please him, hmmm.
Greg: Half the County hass been invited.
Chris: Good gracious me!
Greg: He is up to something.
Chris: Ooh really…
Greg: All right then keep your secrets. (Chris laughs)Before you came along we Cart Clerks were very well thought of.
Chris: (Laughs) Yeah Right.
Greg: Never had any major problems or did anything awful.
Chris: If you’re referring to the incident with that woman who lost her shopping, I was barely involved. All I did was give Don a little a little advice on how to deal with her.
Greg: Whatever you did, you’ve been officially labeled a disturber of the Cart Room.
Chris: Oh really?
(The Golf Cart slowly cruises by a few grumpy customers)
Jeannie: Chris! Welcome Back!
Greg: Chris - I'm glad you're back.
Chris: (As the Greg climbs off the moving Golf Cart) So am I, dear boy! So am I.
(Chris then parks the Golf Cart around the back of the WinCo Store. Chris made his way to the front of the store looking for Don. He went down the Coridoor and passed as sign saying) "Toilets Closed".
(Chris entered the Men's toilets and noticed one of the Cubicle doors was shut and locked. A faint odour was coming from the cubicle. Chris used the Reader Board Staff to knock on the door)
Don: (YELLS) Go away, i don't want to see Managers, Customers or Distant Relations!!!
Chris: How about very old men?
(Don quickly flushed the toilet and unlocks the cubicle door. Don, a plump man in his late thirties rushed out.)
Don: Chris!!!
Chris: 40 years old. (Chris examines Don's facial features) You haven't aged a day.
(Don smiled, Chris smiled. Don invited Chris upstairs to the Break Room for a cup of Tea.)
Don: Come in, Come in.
(Chris entered the Break Room. They both sat at the large white table and sipped the tea together.)
Chris: What's wrong, Don?
Don: I've got to get away from these confounded rude grim customers hanging around the cart room causing trouble--and the Managers, they never give me a moment's peace! I want to see mountains again, and my smokie the bear costume, Chris! And then find somewhere quiet where I can finish my book. Oh, tea!
Chris: So, you mean to go through with your plan, then.
Don: Yes, yes. It's all in hand. All the arrangements are made. (STARTS to pour water into tea cups, Chris opens lid) Oh, thank you.
Chris: Greg suspects something.
Don: ‘Course he does. He's Australian. Not some block-headed Eurekan from Humboldt.
Chris: You will tell him, won't you?
Don: Yes, yes.
Chris: He's very fond of you.
Don: I know. He'd probably come with me if I asked him (CHUCKLES). I think in his heart Greg is still in love with Australia: the woods, the fields, the way of life. I'm old Chris. I know I don't look it but I'm beginning to feel it in my heart. I need a holiday, a very long holiday. And I don't expect I shall return. In fact, I mean not to.
Don: Reeses Peanutbutter Cups. The finest chocolate made in America.
(Don and Chris each take a peanutbutter cup and slowly eat them)
Don: Chris, my old friend. This will be a night to remember!
(SCENE: Don and Chris are sat at ROUNDTABLE PIZZA alone, wearing party hats)
Chris: Are you sure your guests knew it was tonight, This amazing party?
Don: I thought it was clear.
Chris: Well, we are the only two sitting here.
Don: Oh well, we might as well eat and drink until we pass out.
(Suddenly, Greg, Evan, Darrel and a few other staff members from WinCo turned up, rushing into the area.)
Greg: Sorry we are late.
Don: No problem, Sit down all and eat up. Plenty of Food and Drink for all.
(The feast was huge and plentiful. Everyone had a great time drinking and eating and singing. As the night got later, Don got quieter.)
Guests: Speech, Don!
Evan: Speech!
Greg: Speech!
Don: My dear Cart Workers and Higher Paid Workers, Deli Workers and Pizza Workers, Bakers, Lay-abouts, Accident Prone Workers, Bludgers, Bulk Foods and Produce.
Produce Worker: Boo-Hah!
Don: Today is my 40th birthday!
Darrel: Happy birthday!
Chris: Happy birthday!
Don: Alas, Forty years is far too short a time to live among such excellent and admirable people. (CHEERS)I don’t know half of you half as well as I should like, and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve. (DEAD the from silence crowd)
Don: I, uh, I h-have things to do. (WHISPERS to himself)I’ve put this off for far too long. I regret to announce this is the end. I am going now. I bid you all a very fond farewell. (WHISPERS)Goodbye. (PUTS and on the Badge and vanishes)
Guests: (SHOCKED)Ooh!
(Don, is invisible to guests, leaves ROUNDTABLE PIZZA and returns to WinCo to collect his belongings.)
Don: Hahahahaha! (removed Badge and puts it in his pocket)
(It took about 2 minutes for Chris to get to WinCo. He enters and walked up behind Don, who is at his locker)
Chris: I suppose you think that was terribly clever.
Don: Come on Chris! Did you see their faces?
Chris: There are many important Badges in this world Donald Reid and none of them should be used lightly.
Don: It was just a bit of fun, oh you’re probably right as usual. You will keep an eye on Greg, won’t you?
Gandalf: Two eyes, as often as I can spare them.
Chris: What about this Badge of yours, is that staying too?
Don: Yes yes. It’s in an envelope. I put it in his locker.
(Don feels in his pocket)
Don: No, wait, its --here in my pocket. Heh, Isn’t that, isn’t that odd though? Yet, after all why not? Why shouldn’t I keep it?
Chris: I think you should leave the Badge behind, Don. Is that so hard?
Don: Well no… and yes! Now it comes to it, I don’t feel like parting with it, its mine, I found it, it came to me!
Chris: There’s no need to get angry.
Don: What if I’m angry it’s your fault! Its mine, my own, my precious.
Chris: Precious? Its been called that by Ray, but not by you.
Don: Argh! What business is it of yours what I do with my own things!
Chris: You found. It was never really yours. I think you’ve had that Badge quite long enough.
Don: You want it for yourself!
Chris: Donald Reid! Do not take me for some conjurer of dirty tricks, I am not trying to con you. I’m trying to help you.
Don: (STARTS crying)
Chris: All your long years we’ve been friends. Trust me as you once did, hmm? Let it go.
Don: You’re right Chris, the badge must go to Greg. It’s late, the road is long, Yes, it is time.
(Donald the door opens)
Chris: Don…
Don: Hmm?
Chris: …the Badge is still in your pocket.
Don: Oh, yes…
(Don reaches intohis pocket. He pulls the Badge. stares at palm, he then allows the Badge slip hand. It lands with a plastic sound thud)
(Don walked outside into the parking lot and then stopped. Chris was just behind him.)
Don: I’ve thought of an ending for my book – and he lived happily ever after…to the end of his days.
Chris: And I’m sure you will my dear friend.
Don: Good bye, Chris.
Chris: Good bye, Don.
Don: (SINGING)The road goes ever on and on, down from the door where it began…
Chris: Till our next meeting.
(Chris walked up the stairs and stopped at the entrance of the Break Room. He stoops to pick up the Badge when all of a sudden a short blinding flash of a vision. It was a hot fiery image of the General Manager in all his anger)
(Suddenly, Greg ran up the stairs to find Chris sat at a white table sipping Tea. Greg sees the Badge that Don used to own. Greg picks it up off the floor. Greg walks over to Chris)
Chris: (MUMBLES) Riddles in the Dark.
Greg: Where is Don?
Chris: (mumbles): My precious.
(Chris suddenly notices Greg standing there holding the Badge)
Chris (mumbles): Don's WinCo Badge.
Greg: He's gone hasn't he? He talked for so long about getting the hell away from WinCo. I didn't think he'd really do it.
Chris: Hmm. He's gone to become smokie the bear again. He's left you his Vest… (Chris holds Greg's shoulder, open, Chris holds out envelope and gestures Greg to put Badge inside.Chris then seals envelope)…along with all his work equipment. The Badge is yours now. Put it somewhere out of sight.
(Chris to up gets leave)
Greg: Where are you going?
Chris: There are some things that I must see to.
Greg: What things?
Chris: Questions. Questions that need answering!
Greg: But you've only just arrived! You can't leave again.
Chris: I have more holiday time coming to me. About the Badge, Keep it secret, Keep it safe.
(In the Basement in the Modesto WinCo Building)
(RAY's voice can be heard as he is tortured)
RAY: Humboldt!!! Reid!!!
(The Back Roller Doors of the Modesto WinCo Building open and out ride Demonic P.I.C.'s in search for the one Badge)
(Chris rode the grand CostCo store just outside of Modesto.Chris is there to study its ancient scrolls)
(VOICE over)Year 2001 of the Second Age. Here follows the account of Ian, New Manager of CostCo and the finding of the badge of power. It has come to me, the One Badge. It shall be the heirloom of my chain of Stores. All that who should become Manager of CostCo shall be bound to its fate for I will risk no hurt to the Badge. It is precious to me, though I buy it with a great pain. The markings upon the badge begin to fade. The writing, which at first was as clear as red flame, has all but disappeared, a secret now that only fire can tell.
(BACK at Humboldt County)
(Local Eureka Bum staggering down Harris Street.Dog barks incessantly.)
P.I.C.: Humboldt. Reid
Bum: Reid. I think he works at that 24 hour Grocery Store. (POINTS)
(P.I.C. off rides)
(Greg and Evan are doing the nightshift at WinCo)
Evan: Well, my shift is finished. All the juice, Milk and Eggs are done for you.
Greg: Thanks again, Evan.
(Evan grabs his trench coat and heads towards the cart room exit)
Evan: Goodnight.
Greg: Goodnight Evan.
(Greg walked out of the cart room and gathered a few stray carts. Greg pushes them back inside the cart room)
(Chris grabs Greg's shoulder from behind)
Greg: Huh?!
Chris: Is it secret? Is it safe?!
(Greg searches his locker for the envelope. He finds it and hands it to Chris)
(Chris throws the envelope into the microwave)
Greg: What are you doing?
(Chris stops the microwave and opens the door and removes the Badge with a pair of tongs)
Chris: Hold out your hand Greg, it’s quite cool. What can you see? Can you see anything?
Greg: Nothing. There's nothing... wait. There are markings. It's some form of Chinese. I think it says "Made in China".
Chris: Nope, you have it wrong. There are few who can the language. It is a form of Slang from Modesto, which I will not utter here.
Greg: Modesto?
Chris: In the common tongue it says, "One Badge to rule them all, One Badge to Hire them. One Ring to bring them all and in the Basement Fire them."
(In the Cart Room)
Chris: This is the One Badge. Stamped out by a Badge Machine owned by the Dark Lord General Manager in the Basement of the Modesto WinCo Building. Taken by Ian from the hand of General Manager himself.
Greg: Don found it. In Raymond's cave in the shasta mountains.
Chris: Yes. 1 year the Badge lay quiet in Don's keeping, prolonging his life, delaying old age. But no longer Greg. Evil is stirring in Modesto and i am not referring to the drive bys. The Badge has awoken. It's heard its master's call.
Greg: But he was destroyed. The General Manager was destroyed.
Badge: (WHISPERS)Work Harder for Less Money…
(Chris and Greg look down at the Badge sat on the small dirty white desk in the cart room)
Chris: No, Greg. The spirit of the General Manager endured. His life force is bound to the Badge and the Badge survived. The General Manager has returned. His Freight Crew have multiplied. The WinCo Store in Modesto is rebuilt. The General Manager needs only this Badge to cover all the lands of a second darkness. He is seeking it. Seeking it, all his thought is bent on it. The Badge yearns above all else to return to the uniform of its master. They are one, the Badge and the dark lord. Greg, he must never find it.
Greg: Alright, we put it away, we keep it hidden. We never speak of it again. No one knows it's here, do they? Do they Chris?
Chris: There is one other who knew that Don had the Badge. I looked everywhere for the lazy turd, Raymond. But a gang working for the dark lord found him first. I don’t know how long they tortured him. Amidst the endless screams and inane babble, they discerned two words.
(SCENE to flashes Raymond's torture)
Ray: Humboldt!!! Reid!!!
Greg: Humboldt. Reid. But that would lead them here!
(CUTS to Gang Member standing in the street)
Gang Dude: Yo, Wuzzup?
(The Demon P.I.C. slices the head of the gang dude)
(CUTS back to WinCo Cart Room)
Greg: Take it Chris! Take it!
Chris: No Greg no.
Greg: You must take it!
Chris: You cannot offer me this badge!
Greg: I'm giving it to you!
Chris: Don't tempt me Greg! I dare not take it. Not even to keep it safe. Understand Greg, I would use this ring from the desire to do good. But through me, it would wield a power to great and terrible to imagine.
Greg: But it cannot stay in the Humboldt!
Chris: No! No it can't.
Greg: What must I do?
(SCENE to his Greg goes rushing about trying pack for journey)
Chris: You must leave and leave quickly.
Greg: Where? Where do I go?
Chris: Get out of Humboldt. Make for it to Garberville.
Greg: Garberville. What about you?
Chris: I'll be waiting for you, at the Bar of the Prancing LimpWrist Faggots.
Greg: And the Badge will be safe there?
Chris: I don't know Greg. I don't have any answers. I must see a good friend of mine. He is both wise and powerful. Trust me Greg, you'll know what to do. You’ll have to leave the name of Gregory Arditto behind you, for that name will soon be known and it will not be safe outside the Humboldt. Travel only by day. And stay off the road.
Greg: I can cut across country easily enough.
Chris: My dear Greg. Australians really are amazing people! You can learn all that there is to know about their culture on the discovery channel, and yet after a few days working with an Australian, they can still surprise you. (HEARS movement near an old shitbox of a hatchback) Get down!
(Chris walks over to parked car with the reader board staff in hand. He swings the staff and hits someone)
Evan: Oooff!!
(Chris grabs Evan and drags him up and over the hood of the hatchback)
Chris: Confound it all Evan Henderson! You’ve been evesdropping?!
Evan: I have been droppin no eves sir, honest. I was just admiring the wheels, if you follow me.
Chris: A little late for admiring cars, don’t you think?
Evan: I heard raised voices.
Chris: What did you hear?! Speak!!!!
Evan: N-n-n-nothing important. That is I heard a good deal about a Badge and a dark lord and something about the end of the world. But please Mister Foster sir, don’t hurt me. Don’t turn me into anythin’ --unnatural.
Chris: No, perhaps not. I have thought of a better use for you…
Chris: Come along Evan, keep up! Be careful both of you. The enemy has many spies in his service: Hobos, Gangs. (TURNS to Greg) Is it safe? (Greg pats pocket of jacket) Never put it on, for the P.I.C.s of the dark lord will be drawn to its power. Always remember, Greg, the Badge is trying to get back to its master. It wants to be found.
(Chris leaves Evan and Greg to start their journey)
(Greg and Evan make their way along a little stream)
(Greg and Evan make there way through a field)
Evan: This is it.
Greg: This is what?
Evan: I take one more step, it would be the farthest away from home I’ve ever been without my Honda Civic.
Greg: Come on Evan. Remember what Don used to say?
Evan: Where are all the Carts?
Greg: No, not that, the one about travelling in the woods.
Evan: Beware of bears?
Greg: Nevermind.
(Chris drives his little suzuki. He drives to his friend, Brent Wick the Blue)
Brent: Smoke rises from Modesto. The hour grows late and Chris the Wise rides to my home seeking my counsel. For that is why you have come, is it not...my old friend?
Chris: Saruman. (BOWS)
(Chris and Brent are walking through Brent's Gardens)
Brent: You are sure of this?
Chris: Beyond any doubt.
Brent: The Badge of power has been found.
Chris: All these long years it was in Humboldt County, under my very nose.
Brent: Yet you did not have the wit to see it. Your love of the Cart room clerks has clearly slowed your mind.
Chris: But we still have time. Time enough to counter the General Manager if we act quickly.
Brent: Time?! What time do you think we have?
(Chris and Brent are in Brent's living room conferring)
Brent: The General Manager has regained much of his former strength. He cannot yet take physical form, but his spirit has lost none of its potency. Concealed within his WinCo Building, the Lord of Modesto sees all -- his gaze pierces cloud, shadow, earth and flesh. You know of what I speak, Chris -- a great Being... Angry... wreathed in flame.
Chris: The Eye of the General Manager.
Brent: He is gathering all evil to him. Very soon he will summon an army great enough to launch an assault upon West Coast.
Chris: You know this? How?
Brent: I have seen it.
(Chris and Brent enter Brent's office to see a computer)
Chris: The Internet is a dangerous tool, Brent.
Brent: Why? Why should we fear to use it?
(Turns on Modem)
Chris: The internet is full of hackers. We do not know who else may be watching!
(Chris turns off modem. Before he does, the screen flashes red and a feiry figure appears for a second)
Brent: The hour is later than you think. The General Manager's forces are already moving. The Nine have left Modesto.
Chris: The Nine!
Brent: They crossed the Eel River on aMidsummer's Eve, disguised as riders in Teal.
Chris: They've reached Humboldt?!
Brent: They will find the Badge...and kill the one who carries it.
Chris: Greg!
(Chris discovers the door out is locked with a key he did not have)
Brent: You did not seriously think that an Australian could contend with the will of the General manager. There are none who can. Against the power of Modesto there can be no victory. We must join with him, Chris. We must join with the General Manager. It would be wise, my friend.
Chris: Tell me, friend, when did Brent the Blue abandon reason for madness?!
(Brent picked up his broom and smacked Chris across the face. Brent hit him again and again until Chris layed still)
Brent: I gave you the chance of aiding me willingly. But you...have elected...the way of pain!
(Chris blacks out)
(Evan is walking through a corn field. He can't see Greg)
Evan: Greg? Greg! GREG!
(Greg emerges from bent)
Evan: (SIGH)I thought I’d lost you.
Greg: What are you talking about?
Evan: It's just something Chris said.
Greg: What did he say?
Evan: "Don’t you lose him Evan Henderson!" And I don't mean to.
Greg: Evan we're still in Humboldt County. What could possibly happen?
(Darrel and Jon bumped into both Evan and Greg)
Jon: Greg? Darrel! It's Greg the Aussie.
Darrel: Hello Greg!
Evan: Get off him! (HAULS Jon off Greg)Greg? Are you alright?
Jon: What's the meaning of this?
Darrel: Hold this. (HANDS to Sam vegetables)
Evan: You've been into Safeway's Dumpsters!
(Suddenly, Evan, Greg, Jon and Darrel hear police sirens as a california patrol car cruises by)
Police Officer: (BRANDISHING a Gun)Wait till I catch you little Assholes!…Stay out of Safeway's Dumpsters! You Bastards I’ll catch up with you!
Darrel: Dunno why he is so upset. It’s only a couple of carrots!
Jon: And some cabbages. And those few bags of potatoes that we lifted last week and, and the mushrooms the week before!
Darrel: Yes Jon! My point is, he is clearly overreactin’. Run!
(Evan, Greg, Darrel and Jon make a fast run for it. They keep running until they fall down a steep hill. They all come crashing down at the bottom with a hard thump.)
Jon: Ooh! That was close
Darrel: Ow! I think I've broken something. (PULLS a broken carrot out from under himself)
Evan: Trust you two to cause this kind of Trouble!
Darrel: What?! That was just a detour, a shortcut.
Evan: A shortcut to what?
Jon: Mushrooms!!! Now we can get HIGH!!!
(Evan, Jon and Darrel rush towards the wild mushroom and begin picking them.)
(Greg, stands still looking down the small tar road)
Jon: That’s mine!
Evan: Mmm…
Darrel: Here is a nice one, Evan.
Greg: I think we should get off the road.
(There was the sound of an animal heading towards them. It sounded like a horse walking slowly along the road)
Greg: Get off the road! Quick!
(The four guys ran down into the thick bushes and hid behind a large Redwood Tree. A rider of a horse pulled up nearby the tree. It was one of the Demon P.I.C.'s. This P.I.C. looked very fierce. He climbed off his horse and walked towards the tree slowly. The four guys hear the sound of pants being unzipped. The sound of splashing liquid could be heard. Darrel, Jon and Evan were worried as they listened carefully. The pee was making the bugs nearby the Tree, flee away. Greg slowly drifted into a trace. He was holding the Badge in his hand. Stroking the smooth edges of the rectangle plastic)
(The P.I.C. finished peeing and stood around. Greg almost had the Badge pinned onto himself, when Evan grabbed the badge and Greg's hand and pulled it away from his shirt. Greg snapped out of the trance. The P.I.C. climbed back on the horse and road off in the direction he was heading in)
Darrel: What was that?
