The wheels of change continue to turn.
As I was driving home from school late at night tonight, a rage of dissatisfaction enveloped me. A feeling that I get when I want to move.
That's when I knew that It's time to go.
I've had this feeling several times before, so it isn't anything new. It's an exhilerating feeling tied to another feeling that seems held back. It's like an excited dog chained to a doghouse; the dog strives to break loose.
I originally came back to Humboldt County because I was dissatisfied and fed up with no academic opportunities in Utah. I came here with little more than some clothes and a computer (no monitor). I didn't even have any hair! I had dealt with so little for so long , that I had an intense thirst for progression, and a will of iron. It was all out awesome, unlike anything I've ever known (I don't know anyone who's been through what I've been through. I always wonder if anybody else has experienced this) I could not consider passing up the opportunity. Not even Jeremiah could stop me from coming back (which ended with him ex-communicating everybody who lives here).
I got college up and running by my birthdate that year (2002), got a pretty house ready to live in (God I miss that house on Humboldt Hill), and acquired my first real job (quite a good job). After that, I lost focus and let my time whither on unnecessary, nay, dangerous, ventures (sex, drugs, purchases), and fell into a comfort zone.
But the comfort zone is an uncomfortable place to be in. After being stuck in it with a belly empty with anger for so long, I'm hungry again. Again, all I needed was some inspiration, an opportunity, to jog my memory...
I'm proud of what I've built up so far, but it's not good enough. This place can only take me so far. It's time to board the next train. The next step in my ascension is at hand (I'm a fervent believer that I'm going to ascend to the top. Yeah, it's stuck up and stuff, fallacious even, but I've always felt this way. I want it to happen. And I will do what it takes). I've been spinning my tires for too long.
It takes work to make your dreams come true. Nobody is going to go out of their way to hand you what you want on a silver platter. You have to try and try and try until you unlock that door that is between you and your goal. There aren't shortcuts, so take comfort in the fact that you're cheating yourself out of what you want if you try. You can do it if you keep trying! I know this to be true.
I'm working on getting everything hammered out. currently, me and Evan are working together, with a projected date being late this December/ early January (Evan has been wanting to leave Humboldt for a long time). My dad wants me to solo this, but I have a strong feeling he's going to draw himself down there as well. There's money to be made!
Even if my dad doesn't come down, I'm going. It will be rather scary going solo, but I do have time on my side (for now). I can make repeated trips, talk to people for applications for housing and work and come back to Humboldt until I find something. But I need to get out. Besides, do any of you really think my dad would let me fail like that?
However, before I leave, I need to acquire a new group of friends to leave behind. I have repossessed all my old friends, including the ones who moved away (one who was in Oregon, and another who moved to Hawaii. I have not reacquired Jeremiah. Maybe we should get back together in some sort of weird friendship? Might happen, knowing him. Though... I don't think I'd do it), but I need to have people to leave behind. The people who I deal with here are all planning on migrating to the bay area, so I need people of acceptable quality to go somewhere else. I didn't spend two years here to not acquire anyone new that I'll keep in touch with. However, new people of good quality around here are in short supply, since this town is so FRICKING small (9 times out of 10 my friends are friends with people I try to get to know. It's irritating), as well as the people aren't of good quality *cough cough* ZACK *cough* sraigon *cough wheeze * *choke sputter*.
I'll finish tying the knot with Graham, keep in contact with a few WinCo coworkers (as well as shannon), and then blast on out of here.
Kind of crazy to think that I've been working at my job for 5 months. Time has gone by so fast that it's rather alarming (i've been a really busy body, but it went by that fast? There goes my life). I'm working on becoming a registrar at the hospital, admitting patients for 15$/hr. I think I stand a good chance of getting hired, since my dad is 3rd in command at el hospital. So long WinCo, you've been good to me, but you're hard work that doesn't pay enough (better than many places, but not good enough for me. Never be satisfied!)
INTERMISSION:*voyeuristic japanese schoolgirls (not nude, so don't worry!)*
*grabs a brownie and eats*
Ayn Rand, you're so cool.
I'm a gone done readin' atlas shrugged, so I'll keep ya posted on that.
On the side, I think my wardrobe overhaul is paying off in ways i didn't know. That and a consistent smile. Already today, and I SHIT YOU NOT, I've been picked up on 8 times by girls with that sort of eye contact that you are advised to NOT BREAK AWAY FROM (you know it when you get it), as well as I had one girl come up to me, out of the blue, and inquire HEAVILY about what I was doing (japanese kanji), what I thought about it, and some other questions about the mechanics of japanese. That and another girl asked me if I liked fish (she tried to give me her packaged fish. I declined since I don't really care about fish).
Wow, I reek of success. Hehe. This is getting fun!
Meghanraye should be back in action this Sunday. Huzzah! She feels bad that she's been treating me badly (I didn't really notice but ok (she has been "treating me badly" because she's been so depressed. Poor Meghanraye!)) and so we're going to go do something tomorrow . Don't know what, but it's guaranteed to be fun.
Shannon isn't joining the military anymore (I forgot to mention that earlier). I'm proud of her.
My brother Ben is teaching guitar lessons to kids. Kind of cool.
Chris will be seeing the foresight convention in May. I'm envious. So much to learn! Go Zen garden!
I bought an Atomic ball! (Not a link to an atomic ball since I couldn't find a picture of it. The site is awesome though. Take a look!). Makes a great conversation piece. I'd like to stick it on my backpack, but I haven't spent enough time to get a carribeaner to hook it up.
Time for bed.
*SUPER SECRET ADDENDUM* If you look at the corner fence post over by the physical science building (back side), you will find the inscription "Gay Teddy Bear". Just a fun factoid
The true measure of maturity is the ability to compromise
Tuesday, March 30
Sunday, March 28
Camping Town!
El Caminos in the West
Well, I haven't found a car that suits my tastes. Some, like a 91 toyota Supra, have insurance that's a problem (I can afford it at an insanely good deal of $5100, it's just I don't want to pay car insurance for a sports car). Others just never come to fruition (can't seal the deal; too much money (like the civic. I was only able to get an $8800 loan with my creditors, since I have no credit), person doesn't follow up on deal). This is ok. I'm patient.
Cars are such a big waste of money anyway. In a way, I hate them. I suppose i'm kind of a public transportation kind of guy.
I went down to the bay area and spent only 9$ the entire 2-day trip! That's right, the aforementioned trip down to the bay area happened. On Friday, me and Erin went down to Novato, where his grandparents live. Trip from Eureka to Novata -> 4 hours (Erin sped)
Erin's grandpa, Karl, is quite an interesting fellow. Back when he was doing architecture, he built Nuclear Power Plants (30 out of the 41 US plants were overseen by him, including the first and last ones to be constructed). We talked at length about the structural requirements for the fuel rods and such, as well as other things, during the course of our time in the bay area.
I got to visit the Novato mall on the first day, including Macy*s, and found out about a little something called "Price integrity" (same price on a product regardless of geographic location), so I didn't feel it advantageous to buy here (or anywhere else in San Fran. I think I scared a gay guy off though). Then we went back to Erin's granparents' house. We slept in the million dollar home, and departed for the Academy of the Arts University(AAU) in San Francisco (Erin wants to be a director).
Now, originally we were supposed to meet up with Richard at the AAU, but me and Erin became rather disinterested in the area we were stuck in (a PACKED church) as well as we were discouraged by the lack of tours (just 2 tours still available, since all the tours were on a first-come-first-serve basis). So, we left for the embarcadero, though partially we were just going to wherever we wanted to while we had the town to ourselves. We stopped at some interesting tech places (the tallest, prettiest asian I have seen so far was at one of these places. However, she seemed more interested in selling games (trying to get us to buy a camera for the PS2 to do some DDR-related stuff), so I didn't bother shooting the breeze. She reminded me of my Aunt Jennie, which would've been kind of weird), as well as we stopped at a lot of contemporary stores that we have back home (Ross Dress for less was there. In my endless quest for pants to call my own, we stopped there for a look-see. I found a FCUK hippies shirt (worthy of taking back home), but, alas, no pants to meet my rigorous standards)
There were so many department stores that we visited... Virgin Megastore... Sushi Kinta... The Hyatt Hotel (the plants on the inverted terraced design was awesome)...
We asked lots of locals lots of questions, such as where a good lunch place was or where such and such was. We also goofed off heavily, since it was all inconsequential (I think I may have refound my humor that got lost). All in all, A perfect time to get lost in the "Urban Valleys".
After all of our ramblings, we departed on the ferry back to Novato, where Erin's grandfather took us back to his house. I slept, since the consequences of my lack of sleep over the past week could not be stopped, but awoke to a tea party and departure.
I had forgotten about the city. I badly want to go back now, having fallen madly in love with what I had forgotten. My dad had always tried to get me to come back, but I always resisted, thinking there wasn't that much opportunity out there. What a fool I have been! My dad would blow over, double back his efforts, give in, retry, and so forth.
But, now, I want to go to the city. Bad. I was so excited about the idea that time flew by at work (a rarity these days). I have talked to my dad, and he's for it. I will see this through.
About where I live now: There's two people who live in this town: Jack, and Shit. However, I'm sorry to say that Jack left a long time ago
First things first.
I need a car that can do the speed limit down there (sure, the escort can pull it off, but gets shitty mileage doing so), so I have to get a car here. Second, to ensure my motivation stays up, I need to go attend the motivation seminar in July. Third, I need to be sufficiently knowledgable in Japanese so I need to finish that up here (Japanese is in high demand down there). Fourth, I need sufficient time to cement everything down with my father (he needs to finish his position as a night supervisor (3rd in command at the hospital), as well as get the plan details down) so that'll take time.
So, we're looking at the end of the year as the projected departure time area. Quite realistic!
I hope to make a lot more friends down there (consolidating my friendships here by limited contact), increasing my large friend database
Heh, reminds me of a time me and Evan were talking. He called me a snob because I told him of how I ditched a couple of my friends (namely, my last group of friends that I got too entangled with) because they were meeting my contra-criteria (this isn't the first time. Brent, Lincoln, and Jeremiah are a few others. I feel as though I should write up something about all of them, which is why I list them now (so I'll come back here and remember, "Ah! I should tell the tale.")). At the same time, he expressed that he was envious that I could just up and leave a group of people simply because things weren't working out as great as hoped. I reasoned that I can do this because I have lots of friends over a large geographic area. If something doesn't work here, I can go somewhere else and pick up new friends. And I always have friends in the areas that I'll never live in again. Hence the Snob title (I don't think I'm a snob. I strive to be friendly, and am merely passive-aggressive. I don't like splitting up with people, and currently have no plans to stop befriending anyone. On a side note, I hate it when people worry about whether what they're doing is going to jeapordize their relationship with me. So just be yourself. If things aren't going to work out, you'll know it long before I take adverse action. Shit, this is sounding like a subordination paragraph. Bah.)
I digress.
I've had this idea about how we are all raised by parents up to a point, and then our parents turn us over to "corporate" parents. I.E. we work for a company. They make the rules, tell us how to dress, give us an allowance, and so forth. Thought it might be interesting to share.
What's more, the corporation is like a machine (reminds me of that pirate short from Monty Python, now that I think about it. P1r4t3s are c00l. (actually I used to spend a lot of time in the library reading about pirates back in the 6th grade. Just the intrigue.))
anyway, you can pilot this corporate machine that will take you where you want to go (if you're the chairperson), though you're regulated by your shareholders. But who cares about them??? It's a pissing contest, much like muscle cars. "MY company nets 3.2 billion from sales!" "Oh, yeah? Mine does that, PLUS 34 billion! I'm gonna eat you, yes I will!" "AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!" *corporate buyout*
I like to look at the straight facts with things. An impartial eye gives the most accurate snapshot at the moment, though it shouldn't be used all of the time.
Digression! Digression! Onward! (time for bed. Gonna be a great day tomorrow, I know it!)
One more digression. When we were shopping around in San Fran, my rigorous standards of what need to be spawned a brand name: Distressed by Darrel. Because I'm looking for cheap pants to beat up with my job (which I'm looking to switch for something that pays a WHOLE lot more, over at the hospital), nothing but Rock-bottom priced, excellent quality would pass. I found that I enjoy CRBs (Canyon River Blues, pronounced "Cribs") though Lee's are great, too (I hate the Lee mascot-doll-thing. Boy, I'd like to spend the fourth of July with it. Eh heh, heh... anyway!...)