(Greg stares at the Badge in his palm)
(The four guys ran from their hiding spot behind the Tree. They zig zag between trees keeping an eye out for the Demonic P.I.C. riding a huge horse.)
(The four guys hide behind a tree)
Jon: Anything?
Greg: Nothing.
Jon: What is going on?
Darrel: That Teal Rider was looking for something… or someone. Greg?
Jon: Get down!
(The Demonic P.I.C. rode through the Area, but did not see the four hiding)
Greg: I have to leave Humboldt County. Evan and I have must get to Garberville.
Darrel: Right. Follow me.
(The four guys run through the forst heading towards a small river. They step into the river and slowly make their way across. They can hear the Demonic P.I.C. stalking them as the horse hooves get louder. Then they see a fence. They climb over it. Greg begins to lag behind as he struggles with the barbed wire. Then Darrel sees what he was looking for. Ahead of them there was a wider, rougher river. Tied to the side of the river bank was a make-shift timber raft)
Darrel: Run! This way, follow me! Run!
Darrel: Get the rope Evan!
Evan: Greg!
Jon: Run Greg!
Greg: Go!
Evan: Hurry!
Darrel: Greg!
Evan: Jump Greg! Go on faster! Jump!
(Greg leaps from the river bank and launches out and onto the timber raft)
(The four scared guys look back at the river bank to see the Demonic P.I.C. on his horse. The teal colour hooded cloaks stood out against the darkness)
Greg: How far to the nearest crossing?
Darrel: Fortuna, Twenty miles.
(The four cart guys arrive in Garberville. Garberville was a dark, gloomy, dangerous and dirty place. They were suddenly stopped by the local police officer.
Garber Cop: What do you want?
Greg: We’re heading to your local drinking etsablishment.
Garber Cop: Cart Clerks! Four Cart Clerks! What business brings you to Garberville?
Greg: We wish to stay at the inn. Our business is our own.
Garber Cop: Alright young loser, I meant no offence. ‘Tis my job to ask question after nightfall. There’s talk of strange queer folk abroad. Can’t be too careful.
(The four cart guys continue heading towards what looked like hell called a "BAR")
Men of Garberville: Move! Watch where you're going! I did your wife and your sister too!!!
(The four cart guys enter the BAR)
Greg: Excuse me?
Butterfingers: Good evening little bastards! If you’re seeking accommodation then we got some nice cozy cheap cart clerk affordable rooms available. Mr. uh--
Greg: --Um...Errrrr, my name’s.. Underage...Mr Underage.
Butterfingers: Underage. Hmm.
Greg: We’re friends of Chris the Wise. Can you tell him we’ve arrived?
Butterfingers: Chris? Chris? Ohhh yes! I remember, elderly chap, gray hair, drives a shitty little suzuki hatchback. Not seen him for 6 months.
(The cart guys were surprised. They had worried looks on their faces)
Evan: What do we do now?
(The four cart guys find a table and sit at it)
Greg: Evan, He’ll be here. He’ll come.
Bum: (To Darrel) Get, get out of my way.
(Darrel returns to the table with a mug filled with beer)
Jon: What’s that?
Darrel: This my friend, is a pint.
Jon: It comes in pints? I’m getting one.
Evan: You had a whole half already!
(Jon rushes to the bar)
Evan: That fellow’s done nothin but starin at us since we arrived. You think he is gay, Greg?
Greg: (Takes Butterfingers aside) Excuse me, that man in the corner, who is he?
Butterfingers: He’s one of them queer folk. Kinky they are-- Goes to wild parties. What his real name is I’ve never heard but around here, he’s known as Spider.
Greg: Spider? What kind of Spider?
Butterfingers: What do you mean, what kind of Spider? His name is Spider. Geez.
(Greg begins fondling the Badge. He can hear it speak to him. Tempting him)
The Badge: Put it on...Wear it...You know you want it...You are nothing but a low income cart clerk...Arditto!
Jon: Arditto!
(Greg snaps out of trance)
Jon: (At the bar) Sure I know a Greg Arditto. He’s over there, Greg Arditto, the Aussie. He's a mighty fine worker if I do say so myself. He could go places that guy. Maybe even become famous.
(Greg gets up and begins making his way towards Jon. He is trying to stop him. Spider sees this.)
Greg: Jon!
Jon: Steady on, You'll spill my beer!!!
(Greg is elbowed and knocked backwards. He falls and the badge goes up into the air and the loose pin of the badge lands and stabs through his jacket. Instantly, Greg vanishes. Spider sits upright staring at the spot Greg once occupied)
Voice of the General Manager: You cannot hide! Peek-a-Boo, I see you!!!
(Greg tugs at the badge and the pin slides out of jacket. Greg crawls away takes reappears, Suddenly Spider grabs Greg by the left shoulder of his jacket and is yanked upwards onto his feet)
Greg: What the..?!
Spider: You draw far too much attention to yourself Mr. "Underage"! (Tosses him up the stairs of the Bar)
(Spider enters a quiet empty room and tosses Greg to one side)
Greg: What do you want?
Spider: A little more caution from you. That is no trinket you carry.
Greg: I carry nothing.
Spider: Indeed.
(Spider walks to the windows and puts out the candles)
Spider: I can avoid being seen if I wish. But to disappear entirely, that is a rare gift.
Greg: Who are you?
Spider: Are you frightened?
Greg: Yes.
Spider: Not nearly frightened enough. I know what hunts you.
(Suddenly the door bursts open, Spider draws his sword as he sees three Cart Guys storm in. Evan carries a broom handle)
Evan: *Stand off! Let him go! Or I’ll have you drawn and quartered!
Spider: You have a strong heart and good looks for a simple cart clerk, but that will not save you. You can no longer wait for Chris, Greg. They are coming.
(The Garberville cop sees four teal riders storming towards him. He puts up his hand to gesture them to stop. They do not listen. Within 2.2 seconds, the cop loses his raised arm and head.)
Greg: What are they?
Spider: They were once good men and women. Great P.I.C.'s of WinCo Foods. Then the General Manager the all promising Evil Store Lord, gave to them nine P.I.C. Badges of power. Wanting to keep their jobs, they took them without question. One by one falling into darkness, giving in to the will of WinCo. Now they are slaves to his will. They are Demonic P.I.C.'s, Badgewraiths, neither living nor dead. At all times they feel the presence of the Badge. Drawn to the power of the One. They will never stop hunting you.
(Following day leaving Garberville)
Greg: Where are you taking us?
Spider: Into the wild.
Darrel: (To Frodo) How do we know this Spider is a friend of Chris?
Greg: We have no choice but to trust him.
Evan: But where is he leading us?
Spider: To Redding Master Evan, The Holiday Home of Gerry.
Evan: Did you hear that? Redding! We’re going to see the loggers!
(Around noon, Spider noticed the group stopping.)
Spider: Gentlemen, we do not stop till nightfall.
Jon: What about a Rest?
Spider: We already had it.
Jon: We've had one 10 minute break, yes. What about a second 10 minute break?
(Spider away walks)
Darrel: Don't think he knows about second 10 minute break, Jon.
Jon: What about the 30 minute break? 5 minute stand around break? 2 minute nap? Shasta Drink Break? Donut Break? He knows about them doesn’t he?
Darrel: I wouldn't count on it.
Merry: (Impatiently) Pippin!
Brent: The power of my Temple is at your command, General Manager, Lord of Grocery.
Voice of the General Manager: Build me anFreight Crew worthy of Modesto!
(A Couple of Newly hired Freight Workers enter)
Bob: What orders from Modesto my Lord? What does the General Manager command?
Brent: We have work to do!
(Chris the awakens on Brent's rooftop, sees work going on around it)
Tim: The Redwood trees are strong, my Lord. Their roots go deep.
Brent: Rip them all down.
(Spider and the four cart clerks arrive at a rustic old ruin farm house with barn)
Spider: This was the great farm house of Moonshine Hill. Notice the entire right side of the house missing. That was the great Gin Explosion of '68. We will sleep here tonight.
(Spider drops a backpack holding four swords)
Spider: These are for you. Keep them close. I’m going to have a look around. Stay here.
(After awhile, it is dark. Greg awakes up to find Evan, Darrel and Jon sat around drinking beer and they had a huge bon fire going.)
Jon: Can I have another Brewski?
Darrel: Ok. Want that in a cup or the can?
Evan: I like to use a straw.
Greg: What are you doing?!
Darrel: Beer, Weed, Nice Prescription Drugs.
Evan: We saved some for you, Greg.
Greg: Put the fire out you fools! Put it out!
Jon: Oh that’s nice! Greg is going to rain on our parade!
(Suddenly there was a sppoky screeching groan from a hundred feet away or so)
(It was the Nine Demonic P.I.C.'s)
Cart Guys: Uh?!
(Greg motions them to go hide in the rustic Barn)
Greg: Go!!
(It didn't take long for the four Cart Clerks to be completely surrounded by the dangerous Nine)
Evan: Back you over paid demons!
(The Nine begin moving closer. Evan swings his sword about trying to hit any of the Nine. He is knocked over quickly. They move in on Greg. Darrel and Jon are thrown aside. Greg is knocked over too. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out the Badge. The Nine see it. They are fixed on it. Greg quickly pins on the Badge. Suddenly, he is in the world of darkness and wind. The Nine are like a negative version of the darker selves. They are also dressed different. They all wear Regular Casual Clothes. They walk in faster with their swords ready. The leader, The Manager in Training, walks up to Greg and reaches for the badge. Greg pulls away and the P.I.C. stabs Greg in the left shin. Suddenly Spider turns up and fights them all. Then they flee. Greg removes the Badge and reappears.)
Greg: Aaaahhhh!
Evan: Greg! (Rushes to his side)
Greg: Oh CRAP!!!
(Spider makes sure they have left the area, before seeing Greg)
Evan: Spider! Help him Spider.
Spider: He’s been stabbed by a Modesto blade. (The Blade like the typical worker disappears) This is beyond my skill to heal. He needs New Age medicine.
(Spider put Greg over his shoulder and the group moved into the thick woods. In the distance, they all heard the screeching groans of the Demonic P.I.C.'s)
Spider: Hurry!
Evan: We are six days from Redding. He's Australian, He’ll never make it!
Greg: (Muttering) Chris…
Spider: Hold on Greg.
Greg: (Cries out)…Chris!!!!
(On Brent's rooftop of his modern looking home, Chris sat there feeling cold as the rain started to come down. Suddenly a Huge Moth was drawn to the lights inside the house. It flew around in frustration of not being able to get to the lights. Then it flew up and over the house, where Chris caught the Moth in his two hands)
Chris: (Whispering) Mothy, Mothy, Go, Go, Mothy, Mothy.
(The Moth flew away when released and flew up higher and higher, until it was sucked into the engine of a low flying Jet)
(Spider layed Greg on the soft grass. It was dark and wet. Greg's fever from rusty metal infection was getting worse)
Evan: Greg? (To Spider) He’s going cold!
Jon: Is he going to die?
Spider: He’s passing into the shadow world. He will soon become a Badgewraith like them.
(Greg groans in pain)
(The Nine screech in the distance)
Darrel: They’re close.
Spider: Evan, do you know Cactus plant?
Evan: Cactus?
Strider: geez, the spiky plant that looks like a dick.
Evan: oh...Yeah, uh, that's not WEED!!!
Spider: No, it is not Weed, butIt may help to slow the infection. Hurry!
(Evan and Spider split up and go looking for a cactus. WHile Spider is searching, a mysterious blade slides across his throat)
Amanda: What’s this? A Backpacker caught off his guard?
(Greg sees a vision of Amanda in white light)
Amanda: Greg.... Im Amanda. I have come to help you.
Amanda: Hear my voice. Come back to the light.
Darrel: Who is she?
Amanda: (Kneels) Greg!
Evan: She's from Redding, a New Age Herbalist.
Amanda: He's fading!
(Greg Gasps for air)
Amanda: He's not going to last. We must get him to Gerry. He is Wise in the Herbal Medicine.
Darrel: I didn't know Gerry had a holiday home in Redding?
Spider: Gerry is well known in Redding. He stopped the SARS outbreak that happened in Redding. He also helped people with the common cold and bad cases of the sniffles.
Amanda: The Demonic P.I.C.'s have split up.There are 5 P.I.C.'s behind you. Where the other 4 are, I do not know.
(Spider puts Greg on Amanda's horse)
Spider/Angus: Stay with the cart clerks. I will send a transport for you
Amanda: I’m the faster rider. I’ll take him.
Spider/Angus: The road is too dangerous. The State Government have not repaired the roads properly.
Jon: What are they saying? Is the Government to blame for our crappy road?
Amanda: If I can get across the Raging River, the power of Gerry will protect him.
Amanda: I do not fear them.
Spider/Angus: Best of Luck then.
Spider/Angus: Amanda, ride hard. Don’t look back!
Amanda: Ride fast you stupid horse or it is the glue factory for you!!!
(Amanda rides away with Greg)
Evan: (To Spider) What are you doing?! Those Demon Bastards are still out there!
(The P.I.C.'s chase after Amanda)
Amanda: Ride faster, Don't make me use the whip!!!
(The Horse struggles to cross the raging river, but they make it. The complete Nine P.I.C.'s are together on the other side of the river)
P.I.C.: Give up the cart turd, Sexy!
(Amanda draws her sword)
Amanda: If you want him, come and claim him!
(The Nine begin to slowly cross the raging river)
(Amanda begins her mystical white witch chant)
Arwen: Nin o Chithaeglir, lasto beth daer, Rimmo nin Bruinen dan in Ulaer!
Nin o Chithaeglir, lasto beth daer, Rimmo nin Bruinen dan in Ulaer! (Waters of the Shasta Mountains listen to the great word; flow waters of StrongWater against the Badgewraiths!)
(The Water lifts up like a tidal wave and slams the nine badgewraiths, breaking their necks and killing them and their horses)
(Greg falls off the horse and is out cold. Amanda goes to him.)
Amanda: No! Greg...No! Greg, don’t give in! Not now!
(Amanda embraces Greg and cries)
Amanda: (VOICE over) What grace is given me, let it pass to him, let him be spared, save him.
(Everything is white in Greg's mind. Suddenly the face of Gerry appears)
Gerry: Lasto beth nin. Tolo dan nan galad. (Hear my voice, come back to the light)
Greg: (half asleep) Where am I?
Chris: You are in the holiday house of Gerry. And it is 10 o’clock in the morning, on October the 24th if you want to know.
(Greg wakes up)
Greg: Chris!
Chris: Yes...I’m here. And you're lucky to be here too. A few more hours and you
would have been beyond our aid. But you have some strength in you, my dear under paid Cart Clerk!
Greg: What happened Chris? Why didn't you meet us?
Chris: Oh I'm sorry Greg... I was delayed.
(FLASHBACK Chris is sat on Brent's rooftop. Brent is also up there to make him one last deal)
Brent: Friendship with the General manager is not lightly thrown aside.
Brent: One ill turn deserves another. It is over! Embrace the power of the Badge…or embrace your own destruction!
Brent: There is only one Lord of the Badge! Only one can bend it to his will.
And he does not share power!
(Chris gets up and takes a leap off the roof. He crashes into the rose garden, destroying Brent's prize roses. Brent watches in anger as Chris runs down the road soaking wet)
Brent: So you have chosen - death.
(Chris snaps back out of his flashback.)
Greg: Chris? What is it?
Chris: Nothing Greg.
(Evan enters the room)
Evan: Greg! Greg!
Greg: Evan!
Evan: Bless you, you're awake! For a moment, I thought the Aussie was dead!
(Greg chuckles)
Chris: Evan has hardly left your side, except for breakfast, morning nap, Lunch, afternoon nap, dinner, dessert, sleep and showers.
Evan: We were that worried about you, Because you owe all of us so much money and we would prefer you pay us back first before you die, Isn't that right, Chris?
Chris: By the skills of Gerry, you're beginning to mend.
Gerry: Welcome to Redding, Gregory Arditto.
(Greg meets up with Darrel and Jon. The four of them make jokes and stuff. Then he sees someone he was not expecting. He sees Don)
Greg: Don!
Don: Hello Greg!
Greg: Don! (HUG)
Don: Oh my. How are you doing?
Greg: " Don, your Book...To Hell and Back Again: A Cart Clerk's Tale by Donald Reid". (Gregleaves the book open) This is wonderful!
Don: I meant to go back...wander the paths of McKinleyville... visit lolita...see the Shasta Mountain again. But age it seems have finally caught up with me. (Don leans to one side and lets a ripper fart escape) Gas also seems to be slowing me down.
(Greg looks at the map of Humboldt County)
Greg: I miss Humboldt County. I spent 12 months hating it, wishing I was off somewhere else…Back in Australia! (Realises sadly) My own adventure turned out to be quite different.
Greg: I’m not like you Don. I don't like wearing the smokie the Bear outfit. It itches something terrible!
Don: I understand. I will say this. You are a great worker and a great friend.
(Back outside, Evan is getting ready to leave. Greg notices Evan packing his backpack)
Evan: (TO himself) Now where did I leave those condoms?
Greg: Packed already?
Evan: No harm in being prepared.
Greg: I thought you wanted to see Redding girls, Evan.
Evan: I do! But they are not puting out! It sucks!!!
Greg: That's Nasty.
Evan: we did what Chris wanted didn't we? We got the Badge this far
to Redding and then I thought...seen’ as how you’re on the mend, we'd be off soon, off home.
Greg: You're right Evan. We did what we set out to do. (Greg looks at the ring which is sat on his palm)The Badge will be safe in Redding.
Greg: I am ready to go home.
(Chris and Gerry are on the balcony watching Greg and Evan talk)
Gerry: His strength returns.
Chris: That wound will never fully heal. He will carry it the rest of his life.
Gerry: And yet to have come so far, still bearing the ring, for an Australian, he has shown extraordinary resilience to it's evil.
Chris: It is a burden he should never have had to bear. We can ask no more of Greg.
Gerry: Chris, the enemy is moving. The General Manager's business planners are amassing in the south-- Their sights are fixed on building a new WinCo in Redding. And Brent, you tell me has betrayed us. Our list of allies grows thin like the hair on my head.
Chris: His treachery and plumbing runs deeper than you know. By foul craft Brent has crossed blacks with asians, he's breeding an army in his back yard. An army that can do freight work and cart work for lower wages. Brent is coming for the Badge.
Gerry: This evil cannot be concealed by the power of my friends. We do not have the strength to fight both Modesto and Brent!
(Chris moves away from Gerry as he is in deep thought)
Gerry: Chris, the badge cannot stay here.
(Chris sees Sean, Kammie and Mike arrive at Gerry's house)
Gerry: This peril belongs to all of the West Coast. They must decide now how to end it. The time of the New Age Peace Lovers are over-- my friends are leaving these shores. They are living it up in Fiji. Who will you look to when we've gone? Nevada? They only care for their gambling. They hide in their Casino seeking riches-- they care nothing for the troubles of others.
Chris: It is in CostCo workers that we must place our hope.
Gerry: CostCo workers? They are weak. The Strength of CostCo workers is failing. The payroll of CostCo is all but spent. It's pride, dignity and cheap deals are forgotten. It is because of CostCo the Badge survives. I was there Chris. I was there three thousand years ago...
Gerry: Ian took the Badge. I was there the day the strength of CostCo failed.
(Gerry has a vietnam like flashback. He and Ian stood at the Crusher of the Modesto WinCo building)
Gerry: Ian hurry. Follow me.
Gerry: (VOICE over) I led Ian into the heart of the Modesto WinCo building, where the mighty crusher was, the one place it could be destroyed.
(AT the WinCo crusher)
Gerry: Cast it into the Crusher!
(Ian looks at the Badge. It whispers to him)
Gerry: Destroy it!
Ian: No.
(Ian walks away)
Gerry: Ian!!!
Gerry: (VOICE over) It should’ve ended that day, but evil was allowed to endure. WinCo stocks grew fat.
(The flashback ends and Gerry sees Redding out his window)
Gerry: Ian kept the ring. The line of CostCo managers is broken. There is no strength left in the world of CostCo. They’re scattered, divided, leaderless and far more expensive that other stores.
Chris: There is one who could unite them, one who could reclaim the rank of COstCo manager, One who could offer discount vouchers to valued customers.
Gerry: He turned from that path long time ago. He has chosen Pumping Gas at a Texaco.
(Inside Gerry's Billard room)
Mike: The shards of the Mighty Sword! The blade that cut the Badge from the General Manager's hand!
(Mike runs his finger along the shattered blade. He cuts himself)
Mike: (In amazement) It's still sharp!
(Mike turns to see Angus looking at him)
Mike: No more than a broken heirloom!
(Mike drops the broken sword onto the floor and leaves the room. Angus gets up off the seat and picks up the broken piece and places it back on the stand. The Amanda enters the room and walks up to Angus)
Amanda: Why do you fear the past? You are Ian's heir, not Ian himself. You are not bound to his fate.
Angus: The same blood flows in my veins. (Turns to Arwen) Same weakness.
Amanda: Your time will come. You will face the same evil, and you will defeat it. The Shadow does not hold sway yet, not over you and not over me.
Amanda: Do you remember when we first met?
Angus: I thought I had strayed into a dream.
Amanda: Long years have passed…You do not have the cares you carry now.
Amanda: Do you remember what I told you?
Angus: That I could wear your dresses if they make me feel comfortable.
Amanda: No, not that, the other part.
Angus: You said you'd bind yourself to me.
Amanda: And to that I hold. I would rather share a low income wage with you, than have millions and be alone.
(Amanda gives Angus her silver heart shaped pendent. Angus opens it to find a photo of him and her)
Amanda: I choose a low income life.
Angus: You cannot give me this!
Amanda: It is mine to give to whom I will...like my heart.
(They kiss)
Gerry: Strangers from distant states, friends of the good old days. You have been summoned here to answer the threat of Modesto. The West Coast grocery stores stand upon the brink of destruction. None can escape it. You will unite or you will fall. Each store is bound to this fate--this one doom. (Gestures to the stand) Bring forth the Badge, Greg.
(Greg stands up and walks to the short stand. He places the Badge there and then walks back and sits down)
(PEOPLE starts whispering)
Mike: So it is true...
Someone whispers: The Doom of all Stores
Mike: It is a gift. A gift from the turds of Modesto! Why not use this Badge? Long has my friend, the Acting Assistant Manager of CostCo, kept the forces of Modesto at the bay area, by the blood, sweat and tears of the workers-- all your stores kept safe! Give CostCo the weapon of the enemy. Let us use it against him!
Angus: You cannot wield it! None of us can. The One Badge answers to the General Manager alone. It has no other master.
Mike: And what would a backpacker know of this matter?
(Kammie stands suddenly)
Kammie: This is no mere backpacker. He is Angus, son of Fungus. You owe him your allegiance.
Mike: Angus? This... is Ian's heir?
Kammie: And heir to the Manager of CostCo.
Angus: Sit down Kammie.
Mike: CostCo has no Manager. CostCo needs no Manager. (Returns to his seat)
Chris: Angus is right. We cannot use it.
Gerry: You have only one choice. The Badge must be destroyed.
Sean: What are we waiting for?
(Sean steps forward, grabbing an axe. He swings the blade at the Badge. His blade his the badge and the blade shatters.)
Sean: ARGH!!!
(The Badge is in perfect condition. Greg feels the impact of the blade against the Badge)
(WHISPERS the ring of were coming out)
Gerry: The Badge cannot be destroyed, Sean, son of _____, by any craft that we here possess. The Badge was made in the fires of a furance in the Modesto WinCo building. Only in the Crusher can it. It must be taken deep into the WinCo building and cast back into the high pressure hydrolic crusher.
(Everyone was quiet)
Gerry: One of you must do this.
(Dead silence from the council)
Mike: One does not simply walk into Modesto. The heavily armed black gangs are painfully vicious. There is evil there that does not sleep. And the great fiery figure is ever watchful. It is a barren wasteland of graffiti and pollution. Riddled with gun fire and Cigarette ash and choking dust. The very air you breathe is a poisonous fume from buses. Not with ten thousand men could you do this. It is folly!
Kammie: Have you heard nothing Gerry has said? The Badge must be destroyed!
Sean: And I suppose you think you're the one to do it?!
Mike: And if we fail, what then?! What happens when the General Manager takes back what is his?!
Sean: I will be dead before I see the Badge in the hands of an girl!
(ARGUMENTS start among them)
Sean: Never trust an girl!
Chris: Do you not understand that while we bicker among ourselves, The General Manager's employee number grows?! None can escape it!
Badge: Put me on, Put me on, Come on, Come on, Wear me, Put me on, Put me on.
(Greg stands up and watches the other argue. He takes a deep breathe)
Greg: I will take it! I will take it!
(The Arguement Dies Down)
(Chris closes his eyes when he hears Greg's statement)
Greg: I will take the Badge to Modesto. Though-- I do not know the way.
Chris: I will help you bear this burden, Gregory Arditto, so long as it is yours to bear.
Angus: If by my life or death, I can protect you, I will. You have my sword.
Kammie: And you have my bow.
Sean: And my axe!
Mike: You carry the fates of us all Aussie one. If this is indeed the will of the council, then CostCo will see it done.
Evan: Heh! Greg ain't goin’ anywhere without me!
Gerry: No indeed, it is hardly possible to separate you even when he is summoned to a secret council and you are not.
Jon and Darrel: Wait! We are coming too!
Darrel: You'd have to send us home tied up in a sack to stop us! Plus, We're useful people.
Jon: Anyway you need people of intelligence on this sort of mission, quest... thing.
Darrel: Well that rules you out, Jon.
Gerry: Nine companions... So be it! You shall be the Fellowship of the Badge!
Jon: Great! Where are we going?
(Greg is sat in his bedroom. Don enters with some items of interest)
Don: My old sword, Icall it Pointy! Here! Take it, take it!
(Greg examines Don's sword, which looked like it had seen better days)
Greg: It’s so Rusty.
Don: Yes...I know--But it'll do the job...made by the girls you know. The blade glows Pink when Freight Crew are close. And its times like that, Greg, when you'll have to be extra careful!
(Don brings out the Metal like shirt. It is huge and looks way too big for Greg)
Don: Here’s an interesting thing --aluminum! As light as a feather! And it looks cool too. It is made from 1,600 shasta soda cans, mostly diet cola. Let me see you put it on. Go on.
(Don sees the Badge pinned to a chain around Greg's neck)
Don: Oh...M-my old badge! Oh well… I sh-sh-should very much like, to hold it again, one last time.
(Greg begins to button up his shirt and cover the Badge)
(Don gets angry and lashes out at Greg, trying to grab the badge. A second later, Don is crying and ashamed of his actions)
Don: I’m sorry I brought this upon you, Greg...I’m sorry that you must carry this burden. I’m sorry for everything! I'm sorry for WinCo paying such low wages! I am sorry about the WinCo pizzas tasting like Crap on Bread!
(Greg places a hand on Don's shoulder)
(The Newly formed Fellowship begin to leave Redding)
Chris: (Voice over) We must hold this course west for the Shasta Mountains for 4 days. If our luck holds the Gap of Indian Country will still be open to us. From there our road turns south to Modesto.
Mike: Two, Three, Four, Five. Good, very good. You cart dudes learn quickly when fighting with a sword.
Angus: Jon, Move your feet.
Darrel: That’s good, Jon.
Jon: Thanks.
Mike: Faster
Sean: ‘Anyone was to ask for my opinion, which I know they’re not, I’d say we were taking the long way round. Chris, we could pass through the government tree logging area. My cousin Bert would give us a royal welcome.
Chris: No Sean, I would not take the path through there unless I had no other choice.
(Kammie sees something in the distance)
Mike: Come on. Good.
(Mike accidently clips Jon with sword)
Jon: aaaah!
Mike: Sorry!
(Jon kicks Mike in the groin)
Mike: Ahh! My family Jewels!!!
Darrel: Get Him! Kick him in the head!
(Mike is kicked in the side of the head by Jon. Then Darrel joins in, Angus laughs)
Jon: For the pot smoking humboldt honeys!
Jon: Hold him! Hold him Darrel! I want to knee him in the groin!
Darrel: He got my arm! He got my arm!
Evan: What is that?
Sean: Nothing, it’s just a whiff of cloud or fart gas.
Mike: It’s moving fast…against the wind.
Kammie: Gases from Brent!
Angus: Hide!
Mike: Darrel! Greg!
Angus: Come on, come on! Take cover! Don't breathe the fumes!!!
(Gases float overhead. Fellowship hides behind rock outcroppings.)
Chris: Gases of Brent. His southern passage is far more evil than I expected. We must take the Avenue of the Giants.
(The Fellowship move into the huge redwood forest area. The avenue of the giants was filled with trees that stood over 350 feet high. Greg trips and falls.)
Greg: ungh!
Angus: Greg?
(Greg feels aroud his neck for the Badge. It is gone. He panicks. The Badge was about 15 feet away, laying near Mike's feet. Mike picks it up and stares at the Badge)
Angus: Mike!
Mike: It is a strange fate we should suffer so much fear and doubt over so small a thing… such a little thing.
Angus: Mike! Give the Badge to Greg.
Mike: (Hands the Badge to Greg) As you wish. I care not.
(Greg snatches the badge from Mike)
(The gases return to Brent, who stares into the fumes and recieves a vision of the fellowship)
Brent: So, Chris, you try to lead them through the Avenue of the Giants. And if that fails, where then will you go? If the Avenue defeats you will you risk a more dangerous road?
Brent: Cuiva nwalca Carnirasse; nai yarvaxea rasselya! (Wake up cruel LumberJacks and Wood Carvers! May your Ax and Chainsaw be bloodstained!)
Kammie: There is an old voice on the air.
Chris: Its Brent!
(A Huge Redwood tree tips over and crashes, just missing the fellowship. The another topples over)
Angus: He’s trying to bring down the forest! Chris, we must turn back!
Chris: No!
(Chris holds out his reader board staff and speaks out to the forest)
Chris: Losto Caradhras, sedho, hodo, nuitho i 'ruith! (Sleep Dear Redwoods, be still, stand strong!)
(Brent, standing nude on his rooftop of his house, continues the chant)
Brent: Cuiva nwalca Carnirasse; nai yarvaxea rasselya; talhira notto-carinnar! (Wake up Cruel LumberJacks and Wood Carvers, May your Ax and Chainsaw be bloodstained)
(Lightning suddenly strikes five trees at once, weakening them enough for the whole five to come crashing down around the fellowship)
Mike: We must get out of this forest! Make for the Indian Country and take the west road to a CostCo store!
Angus: But the Indian Country we need takes us too close to Eureka!
Sean: If we cannot pass through the forest, let us go around it. Let us go through the government logged area.
(Brent opens a government hard cover book. He is reading information about that area. He sees photos of the area)
Brent: The Government Logged Area. You fear to go there. The locals are weird and insane. You know who lives in that area. The Red Hair, The huge body...The Anger!
(The Fellowship are stuck deciding)
Chris: Let the Australian decide.
Chris: Greg?
Greg: We will go through the logged area.
Gandalf: Oh Crap...So be it.
Sean: The logging Area!
(The Fellowship stop at a huge metal fencing gate. Chainsaw and a combination padlock stop them from continuing)
Chris: Now, let’s see. A three digit Combination -- Can't be that hard to crack.
(Chris holds the padlock in his hand and studies the lock)
Chris: It reads "Jake & Sons locksmiths. Padlock made in china."
Darrel: What do you suppose that means?
Chris: Oh it’s quite simple. That we Americans buy too many products made in china. This action will hurt american jobs.
(Chris tries the first combination...without success)
(He then uses the numbers of his birthday...No luck there)
Gandalf: Ando Eldarinwa! (Crap on a stick!)
Evan: Angus, will Chris ever get the combination?
Angus: Sure, Chris is Wise. It may take him a day or two, but sooner or later, he will crack that lock.
(Darrel throws a broken brick up and over the fence for fun. Jon follows suit but Aragorn stops him)
Angus: Do not disturb this place.
Gandalf: (Exhausted) Oh, it’s useless!
(Greg examines the lock and recognises the cheap construction. He pulls out his sword and hits it once and the lock falls apart)
Greg: Cheap locks. All they need is a good hit.
Chris: Well Done!!!
(The Fellowship enter the logging compound, which looks totally deserted)
Sean: Soon kammie you will enjoy the fabled hospitality of Loggers. Roaring fires, Cheap Domestic Beer, ripe meat off the bone. This, my friend, is the home of my cousin Bert. And they call it an insult to the environment. An Insult!!!
Mike: This is logging Site, it’s a Scam!
(Logger bodies lay all over the place in the next clearing)
Sean: Oh! No! Noooo!!!
(Kammie picks up an empty Moonshine bottle)
Kammie: Rednecks!
(Kammie gets her Bow at the ready. Angus and Mike draw their swords)
Boromir: We make for the indian country area. We should never have come here.
(Police cars arrive at the open gateway)
Mike: Oh Crap, Police!
(Greg is grabbed by one of the hick cops)
Evan, Darrel, and Jon: Greg!!!
Evan: Spider! (Punches one of the cops) Let him go!
(The entire Fellowship begin fighting the cops. They begin to free Greg from the back of the cop car)
Greg: aah!
Darrel: Angus!
Greg: Help!
Mike: (knocks out a hick cop) Run for it, Greg!
Chris: Into the logging area!
Mike: Kammie! Come on, Hurry up!
(The fellowship run inside and the other cop begins firing off rounds from his gun. No bullets hit them. They disappear deep into the logging compound)
Chris: We now have but one choice. We must face the dangers of drunken loggers in their domain. Be on your guard. There are scummier and fouler things than just loggers in the deep lands of northern california.
Chris: Quietly now. It’s a 2day journey to the other side. Let us hope that our presence may go unnoticed.
(The walk through thick forests, then another logged area, where there are hundreds of stumps, then back into another forest area)
Darrel: It is so Quiet!
(Chris stops at one point and wipes his forehead with a piece of cloth he was carrying in his top left pocket. He looked confused)
Chris: I have no memory of this place.
(Chris and the fellowship sit and rest for a moment)
Jon: Are we lost?
Darrel: I think we are.
Evan: Shh, Chris is thinking.
Jon: Darrel?
Darrel: What?
Jon: I could go for a brewski right now.
(Greg walked up to Chris, who was deep in thought. Greg looked behind himself then back at Chris)
Greg: There’s something down there.
Chris: It’s Raymond.
Greg: Raymond?
Chris: He’s been following us for three days.
Greg: He escaped the basement of WinCo in Modesto!
Chris: Escaped? Or set loose? He hates and loves the Badge, as he hates and loves himself. He will never be rid of his need for it. He's a player and a poser.
Greg: It’s a pity the WinCo freaky customers didn’t kill him while he was working in Carts!
Chris: Pity? Yes, it may be a pity. Many that live deserve death, and some that die deserve life. Can you tell me which one Ray deserved, Greg?
Greg: Death!!!
Chris: Do not be too eager to deal out death and judgement. Even the very wise can not see all ends. My heart tells me that Raymond has some part to play yet, for good or ill, before this is over. The pity of fate may rule the life of many.
(Greg sits next to Chris)
Greg: I wish the Badge had never come to me. I wish none of this had happened.
Chris: So do all who live to see such times, but that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us. There are other forces at work in this world Greg besides the will of evil. Don was meant to find the Badge, in which case you also were meant to have it. And that is an encouraging thought.
Chris: Ah! It’s that way.
Darrel: He’s remembered!
(The Fellowship head through the forest to the left)
Chris: No, but the air doesn’t smell so foul this way. If in doubt, Darrel, always follow your nose.
Chris: I think we are making progress.
(They arrived at the central logging camp. It housed old logging equipment from the 1940's)
Chris: Behold the Realm of the Logging Community of Rio Del.
Evan: That’s an eye opener and no mistake.
(FELLOWSHIP walks of the a lay about through sees forward hall. Gimli ray sunlight shining Chamber Mazarbul. Corpses scattered)
Sean: Holy Crap!
Chris: Sean!
(Sean runs to one of the sawing machines. He finds a decomposing body of his cousin Bert)
Sean: No! No! (SOB) No! (SOB)
Chris: He is dead then. Its as I feared.
Sean: (WAILS)
Kammie: (To Angus) We must move on, we cannot linger!
Chris: It seems i have found a work log book...Very interesting. "We have had people break in, Destroying out equipment. They sneak in at night and rob our supplies. There is one of them we all fear. She is Fat. Very Fat.The ground shakes when she walks. Her burps are deafening. (Turns the page) Today they have broken in while we are working. They have set fire to the communication room. She has brought friends, hundreds of friends.We cannot get out. She moves closer, Her friends follow. We cannot get out…They are coming."
(Jon plays with a switch and the old rusty machine comes to life with a huge roaring rumble. Jon panicks and shuts it off)
Chris: (Slams the log book shut) Dumbass! Well, I am sure every Redneck in the entire area heard that racket!
(A banjo can be heard in the distance. It is the call of the Redneck)
Evan: Rednecks!!!
Kammie: Drunken and Horny, The worst kind of Redneck!
(Mike goes to the edge of the next forest and looks deep within it. Suddenly two shotgun blasts rip the redwood bark apart)
Angus: (To the Cart Guys) Get back! Stay close to Chris!
(Angus helps Kammie and Mike try to keep the gathering Rednecks at bay)
Mike: Oh great,They haven't washed in a month!!!
(Kammie takes aim with her bow and waits for a clear shot. Mike and Angus draw their swords)
(Sean draws twin Axes and stands ready for a fight)
Sean: Aarrgghhh!!! Let them come! We'll teach these Redneck Faggots not to screw with us!
(Suddenly a large group of Rednecks with banjos, mouth organs, shotguns and moonshine come running out of the forest. Some have pitchforks and try stabbing Mike and Kammie. Kammie rapidly shoots her arrows into the offensive rednecks)
Evan: God help me they Stink like they crapped their pants!
(Everyone is now fighting the rednecks but the fellowship is beginning to get outnumbered)
Chris: There is a large green steel bridge that crosses a fairly large river. If we run for it. We may make it there.
(They flee the area and continue on running towards the Green Bridge that Chris told them about. They soon arrive at the bridge area. Kammie would shoot a few Rednecks to slow them now every so often. Then suddenly they stopped when the rednecks left and disappeared. They all looked deep into the woods when they hear a thudding sound. A fat figure was in the distance making its way towards them)
Mike: What is this new devilry?
Chris: Big Bertha- a disgruntled WinCo shopper. She has had a hatred for WinCo works. Your Customer Service skills are no use here. Run!!!
(Chris watches the others run across the bridge. Chris begins to cross and then stops and turns half way across the bridge. He faces Bertha)
(Bertha Swears and growls)
Chris: You cannot pass!
Greg: Chris!
Chris: I am a Security guard of WinCo Foods, wielder of the Sticky Stick. The awful stench will not help you! Nor will your heavy weight!
(Bertha was steaming mad at this point she moved towards Chris, her fat rolls shifted and she was growling at Chris)
Chris: Go back to the low income houses where you belong!
Chris: YOU…SHALL NOT...PASS!!!
(Bertha pulled out a thick leather whip and cracks it at him. Chris uses his reader board staff to block her attacks. Then Chris runs at her with his staff at the ready and crashes into her mass bulk. Bertha staggers backwards and goes over the edge of the bridge. As she falls she cracks her whip again and it catches Chris' foot and drags him over the edge. Greg tries running to save his friend)
Mike: No, Greg!
Greg: Chrisssssss!
Chris: Run, you fools! (He falls over the side of the bridge)
Greg: Noooooooooooooooo!!!!
(Pissed off Rednecks appear shooting their shotguns at the fellowship. Some bullets hit real close to them)
Mike: Angus!
Greg: Noooooooooooo!!!
(Angus looked at the bridge in horror. Not only did Chris get pulled over the side by a fat monster of a woman, but the rednecks were drinking moonshine from urine jars)
(The Fellowship found the other exit that existed on the far side. They climbed the locked gate and were free for a second)
Angus: Kammie, get them up.