I came up with some interesting movie ideas for Erin, such as (and I record this now): people walking around town, doing their daily things, in the nude, as if they are wearing clothes (we weren't originally meant for clothes, now were we?).
A traffic jam happens in, say, San Fran. Out of the back of the bus (in the lower section that small and isn't meant for people) pops out clowns with six-shooters. They start robbing cars. One person resists. The camera shows the flash of the revolver, followed by a side view of a smiling clown, with carnivorous teeth, followed by another bang/camera gun flash camera shot, followed by the same clown from a different angle, etc. until blood splatters on the clown. Disturbing? yes. Humorous? Maybe.
The poor hero policeman who takes a few down before being felled by the others... *sob*.
We also see the concept of an Urban valley, sorrounded by "Mountainous" buildings. We see the main hero (A hermit? A bounty hunter? Depends on your take of him) do this really cool stunt as we go inside the windowed "cave" of the mountain, taking down many of the clown people.
Should be brutal urban tribal warfare (mix the medieval/premedieval ages with modern age)
Don't forget the mad max parking lot movie! (ok. This one's silly. But I think it should be tried for kicks. The cart hawk being the big rig, with someone behind it and WinCo people fighting with WinCo products)
Digression. YEHAW! Ok. A quick sum-up and then i retire!
Meghanraye dislocated her shoulder snowboarding. She's pissed off because she can't work for a while, which is kind of weird since she hates work. However, I think she'll be back to work within the week.
Me and Evan bought shoes (my third and final pair. Approved by Paul). Ray's father (who kicked Ray out of his house) bought Ray a Mustang (my dad almost kicked me out and is almost buying me a car. Similarities in fatherhood??? Heh.). Paul is out crew rowing with his CAPSIZED boat (the psychotic coach tried out Coxswaining. Paul says the ocean is cold when it's in your boat like that). PM is incognito. Tim is doing well living here. My sister Sarah got a job in Utah. Glasses pending.
Seize the teeth!
There on the plains of victory I became weary. I stopped to rest, and there resting, I died.
D.
Well, I haven't found a car that suits my tastes. Some, like a 91 toyota Supra, have insurance that's a problem (I can afford it at an insanely good deal of $5100, it's just I don't want to pay car insurance for a sports car). Others just never come to fruition (can't seal the deal; too much money (like the civic. I was only able to get an $8800 loan with my creditors, since I have no credit), person doesn't follow up on deal). This is ok. I'm patient.
Cars are such a big waste of money anyway. In a way, I hate them. I suppose i'm kind of a public transportation kind of guy.
I went down to the bay area and spent only 9$ the entire 2-day trip! That's right, the aforementioned trip down to the bay area happened. On Friday, me and Erin went down to Novato, where his grandparents live. Trip from Eureka to Novata -> 4 hours (Erin sped)
Erin's grandpa, Karl, is quite an interesting fellow. Back when he was doing architecture, he built Nuclear Power Plants (30 out of the 41 US plants were overseen by him, including the first and last ones to be constructed). We talked at length about the structural requirements for the fuel rods and such, as well as other things, during the course of our time in the bay area.
I got to visit the Novato mall on the first day, including Macy*s, and found out about a little something called "Price integrity" (same price on a product regardless of geographic location), so I didn't feel it advantageous to buy here (or anywhere else in San Fran. I think I scared a gay guy off though). Then we went back to Erin's granparents' house. We slept in the million dollar home, and departed for the Academy of the Arts University(AAU) in San Francisco (Erin wants to be a director).
Now, originally we were supposed to meet up with Richard at the AAU, but me and Erin became rather disinterested in the area we were stuck in (a PACKED church) as well as we were discouraged by the lack of tours (just 2 tours still available, since all the tours were on a first-come-first-serve basis). So, we left for the embarcadero, though partially we were just going to wherever we wanted to while we had the town to ourselves. We stopped at some interesting tech places (the tallest, prettiest asian I have seen so far was at one of these places. However, she seemed more interested in selling games (trying to get us to buy a camera for the PS2 to do some DDR-related stuff), so I didn't bother shooting the breeze. She reminded me of my Aunt Jennie, which would've been kind of weird), as well as we stopped at a lot of contemporary stores that we have back home (Ross Dress for less was there. In my endless quest for pants to call my own, we stopped there for a look-see. I found a FCUK hippies shirt (worthy of taking back home), but, alas, no pants to meet my rigorous standards)
There were so many department stores that we visited... Virgin Megastore... Sushi Kinta... The Hyatt Hotel (the plants on the inverted terraced design was awesome)...
We asked lots of locals lots of questions, such as where a good lunch place was or where such and such was. We also goofed off heavily, since it was all inconsequential (I think I may have refound my humor that got lost). All in all, A perfect time to get lost in the "Urban Valleys".
After all of our ramblings, we departed on the ferry back to Novato, where Erin's grandfather took us back to his house. I slept, since the consequences of my lack of sleep over the past week could not be stopped, but awoke to a tea party and departure.
I had forgotten about the city. I badly want to go back now, having fallen madly in love with what I had forgotten. My dad had always tried to get me to come back, but I always resisted, thinking there wasn't that much opportunity out there. What a fool I have been! My dad would blow over, double back his efforts, give in, retry, and so forth.
But, now, I want to go to the city. Bad. I was so excited about the idea that time flew by at work (a rarity these days). I have talked to my dad, and he's for it. I will see this through.
About where I live now: There's two people who live in this town: Jack, and Shit. However, I'm sorry to say that Jack left a long time ago
First things first.
I need a car that can do the speed limit down there (sure, the escort can pull it off, but gets shitty mileage doing so), so I have to get a car here. Second, to ensure my motivation stays up, I need to go attend the motivation seminar in July. Third, I need to be sufficiently knowledgable in Japanese so I need to finish that up here (Japanese is in high demand down there). Fourth, I need sufficient time to cement everything down with my father (he needs to finish his position as a night supervisor (3rd in command at the hospital), as well as get the plan details down) so that'll take time.
So, we're looking at the end of the year as the projected departure time area. Quite realistic!
I hope to make a lot more friends down there (consolidating my friendships here by limited contact), increasing my large friend database
Heh, reminds me of a time me and Evan were talking. He called me a snob because I told him of how I ditched a couple of my friends (namely, my last group of friends that I got too entangled with) because they were meeting my contra-criteria (this isn't the first time. Brent, Lincoln, and Jeremiah are a few others. I feel as though I should write up something about all of them, which is why I list them now (so I'll come back here and remember, "Ah! I should tell the tale.")). At the same time, he expressed that he was envious that I could just up and leave a group of people simply because things weren't working out as great as hoped. I reasoned that I can do this because I have lots of friends over a large geographic area. If something doesn't work here, I can go somewhere else and pick up new friends. And I always have friends in the areas that I'll never live in again. Hence the Snob title (I don't think I'm a snob. I strive to be friendly, and am merely passive-aggressive. I don't like splitting up with people, and currently have no plans to stop befriending anyone. On a side note, I hate it when people worry about whether what they're doing is going to jeapordize their relationship with me. So just be yourself. If things aren't going to work out, you'll know it long before I take adverse action. Shit, this is sounding like a subordination paragraph. Bah.)
I digress.
I've had this idea about how we are all raised by parents up to a point, and then our parents turn us over to "corporate" parents. I.E. we work for a company. They make the rules, tell us how to dress, give us an allowance, and so forth. Thought it might be interesting to share.
What's more, the corporation is like a machine (reminds me of that pirate short from Monty Python, now that I think about it. P1r4t3s are c00l. (actually I used to spend a lot of time in the library reading about pirates back in the 6th grade. Just the intrigue.))
anyway, you can pilot this corporate machine that will take you where you want to go (if you're the chairperson), though you're regulated by your shareholders. But who cares about them??? It's a pissing contest, much like muscle cars. "MY company nets 3.2 billion from sales!" "Oh, yeah? Mine does that, PLUS 34 billion! I'm gonna eat you, yes I will!" "AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!" *corporate buyout*
I like to look at the straight facts with things. An impartial eye gives the most accurate snapshot at the moment, though it shouldn't be used all of the time.
Digression! Digression! Onward! (time for bed. Gonna be a great day tomorrow, I know it!)
One more digression. When we were shopping around in San Fran, my rigorous standards of what need to be spawned a brand name: Distressed by Darrel. Because I'm looking for cheap pants to beat up with my job (which I'm looking to switch for something that pays a WHOLE lot more, over at the hospital), nothing but Rock-bottom priced, excellent quality would pass. I found that I enjoy CRBs (Canyon River Blues, pronounced "Cribs") though Lee's are great, too (I hate the Lee mascot-doll-thing. Boy, I'd like to spend the fourth of July with it. Eh heh, heh... anyway!...)
I came up with some interesting movie ideas for Erin, such as (and I record this now): people walking around town, doing their daily things, in the nude, as if they are wearing clothes (we weren't originally meant for clothes, now were we?).
A traffic jam happens in, say, San Fran. Out of the back of the bus (in the lower section that small and isn't meant for people) pops out clowns with six-shooters. They start robbing cars. One person resists. The camera shows the flash of the revolver, followed by a side view of a smiling clown, with carnivorous teeth, followed by another bang/camera gun flash camera shot, followed by the same clown from a different angle, etc. until blood splatters on the clown. Disturbing? yes. Humorous? Maybe.
The poor hero policeman who takes a few down before being felled by the others... *sob*.
We also see the concept of an Urban valley, sorrounded by "Mountainous" buildings. We see the main hero (A hermit? A bounty hunter? Depends on your take of him) do this really cool stunt as we go inside the windowed "cave" of the mountain, taking down many of the clown people.
Should be brutal urban tribal warfare (mix the medieval/premedieval ages with modern age)
Don't forget the mad max parking lot movie! (ok. This one's silly. But I think it should be tried for kicks. The cart hawk being the big rig, with someone behind it and WinCo people fighting with WinCo products)
Digression. YEHAW! Ok. A quick sum-up and then i retire!
Meghanraye dislocated her shoulder snowboarding. She's pissed off because she can't work for a while, which is kind of weird since she hates work. However, I think she'll be back to work within the week.
Me and Evan bought shoes (my third and final pair. Approved by Paul). Ray's father (who kicked Ray out of his house) bought Ray a Mustang (my dad almost kicked me out and is almost buying me a car. Similarities in fatherhood??? Heh.). Paul is out crew rowing with his CAPSIZED boat (the psychotic coach tried out Coxswaining. Paul says the ocean is cold when it's in your boat like that). PM is incognito. Tim is doing well living here. My sister Sarah got a job in Utah. Glasses pending.
Seize the teeth!
There on the plains of victory I became weary. I stopped to rest, and there resting, I died.
D.
Wednesday, March 24
cars and girls
I've zeroed in on a 2002 Civic EX with a 1.7 liter VTEC engine, sunroof, anti-lock brakes(ABS), and a whole bunch more (MUCH more. Just too tired to get more stuff written here).
Erin states that he is defeated in terms of the best economy car. I'm proud of myself.
Evan is paying the same amount for his 2001 (non VTEC and accessorized) Civic: nearly 14,000 ka-chinger-ingers.
It's gold colored (was 2002 the golden year or what?), has only 13,000 miles... manual.... *cleans drivel off of shirt*
Now I've got to get a co-signor. Not a big deal.
My mother will probably be a solution. This would be an awesome opportunity to mend hard feelings between us (we're both over everything that has happened; I know it. But, we haven't had any way to work together. This should work)
My grandparents (who have even better credit, and are rich) are a second. My dad will be paying most of the money for this car, with me being the second safeguard for my co-signor, so it is a very low risk situation.
I love this car!
On to things prior (I should tells you all, I'm very tired. I just got done talking to Erin on the phone (told him I was going to sleep. Hi, Erin.), ending a stressful day of car salesmen and a small amount of sleep. Yes, the construction of my sentences aren't that great, but right now it's the idea that counts. I have a hard time getting on to blog (even on this spring break!) so I blog it when I get the time.).
Yes, I got a payraise to $8.11. I'm working on getting into produce. Only 4 years left and I get 5 years worth of stock (proportional to the hours I worked and the pay I earned over the past 5 years)! The stock is currently at 20$, but, since we're growing so fast (we just defeated most major southern Cal stores with the soda pop wars (we got down to 38 cents per 12 pack), and are now making a large profit) the stock is expected to hit 100$ before splitting again. This, on top of plans to go public... There will be a lot of millionares before this is through!