Mike: Give them a moment for pity's sake.
Angus: By nightfall these hills will be swarming with Rednecks! We must reach the Woods that bear no name. Come Mike, Kammie, Seani, get them up. On your feet Evan. Greg? Greg!
(Angus sees Greg weeping for his fallen friend. Later that afternoon, they arrived at the woods that bear no name. It was a beautiful quiet forest with little sparkles that seemed to have a life of their own that floated in the air)
Sean: Stay close young cart guys! They say there’s a great mistress that lives in these woods. A hooker of incredible Talent. All who look upon her, fall under her spell...
Ginger's Voice: (Whispering echo) Greg....
(Greg looks startled and spins around to see nothing but his companions)
Sean: ... and are never seen again.
Ginger's Voice: You're coming to us… is as the footsteps of doom. You bring great evil here badgebearer!
Evan: Greg? You ok?
Sean: Well, here is one dude she won't ensnare so easily. I have the eyes of a hawk and the ears of a fox!
(Suddenly they are all surround by men holding bows to the fellowships heads)
Sean: Oh Crap!
Harold: This Dude breaths so loud we could have shot him in the dark.
Sean: Grrr....
Angus:Harold of the woods that bear no name, we come here for help. We need your protection.
Sean: Angus, these woods are perilous! We should go back.
Harold: You have entered the woods of the Lady of the Wood. You cannot go back. Come, she is waiting.
(Inside the Treehouse in the woods that bear no name. The fellowship stand before a queer looking guy and a cheap sleazy looking hooker)
Cecil: Eight that are here yet nine there were set out from Redding. Tell me where is Chris? For I much desire to speak with him.
(Ginger looks at Angus and reads his mind)
Ginger: He has fallen into river.
Ginger: The quest stands upon the edge of a knife. Stray but a little and it will fail to the ruin of all.
(Ginger looks at Mike. She sees his thoughts. Mike shakes his gaze from her)
Ginger: Yet hope remains while the company is true.
(Ginger smiles at Evan, who smiles right back at her)
Ginger: Do not let your hearts be troubled. Go now and rest for you are weary with sorrow and much toil. Tonight you will sleep in peace. (Whispers to his Frodo in mind) Welcome Frodo of the Shire. One who has seen the fiery figure of WinCo!
(The fellowship is laying around with sleeping bags they were given by Ginger. Some of the people of the forest were singing songs of Chris)
A Olorin i yaresse ( Old dude, who once was...)
Mentaner i Numeherui… (sent by the Lords of the West…)
Kammie: A lament for Chris.
Darrel: What do they say about him?
Kammie: I have not the heart to tell you. For me the grief is still too near.
Tirien i Romenori (to guard the lands from WinCo…)
Maiarion i Oiosaila…(wisest of all Security Guards…)
Mana elye etevanne…(what drove you to leave…)
Norie i melanelye? (that which you loved?)
Angus: Take some rest. These borders are well protected.
Mike: I will find no rest here. I heard a voice inside my head. She spoke of my Nephew and the fall of CostCo. She said to me even now there is hope left. But I cannot see it. It is long since we had any hope.
Mike: My nephew is a honest guy, but his rule is failing. And now our…our workers lose faith. He looks to me to make things right and I would do it if I didn't work for WinCo. I would see the glory of CostCo restored. (Sigh)Have you ever seen it Angus? The Big red letters spelling out the name CostCo, light up by several thousand watt bulbs. It's roof high above all other stores. Have you ever been called back to the store by the clearance slaes they have on undergarnment?
Angus: I have seen the Big CostCo store. Long ago. I used to buy bulk powdered Milk there.
Mike: One day, A massive discount sale will lead us there. And the store security will ask us to see our CostCo membership cards. When she sees our names she'll announce, "The Lords of CostCo have returned!"
(Greg follows Ginger into a small clearing in the woods where a small table stood in the centre. On the table was something that look like a Wok and a deck of Tarot cards.
Ginger: Will you look into the Wok of a thousand Meals?
Greg: What will I see?
Ginger: Even the wisest cannot tell. For the Wok has cooked many things.
(Ginger pours some cooking oil into the Wok. Greg walks over to the Wok)
Ginger: Things that were, things that are and some things… (She throws some basil in) that have not yet come to pass.
(Greg peers in and sees vision of Devilled Eggs, Stir Fried Vegetables and even some Noodles in black bean sauce. He panicks and suddenly catches a vision on the fiery figure, Greg clutches the badge around his neck and collapses backwards)
Ginger: I know what it is you saw. For it is also in my mind. (Speaks to Greg telepathically) It is what will come to pass if you should fail. The Fellowship is breaking. It has already begun. He will try to take the Badge. You know of whom I speak. One by one it will destroy them all.
Greg: (Telepathically) If you ask it of me, I will give you the One Badge.
(Greg offers her the badge)
Ginger: You offer it to me freely. I do not deny that my heart has greatly desired this. To wear the badge of WinCo. To gain the power and respect of the public. To put a stop to them calling me a useless whore.
(Ginger bgins to approach Greg. She has her eyes fixed on the badge)
Ginger: In place OF A DARK LORD, YOU WILL HAVE A QUEEN! NOT DARK BUT BEAUTIFUL AND SEXY AS I REMOVE MY CLOTHES! AROUSING AS THE SEA! STRONGER THAN THE FOUNDATIONS OF THE EARTH! ALL SHALL LOVE ME AND PAY ME FOR MY SERVICES!
(Ginger turns to her normal self)
Ginger: I pass the test! I will leave, and go into the North, and remain a simple hooker.
Greg: I cannot do this alone.
Ginger: You are a Badgebearer, greg. To bear a Badge of power is to have great responsibility. This task was appointed to you and if you do not find a way, no one will.
Greg: Then I know what I must do. It's just… I'm afraid to do it.
Ginger: Even the lowest paid person can change the course of the future.
(Meanwhile, back at Brent home. Brent has a whole bunch of evil dumbass meat heads from Ukiah.
Brent: Do you know how the Rednecks first came into being? They were Cart Guys once, Given a low pay which drove them to drink, become filthy and their teeth fall out. They hook up playing the banjo and making moonshine. But now with my cross breeding of Redneck Males with City folk females I have found perfection. perfected, my fighting Ukiahs. Who is your daddy?
Larry: Brent!
(Brent is slapping the Ukiahs with white sticky fluid on his hands, forming hand prints on their clothes and helmets. Brent is grinning and enjoying himself)
Brent: (To the Ukiahs standing around in his backyard) Hunt them down. Do not stop until they are found. You do not know pain or decent wages. You do not know fear or decently cook pizzas. You will become gay and enjoy the taste man flesh!
Brent: (To Larry) One of the Cart Clerks carries something of great value. Bring them to me alive and unspoiled. Kill the others!
(The Ukiahs leave Brent's home in search for the fellowship)
(The Fellowship are standing on the sandy bank within the forest. Inflatable rubber rafts are waiting for them)
Ginger: Farewell, Gregory, the short Aussie. I give you the light of the Mystical Forest, our most beloved Light.
Greg: It looks like a regular flashlight to me.
Ginger: Sssshhhhhhhh.
Ginger: May it be a light for you in dark places, when all other lights go out.
Greg: Does it come with spare batteries?
(Ginger walks up to Evan. She hands him a spool of rope)
Ginger: Evan, take this mystical rope of the forest. I know you have a fondness for B&D and the silky smooth texture of the rope will enhance your pleasure.
(The Fellowship climb into the rafts and leave, heading further in their journey)
(The Fellowship drift down stream of the river. Meanwhile the Ukiahans run cross country in search of the group)
Angus: Greg, the CostCo billboard! Long have I desired to look the CostCo name on a big sign.
(The Fellowship pull the rafts over at a quiet spot in the grassland area)
Angus: We cross the lake at nightfall. Hide the boats and continue on foot. We approach Modesto from the north.
Sean: Oh, yes?! It's just a simple matter of finding our way through several danagerous suburbs filled with gun carrying scum? An impossible labyrinth of run down old buildings! And after that, it gets even better! Festering, stinking hobos far as the eye can see!
Angus: That is our road. I suggest you take some rest and recover your strength Sean.
Sean: Recover my…?! Phrrrrr...
Kammie: (Quietly to Angus) We should leave now.
Angus: No. Rednecks patrol the roads ahead. We must wait for cover of darkness.
kammie: It is not the roads ahead that worries me. A shadow and a threat has been growing in my mind. Something heads near...I can feel it!
Sean: I do not need to recover my strength! (To Jon) Pay no heed to that, Jon.
Darrel: Where's Greg?
(Evan and Angus notice not only Greg was missing, but so was Mike)
(Greg was going for a nice peaceful walk. Suddenly he heard the voice of Mike)
Mike: None of us should wander alone, you least of all. So much depends on you. Greg?
Mike: I know why you seek solitude. You suffer; I see it day by day. You sure you do not suffer needlessly? There are other ways, Greg. Other paths that we might take. Like the one to the main CostCo store, where great products can be found for great low prices.
Greg: I know what you say. And it would seem like wisdom to get a discount on tampons but for the warning in my heart.
Mike: Warning? Against what? We're all afraid, Greg. Afraid to buy that 50 pack of Red Pens, But to let that fear drive us to destroy what hope we have. Don't you see that is madness?
Greg: There is no other way!
Mike: I ask only for the strength to help my nephew and CostCo! (Throws cap to the ground) If you would but lend me the Badge...
Greg: No. (Steps back)
Mike: Why do you recoil? I don't stink. I am no Hobo.
Greg: You are not yourself.
Mike: What chance do you think you have of finding a better deal or a lower price on toilet paper? They will find you! They will take the badge and you will beg for 10% off the retail price before the end!
(Greg tries to run away from Mike)
Mike: Fool!
(Mike gives chase)
Mike: You Dumbass Australian, thinking you are all knowing and tough because you speak funny. (Tackles Greg) Your silly shows flooding our cable channels and your stupid damn songs about kangeroos. Damn you Aussies to Hell!!!
(Mike struggles with Greg)
Mike: Give it to me! Give me the FUCKING BADGE!!!!!
Greg: No!
Mike: Give me… Give me the badge!
Greg: NO!!!
(Greg manages to pin on the badge and vanishes. Mike looses track where Greg was. Suddenly, Greg kicks Mike in the chin and runs)
Mike: (Looks around desperately) I see your mind. You will take the badge to the General Manager in hope of a big pay raise! You will betray us! You go to your death and the death of us all! Curse you! Curse your family! Curse your animals! Curse the Crocodile Hunter and his stupid wife and kids! And all the fucking Aussies!
(The madness passes and Mike comes to his senses)
Mike: Greg?...Greg?...what have I done? I've caused an international incident!...please...Greg!
Boromir: (In the background) Greg, I'm sorry! Oh no!
(Greg walks through the Badge world of winds and darkness. He hides behind something solid, something like a small building. Then he sees his enemy, the fiery figure. It speaks to him)
The General Manager: Peek-a-Boo, I see you..Hahahahaha...Pull my Finger!!!
(Greg removes the Badge and reappears in the regular world. He was infact hiding behind a redneck outhouse. Angus Approaches)
Angus: Greg, were you taking a crap?
Greg: (Startled) Huh?! It has taken Mike.
Angus: I told him to go easy with the Chillis. He doesn't listen to me, poor guy.
Greg: No, The madness for the Badge has taken him.
Angus: (Intensely) Where is the badge?
Greg: Stay away!
(Greg runs from Angus)
Angus: Greg!
(Greg stops)
Angus: I swore to protect you!
Greg: Can you protect me from yourself?!
(Greg shows the badge sat in his palm)
Greg: Would you destroy it?
(Angus looks at the badge in all its WinCo glory)
The Badge: Angus...Angus…Son of Fungus...Pin me to your cloak!
(Angus reaches out towards the Badge and he closes Greg's hand over the badge)
Angus: I would have gone with you to the end, into the crime ridden bowels of Modesto.
Greg: I know. Look after the others, especially Evan. He will not understand.
(Angus suddenly spun around to be faced with a large group of Ukiahans all angry and buff looking)
Angus: Go on Greg. (Draws his out sword) Run. Run! Get the fuck out of here!
(Evan begins searching for Greg. He is panicked)
Evan: Greg!!!
(Evan hears fighting and tries to avoid it while searching for Greg)
Larry: Find the Cart Guys! Find the Cart Guys! Look for the Depressed Low Paid guys.
Angus: (Jumps onto the group of Ukiahans) Boo-Hah!!!!!
(Kammie is shooting Ukiahans one after the other. Sean is hitting them in the groin with his big battle ax)
Kammie: Angus! Go!
(Greg is hiding behind a big redwood. He notices Darrel and Jon. They notice him. They are hiding behind another big tree)
Darrel: Greg!
Jon: (Beckoning) Hide here quick! Come on!
(Darrel and jon both see Greg shaking his head in refusal)
Jon: (To Merry) What’s he doin'?
Darrel: He's leavin’ us, He's leaving WinCo!
Jon: No! (Runs towards Greg)
Darrel: Jon! (Goes after him)
(Darrel and Jon stand next to Greg. They see a group heading their way)
Darrel: (Whispers) Run Greg! Go!
(Darrel Yells out to the group of Ukiahans moving through the woods)
Darrel: (Cups his hands around his mouth) Hey you! Over here! Yeah you, you limp dick assholes!!!
Jon: Hey!
Darrel: Over here!
Jon: (Waving his arms) This way! You shit for brains!
(Greg disappears deep within the woods. Darrel and Jon see large groups of Ukiahans heading their way)
Jon: Its working!
Darrel: I know its working! Run!
(Darrel and Jon are being closed in and several Ukiahans approach fast with big axes. Suddenly Mike comes launching in at the group and blocks their attacks with his sword. He throws a knife into the throat of another Ukiahan. A massive fight breaks out)
(Kammie, Sean and Angus are fighting larege numbers of Ukiahans)
Kammie: At this rate, Ukiah will have a low population soon.
(Suddenly a loud raspberry was heard)
Kammie: The Greet Sound of CostCo!
Angus: Mike!
(Kammie, Sean and Angus leave the battle and head for the sound. He for Mike)
(Mike makes another loud raspberry sound again, using the inner cardboard from a roll of toilet paper)
Mike: (To the Darrel and Jon) Run! Run!
(Mike killed many Ukiahan. Slashes their faces, Chests, hit them in the groin and gut. He was winning the battle. The Larry turned up. He took aim with his crossbow. He fired the first arrow. It went deep into Mike's stomach. At first Mike thought it was a dream, that he was ok. Then before his brain had a chance to realise what had happened, a second arrow punctured his chest. This knocked Mike back a few steps, but he did not fall. He swung his sword and killed a few more Ukiahans. A third arrow hit him in the groin, knocking him to his knees)
(Darrel and Jon drew their swords and started attacking the other Ukiahans. They killed a few, when the numbers of the enemy suddenly grew larger. They grabbed Darrel and Jon and took off through the woods with them. Mike was still on his knees trying to catch his breathe as blood pumped out of him)
(Larry stood before Mike. Larry loaded his crossbow again and took aim for Mike's forehead. Before he had a chance to shoot, Angus jumped him, knocking him off balance and the crossbow went off firing an arrow into a nearby tree. A punch up broke out and Angus was getting beaten. larry was a monster of a guy in size. Angus managed to get a good swing at Larry and removed his head from his neck. Larry's dead body collapsed)
(Angus went up to Mike, who was laying against a mighty redwood)
Mike: They took the low paid ones.
Angus: Be still.
Mike: Greg, where is Greg?
Angus: I let Greg go.
Mike: Then you did what I could not. I tried to take the badge from him.
Angus: The badge is beyond our reach now.
Mike: Forgive me, I did not see it. I have failed you all.
Angus: No, Mike, you fought bravely! You have kept your honor. (Starts to pulls the arrows from Mike)
Mike: Leave it! It is over. The world of CostCo will fall, and all Shopping Discounts will come to darkness… and the chain of stores will be in ruins.
Angus: I do not know what strength is in my blood, but I swear to you I will not let CostCo fall, nor our workers fail!
Mikes: Our workers? Our workers.
(Angus places Mike's sword in one of his hands and a dirty magazine in the other)
Mike: I would have followed you my friend, my partner, my boss!
(Mike passes away while clutching his dirty magazines)
Angus: Be at peace, loyal son of CostCo.
(Sean looks away and Kammie bows in respect for they have lost a friend)
(Evan keeps running through the woods looking for Greg)
Evan: Greg!
(Greg walks to the rubber Raft and climb in, Evan soon follows and throws himself into the raft too)
Greg: Evan, i should be going to Modesto alone.
Evan: Of course you are, and I’m coming with you!
Greg: You are not prepared for the evils you will see on this trip, Evan!
Evan: I made a promise, Greg. A promise! "Don’t you leave the Dumb Aussie, Evan Henderson." And I don’t mean to! I don’t mean to.
Greg: Oh Evan! Come on.
(Mike was wrapped in a few CostCo bags they had in their backpacks that they used to keep their food fresh. He was then thrown into the river and his body drifted away. His lifeless body still clutching his dirty magazine)
Kammie: Hurry! Greg and Evan have reached the Forest of Tourist Trap.
(Angus did not move)
Kammie: You mean not to follow them?
Angus: Gregs fate is no longer in our hands. In some ways it never really was.
Sean: Then it has all been in vain! The Fellowship has failed. If Gerry could see us now. He'd be really pissed off.
Angus: Not if we hold true to each other. We will not abandon Darrel and Jon to the Bizarreness of Brent. Not while we have strength left. Leave all that can be spared behind. We travel light. Let’s hunt some Ukiahan!
(Kammie smiles at Sean)
Sean: Yes!!! Haha!
(Angus, Kammie and Sean run through the woods in the direction that Darrel and Jon were taken in)
(Greg and Evan stand on the otherside of the forest of tourist trap. They can see a sort of marsh land that resembles Louisiana. In the far distant distance, they could see a microscope view of a WinCo sign)
Greg: Modesto. I hope the others find a safer route.
Evan: Spider will look after them.
Greg: I don’t suppose we’ll ever see them again.
Evan: We may yet, Greg. We may.
Greg: (Turns, smiling)Evan, I’m glad you’re with me.
(Greg and EVan begin heading towards the marsh lands and Modesto)
(To be continued)
It began with the manufacturing of the I.D.Badges. Four were given to the Cart Clerks, Depressed, Broke and Lowest Rank of all workers. Four Badges were given to the Security Crew, great Guards of the Eureka WinCo Store. And nine badges were given to the P.I.C.'s, who above all else, desire power. For within the P.I.C. badges, was bound the strength and will to govern their own department. But they were all of them deceived, for another Badge was made.
In the land of Modesto, in the fires of WinCo Destribution Building Furnace, the Dark Lord General Manager made in secret a master Badge, to control all others. And into this Badge, he poured his cruelty, his malice, his cost cutting and his will to Monopolise the entire Grocery Industry.
"One Badge to rule them all." onebadgetorulethemall
One by one, the Grocery Stores on the West Coast fell to the power of the Badge. But there were some who resisted. A last alliance of Safeway and CostCo marched against the Freight Crew of Modesto WinCo and at the front doors of the WinCo Building, they fought for the freedom of West Coast Grocery Stores.
Victory was near. But the power of the Badge could not be undone.
It was in this moment when all hope had faded, that Ian, Assistant to the Manager of CostCo, took up his Boss' sword.
The WinCo General Manager, the enemy of the free-business of the West Coast was defeated. The Badge passed to Ian, who had this one chance to destroy evil WinCo forever.
But the hearts of men are easily corrupted. And the Badge of power has a will of its own. It betrayed Ian to his death. And some things that should not have been forgotten were lost.
History became legend, legend became myth and for two and a half years, the Badge passed out of all knowledge. Until when chance came, it ensnared a new bearer.
((RAY: My Precioussssss))
The Ring came to the weirdo Raymond, who took it deep into the tunnels of the Shasta Mountains. And there, it consumed him.
((RAY: It came to me, my own, my love, my prrrrreciousssss!))