I was going to get glasses today, but spent the time on finding the car instead. I already feel like the car is mine. It is my destiny to own that car.
Me and Erin are still projected to go down to San Fran on Friday. Hopefully in a Honda Civic? We'll be staying with Erin's (fabled) rich grandparents, and hopefully we'll be meeting up with Richard, who is selling property down there (heh, he finally found someone who could afford his land...)
I was going to blog last night, but was too tired. I had some rather fun news to share, though I believe the car overshadows it now.
Me and Meghanraye went surfing yesterday. Though the waves were crappy, we had lots of fun. We haven't been hanging out as much as we used to, and she wishes to change that. I have no complaints with the idea (though it's been really hard to find time for anyone).
On to the rather fun part.
Just as a foreword to said fun part... I don't really want to toot my own horn, but I get complimented on my looks quite a bit (I bet it's my eyes). People stop me, tell me how I look handsome, or like Jonathan Brandice, and so forth and then go off their merry way (I think I will be a person who speaks his opinion to people. "Like the jacket!" or "get some spatz!" should be some of my catch phrases). Anyway...
I get hit on as well. But not as blatantly as last night. Last night, two girls were leaving the store, when one of them said (loud, since we're on the parking lot) "She likes you!" I turned around and saw them.
Huh? Wha? Oh, geez! Two pretty and smart looking women! What did they just say? Oh geez!
So, as they hop into their SUV, I say, "I'm flattered," with a blushing smile. The one who talked said, "Well, you're hot"
heh heh. She said I was hot. *the beavis within me comes out*
So, I didn't know quite what to do. I smiled and went back in the store. Not really looking that much at the SUV with 2 girls in it, not moving. It was there for a little while, but then it drove off.
Damn, I thought. Not again. At least I had said something back to them (it used to be I was too shy). So, to figure out what I did wrong (so I quit the bad habit), I went and talked to Bo. Bo is very knowledgable of relationships, since he's been in so many (as have his friends). I popped it at him, giving the descriptions, etc. Bo told me...
I played all the cards right.
If they want a relationship, they have to pursue me. I cannot start or take control of it, so I just need to be polite and SMILE.
Do I really want a relationship again though is the question. I'm at a stage in my life where I know I'm not ready, and getting in one again would just fuck me over. I don't like to be casual with my relationships, so no fuck buddies (that sentence is aimed at you, Erin!). I have my head completely straight only recently -- why jeapordize it now? Excitement? hmm....
I finally got over Jamie completely last week. Stopped looking at her blog one day, and said I wouldn't do it again (didn't mean it seriously, though that's how most of my major impacting decisions come about) I got people who care about me to devote my time to. What was I thinking, hoping that she would come back and talk to me?
You see, I have this problem. I hide it from everyone and it never seems to bother anyone, so few people know about it.
I have this problem with obsessing over things, especially when I have too much mental time on my hands. I remember, over the summer of 2002, how I couldn't stop thinking of Meganraye in the context of a specific song (when I had a crush on Meghanraye at the time). She never knew it then, and still doesn't (and since she supposedly reads this blog, she does now. But it doesn't matter. You know I had a crush on you, anyway. What does it matter?). I have a tendency to check and recheck the news when I have too much spare time.
I need something to occupy my mind. The easiest thing to think about comes first.
So, Every day for the past 3 months I thought of Jamie. Oh, there were other things I thought about, but Jamie would always pop up. I'd be memorizing japanese words during work, for example, when suddenly... Jay... me..... D'oh! Focus on the japanese!
Then it dawned on me some time ago. She isn't coming back.
It was like waking up from a terrible nightmare. A four month, self-induced nightmare. Sure, it hurt for a little while but I felt free in the end.
Kind of weird.
So, yes. I did obsess over her in my head. People don't know it when I obsess about them, and it doesn't hurt anybody, since I don't show it.
I actually loved her still. The relationship may have died, but the now-dead body was still breathing and contracting (kind of a grotesque way of putting it. I'm thinking of that point after death when the body still makes contractions as the cells all waste away...)
Not one person that I know of has said that Jamie was an ok person. That's kind of weird. They ask me, what was I thinking?
I get scoffed at at work by people when i respond that the relationship didn't work out because of differences. Then they make some brash comment about her.
I still don't really understand what was so weird about her. I guess there was something wrong with her.
But, anyway, just wanted to post my last (latest) comments about Jamie before these memories, too, fade away, and I forget all the aforementioned information (probably years down the road).
Heh, everybody's crazy. It's just the degree of craziness that matters. The previously mentioned obsession problem is my little quirk, but I am strong enough to overcome anything. I know it.
(Bold words, yes? But I am so sure of myself that it's practically a fact to me. Hence the bold words)
I MUST SLEEP! work at 9:30. Mayhaps a chopper in the air to show the traffic report? Nay?
WHAT AM I SAYING? Perhaps I'm just goofing off now. Maybe I'm ready for San Fran.
I'd like to formulate an idea of air traffic helicopters for movies. Good night.
Don't Let it bring you down, it's only castles burning. Just find someone who's turning, and you will come around
D.
Erin states that he is defeated in terms of the best economy car. I'm proud of myself.
Evan is paying the same amount for his 2001 (non VTEC and accessorized) Civic: nearly 14,000 ka-chinger-ingers.
It's gold colored (was 2002 the golden year or what?), has only 13,000 miles... manual.... *cleans drivel off of shirt*
Now I've got to get a co-signor. Not a big deal.
My mother will probably be a solution. This would be an awesome opportunity to mend hard feelings between us (we're both over everything that has happened; I know it. But, we haven't had any way to work together. This should work)
My grandparents (who have even better credit, and are rich) are a second. My dad will be paying most of the money for this car, with me being the second safeguard for my co-signor, so it is a very low risk situation.
I love this car!
On to things prior (I should tells you all, I'm very tired. I just got done talking to Erin on the phone (told him I was going to sleep. Hi, Erin.), ending a stressful day of car salesmen and a small amount of sleep. Yes, the construction of my sentences aren't that great, but right now it's the idea that counts. I have a hard time getting on to blog (even on this spring break!) so I blog it when I get the time.).
Yes, I got a payraise to $8.11. I'm working on getting into produce. Only 4 years left and I get 5 years worth of stock (proportional to the hours I worked and the pay I earned over the past 5 years)! The stock is currently at 20$, but, since we're growing so fast (we just defeated most major southern Cal stores with the soda pop wars (we got down to 38 cents per 12 pack), and are now making a large profit) the stock is expected to hit 100$ before splitting again. This, on top of plans to go public... There will be a lot of millionares before this is through!
I was going to get glasses today, but spent the time on finding the car instead. I already feel like the car is mine. It is my destiny to own that car.
Me and Erin are still projected to go down to San Fran on Friday. Hopefully in a Honda Civic? We'll be staying with Erin's (fabled) rich grandparents, and hopefully we'll be meeting up with Richard, who is selling property down there (heh, he finally found someone who could afford his land...)
I was going to blog last night, but was too tired. I had some rather fun news to share, though I believe the car overshadows it now.
Me and Meghanraye went surfing yesterday. Though the waves were crappy, we had lots of fun. We haven't been hanging out as much as we used to, and she wishes to change that. I have no complaints with the idea (though it's been really hard to find time for anyone).
On to the rather fun part.
Just as a foreword to said fun part... I don't really want to toot my own horn, but I get complimented on my looks quite a bit (I bet it's my eyes). People stop me, tell me how I look handsome, or like Jonathan Brandice, and so forth and then go off their merry way (I think I will be a person who speaks his opinion to people. "Like the jacket!" or "get some spatz!" should be some of my catch phrases). Anyway...
I get hit on as well. But not as blatantly as last night. Last night, two girls were leaving the store, when one of them said (loud, since we're on the parking lot) "She likes you!" I turned around and saw them.
Huh? Wha? Oh, geez! Two pretty and smart looking women! What did they just say? Oh geez!
So, as they hop into their SUV, I say, "I'm flattered," with a blushing smile. The one who talked said, "Well, you're hot"
heh heh. She said I was hot. *the beavis within me comes out*
So, I didn't know quite what to do. I smiled and went back in the store. Not really looking that much at the SUV with 2 girls in it, not moving. It was there for a little while, but then it drove off.
Damn, I thought. Not again. At least I had said something back to them (it used to be I was too shy). So, to figure out what I did wrong (so I quit the bad habit), I went and talked to Bo. Bo is very knowledgable of relationships, since he's been in so many (as have his friends). I popped it at him, giving the descriptions, etc. Bo told me...
I played all the cards right.
If they want a relationship, they have to pursue me. I cannot start or take control of it, so I just need to be polite and SMILE.
Do I really want a relationship again though is the question. I'm at a stage in my life where I know I'm not ready, and getting in one again would just fuck me over. I don't like to be casual with my relationships, so no fuck buddies (that sentence is aimed at you, Erin!). I have my head completely straight only recently -- why jeapordize it now? Excitement? hmm....
I finally got over Jamie completely last week. Stopped looking at her blog one day, and said I wouldn't do it again (didn't mean it seriously, though that's how most of my major impacting decisions come about) I got people who care about me to devote my time to. What was I thinking, hoping that she would come back and talk to me?
You see, I have this problem. I hide it from everyone and it never seems to bother anyone, so few people know about it.
I have this problem with obsessing over things, especially when I have too much mental time on my hands. I remember, over the summer of 2002, how I couldn't stop thinking of Meganraye in the context of a specific song (when I had a crush on Meghanraye at the time). She never knew it then, and still doesn't (and since she supposedly reads this blog, she does now. But it doesn't matter. You know I had a crush on you, anyway. What does it matter?). I have a tendency to check and recheck the news when I have too much spare time.
I need something to occupy my mind. The easiest thing to think about comes first.
So, Every day for the past 3 months I thought of Jamie. Oh, there were other things I thought about, but Jamie would always pop up. I'd be memorizing japanese words during work, for example, when suddenly... Jay... me..... D'oh! Focus on the japanese!
Then it dawned on me some time ago. She isn't coming back.
It was like waking up from a terrible nightmare. A four month, self-induced nightmare. Sure, it hurt for a little while but I felt free in the end.
Kind of weird.
So, yes. I did obsess over her in my head. People don't know it when I obsess about them, and it doesn't hurt anybody, since I don't show it.
I actually loved her still. The relationship may have died, but the now-dead body was still breathing and contracting (kind of a grotesque way of putting it. I'm thinking of that point after death when the body still makes contractions as the cells all waste away...)
Not one person that I know of has said that Jamie was an ok person. That's kind of weird. They ask me, what was I thinking?
I get scoffed at at work by people when i respond that the relationship didn't work out because of differences. Then they make some brash comment about her.
I still don't really understand what was so weird about her. I guess there was something wrong with her.
But, anyway, just wanted to post my last (latest) comments about Jamie before these memories, too, fade away, and I forget all the aforementioned information (probably years down the road).
Heh, everybody's crazy. It's just the degree of craziness that matters. The previously mentioned obsession problem is my little quirk, but I am strong enough to overcome anything. I know it.
(Bold words, yes? But I am so sure of myself that it's practically a fact to me. Hence the bold words)
I MUST SLEEP! work at 9:30. Mayhaps a chopper in the air to show the traffic report? Nay?
WHAT AM I SAYING? Perhaps I'm just goofing off now. Maybe I'm ready for San Fran.
I'd like to formulate an idea of air traffic helicopters for movies. Good night.
Don't Let it bring you down, it's only castles burning. Just find someone who's turning, and you will come around
D.
Sunday, March 21
He's a Nut Case
Well, It's 12:05, I'm tired after 8 hours of work, and I have to get up at 8 to go to work at 9 (followed by Japaneeeeeze at 4).
What a perfect time to blog!
I'll just fill in the facts, and hopefully not spend too much time writing (in a mad effort for sleep. SLEEP! SLEEEEEEEEEEEPPPPP!!! *kills long drawn out Darrel with an axe (where am I getting all these weird ideas?)*
Anyway...
I'm getting a car. Budget is set at 10000 Ka-Chinger-ingers ($). I'll have to get a loan, though my dad will pay for everything. I'm looking at a Toyota Corolla (Yeah I know the front ain't that pretty, but these babies are powerful, economical, and live a long time!). We'll find what suits me!