The Badge brought Raymond unnatural Popularity. For five days, it poisoned his weak little mind. And in the gloom of Gollum's cave, it waited. Darkness crept back into the forest of the world. Rumor grew of a shadow in Modesto, whispers a nameless fear, and the Badge of Power perceived. Its time had now come.
It abandoned Raymond, like a california skank. But something happened then the Badge did not intend. It was picked up by the most unlikely person imaginable.
((Don: What’s this?))
A Cart Clerk, Donald Reid of the Humboldt County.
((Don: A WinCo Badge))
((RAY: (from afar) Losssst!…My precious is lost!))
For the time soon come when Cart Clerks will shape the fortunes of all.
THE FELLOWSHIP OF THE BADGE
The Humboldt County…1 year later
Chris, The WinCo Security Guard: (SINGING)The road goes ever on and on down from the door where it began....
Greg: You're late!
(THE man does not look at Greg at first, then turns slowly, emphatic expression on his face that begins twitch to an old with and)
Chris: Security is never late, Greory Arditto. Nor are they early. They arrive precisely when they mean to.
(BOTH he and Greg slowly begin grin crack up into laughter)
Greg: (WALKS up toChris in the goft cart)Its wonderful to see you Chris!
Chris: You didn’t think I’ll miss Don's birthday?
Greg: What news outside of WinCo is there? Tell me everything.
Chris: Everything? But eager and curious for a Cart Clerk, most unnatural. Well what can I tell you? Life in California world goes on much as it has this past age, full of its own comings and goings. Scarcely aware of the existence of lowly paid Cart Clerks..., which I am very thankful.
Darrel: Look it's Chris! Its Chris!
(Chris grins and tips hat slightly)
(WinCo staff were putingup a banner by the shasta drink machines that reads ?Happy Birthday Donald Reid )
Chris: Ooh! The long expected party! So how is the ol' Don? I hear there’s going to be a party of special magnificence.
Greg: You know Don, he's got the whole Store in an uproar
Chris: Hmm, now well that should please him, hmmm.
Greg: Half the County hass been invited.
Chris: Good gracious me!
Greg: He is up to something.
Chris: Ooh really…
Greg: All right then keep your secrets. (Chris laughs)Before you came along we Cart Clerks were very well thought of.
Chris: (Laughs) Yeah Right.
Greg: Never had any major problems or did anything awful.
Chris: If you’re referring to the incident with that woman who lost her shopping, I was barely involved. All I did was give Don a little a little advice on how to deal with her.
Greg: Whatever you did, you’ve been officially labeled a disturber of the Cart Room.
Chris: Oh really?
(The Golf Cart slowly cruises by a few grumpy customers)
Jeannie: Chris! Welcome Back!
Greg: Chris - I'm glad you're back.
Chris: (As the Greg climbs off the moving Golf Cart) So am I, dear boy! So am I.
(Chris then parks the Golf Cart around the back of the WinCo Store. Chris made his way to the front of the store looking for Don. He went down the Coridoor and passed as sign saying) "Toilets Closed".
(Chris entered the Men's toilets and noticed one of the Cubicle doors was shut and locked. A faint odour was coming from the cubicle. Chris used the Reader Board Staff to knock on the door)
Don: (YELLS) Go away, i don't want to see Managers, Customers or Distant Relations!!!
Chris: How about very old men?
(Don quickly flushed the toilet and unlocks the cubicle door. Don, a plump man in his late thirties rushed out.)
Don: Chris!!!
Chris: 40 years old. (Chris examines Don's facial features) You haven't aged a day.
(Don smiled, Chris smiled. Don invited Chris upstairs to the Break Room for a cup of Tea.)
Don: Come in, Come in.
(Chris entered the Break Room. They both sat at the large white table and sipped the tea together.)
Chris: What's wrong, Don?
Don: I've got to get away from these confounded rude grim customers hanging around the cart room causing trouble--and the Managers, they never give me a moment's peace! I want to see mountains again, and my smokie the bear costume, Chris! And then find somewhere quiet where I can finish my book. Oh, tea!
Chris: So, you mean to go through with your plan, then.
Don: Yes, yes. It's all in hand. All the arrangements are made. (STARTS to pour water into tea cups, Chris opens lid) Oh, thank you.
Chris: Greg suspects something.
Don: ‘Course he does. He's Australian. Not some block-headed Eurekan from Humboldt.
Chris: You will tell him, won't you?
Don: Yes, yes.
Chris: He's very fond of you.
Don: I know. He'd probably come with me if I asked him (CHUCKLES). I think in his heart Greg is still in love with Australia: the woods, the fields, the way of life. I'm old Chris. I know I don't look it but I'm beginning to feel it in my heart. I need a holiday, a very long holiday. And I don't expect I shall return. In fact, I mean not to.
Don: Reeses Peanutbutter Cups. The finest chocolate made in America.
(Don and Chris each take a peanutbutter cup and slowly eat them)
Don: Chris, my old friend. This will be a night to remember!
(SCENE: Don and Chris are sat at ROUNDTABLE PIZZA alone, wearing party hats)
Chris: Are you sure your guests knew it was tonight, This amazing party?
Don: I thought it was clear.
Chris: Well, we are the only two sitting here.
Don: Oh well, we might as well eat and drink until we pass out.
(Suddenly, Greg, Evan, Darrel and a few other staff members from WinCo turned up, rushing into the area.)
Greg: Sorry we are late.
Don: No problem, Sit down all and eat up. Plenty of Food and Drink for all.
(The feast was huge and plentiful. Everyone had a great time drinking and eating and singing. As the night got later, Don got quieter.)
Guests: Speech, Don!
Evan: Speech!
Greg: Speech!
Don: My dear Cart Workers and Higher Paid Workers, Deli Workers and Pizza Workers, Bakers, Lay-abouts, Accident Prone Workers, Bludgers, Bulk Foods and Produce.
Produce Worker: Boo-Hah!
Don: Today is my 40th birthday!
Darrel: Happy birthday!
Chris: Happy birthday!
Don: Alas, Forty years is far too short a time to live among such excellent and admirable people. (CHEERS)I don’t know half of you half as well as I should like, and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve. (DEAD the from silence crowd)
Don: I, uh, I h-have things to do. (WHISPERS to himself)I’ve put this off for far too long. I regret to announce this is the end. I am going now. I bid you all a very fond farewell. (WHISPERS)Goodbye. (PUTS and on the Badge and vanishes)
Guests: (SHOCKED)Ooh!
(Don, is invisible to guests, leaves ROUNDTABLE PIZZA and returns to WinCo to collect his belongings.)
Don: Hahahahaha! (removed Badge and puts it in his pocket)
(It took about 2 minutes for Chris to get to WinCo. He enters and walked up behind Don, who is at his locker)
Chris: I suppose you think that was terribly clever.
Don: Come on Chris! Did you see their faces?
Chris: There are many important Badges in this world Donald Reid and none of them should be used lightly.
Don: It was just a bit of fun, oh you’re probably right as usual. You will keep an eye on Greg, won’t you?
Gandalf: Two eyes, as often as I can spare them.
Chris: What about this Badge of yours, is that staying too?
Don: Yes yes. It’s in an envelope. I put it in his locker.
(Don feels in his pocket)
Don: No, wait, its --here in my pocket. Heh, Isn’t that, isn’t that odd though? Yet, after all why not? Why shouldn’t I keep it?
Chris: I think you should leave the Badge behind, Don. Is that so hard?
Don: Well no… and yes! Now it comes to it, I don’t feel like parting with it, its mine, I found it, it came to me!
Chris: There’s no need to get angry.
Don: What if I’m angry it’s your fault! Its mine, my own, my precious.
Chris: Precious? Its been called that by Ray, but not by you.
Don: Argh! What business is it of yours what I do with my own things!
Chris: You found. It was never really yours. I think you’ve had that Badge quite long enough.
Don: You want it for yourself!
Chris: Donald Reid! Do not take me for some conjurer of dirty tricks, I am not trying to con you. I’m trying to help you.
Don: (STARTS crying)
Chris: All your long years we’ve been friends. Trust me as you once did, hmm? Let it go.
Don: You’re right Chris, the badge must go to Greg. It’s late, the road is long, Yes, it is time.
(Donald the door opens)
Chris: Don…
Don: Hmm?
Chris: …the Badge is still in your pocket.
Don: Oh, yes…
(Don reaches intohis pocket. He pulls the Badge. stares at palm, he then allows the Badge slip hand. It lands with a plastic sound thud)
(Don walked outside into the parking lot and then stopped. Chris was just behind him.)
Don: I’ve thought of an ending for my book – and he lived happily ever after…to the end of his days.
Chris: And I’m sure you will my dear friend.
Don: Good bye, Chris.
Chris: Good bye, Don.
Don: (SINGING)The road goes ever on and on, down from the door where it began…
Chris: Till our next meeting.
(Chris walked up the stairs and stopped at the entrance of the Break Room. He stoops to pick up the Badge when all of a sudden a short blinding flash of a vision. It was a hot fiery image of the General Manager in all his anger)
(Suddenly, Greg ran up the stairs to find Chris sat at a white table sipping Tea. Greg sees the Badge that Don used to own. Greg picks it up off the floor. Greg walks over to Chris)
Chris: (MUMBLES) Riddles in the Dark.
Greg: Where is Don?
Chris: (mumbles): My precious.
(Chris suddenly notices Greg standing there holding the Badge)
Chris (mumbles): Don's WinCo Badge.
Greg: He's gone hasn't he? He talked for so long about getting the hell away from WinCo. I didn't think he'd really do it.
Chris: Hmm. He's gone to become smokie the bear again. He's left you his Vest… (Chris holds Greg's shoulder, open, Chris holds out envelope and gestures Greg to put Badge inside.Chris then seals envelope)…along with all his work equipment. The Badge is yours now. Put it somewhere out of sight.
(Chris to up gets leave)
Greg: Where are you going?
Chris: There are some things that I must see to.
Greg: What things?
Chris: Questions. Questions that need answering!
Greg: But you've only just arrived! You can't leave again.
Chris: I have more holiday time coming to me. About the Badge, Keep it secret, Keep it safe.
(In the Basement in the Modesto WinCo Building)
(RAY's voice can be heard as he is tortured)
RAY: Humboldt!!! Reid!!!
(The Back Roller Doors of the Modesto WinCo Building open and out ride Demonic P.I.C.'s in search for the one Badge)
(Chris rode the grand CostCo store just outside of Modesto.Chris is there to study its ancient scrolls)
(VOICE over)Year 2001 of the Second Age. Here follows the account of Ian, New Manager of CostCo and the finding of the badge of power. It has come to me, the One Badge. It shall be the heirloom of my chain of Stores. All that who should become Manager of CostCo shall be bound to its fate for I will risk no hurt to the Badge. It is precious to me, though I buy it with a great pain. The markings upon the badge begin to fade. The writing, which at first was as clear as red flame, has all but disappeared, a secret now that only fire can tell.
(BACK at Humboldt County)
(Local Eureka Bum staggering down Harris Street.Dog barks incessantly.)
P.I.C.: Humboldt. Reid
Bum: Reid. I think he works at that 24 hour Grocery Store. (POINTS)
(P.I.C. off rides)
(Greg and Evan are doing the nightshift at WinCo)
Evan: Well, my shift is finished. All the juice, Milk and Eggs are done for you.
Greg: Thanks again, Evan.
(Evan grabs his trench coat and heads towards the cart room exit)
Evan: Goodnight.
Greg: Goodnight Evan.
(Greg walked out of the cart room and gathered a few stray carts. Greg pushes them back inside the cart room)
(Chris grabs Greg's shoulder from behind)
Greg: Huh?!
Chris: Is it secret? Is it safe?!
(Greg searches his locker for the envelope. He finds it and hands it to Chris)
(Chris throws the envelope into the microwave)
Greg: What are you doing?
(Chris stops the microwave and opens the door and removes the Badge with a pair of tongs)
Chris: Hold out your hand Greg, it’s quite cool. What can you see? Can you see anything?
Greg: Nothing. There's nothing... wait. There are markings. It's some form of Chinese. I think it says "Made in China".
Chris: Nope, you have it wrong. There are few who can the language. It is a form of Slang from Modesto, which I will not utter here.
Greg: Modesto?
Chris: In the common tongue it says, "One Badge to rule them all, One Badge to Hire them. One Ring to bring them all and in the Basement Fire them."
(In the Cart Room)
Chris: This is the One Badge. Stamped out by a Badge Machine owned by the Dark Lord General Manager in the Basement of the Modesto WinCo Building. Taken by Ian from the hand of General Manager himself.
Greg: Don found it. In Raymond's cave in the shasta mountains.
Chris: Yes. 1 year the Badge lay quiet in Don's keeping, prolonging his life, delaying old age. But no longer Greg. Evil is stirring in Modesto and i am not referring to the drive bys. The Badge has awoken. It's heard its master's call.
Greg: But he was destroyed. The General Manager was destroyed.
Badge: (WHISPERS)Work Harder for Less Money…
(Chris and Greg look down at the Badge sat on the small dirty white desk in the cart room)
Chris: No, Greg. The spirit of the General Manager endured. His life force is bound to the Badge and the Badge survived. The General Manager has returned. His Freight Crew have multiplied. The WinCo Store in Modesto is rebuilt. The General Manager needs only this Badge to cover all the lands of a second darkness. He is seeking it. Seeking it, all his thought is bent on it. The Badge yearns above all else to return to the uniform of its master. They are one, the Badge and the dark lord. Greg, he must never find it.
Greg: Alright, we put it away, we keep it hidden. We never speak of it again. No one knows it's here, do they? Do they Chris?
Chris: There is one other who knew that Don had the Badge. I looked everywhere for the lazy turd, Raymond. But a gang working for the dark lord found him first. I don’t know how long they tortured him. Amidst the endless screams and inane babble, they discerned two words.
(SCENE to flashes Raymond's torture)
Ray: Humboldt!!! Reid!!!
Greg: Humboldt. Reid. But that would lead them here!
(CUTS to Gang Member standing in the street)
Gang Dude: Yo, Wuzzup?
(The Demon P.I.C. slices the head of the gang dude)
(CUTS back to WinCo Cart Room)
Greg: Take it Chris! Take it!
Chris: No Greg no.
Greg: You must take it!
Chris: You cannot offer me this badge!
Greg: I'm giving it to you!
Chris: Don't tempt me Greg! I dare not take it. Not even to keep it safe. Understand Greg, I would use this ring from the desire to do good. But through me, it would wield a power to great and terrible to imagine.
Greg: But it cannot stay in the Humboldt!
Chris: No! No it can't.
Greg: What must I do?
(SCENE to his Greg goes rushing about trying pack for journey)
Chris: You must leave and leave quickly.
Greg: Where? Where do I go?
Chris: Get out of Humboldt. Make for it to Garberville.
Greg: Garberville. What about you?
Chris: I'll be waiting for you, at the Bar of the Prancing LimpWrist Faggots.
Greg: And the Badge will be safe there?
Chris: I don't know Greg. I don't have any answers. I must see a good friend of mine. He is both wise and powerful. Trust me Greg, you'll know what to do. You’ll have to leave the name of Gregory Arditto behind you, for that name will soon be known and it will not be safe outside the Humboldt. Travel only by day. And stay off the road.
Greg: I can cut across country easily enough.
Chris: My dear Greg. Australians really are amazing people! You can learn all that there is to know about their culture on the discovery channel, and yet after a few days working with an Australian, they can still surprise you. (HEARS movement near an old shitbox of a hatchback) Get down!
(Chris walks over to parked car with the reader board staff in hand. He swings the staff and hits someone)
Evan: Oooff!!
(Chris grabs Evan and drags him up and over the hood of the hatchback)
Chris: Confound it all Evan Henderson! You’ve been evesdropping?!
Evan: I have been droppin no eves sir, honest. I was just admiring the wheels, if you follow me.
Chris: A little late for admiring cars, don’t you think?
Evan: I heard raised voices.
Chris: What did you hear?! Speak!!!!
Evan: N-n-n-nothing important. That is I heard a good deal about a Badge and a dark lord and something about the end of the world. But please Mister Foster sir, don’t hurt me. Don’t turn me into anythin’ --unnatural.
Chris: No, perhaps not. I have thought of a better use for you…
Chris: Come along Evan, keep up! Be careful both of you. The enemy has many spies in his service: Hobos, Gangs. (TURNS to Greg) Is it safe? (Greg pats pocket of jacket) Never put it on, for the P.I.C.s of the dark lord will be drawn to its power. Always remember, Greg, the Badge is trying to get back to its master. It wants to be found.
(Chris leaves Evan and Greg to start their journey)
(Greg and Evan make their way along a little stream)
(Greg and Evan make there way through a field)
Evan: This is it.
Greg: This is what?
Evan: I take one more step, it would be the farthest away from home I’ve ever been without my Honda Civic.
Greg: Come on Evan. Remember what Don used to say?
Evan: Where are all the Carts?
Greg: No, not that, the one about travelling in the woods.
Evan: Beware of bears?
Greg: Nevermind.
(Chris drives his little suzuki. He drives to his friend, Brent Wick the Blue)
Brent: Smoke rises from Modesto. The hour grows late and Chris the Wise rides to my home seeking my counsel. For that is why you have come, is it not...my old friend?
Chris: Saruman. (BOWS)
(Chris and Brent are walking through Brent's Gardens)
Brent: You are sure of this?
Chris: Beyond any doubt.
Brent: The Badge of power has been found.
Chris: All these long years it was in Humboldt County, under my very nose.
Brent: Yet you did not have the wit to see it. Your love of the Cart room clerks has clearly slowed your mind.
Chris: But we still have time. Time enough to counter the General Manager if we act quickly.
Brent: Time?! What time do you think we have?
(Chris and Brent are in Brent's living room conferring)
Brent: The General Manager has regained much of his former strength. He cannot yet take physical form, but his spirit has lost none of its potency. Concealed within his WinCo Building, the Lord of Modesto sees all -- his gaze pierces cloud, shadow, earth and flesh. You know of what I speak, Chris -- a great Being... Angry... wreathed in flame.
Chris: The Eye of the General Manager.
Brent: He is gathering all evil to him. Very soon he will summon an army great enough to launch an assault upon West Coast.
Chris: You know this? How?
Brent: I have seen it.
(Chris and Brent enter Brent's office to see a computer)
Chris: The Internet is a dangerous tool, Brent.
Brent: Why? Why should we fear to use it?
(Turns on Modem)
Chris: The internet is full of hackers. We do not know who else may be watching!
(Chris turns off modem. Before he does, the screen flashes red and a feiry figure appears for a second)
Brent: The hour is later than you think. The General Manager's forces are already moving. The Nine have left Modesto.
Chris: The Nine!
Brent: They crossed the Eel River on aMidsummer's Eve, disguised as riders in Teal.
Chris: They've reached Humboldt?!
Brent: They will find the Badge...and kill the one who carries it.
Chris: Greg!
(Chris discovers the door out is locked with a key he did not have)
Brent: You did not seriously think that an Australian could contend with the will of the General manager. There are none who can. Against the power of Modesto there can be no victory. We must join with him, Chris. We must join with the General Manager. It would be wise, my friend.
Chris: Tell me, friend, when did Brent the Blue abandon reason for madness?!
(Brent picked up his broom and smacked Chris across the face. Brent hit him again and again until Chris layed still)
Brent: I gave you the chance of aiding me willingly. But you...have elected...the way of pain!
(Chris blacks out)
(Evan is walking through a corn field. He can't see Greg)
Evan: Greg? Greg! GREG!
(Greg emerges from bent)
Evan: (SIGH)I thought I’d lost you.
Greg: What are you talking about?
Evan: It's just something Chris said.
Greg: What did he say?
Evan: "Don’t you lose him Evan Henderson!" And I don't mean to.
Greg: Evan we're still in Humboldt County. What could possibly happen?
(Darrel and Jon bumped into both Evan and Greg)
Jon: Greg? Darrel! It's Greg the Aussie.
Darrel: Hello Greg!
Evan: Get off him! (HAULS Jon off Greg)Greg? Are you alright?
Jon: What's the meaning of this?
Darrel: Hold this. (HANDS to Sam vegetables)
Evan: You've been into Safeway's Dumpsters!