My insurance went effective 2 days ago (it's midnight, after all. Children of the night! Arise! MUUURRRRRR!!!! *kills long drawn out Darrel again in terrible horror movie fashion*) So, I should be getting glasses again soon (and contacts) as well as some physicals and dental shtuff.
I bought another pair of shoes. 2 pairs down, 1 to go! (I have A Nike pair for rainy days. They have gore-tex all over them. Then, I have sketchers for normal day work, followed by a different pair of sketchers for non working times (I've decided I'm a sketchers kind of guy, though I might change that if thise pair breaks down on me prematurely at work. I'M STILL AT WAR WITH JANSPORT AND THEIR SHITTY BACKPACKS. Thank you very much.) I've never had 3 pairs of shoes at a given moment! We'll see, my precious, we'll see....
Omph, so tired... finish it!
The plan to go down to the bay area is so far going strong. We might see Paul down there! (He has crew), as well as Richard.
I'm getting lots of stuff done. Loving life, though I have some problems with starting new stuff (at least I finish what I start).
Looks like Buddy Tim is home. Guess I'd better go to sleep.
Erase and Rewind -Cardigans, who have been (since 2000) and always will be my favorite band
D.
What a perfect time to blog!
I'll just fill in the facts, and hopefully not spend too much time writing (in a mad effort for sleep. SLEEP! SLEEEEEEEEEEEPPPPP!!! *kills long drawn out Darrel with an axe (where am I getting all these weird ideas?)*
Anyway...
I'm getting a car. Budget is set at 10000 Ka-Chinger-ingers ($). I'll have to get a loan, though my dad will pay for everything. I'm looking at a Toyota Corolla (Yeah I know the front ain't that pretty, but these babies are powerful, economical, and live a long time!). We'll find what suits me!
My insurance went effective 2 days ago (it's midnight, after all. Children of the night! Arise! MUUURRRRRR!!!! *kills long drawn out Darrel again in terrible horror movie fashion*) So, I should be getting glasses again soon (and contacts) as well as some physicals and dental shtuff.
I bought another pair of shoes. 2 pairs down, 1 to go! (I have A Nike pair for rainy days. They have gore-tex all over them. Then, I have sketchers for normal day work, followed by a different pair of sketchers for non working times (I've decided I'm a sketchers kind of guy, though I might change that if thise pair breaks down on me prematurely at work. I'M STILL AT WAR WITH JANSPORT AND THEIR SHITTY BACKPACKS. Thank you very much.) I've never had 3 pairs of shoes at a given moment! We'll see, my precious, we'll see....
Omph, so tired... finish it!
The plan to go down to the bay area is so far going strong. We might see Paul down there! (He has crew), as well as Richard.
I'm getting lots of stuff done. Loving life, though I have some problems with starting new stuff (at least I finish what I start).
Looks like Buddy Tim is home. Guess I'd better go to sleep.
Erase and Rewind -Cardigans, who have been (since 2000) and always will be my favorite band
D.
Wednesday, March 17
Go.
Oi!
The aforementioned cooking thing didn't turn out quite right, but I met a lot of people, some from my old highschool!
I'm starting in the middle, for those of you who just joined. The one big hurdle with writing for me is that the introduction take a long time to make. But I want to schpiel right now! Not later! Usually I create the introduction later, but not this time!
As I said before, there were problems in the cooking process. That is, we didn't cook. There were just too many people. So, we had a party type situation instead. Paul had brought several of his buddies, most from his erghing (sic? my no dictionary policy proves to be my downfall! *looks at a dictionary, breaking his policy*) class, to my house. I was surprised at how many people I knew already that came!
This town just keeps getting smaller and smaller. The more persons I get to know, the more I find that said persons know someone I already know. Time to move? It's already been in the projected cards!
I came here from Utah because I enjoyed the liberal atmosphere. Sometimes I wonder if I'm done living here; if I should go back to Utah to get my life back on track. Sure is pretty out here, but there's nothing but work to do. I don't feel secure (though I'm remarkably secure. Just look at all the postings my friends made when my dad was going to kick me out!), and I've never felt like I was "part of the group" (though that was the virtue of this place. The people here are different enough that I can't mix with them all that well. I love differences in thought and culture). What bothers me most is that most people here seem to be in the doldrums. They seem to be lost, but they don't care.
I feel like writing the tangential things my mind decides to think about.
Last night, while I worked, I smelled this one brand of cigarette... I don't know what it is or what, but it makes my taste buds go nuts. Maybe I have a tolerance to smoking, since i'm forced to inhale smoke during my workshift... I don't know. I know that smoke does kind of relax me (psycho semantic???), and that brand... but I have a 0 tolerance policy for smoking.
At least I KNOW I will never smoke. Alcohol, on the other hand, is a different matter. For several days, I could taste the sweet, sweet taste. I don't know why, but I wanted some. It was terrible. Why on Earth was I wanting something to drink??? Alcohol is such a bad drug. I hadn't drank for at least a year.
But then everything changed when I got off of school on Monday last week.
I was waltzing into WinCo to buy materials to cook late at night(heh, I remember now... cake and some funky stew), when, around the corner from the cart room was Zack and his cohort (I don't recall his name). He was having his going-away party (to the navy) and invited me. Being one to increase my network of people, as well as remembering that distorted taste of booze in my mouth, I accepted. When we both finished shopping, I followed him to his house, where i met strange people. An interesting note to post here is that Zack's group of friends are a lot like Shraigon's group of friends - kind of lowlife-ish, young, dumb, full of cum, that kind of thing. I tried to keep a low profile throughout the whole thing, though there was this gay guy who wouldn't leave me alone till he got stoned (partially I wanted to leave this place, but there wasn't enough reason to leave. More on that after this sentence), when he was too tired to bother me. As I got to know these people, I began to lean more and more towards not liking any of them. I realized rather quick that Zack is kind of crazy, having some weird mental problems (as a consequence of this he's living in his own fantasy world of anime, Japan, and glory while in reality not having shit. He acts strange). But at least he wasn't bothering me. (Did I mention Zack has a website? I don't remember the name... but he's quite a vain person. hehe) I didn't drink much there, and, thankfully, that sweet, sweet alcohol taste turned into a nasty sweet taste that repulsed me. During the night, I sort of clung on to Tim (Adrienne's boyfriend, Zack's former roommate, and a good wisecracker) to keep me from succumbing to weirdos. That and I tried to occupy myself with their television. (I got into their whole Witch Hunter Robyn series...)