(Suddenly, Evan, Greg, Jon and Darrel hear police sirens as a california patrol car cruises by)
Police Officer: (BRANDISHING a Gun)Wait till I catch you little Assholes!…Stay out of Safeway's Dumpsters! You Bastards I’ll catch up with you!
Darrel: Dunno why he is so upset. It’s only a couple of carrots!
Jon: And some cabbages. And those few bags of potatoes that we lifted last week and, and the mushrooms the week before!
Darrel: Yes Jon! My point is, he is clearly overreactin’. Run!
(Evan, Greg, Darrel and Jon make a fast run for it. They keep running until they fall down a steep hill. They all come crashing down at the bottom with a hard thump.)
Jon: Ooh! That was close
Darrel: Ow! I think I've broken something. (PULLS a broken carrot out from under himself)
Evan: Trust you two to cause this kind of Trouble!
Darrel: What?! That was just a detour, a shortcut.
Evan: A shortcut to what?
Jon: Mushrooms!!! Now we can get HIGH!!!
(Evan, Jon and Darrel rush towards the wild mushroom and begin picking them.)
(Greg, stands still looking down the small tar road)
Jon: That’s mine!
Evan: Mmm…
Darrel: Here is a nice one, Evan.
Greg: I think we should get off the road.
(There was the sound of an animal heading towards them. It sounded like a horse walking slowly along the road)
Greg: Get off the road! Quick!
(The four guys ran down into the thick bushes and hid behind a large Redwood Tree. A rider of a horse pulled up nearby the tree. It was one of the Demon P.I.C.'s. This P.I.C. looked very fierce. He climbed off his horse and walked towards the tree slowly. The four guys hear the sound of pants being unzipped. The sound of splashing liquid could be heard. Darrel, Jon and Evan were worried as they listened carefully. The pee was making the bugs nearby the Tree, flee away. Greg slowly drifted into a trace. He was holding the Badge in his hand. Stroking the smooth edges of the rectangle plastic)
(The P.I.C. finished peeing and stood around. Greg almost had the Badge pinned onto himself, when Evan grabbed the badge and Greg's hand and pulled it away from his shirt. Greg snapped out of the trance. The P.I.C. climbed back on the horse and road off in the direction he was heading in)
Darrel: What was that?
(Greg stares at the Badge in his palm)
(The four guys ran from their hiding spot behind the Tree. They zig zag between trees keeping an eye out for the Demonic P.I.C. riding a huge horse.)
(The four guys hide behind a tree)
Jon: Anything?
Greg: Nothing.
Jon: What is going on?
Darrel: That Teal Rider was looking for something… or someone. Greg?
Jon: Get down!
(The Demonic P.I.C. rode through the Area, but did not see the four hiding)
Greg: I have to leave Humboldt County. Evan and I have must get to Garberville.
Darrel: Right. Follow me.
(The four guys run through the forst heading towards a small river. They step into the river and slowly make their way across. They can hear the Demonic P.I.C. stalking them as the horse hooves get louder. Then they see a fence. They climb over it. Greg begins to lag behind as he struggles with the barbed wire. Then Darrel sees what he was looking for. Ahead of them there was a wider, rougher river. Tied to the side of the river bank was a make-shift timber raft)
Darrel: Run! This way, follow me! Run!
Darrel: Get the rope Evan!
Evan: Greg!
Jon: Run Greg!
Greg: Go!
Evan: Hurry!
Darrel: Greg!
Evan: Jump Greg! Go on faster! Jump!
(Greg leaps from the river bank and launches out and onto the timber raft)
(The four scared guys look back at the river bank to see the Demonic P.I.C. on his horse. The teal colour hooded cloaks stood out against the darkness)
Greg: How far to the nearest crossing?
Darrel: Fortuna, Twenty miles.
(The four cart guys arrive in Garberville. Garberville was a dark, gloomy, dangerous and dirty place. They were suddenly stopped by the local police officer.
Garber Cop: What do you want?
Greg: We’re heading to your local drinking etsablishment.
Garber Cop: Cart Clerks! Four Cart Clerks! What business brings you to Garberville?
Greg: We wish to stay at the inn. Our business is our own.
Garber Cop: Alright young loser, I meant no offence. ‘Tis my job to ask question after nightfall. There’s talk of strange queer folk abroad. Can’t be too careful.
(The four cart guys continue heading towards what looked like hell called a "BAR")
Men of Garberville: Move! Watch where you're going! I did your wife and your sister too!!!
(The four cart guys enter the BAR)
Greg: Excuse me?
Butterfingers: Good evening little bastards! If you’re seeking accommodation then we got some nice cozy cheap cart clerk affordable rooms available. Mr. uh--
Greg: --Um...Errrrr, my name’s.. Underage...Mr Underage.
Butterfingers: Underage. Hmm.
Greg: We’re friends of Chris the Wise. Can you tell him we’ve arrived?
Butterfingers: Chris? Chris? Ohhh yes! I remember, elderly chap, gray hair, drives a shitty little suzuki hatchback. Not seen him for 6 months.
(The cart guys were surprised. They had worried looks on their faces)
Evan: What do we do now?
(The four cart guys find a table and sit at it)
Greg: Evan, He’ll be here. He’ll come.
Bum: (To Darrel) Get, get out of my way.
(Darrel returns to the table with a mug filled with beer)
Jon: What’s that?
Darrel: This my friend, is a pint.
Jon: It comes in pints? I’m getting one.
Evan: You had a whole half already!
(Jon rushes to the bar)
Evan: That fellow’s done nothin but starin at us since we arrived. You think he is gay, Greg?
Greg: (Takes Butterfingers aside) Excuse me, that man in the corner, who is he?
Butterfingers: He’s one of them queer folk. Kinky they are-- Goes to wild parties. What his real name is I’ve never heard but around here, he’s known as Spider.
Greg: Spider? What kind of Spider?
Butterfingers: What do you mean, what kind of Spider? His name is Spider. Geez.
(Greg begins fondling the Badge. He can hear it speak to him. Tempting him)
The Badge: Put it on...Wear it...You know you want it...You are nothing but a low income cart clerk...Arditto!
Jon: Arditto!
(Greg snaps out of trance)
Jon: (At the bar) Sure I know a Greg Arditto. He’s over there, Greg Arditto, the Aussie. He's a mighty fine worker if I do say so myself. He could go places that guy. Maybe even become famous.
(Greg gets up and begins making his way towards Jon. He is trying to stop him. Spider sees this.)
Greg: Jon!
Jon: Steady on, You'll spill my beer!!!
(Greg is elbowed and knocked backwards. He falls and the badge goes up into the air and the loose pin of the badge lands and stabs through his jacket. Instantly, Greg vanishes. Spider sits upright staring at the spot Greg once occupied)
Voice of the General Manager: You cannot hide! Peek-a-Boo, I see you!!!
(Greg tugs at the badge and the pin slides out of jacket. Greg crawls away takes reappears, Suddenly Spider grabs Greg by the left shoulder of his jacket and is yanked upwards onto his feet)
Greg: What the..?!
Spider: You draw far too much attention to yourself Mr. "Underage"! (Tosses him up the stairs of the Bar)
(Spider enters a quiet empty room and tosses Greg to one side)
Greg: What do you want?
Spider: A little more caution from you. That is no trinket you carry.
Greg: I carry nothing.
Spider: Indeed.
(Spider walks to the windows and puts out the candles)
Spider: I can avoid being seen if I wish. But to disappear entirely, that is a rare gift.
Greg: Who are you?
Spider: Are you frightened?
Greg: Yes.
Spider: Not nearly frightened enough. I know what hunts you.
(Suddenly the door bursts open, Spider draws his sword as he sees three Cart Guys storm in. Evan carries a broom handle)
Evan: *Stand off! Let him go! Or I’ll have you drawn and quartered!
Spider: You have a strong heart and good looks for a simple cart clerk, but that will not save you. You can no longer wait for Chris, Greg. They are coming.
(The Garberville cop sees four teal riders storming towards him. He puts up his hand to gesture them to stop. They do not listen. Within 2.2 seconds, the cop loses his raised arm and head.)
Greg: What are they?
Spider: They were once good men and women. Great P.I.C.'s of WinCo Foods. Then the General Manager the all promising Evil Store Lord, gave to them nine P.I.C. Badges of power. Wanting to keep their jobs, they took them without question. One by one falling into darkness, giving in to the will of WinCo. Now they are slaves to his will. They are Demonic P.I.C.'s, Badgewraiths, neither living nor dead. At all times they feel the presence of the Badge. Drawn to the power of the One. They will never stop hunting you.
(Following day leaving Garberville)
Greg: Where are you taking us?
Spider: Into the wild.
Darrel: (To Frodo) How do we know this Spider is a friend of Chris?
Greg: We have no choice but to trust him.
Evan: But where is he leading us?
Spider: To Redding Master Evan, The Holiday Home of Gerry.
Evan: Did you hear that? Redding! We’re going to see the loggers!
(Around noon, Spider noticed the group stopping.)
Spider: Gentlemen, we do not stop till nightfall.
Jon: What about a Rest?
Spider: We already had it.
Jon: We've had one 10 minute break, yes. What about a second 10 minute break?
(Spider away walks)
Darrel: Don't think he knows about second 10 minute break, Jon.
Jon: What about the 30 minute break? 5 minute stand around break? 2 minute nap? Shasta Drink Break? Donut Break? He knows about them doesn’t he?
Darrel: I wouldn't count on it.
Merry: (Impatiently) Pippin!
Brent: The power of my Temple is at your command, General Manager, Lord of Grocery.
Voice of the General Manager: Build me anFreight Crew worthy of Modesto!
(A Couple of Newly hired Freight Workers enter)
Bob: What orders from Modesto my Lord? What does the General Manager command?
Brent: We have work to do!
(Chris the awakens on Brent's rooftop, sees work going on around it)
Tim: The Redwood trees are strong, my Lord. Their roots go deep.
Brent: Rip them all down.
(Spider and the four cart clerks arrive at a rustic old ruin farm house with barn)
Spider: This was the great farm house of Moonshine Hill. Notice the entire right side of the house missing. That was the great Gin Explosion of '68. We will sleep here tonight.
(Spider drops a backpack holding four swords)
Spider: These are for you. Keep them close. I’m going to have a look around. Stay here.
(After awhile, it is dark. Greg awakes up to find Evan, Darrel and Jon sat around drinking beer and they had a huge bon fire going.)
Jon: Can I have another Brewski?
Darrel: Ok. Want that in a cup or the can?
Evan: I like to use a straw.
Greg: What are you doing?!
Darrel: Beer, Weed, Nice Prescription Drugs.
Evan: We saved some for you, Greg.
Greg: Put the fire out you fools! Put it out!
Jon: Oh that’s nice! Greg is going to rain on our parade!
(Suddenly there was a sppoky screeching groan from a hundred feet away or so)
(It was the Nine Demonic P.I.C.'s)
Cart Guys: Uh?!
(Greg motions them to go hide in the rustic Barn)
Greg: Go!!
(It didn't take long for the four Cart Clerks to be completely surrounded by the dangerous Nine)
Evan: Back you over paid demons!
(The Nine begin moving closer. Evan swings his sword about trying to hit any of the Nine. He is knocked over quickly. They move in on Greg. Darrel and Jon are thrown aside. Greg is knocked over too. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out the Badge. The Nine see it. They are fixed on it. Greg quickly pins on the Badge. Suddenly, he is in the world of darkness and wind. The Nine are like a negative version of the darker selves. They are also dressed different. They all wear Regular Casual Clothes. They walk in faster with their swords ready. The leader, The Manager in Training, walks up to Greg and reaches for the badge. Greg pulls away and the P.I.C. stabs Greg in the left shin. Suddenly Spider turns up and fights them all. Then they flee. Greg removes the Badge and reappears.)
Greg: Aaaahhhh!
Evan: Greg! (Rushes to his side)
Greg: Oh CRAP!!!
(Spider makes sure they have left the area, before seeing Greg)
Evan: Spider! Help him Spider.
Spider: He’s been stabbed by a Modesto blade. (The Blade like the typical worker disappears) This is beyond my skill to heal. He needs New Age medicine.
(Spider put Greg over his shoulder and the group moved into the thick woods. In the distance, they all heard the screeching groans of the Demonic P.I.C.'s)
Spider: Hurry!
Evan: We are six days from Redding. He's Australian, He’ll never make it!
Greg: (Muttering) Chris…
Spider: Hold on Greg.
Greg: (Cries out)…Chris!!!!
(On Brent's rooftop of his modern looking home, Chris sat there feeling cold as the rain started to come down. Suddenly a Huge Moth was drawn to the lights inside the house. It flew around in frustration of not being able to get to the lights. Then it flew up and over the house, where Chris caught the Moth in his two hands)
Chris: (Whispering) Mothy, Mothy, Go, Go, Mothy, Mothy.
(The Moth flew away when released and flew up higher and higher, until it was sucked into the engine of a low flying Jet)
(Spider layed Greg on the soft grass. It was dark and wet. Greg's fever from rusty metal infection was getting worse)
Evan: Greg? (To Spider) He’s going cold!
Jon: Is he going to die?
Spider: He’s passing into the shadow world. He will soon become a Badgewraith like them.
(Greg groans in pain)
(The Nine screech in the distance)
Darrel: They’re close.
Spider: Evan, do you know Cactus plant?
Evan: Cactus?
Strider: geez, the spiky plant that looks like a dick.
Evan: oh...Yeah, uh, that's not WEED!!!
Spider: No, it is not Weed, butIt may help to slow the infection. Hurry!
(Evan and Spider split up and go looking for a cactus. WHile Spider is searching, a mysterious blade slides across his throat)
Amanda: What’s this? A Backpacker caught off his guard?
(Greg sees a vision of Amanda in white light)
Amanda: Greg.... Im Amanda. I have come to help you.
Amanda: Hear my voice. Come back to the light.
Darrel: Who is she?
Amanda: (Kneels) Greg!
Evan: She's from Redding, a New Age Herbalist.
Amanda: He's fading!
(Greg Gasps for air)
Amanda: He's not going to last. We must get him to Gerry. He is Wise in the Herbal Medicine.
Darrel: I didn't know Gerry had a holiday home in Redding?
Spider: Gerry is well known in Redding. He stopped the SARS outbreak that happened in Redding. He also helped people with the common cold and bad cases of the sniffles.
Amanda: The Demonic P.I.C.'s have split up.There are 5 P.I.C.'s behind you. Where the other 4 are, I do not know.
(Spider puts Greg on Amanda's horse)
Spider/Angus: Stay with the cart clerks. I will send a transport for you
Amanda: I’m the faster rider. I’ll take him.
Spider/Angus: The road is too dangerous. The State Government have not repaired the roads properly.
Jon: What are they saying? Is the Government to blame for our crappy road?
Amanda: If I can get across the Raging River, the power of Gerry will protect him.
Amanda: I do not fear them.
Spider/Angus: Best of Luck then.
Spider/Angus: Amanda, ride hard. Don’t look back!
Amanda: Ride fast you stupid horse or it is the glue factory for you!!!
(Amanda rides away with Greg)
Evan: (To Spider) What are you doing?! Those Demon Bastards are still out there!
(The P.I.C.'s chase after Amanda)
Amanda: Ride faster, Don't make me use the whip!!!
(The Horse struggles to cross the raging river, but they make it. The complete Nine P.I.C.'s are together on the other side of the river)
P.I.C.: Give up the cart turd, Sexy!
(Amanda draws her sword)
Amanda: If you want him, come and claim him!
(The Nine begin to slowly cross the raging river)
(Amanda begins her mystical white witch chant)
Arwen: Nin o Chithaeglir, lasto beth daer, Rimmo nin Bruinen dan in Ulaer!
Nin o Chithaeglir, lasto beth daer, Rimmo nin Bruinen dan in Ulaer! (Waters of the Shasta Mountains listen to the great word; flow waters of StrongWater against the Badgewraiths!)
(The Water lifts up like a tidal wave and slams the nine badgewraiths, breaking their necks and killing them and their horses)
(Greg falls off the horse and is out cold. Amanda goes to him.)
Amanda: No! Greg...No! Greg, don’t give in! Not now!
(Amanda embraces Greg and cries)
Amanda: (VOICE over) What grace is given me, let it pass to him, let him be spared, save him.
(Everything is white in Greg's mind. Suddenly the face of Gerry appears)
Gerry: Lasto beth nin. Tolo dan nan galad. (Hear my voice, come back to the light)
Greg: (half asleep) Where am I?
Chris: You are in the holiday house of Gerry. And it is 10 o’clock in the morning, on October the 24th if you want to know.
(Greg wakes up)
Greg: Chris!
Chris: Yes...I’m here. And you're lucky to be here too. A few more hours and you
would have been beyond our aid. But you have some strength in you, my dear under paid Cart Clerk!
Greg: What happened Chris? Why didn't you meet us?
Chris: Oh I'm sorry Greg... I was delayed.
(FLASHBACK Chris is sat on Brent's rooftop. Brent is also up there to make him one last deal)
Brent: Friendship with the General manager is not lightly thrown aside.
Brent: One ill turn deserves another. It is over! Embrace the power of the Badge…or embrace your own destruction!
Brent: There is only one Lord of the Badge! Only one can bend it to his will.
And he does not share power!
(Chris gets up and takes a leap off the roof. He crashes into the rose garden, destroying Brent's prize roses. Brent watches in anger as Chris runs down the road soaking wet)
Brent: So you have chosen - death.
(Chris snaps back out of his flashback.)
Greg: Chris? What is it?
Chris: Nothing Greg.
(Evan enters the room)
Evan: Greg! Greg!
Greg: Evan!
Evan: Bless you, you're awake! For a moment, I thought the Aussie was dead!
(Greg chuckles)
Chris: Evan has hardly left your side, except for breakfast, morning nap, Lunch, afternoon nap, dinner, dessert, sleep and showers.
Evan: We were that worried about you, Because you owe all of us so much money and we would prefer you pay us back first before you die, Isn't that right, Chris?
Chris: By the skills of Gerry, you're beginning to mend.
Gerry: Welcome to Redding, Gregory Arditto.
(Greg meets up with Darrel and Jon. The four of them make jokes and stuff. Then he sees someone he was not expecting. He sees Don)
Greg: Don!
Don: Hello Greg!
Greg: Don! (HUG)
Don: Oh my. How are you doing?
Greg: " Don, your Book...To Hell and Back Again: A Cart Clerk's Tale by Donald Reid". (Gregleaves the book open) This is wonderful!
Don: I meant to go back...wander the paths of McKinleyville... visit lolita...see the Shasta Mountain again. But age it seems have finally caught up with me. (Don leans to one side and lets a ripper fart escape) Gas also seems to be slowing me down.
(Greg looks at the map of Humboldt County)
Greg: I miss Humboldt County. I spent 12 months hating it, wishing I was off somewhere else…Back in Australia! (Realises sadly) My own adventure turned out to be quite different.
Greg: I’m not like you Don. I don't like wearing the smokie the Bear outfit. It itches something terrible!
Don: I understand. I will say this. You are a great worker and a great friend.
(Back outside, Evan is getting ready to leave. Greg notices Evan packing his backpack)
Evan: (TO himself) Now where did I leave those condoms?
Greg: Packed already?
Evan: No harm in being prepared.
Greg: I thought you wanted to see Redding girls, Evan.
Evan: I do! But they are not puting out! It sucks!!!
Greg: That's Nasty.
Evan: we did what Chris wanted didn't we? We got the Badge this far
to Redding and then I thought...seen’ as how you’re on the mend, we'd be off soon, off home.
Greg: You're right Evan. We did what we set out to do. (Greg looks at the ring which is sat on his palm)The Badge will be safe in Redding.
Greg: I am ready to go home.
(Chris and Gerry are on the balcony watching Greg and Evan talk)
Gerry: His strength returns.
Chris: That wound will never fully heal. He will carry it the rest of his life.
Gerry: And yet to have come so far, still bearing the ring, for an Australian, he has shown extraordinary resilience to it's evil.
Chris: It is a burden he should never have had to bear. We can ask no more of Greg.
Gerry: Chris, the enemy is moving. The General Manager's business planners are amassing in the south-- Their sights are fixed on building a new WinCo in Redding. And Brent, you tell me has betrayed us. Our list of allies grows thin like the hair on my head.
Chris: His treachery and plumbing runs deeper than you know. By foul craft Brent has crossed blacks with asians, he's breeding an army in his back yard. An army that can do freight work and cart work for lower wages. Brent is coming for the Badge.
Gerry: This evil cannot be concealed by the power of my friends. We do not have the strength to fight both Modesto and Brent!
(Chris moves away from Gerry as he is in deep thought)
Gerry: Chris, the badge cannot stay here.
(Chris sees Sean, Kammie and Mike arrive at Gerry's house)
Gerry: This peril belongs to all of the West Coast. They must decide now how to end it. The time of the New Age Peace Lovers are over-- my friends are leaving these shores. They are living it up in Fiji. Who will you look to when we've gone? Nevada? They only care for their gambling. They hide in their Casino seeking riches-- they care nothing for the troubles of others.
Chris: It is in CostCo workers that we must place our hope.
Gerry: CostCo workers? They are weak. The Strength of CostCo workers is failing. The payroll of CostCo is all but spent. It's pride, dignity and cheap deals are forgotten. It is because of CostCo the Badge survives. I was there Chris. I was there three thousand years ago...
Gerry: Ian took the Badge. I was there the day the strength of CostCo failed.
(Gerry has a vietnam like flashback. He and Ian stood at the Crusher of the Modesto WinCo building)
Gerry: Ian hurry. Follow me.
Gerry: (VOICE over) I led Ian into the heart of the Modesto WinCo building, where the mighty crusher was, the one place it could be destroyed.
(AT the WinCo crusher)
Gerry: Cast it into the Crusher!
(Ian looks at the Badge. It whispers to him)
Gerry: Destroy it!
Ian: No.
(Ian walks away)
Gerry: Ian!!!
Gerry: (VOICE over) It should’ve ended that day, but evil was allowed to endure. WinCo stocks grew fat.
(The flashback ends and Gerry sees Redding out his window)
Gerry: Ian kept the ring. The line of CostCo managers is broken. There is no strength left in the world of CostCo. They’re scattered, divided, leaderless and far more expensive that other stores.
Chris: There is one who could unite them, one who could reclaim the rank of COstCo manager, One who could offer discount vouchers to valued customers.
Gerry: He turned from that path long time ago. He has chosen Pumping Gas at a Texaco.
(Inside Gerry's Billard room)
Mike: The shards of the Mighty Sword! The blade that cut the Badge from the General Manager's hand!
(Mike runs his finger along the shattered blade. He cuts himself)
Mike: (In amazement) It's still sharp!
(Mike turns to see Angus looking at him)
Mike: No more than a broken heirloom!
(Mike drops the broken sword onto the floor and leaves the room. Angus gets up off the seat and picks up the broken piece and places it back on the stand. The Amanda enters the room and walks up to Angus)
Amanda: Why do you fear the past? You are Ian's heir, not Ian himself. You are not bound to his fate.
Angus: The same blood flows in my veins. (Turns to Arwen) Same weakness.
Amanda: Your time will come. You will face the same evil, and you will defeat it. The Shadow does not hold sway yet, not over you and not over me.
Amanda: Do you remember when we first met?
Angus: I thought I had strayed into a dream.
Amanda: Long years have passed…You do not have the cares you carry now.
Amanda: Do you remember what I told you?
Angus: That I could wear your dresses if they make me feel comfortable.
Amanda: No, not that, the other part.
Angus: You said you'd bind yourself to me.
Amanda: And to that I hold. I would rather share a low income wage with you, than have millions and be alone.
(Amanda gives Angus her silver heart shaped pendent. Angus opens it to find a photo of him and her)
Amanda: I choose a low income life.
Angus: You cannot give me this!
Amanda: It is mine to give to whom I will...like my heart.
(They kiss)
Gerry: Strangers from distant states, friends of the good old days. You have been summoned here to answer the threat of Modesto. The West Coast grocery stores stand upon the brink of destruction. None can escape it. You will unite or you will fall. Each store is bound to this fate--this one doom. (Gestures to the stand) Bring forth the Badge, Greg.
(Greg stands up and walks to the short stand. He places the Badge there and then walks back and sits down)
(PEOPLE starts whispering)
Mike: So it is true...
Someone whispers: The Doom of all Stores
Mike: It is a gift. A gift from the turds of Modesto! Why not use this Badge? Long has my friend, the Acting Assistant Manager of CostCo, kept the forces of Modesto at the bay area, by the blood, sweat and tears of the workers-- all your stores kept safe! Give CostCo the weapon of the enemy. Let us use it against him!
Angus: You cannot wield it! None of us can. The One Badge answers to the General Manager alone. It has no other master.
Mike: And what would a backpacker know of this matter?
(Kammie stands suddenly)
Kammie: This is no mere backpacker. He is Angus, son of Fungus. You owe him your allegiance.
Mike: Angus? This... is Ian's heir?
Kammie: And heir to the Manager of CostCo.
Angus: Sit down Kammie.
Mike: CostCo has no Manager. CostCo needs no Manager. (Returns to his seat)
Chris: Angus is right. We cannot use it.
Gerry: You have only one choice. The Badge must be destroyed.
Sean: What are we waiting for?
(Sean steps forward, grabbing an axe. He swings the blade at the Badge. His blade his the badge and the blade shatters.)
Sean: ARGH!!!
(The Badge is in perfect condition. Greg feels the impact of the blade against the Badge)
(WHISPERS the ring of were coming out)
Gerry: The Badge cannot be destroyed, Sean, son of _____, by any craft that we here possess. The Badge was made in the fires of a furance in the Modesto WinCo building. Only in the Crusher can it. It must be taken deep into the WinCo building and cast back into the high pressure hydrolic crusher.
(Everyone was quiet)
Gerry: One of you must do this.
(Dead silence from the council)
Mike: One does not simply walk into Modesto. The heavily armed black gangs are painfully vicious. There is evil there that does not sleep. And the great fiery figure is ever watchful. It is a barren wasteland of graffiti and pollution. Riddled with gun fire and Cigarette ash and choking dust. The very air you breathe is a poisonous fume from buses. Not with ten thousand men could you do this. It is folly!
Kammie: Have you heard nothing Gerry has said? The Badge must be destroyed!
Sean: And I suppose you think you're the one to do it?!
Mike: And if we fail, what then?! What happens when the General Manager takes back what is his?!
Sean: I will be dead before I see the Badge in the hands of an girl!
(ARGUMENTS start among them)
Sean: Never trust an girl!
Chris: Do you not understand that while we bicker among ourselves, The General Manager's employee number grows?! None can escape it!
Badge: Put me on, Put me on, Come on, Come on, Wear me, Put me on, Put me on.
(Greg stands up and watches the other argue. He takes a deep breathe)
Greg: I will take it! I will take it!
(The Arguement Dies Down)
(Chris closes his eyes when he hears Greg's statement)
Greg: I will take the Badge to Modesto. Though-- I do not know the way.
Chris: I will help you bear this burden, Gregory Arditto, so long as it is yours to bear.
Angus: If by my life or death, I can protect you, I will. You have my sword.
Kammie: And you have my bow.
Sean: And my axe!
Mike: You carry the fates of us all Aussie one. If this is indeed the will of the council, then CostCo will see it done.
Evan: Heh! Greg ain't goin’ anywhere without me!
Gerry: No indeed, it is hardly possible to separate you even when he is summoned to a secret council and you are not.
Jon and Darrel: Wait! We are coming too!
Darrel: You'd have to send us home tied up in a sack to stop us! Plus, We're useful people.
Jon: Anyway you need people of intelligence on this sort of mission, quest... thing.
Darrel: Well that rules you out, Jon.
Gerry: Nine companions... So be it! You shall be the Fellowship of the Badge!
Jon: Great! Where are we going?
(Greg is sat in his bedroom. Don enters with some items of interest)
Don: My old sword, Icall it Pointy! Here! Take it, take it!
(Greg examines Don's sword, which looked like it had seen better days)
Greg: It’s so Rusty.
Don: Yes...I know--But it'll do the job...made by the girls you know. The blade glows Pink when Freight Crew are close. And its times like that, Greg, when you'll have to be extra careful!
(Don brings out the Metal like shirt. It is huge and looks way too big for Greg)
Don: Here’s an interesting thing --aluminum! As light as a feather! And it looks cool too. It is made from 1,600 shasta soda cans, mostly diet cola. Let me see you put it on. Go on.
(Don sees the Badge pinned to a chain around Greg's neck)
Don: Oh...M-my old badge! Oh well… I sh-sh-should very much like, to hold it again, one last time.
(Greg begins to button up his shirt and cover the Badge)
(Don gets angry and lashes out at Greg, trying to grab the badge. A second later, Don is crying and ashamed of his actions)
Don: I’m sorry I brought this upon you, Greg...I’m sorry that you must carry this burden. I’m sorry for everything! I'm sorry for WinCo paying such low wages! I am sorry about the WinCo pizzas tasting like Crap on Bread!
(Greg places a hand on Don's shoulder)
(The Newly formed Fellowship begin to leave Redding)
Chris: (Voice over) We must hold this course west for the Shasta Mountains for 4 days. If our luck holds the Gap of Indian Country will still be open to us. From there our road turns south to Modesto.
Mike: Two, Three, Four, Five. Good, very good. You cart dudes learn quickly when fighting with a sword.
Angus: Jon, Move your feet.
Darrel: That’s good, Jon.
Jon: Thanks.
Mike: Faster
Sean: ‘Anyone was to ask for my opinion, which I know they’re not, I’d say we were taking the long way round. Chris, we could pass through the government tree logging area. My cousin Bert would give us a royal welcome.
Chris: No Sean, I would not take the path through there unless I had no other choice.
(Kammie sees something in the distance)
Mike: Come on. Good.
(Mike accidently clips Jon with sword)
Jon: aaaah!
Mike: Sorry!
(Jon kicks Mike in the groin)
Mike: Ahh! My family Jewels!!!
Darrel: Get Him! Kick him in the head!
(Mike is kicked in the side of the head by Jon. Then Darrel joins in, Angus laughs)
Jon: For the pot smoking humboldt honeys!
Jon: Hold him! Hold him Darrel! I want to knee him in the groin!
Darrel: He got my arm! He got my arm!
Evan: What is that?
Sean: Nothing, it’s just a whiff of cloud or fart gas.
Mike: It’s moving fast…against the wind.
Kammie: Gases from Brent!
Angus: Hide!
Mike: Darrel! Greg!
Angus: Come on, come on! Take cover! Don't breathe the fumes!!!
(Gases float overhead. Fellowship hides behind rock outcroppings.)
Chris: Gases of Brent. His southern passage is far more evil than I expected. We must take the Avenue of the Giants.
(The Fellowship move into the huge redwood forest area. The avenue of the giants was filled with trees that stood over 350 feet high. Greg trips and falls.)
Greg: ungh!
Angus: Greg?
(Greg feels aroud his neck for the Badge. It is gone. He panicks. The Badge was about 15 feet away, laying near Mike's feet. Mike picks it up and stares at the Badge)
Angus: Mike!
Mike: It is a strange fate we should suffer so much fear and doubt over so small a thing… such a little thing.
Angus: Mike! Give the Badge to Greg.
Mike: (Hands the Badge to Greg) As you wish. I care not.
(Greg snatches the badge from Mike)
(The gases return to Brent, who stares into the fumes and recieves a vision of the fellowship)
Brent: So, Chris, you try to lead them through the Avenue of the Giants. And if that fails, where then will you go? If the Avenue defeats you will you risk a more dangerous road?
Brent: Cuiva nwalca Carnirasse; nai yarvaxea rasselya! (Wake up cruel LumberJacks and Wood Carvers! May your Ax and Chainsaw be bloodstained!)
Kammie: There is an old voice on the air.
Chris: Its Brent!
(A Huge Redwood tree tips over and crashes, just missing the fellowship. The another topples over)
Angus: He’s trying to bring down the forest! Chris, we must turn back!
Chris: No!
(Chris holds out his reader board staff and speaks out to the forest)
Chris: Losto Caradhras, sedho, hodo, nuitho i 'ruith! (Sleep Dear Redwoods, be still, stand strong!)
(Brent, standing nude on his rooftop of his house, continues the chant)
Brent: Cuiva nwalca Carnirasse; nai yarvaxea rasselya; talhira notto-carinnar! (Wake up Cruel LumberJacks and Wood Carvers, May your Ax and Chainsaw be bloodstained)
(Lightning suddenly strikes five trees at once, weakening them enough for the whole five to come crashing down around the fellowship)
Mike: We must get out of this forest! Make for the Indian Country and take the west road to a CostCo store!
Angus: But the Indian Country we need takes us too close to Eureka!
Sean: If we cannot pass through the forest, let us go around it. Let us go through the government logged area.
(Brent opens a government hard cover book. He is reading information about that area. He sees photos of the area)
Brent: The Government Logged Area. You fear to go there. The locals are weird and insane. You know who lives in that area. The Red Hair, The huge body...The Anger!
(The Fellowship are stuck deciding)
Chris: Let the Australian decide.
Chris: Greg?
Greg: We will go through the logged area.
Gandalf: Oh Crap...So be it.
Sean: The logging Area!
(The Fellowship stop at a huge metal fencing gate. Chainsaw and a combination padlock stop them from continuing)
Chris: Now, let’s see. A three digit Combination -- Can't be that hard to crack.
(Chris holds the padlock in his hand and studies the lock)
Chris: It reads "Jake & Sons locksmiths. Padlock made in china."
Darrel: What do you suppose that means?
Chris: Oh it’s quite simple. That we Americans buy too many products made in china. This action will hurt american jobs.
(Chris tries the first combination...without success)
(He then uses the numbers of his birthday...No luck there)
Gandalf: Ando Eldarinwa! (Crap on a stick!)
Evan: Angus, will Chris ever get the combination?
Angus: Sure, Chris is Wise. It may take him a day or two, but sooner or later, he will crack that lock.
(Darrel throws a broken brick up and over the fence for fun. Jon follows suit but Aragorn stops him)
Angus: Do not disturb this place.
Gandalf: (Exhausted) Oh, it’s useless!
(Greg examines the lock and recognises the cheap construction. He pulls out his sword and hits it once and the lock falls apart)
Greg: Cheap locks. All they need is a good hit.
Chris: Well Done!!!
(The Fellowship enter the logging compound, which looks totally deserted)
Sean: Soon kammie you will enjoy the fabled hospitality of Loggers. Roaring fires, Cheap Domestic Beer, ripe meat off the bone. This, my friend, is the home of my cousin Bert. And they call it an insult to the environment. An Insult!!!
Mike: This is logging Site, it’s a Scam!
(Logger bodies lay all over the place in the next clearing)
Sean: Oh! No! Noooo!!!
(Kammie picks up an empty Moonshine bottle)
Kammie: Rednecks!
(Kammie gets her Bow at the ready. Angus and Mike draw their swords)
Boromir: We make for the indian country area. We should never have come here.
(Police cars arrive at the open gateway)
Mike: Oh Crap, Police!
(Greg is grabbed by one of the hick cops)
Evan, Darrel, and Jon: Greg!!!
Evan: Spider! (Punches one of the cops) Let him go!
(The entire Fellowship begin fighting the cops. They begin to free Greg from the back of the cop car)
Greg: aah!
Darrel: Angus!
Greg: Help!
Mike: (knocks out a hick cop) Run for it, Greg!
Chris: Into the logging area!
Mike: Kammie! Come on, Hurry up!
(The fellowship run inside and the other cop begins firing off rounds from his gun. No bullets hit them. They disappear deep into the logging compound)
Chris: We now have but one choice. We must face the dangers of drunken loggers in their domain. Be on your guard. There are scummier and fouler things than just loggers in the deep lands of northern california.
Chris: Quietly now. It’s a 2day journey to the other side. Let us hope that our presence may go unnoticed.
(The walk through thick forests, then another logged area, where there are hundreds of stumps, then back into another forest area)
Darrel: It is so Quiet!
(Chris stops at one point and wipes his forehead with a piece of cloth he was carrying in his top left pocket. He looked confused)
Chris: I have no memory of this place.
(Chris and the fellowship sit and rest for a moment)
Jon: Are we lost?
Darrel: I think we are.
Evan: Shh, Chris is thinking.
Jon: Darrel?
Darrel: What?
Jon: I could go for a brewski right now.
(Greg walked up to Chris, who was deep in thought. Greg looked behind himself then back at Chris)
Greg: There’s something down there.
Chris: It’s Raymond.
Greg: Raymond?
Chris: He’s been following us for three days.
Greg: He escaped the basement of WinCo in Modesto!
Chris: Escaped? Or set loose? He hates and loves the Badge, as he hates and loves himself. He will never be rid of his need for it. He's a player and a poser.
Greg: It’s a pity the WinCo freaky customers didn’t kill him while he was working in Carts!
Chris: Pity? Yes, it may be a pity. Many that live deserve death, and some that die deserve life. Can you tell me which one Ray deserved, Greg?
Greg: Death!!!
Chris: Do not be too eager to deal out death and judgement. Even the very wise can not see all ends. My heart tells me that Raymond has some part to play yet, for good or ill, before this is over. The pity of fate may rule the life of many.
(Greg sits next to Chris)
Greg: I wish the Badge had never come to me. I wish none of this had happened.
Chris: So do all who live to see such times, but that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us. There are other forces at work in this world Greg besides the will of evil. Don was meant to find the Badge, in which case you also were meant to have it. And that is an encouraging thought.
Chris: Ah! It’s that way.
Darrel: He’s remembered!
(The Fellowship head through the forest to the left)
Chris: No, but the air doesn’t smell so foul this way. If in doubt, Darrel, always follow your nose.
Chris: I think we are making progress.
(They arrived at the central logging camp. It housed old logging equipment from the 1940's)
Chris: Behold the Realm of the Logging Community of Rio Del.
Evan: That’s an eye opener and no mistake.
(FELLOWSHIP walks of the a lay about through sees forward hall. Gimli ray sunlight shining Chamber Mazarbul. Corpses scattered)
Sean: Holy Crap!
Chris: Sean!
(Sean runs to one of the sawing machines. He finds a decomposing body of his cousin Bert)
Sean: No! No! (SOB) No! (SOB)
Chris: He is dead then. Its as I feared.
Sean: (WAILS)
Kammie: (To Angus) We must move on, we cannot linger!
Chris: It seems i have found a work log book...Very interesting. "We have had people break in, Destroying out equipment. They sneak in at night and rob our supplies. There is one of them we all fear. She is Fat. Very Fat.The ground shakes when she walks. Her burps are deafening. (Turns the page) Today they have broken in while we are working. They have set fire to the communication room. She has brought friends, hundreds of friends.We cannot get out. She moves closer, Her friends follow. We cannot get out…They are coming."
(Jon plays with a switch and the old rusty machine comes to life with a huge roaring rumble. Jon panicks and shuts it off)
Chris: (Slams the log book shut) Dumbass! Well, I am sure every Redneck in the entire area heard that racket!
(A banjo can be heard in the distance. It is the call of the Redneck)
Evan: Rednecks!!!
Kammie: Drunken and Horny, The worst kind of Redneck!
(Mike goes to the edge of the next forest and looks deep within it. Suddenly two shotgun blasts rip the redwood bark apart)
Angus: (To the Cart Guys) Get back! Stay close to Chris!
(Angus helps Kammie and Mike try to keep the gathering Rednecks at bay)
Mike: Oh great,They haven't washed in a month!!!
(Kammie takes aim with her bow and waits for a clear shot. Mike and Angus draw their swords)
(Sean draws twin Axes and stands ready for a fight)
Sean: Aarrgghhh!!! Let them come! We'll teach these Redneck Faggots not to screw with us!
(Suddenly a large group of Rednecks with banjos, mouth organs, shotguns and moonshine come running out of the forest. Some have pitchforks and try stabbing Mike and Kammie. Kammie rapidly shoots her arrows into the offensive rednecks)
Evan: God help me they Stink like they crapped their pants!
(Everyone is now fighting the rednecks but the fellowship is beginning to get outnumbered)
Chris: There is a large green steel bridge that crosses a fairly large river. If we run for it. We may make it there.
(They flee the area and continue on running towards the Green Bridge that Chris told them about. They soon arrive at the bridge area. Kammie would shoot a few Rednecks to slow them now every so often. Then suddenly they stopped when the rednecks left and disappeared. They all looked deep into the woods when they hear a thudding sound. A fat figure was in the distance making its way towards them)
Mike: What is this new devilry?
Chris: Big Bertha- a disgruntled WinCo shopper. She has had a hatred for WinCo works. Your Customer Service skills are no use here. Run!!!
(Chris watches the others run across the bridge. Chris begins to cross and then stops and turns half way across the bridge. He faces Bertha)
(Bertha Swears and growls)
Chris: You cannot pass!
Greg: Chris!
Chris: I am a Security guard of WinCo Foods, wielder of the Sticky Stick. The awful stench will not help you! Nor will your heavy weight!
(Bertha was steaming mad at this point she moved towards Chris, her fat rolls shifted and she was growling at Chris)
Chris: Go back to the low income houses where you belong!
Chris: YOU…SHALL NOT...PASS!!!
(Bertha pulled out a thick leather whip and cracks it at him. Chris uses his reader board staff to block her attacks. Then Chris runs at her with his staff at the ready and crashes into her mass bulk. Bertha staggers backwards and goes over the edge of the bridge. As she falls she cracks her whip again and it catches Chris' foot and drags him over the edge. Greg tries running to save his friend)
Mike: No, Greg!
Greg: Chrisssssss!
Chris: Run, you fools! (He falls over the side of the bridge)
Greg: Noooooooooooooooo!!!!
(Pissed off Rednecks appear shooting their shotguns at the fellowship. Some bullets hit real close to them)
Mike: Angus!
Greg: Noooooooooooo!!!
(Angus looked at the bridge in horror. Not only did Chris get pulled over the side by a fat monster of a woman, but the rednecks were drinking moonshine from urine jars)
(The Fellowship found the other exit that existed on the far side. They climbed the locked gate and were free for a second)
Angus: Kammie, get them up.
Mike: Give them a moment for pity's sake.
Angus: By nightfall these hills will be swarming with Rednecks! We must reach the Woods that bear no name. Come Mike, Kammie, Seani, get them up. On your feet Evan. Greg? Greg!
(Angus sees Greg weeping for his fallen friend. Later that afternoon, they arrived at the woods that bear no name. It was a beautiful quiet forest with little sparkles that seemed to have a life of their own that floated in the air)
Sean: Stay close young cart guys! They say there’s a great mistress that lives in these woods. A hooker of incredible Talent. All who look upon her, fall under her spell...
Ginger's Voice: (Whispering echo) Greg....
(Greg looks startled and spins around to see nothing but his companions)
Sean: ... and are never seen again.
Ginger's Voice: You're coming to us… is as the footsteps of doom. You bring great evil here badgebearer!
Evan: Greg? You ok?
Sean: Well, here is one dude she won't ensnare so easily. I have the eyes of a hawk and the ears of a fox!
(Suddenly they are all surround by men holding bows to the fellowships heads)
Sean: Oh Crap!
Harold: This Dude breaths so loud we could have shot him in the dark.
Sean: Grrr....
Angus:Harold of the woods that bear no name, we come here for help. We need your protection.
Sean: Angus, these woods are perilous! We should go back.
Harold: You have entered the woods of the Lady of the Wood. You cannot go back. Come, she is waiting.
(Inside the Treehouse in the woods that bear no name. The fellowship stand before a queer looking guy and a cheap sleazy looking hooker)
Cecil: Eight that are here yet nine there were set out from Redding. Tell me where is Chris? For I much desire to speak with him.
(Ginger looks at Angus and reads his mind)
Ginger: He has fallen into river.
Ginger: The quest stands upon the edge of a knife. Stray but a little and it will fail to the ruin of all.
(Ginger looks at Mike. She sees his thoughts. Mike shakes his gaze from her)
Ginger: Yet hope remains while the company is true.
(Ginger smiles at Evan, who smiles right back at her)
Ginger: Do not let your hearts be troubled. Go now and rest for you are weary with sorrow and much toil. Tonight you will sleep in peace. (Whispers to his Frodo in mind) Welcome Frodo of the Shire. One who has seen the fiery figure of WinCo!
(The fellowship is laying around with sleeping bags they were given by Ginger. Some of the people of the forest were singing songs of Chris)
A Olorin i yaresse ( Old dude, who once was...)
Mentaner i Numeherui… (sent by the Lords of the West…)
Kammie: A lament for Chris.
Darrel: What do they say about him?
Kammie: I have not the heart to tell you. For me the grief is still too near.
Tirien i Romenori (to guard the lands from WinCo…)
Maiarion i Oiosaila…(wisest of all Security Guards…)
Mana elye etevanne…(what drove you to leave…)
Norie i melanelye? (that which you loved?)
Angus: Take some rest. These borders are well protected.
Mike: I will find no rest here. I heard a voice inside my head. She spoke of my Nephew and the fall of CostCo. She said to me even now there is hope left. But I cannot see it. It is long since we had any hope.
Mike: My nephew is a honest guy, but his rule is failing. And now our…our workers lose faith. He looks to me to make things right and I would do it if I didn't work for WinCo. I would see the glory of CostCo restored. (Sigh)Have you ever seen it Angus? The Big red letters spelling out the name CostCo, light up by several thousand watt bulbs. It's roof high above all other stores. Have you ever been called back to the store by the clearance slaes they have on undergarnment?
Angus: I have seen the Big CostCo store. Long ago. I used to buy bulk powdered Milk there.
Mike: One day, A massive discount sale will lead us there. And the store security will ask us to see our CostCo membership cards. When she sees our names she'll announce, "The Lords of CostCo have returned!"
(Greg follows Ginger into a small clearing in the woods where a small table stood in the centre. On the table was something that look like a Wok and a deck of Tarot cards.
Ginger: Will you look into the Wok of a thousand Meals?
Greg: What will I see?
Ginger: Even the wisest cannot tell. For the Wok has cooked many things.
(Ginger pours some cooking oil into the Wok. Greg walks over to the Wok)
Ginger: Things that were, things that are and some things… (She throws some basil in) that have not yet come to pass.
(Greg peers in and sees vision of Devilled Eggs, Stir Fried Vegetables and even some Noodles in black bean sauce. He panicks and suddenly catches a vision on the fiery figure, Greg clutches the badge around his neck and collapses backwards)
Ginger: I know what it is you saw. For it is also in my mind. (Speaks to Greg telepathically) It is what will come to pass if you should fail. The Fellowship is breaking. It has already begun. He will try to take the Badge. You know of whom I speak. One by one it will destroy them all.
Greg: (Telepathically) If you ask it of me, I will give you the One Badge.
(Greg offers her the badge)
Ginger: You offer it to me freely. I do not deny that my heart has greatly desired this. To wear the badge of WinCo. To gain the power and respect of the public. To put a stop to them calling me a useless whore.
(Ginger bgins to approach Greg. She has her eyes fixed on the badge)
Ginger: In place OF A DARK LORD, YOU WILL HAVE A QUEEN! NOT DARK BUT BEAUTIFUL AND SEXY AS I REMOVE MY CLOTHES! AROUSING AS THE SEA! STRONGER THAN THE FOUNDATIONS OF THE EARTH! ALL SHALL LOVE ME AND PAY ME FOR MY SERVICES!
(Ginger turns to her normal self)
Ginger: I pass the test! I will leave, and go into the North, and remain a simple hooker.
Greg: I cannot do this alone.
Ginger: You are a Badgebearer, greg. To bear a Badge of power is to have great responsibility. This task was appointed to you and if you do not find a way, no one will.
Greg: Then I know what I must do. It's just… I'm afraid to do it.
Ginger: Even the lowest paid person can change the course of the future.
(Meanwhile, back at Brent home. Brent has a whole bunch of evil dumbass meat heads from Ukiah.
Brent: Do you know how the Rednecks first came into being? They were Cart Guys once, Given a low pay which drove them to drink, become filthy and their teeth fall out. They hook up playing the banjo and making moonshine. But now with my cross breeding of Redneck Males with City folk females I have found perfection. perfected, my fighting Ukiahs. Who is your daddy?
Larry: Brent!
(Brent is slapping the Ukiahs with white sticky fluid on his hands, forming hand prints on their clothes and helmets. Brent is grinning and enjoying himself)
Brent: (To the Ukiahs standing around in his backyard) Hunt them down. Do not stop until they are found. You do not know pain or decent wages. You do not know fear or decently cook pizzas. You will become gay and enjoy the taste man flesh!
Brent: (To Larry) One of the Cart Clerks carries something of great value. Bring them to me alive and unspoiled. Kill the others!
(The Ukiahs leave Brent's home in search for the fellowship)
(The Fellowship are standing on the sandy bank within the forest. Inflatable rubber rafts are waiting for them)
Ginger: Farewell, Gregory, the short Aussie. I give you the light of the Mystical Forest, our most beloved Light.
Greg: It looks like a regular flashlight to me.
Ginger: Sssshhhhhhhh.
Ginger: May it be a light for you in dark places, when all other lights go out.
Greg: Does it come with spare batteries?
(Ginger walks up to Evan. She hands him a spool of rope)
Ginger: Evan, take this mystical rope of the forest. I know you have a fondness for B&D and the silky smooth texture of the rope will enhance your pleasure.
(The Fellowship climb into the rafts and leave, heading further in their journey)
(The Fellowship drift down stream of the river. Meanwhile the Ukiahans run cross country in search of the group)
Angus: Greg, the CostCo billboard! Long have I desired to look the CostCo name on a big sign.
(The Fellowship pull the rafts over at a quiet spot in the grassland area)
Angus: We cross the lake at nightfall. Hide the boats and continue on foot. We approach Modesto from the north.
Sean: Oh, yes?! It's just a simple matter of finding our way through several danagerous suburbs filled with gun carrying scum? An impossible labyrinth of run down old buildings! And after that, it gets even better! Festering, stinking hobos far as the eye can see!
Angus: That is our road. I suggest you take some rest and recover your strength Sean.
Sean: Recover my…?! Phrrrrr...
Kammie: (Quietly to Angus) We should leave now.
Angus: No. Rednecks patrol the roads ahead. We must wait for cover of darkness.
kammie: It is not the roads ahead that worries me. A shadow and a threat has been growing in my mind. Something heads near...I can feel it!
Sean: I do not need to recover my strength! (To Jon) Pay no heed to that, Jon.
Darrel: Where's Greg?
(Evan and Angus notice not only Greg was missing, but so was Mike)
(Greg was going for a nice peaceful walk. Suddenly he heard the voice of Mike)
Mike: None of us should wander alone, you least of all. So much depends on you. Greg?
Mike: I know why you seek solitude. You suffer; I see it day by day. You sure you do not suffer needlessly? There are other ways, Greg. Other paths that we might take. Like the one to the main CostCo store, where great products can be found for great low prices.
Greg: I know what you say. And it would seem like wisdom to get a discount on tampons but for the warning in my heart.
Mike: Warning? Against what? We're all afraid, Greg. Afraid to buy that 50 pack of Red Pens, But to let that fear drive us to destroy what hope we have. Don't you see that is madness?
Greg: There is no other way!
Mike: I ask only for the strength to help my nephew and CostCo! (Throws cap to the ground) If you would but lend me the Badge...
Greg: No. (Steps back)
Mike: Why do you recoil? I don't stink. I am no Hobo.
Greg: You are not yourself.
Mike: What chance do you think you have of finding a better deal or a lower price on toilet paper? They will find you! They will take the badge and you will beg for 10% off the retail price before the end!
(Greg tries to run away from Mike)
Mike: Fool!
(Mike gives chase)
Mike: You Dumbass Australian, thinking you are all knowing and tough because you speak funny. (Tackles Greg) Your silly shows flooding our cable channels and your stupid damn songs about kangeroos. Damn you Aussies to Hell!!!
(Mike struggles with Greg)
Mike: Give it to me! Give me the FUCKING BADGE!!!!!
Greg: No!
Mike: Give me… Give me the badge!
Greg: NO!!!
(Greg manages to pin on the badge and vanishes. Mike looses track where Greg was. Suddenly, Greg kicks Mike in the chin and runs)
Mike: (Looks around desperately) I see your mind. You will take the badge to the General Manager in hope of a big pay raise! You will betray us! You go to your death and the death of us all! Curse you! Curse your family! Curse your animals! Curse the Crocodile Hunter and his stupid wife and kids! And all the fucking Aussies!
(The madness passes and Mike comes to his senses)
Mike: Greg?...Greg?...what have I done? I've caused an international incident!...please...Greg!
Boromir: (In the background) Greg, I'm sorry! Oh no!
(Greg walks through the Badge world of winds and darkness. He hides behind something solid, something like a small building. Then he sees his enemy, the fiery figure. It speaks to him)
The General Manager: Peek-a-Boo, I see you..Hahahahaha...Pull my Finger!!!
(Greg removes the Badge and reappears in the regular world. He was infact hiding behind a redneck outhouse. Angus Approaches)
Angus: Greg, were you taking a crap?
Greg: (Startled) Huh?! It has taken Mike.
Angus: I told him to go easy with the Chillis. He doesn't listen to me, poor guy.
Greg: No, The madness for the Badge has taken him.
Angus: (Intensely) Where is the badge?
Greg: Stay away!
(Greg runs from Angus)
Angus: Greg!
(Greg stops)
Angus: I swore to protect you!
Greg: Can you protect me from yourself?!
(Greg shows the badge sat in his palm)
Greg: Would you destroy it?
(Angus looks at the badge in all its WinCo glory)
The Badge: Angus...Angus…Son of Fungus...Pin me to your cloak!
(Angus reaches out towards the Badge and he closes Greg's hand over the badge)
Angus: I would have gone with you to the end, into the crime ridden bowels of Modesto.
Greg: I know. Look after the others, especially Evan. He will not understand.
(Angus suddenly spun around to be faced with a large group of Ukiahans all angry and buff looking)
Angus: Go on Greg. (Draws his out sword) Run. Run! Get the fuck out of here!
(Evan begins searching for Greg. He is panicked)
Evan: Greg!!!
(Evan hears fighting and tries to avoid it while searching for Greg)
Larry: Find the Cart Guys! Find the Cart Guys! Look for the Depressed Low Paid guys.
Angus: (Jumps onto the group of Ukiahans) Boo-Hah!!!!!
(Kammie is shooting Ukiahans one after the other. Sean is hitting them in the groin with his big battle ax)
Kammie: Angus! Go!
(Greg is hiding behind a big redwood. He notices Darrel and Jon. They notice him. They are hiding behind another big tree)
Darrel: Greg!
Jon: (Beckoning) Hide here quick! Come on!
(Darrel and jon both see Greg shaking his head in refusal)
Jon: (To Merry) What’s he doin'?
Darrel: He's leavin’ us, He's leaving WinCo!
Jon: No! (Runs towards Greg)
Darrel: Jon! (Goes after him)
(Darrel and Jon stand next to Greg. They see a group heading their way)
Darrel: (Whispers) Run Greg! Go!
(Darrel Yells out to the group of Ukiahans moving through the woods)
Darrel: (Cups his hands around his mouth) Hey you! Over here! Yeah you, you limp dick assholes!!!
Jon: Hey!
Darrel: Over here!
Jon: (Waving his arms) This way! You shit for brains!
(Greg disappears deep within the woods. Darrel and Jon see large groups of Ukiahans heading their way)
Jon: Its working!
Darrel: I know its working! Run!
(Darrel and Jon are being closed in and several Ukiahans approach fast with big axes. Suddenly Mike comes launching in at the group and blocks their attacks with his sword. He throws a knife into the throat of another Ukiahan. A massive fight breaks out)
(Kammie, Sean and Angus are fighting larege numbers of Ukiahans)
Kammie: At this rate, Ukiah will have a low population soon.
(Suddenly a loud raspberry was heard)
Kammie: The Greet Sound of CostCo!
Angus: Mike!
(Kammie, Sean and Angus leave the battle and head for the sound. He for Mike)
(Mike makes another loud raspberry sound again, using the inner cardboard from a roll of toilet paper)
Mike: (To the Darrel and Jon) Run! Run!
(Mike killed many Ukiahan. Slashes their faces, Chests, hit them in the groin and gut. He was winning the battle. The Larry turned up. He took aim with his crossbow. He fired the first arrow. It went deep into Mike's stomach. At first Mike thought it was a dream, that he was ok. Then before his brain had a chance to realise what had happened, a second arrow punctured his chest. This knocked Mike back a few steps, but he did not fall. He swung his sword and killed a few more Ukiahans. A third arrow hit him in the groin, knocking him to his knees)
(Darrel and Jon drew their swords and started attacking the other Ukiahans. They killed a few, when the numbers of the enemy suddenly grew larger. They grabbed Darrel and Jon and took off through the woods with them. Mike was still on his knees trying to catch his breathe as blood pumped out of him)
(Larry stood before Mike. Larry loaded his crossbow again and took aim for Mike's forehead. Before he had a chance to shoot, Angus jumped him, knocking him off balance and the crossbow went off firing an arrow into a nearby tree. A punch up broke out and Angus was getting beaten. larry was a monster of a guy in size. Angus managed to get a good swing at Larry and removed his head from his neck. Larry's dead body collapsed)
(Angus went up to Mike, who was laying against a mighty redwood)
Mike: They took the low paid ones.
Angus: Be still.
Mike: Greg, where is Greg?
Angus: I let Greg go.
Mike: Then you did what I could not. I tried to take the badge from him.
Angus: The badge is beyond our reach now.
Mike: Forgive me, I did not see it. I have failed you all.
Angus: No, Mike, you fought bravely! You have kept your honor. (Starts to pulls the arrows from Mike)
Mike: Leave it! It is over. The world of CostCo will fall, and all Shopping Discounts will come to darkness… and the chain of stores will be in ruins.
Angus: I do not know what strength is in my blood, but I swear to you I will not let CostCo fall, nor our workers fail!
Mikes: Our workers? Our workers.
(Angus places Mike's sword in one of his hands and a dirty magazine in the other)
Mike: I would have followed you my friend, my partner, my boss!
(Mike passes away while clutching his dirty magazines)
Angus: Be at peace, loyal son of CostCo.
(Sean looks away and Kammie bows in respect for they have lost a friend)
(Evan keeps running through the woods looking for Greg)
Evan: Greg!
(Greg walks to the rubber Raft and climb in, Evan soon follows and throws himself into the raft too)
Greg: Evan, i should be going to Modesto alone.
Evan: Of course you are, and I’m coming with you!
Greg: You are not prepared for the evils you will see on this trip, Evan!
Evan: I made a promise, Greg. A promise! "Don’t you leave the Dumb Aussie, Evan Henderson." And I don’t mean to! I don’t mean to.
Greg: Oh Evan! Come on.
(Mike was wrapped in a few CostCo bags they had in their backpacks that they used to keep their food fresh. He was then thrown into the river and his body drifted away. His lifeless body still clutching his dirty magazine)
Kammie: Hurry! Greg and Evan have reached the Forest of Tourist Trap.
(Angus did not move)
Kammie: You mean not to follow them?
Angus: Gregs fate is no longer in our hands. In some ways it never really was.
Sean: Then it has all been in vain! The Fellowship has failed. If Gerry could see us now. He'd be really pissed off.
Angus: Not if we hold true to each other. We will not abandon Darrel and Jon to the Bizarreness of Brent. Not while we have strength left. Leave all that can be spared behind. We travel light. Let’s hunt some Ukiahan!
(Kammie smiles at Sean)
Sean: Yes!!! Haha!
(Angus, Kammie and Sean run through the woods in the direction that Darrel and Jon were taken in)
(Greg and Evan stand on the otherside of the forest of tourist trap. They can see a sort of marsh land that resembles Louisiana. In the far distant distance, they could see a microscope view of a WinCo sign)
Greg: Modesto. I hope the others find a safer route.
Evan: Spider will look after them.
Greg: I don’t suppose we’ll ever see them again.
Evan: We may yet, Greg. We may.
Greg: (Turns, smiling)Evan, I’m glad you’re with me.
(Greg and EVan begin heading towards the marsh lands and Modesto)
(To be continued)
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