What a night.
I'd also like to mention that my computer is up again. I found that the viruses were coming from Eric Anapolsky's disc that he gave to me, so i switched to a different disc and everything is better.
On a side note, whether intentional or not, some guy in Uruguay is attacking my computer (though I have him blocked).
I had some enlightenment last night, remembering who I am. Sometimes (heh) I forget. Face back to reality now, get a good grip on it all... march forward!
Will is coming back to visit. I was unable to get ahold of him to tell him that I cancelled my moving plans, and now it's too late. It will be good to see him for a little while.
Oh, and Evan keeps playing me in the boardgame go. I'm picking up quick on his tactics again, and hope to defeat him a few games from now (he's had the advantage of playing many more games than I, but he doesn't diversify his strategies enough)
Japanese is going good. A friend of Shraigon's offered to help me with Japanese, but I really don't feel up to being affiliated to groups like Shraigon's (or Zack's) right now. Still recovering from that night (it wasn't that bad... it was just that I was stuck with people that I didn't like)
I am now able to do my homework when I need to do it without fighting myself (...much). Just focus on one simple thing each day... one small thing that you can do to make the day worthwhile... One simple accomplishment.
When I was talking about Zack and other people with sensei, I noticed that he was putting them all down, based upon certain attributes. All of them had some factual evidence within, but all of them were heavily opinionated as well. It makes me wonder: what does he think of me?
Why do people stab one another in the back (with their elitest bullshit)? Is there no one to trust you when you make a mistake? Can I just be who I want to be when I want to be without any reason without paying the consequences?
I guess not (well would you look at that. Looks like that last paragraph was teenage angst bullshit. hehee!)
I never fit into any group. Ok, maybe I fit in the misfit group. I just can't seem to stay the same all the time. I project a false image of myself to people I don't know that well if only to keep them from disliking me (creating conflict), one in which i'm quite agreeable (I can't help it. I like to try other peoples' ways as well, now that I know that my way is only the best way some of the time), and then, when I find that I have to deal with the person long enough, I become the one who dislikes them (all of this is not applicable to friends). Then, I put my foot on the ground and the person thinks i'm a mean person or that I've snapped or something.
This is MY fallacy. I recognize it. But I should solve it as well. And i've been trying to. (problem is that I like to explore other people's ways of doing things)
I gotta go to the bathroom and finish my homework, so i'll stop here! Right in the middle. Like the starting point(?)
It's just pure luck it turned out this way.
Excuse me, sir, but on a scale of 1 to 10 you are a fat fuck
D.
The aforementioned cooking thing didn't turn out quite right, but I met a lot of people, some from my old highschool!
I'm starting in the middle, for those of you who just joined. The one big hurdle with writing for me is that the introduction take a long time to make. But I want to schpiel right now! Not later! Usually I create the introduction later, but not this time!
As I said before, there were problems in the cooking process. That is, we didn't cook. There were just too many people. So, we had a party type situation instead. Paul had brought several of his buddies, most from his erghing (sic? my no dictionary policy proves to be my downfall! *looks at a dictionary, breaking his policy*) class, to my house. I was surprised at how many people I knew already that came!
This town just keeps getting smaller and smaller. The more persons I get to know, the more I find that said persons know someone I already know. Time to move? It's already been in the projected cards!
I came here from Utah because I enjoyed the liberal atmosphere. Sometimes I wonder if I'm done living here; if I should go back to Utah to get my life back on track. Sure is pretty out here, but there's nothing but work to do. I don't feel secure (though I'm remarkably secure. Just look at all the postings my friends made when my dad was going to kick me out!), and I've never felt like I was "part of the group" (though that was the virtue of this place. The people here are different enough that I can't mix with them all that well. I love differences in thought and culture). What bothers me most is that most people here seem to be in the doldrums. They seem to be lost, but they don't care.
I feel like writing the tangential things my mind decides to think about.
Last night, while I worked, I smelled this one brand of cigarette... I don't know what it is or what, but it makes my taste buds go nuts. Maybe I have a tolerance to smoking, since i'm forced to inhale smoke during my workshift... I don't know. I know that smoke does kind of relax me (psycho semantic???), and that brand... but I have a 0 tolerance policy for smoking.
At least I KNOW I will never smoke. Alcohol, on the other hand, is a different matter. For several days, I could taste the sweet, sweet taste. I don't know why, but I wanted some. It was terrible. Why on Earth was I wanting something to drink??? Alcohol is such a bad drug. I hadn't drank for at least a year.
But then everything changed when I got off of school on Monday last week.
I was waltzing into WinCo to buy materials to cook late at night(heh, I remember now... cake and some funky stew), when, around the corner from the cart room was Zack and his cohort (I don't recall his name). He was having his going-away party (to the navy) and invited me. Being one to increase my network of people, as well as remembering that distorted taste of booze in my mouth, I accepted. When we both finished shopping, I followed him to his house, where i met strange people. An interesting note to post here is that Zack's group of friends are a lot like Shraigon's group of friends - kind of lowlife-ish, young, dumb, full of cum, that kind of thing. I tried to keep a low profile throughout the whole thing, though there was this gay guy who wouldn't leave me alone till he got stoned (partially I wanted to leave this place, but there wasn't enough reason to leave. More on that after this sentence), when he was too tired to bother me. As I got to know these people, I began to lean more and more towards not liking any of them. I realized rather quick that Zack is kind of crazy, having some weird mental problems (as a consequence of this he's living in his own fantasy world of anime, Japan, and glory while in reality not having shit. He acts strange). But at least he wasn't bothering me. (Did I mention Zack has a website? I don't remember the name... but he's quite a vain person. hehe) I didn't drink much there, and, thankfully, that sweet, sweet alcohol taste turned into a nasty sweet taste that repulsed me. During the night, I sort of clung on to Tim (Adrienne's boyfriend, Zack's former roommate, and a good wisecracker) to keep me from succumbing to weirdos. That and I tried to occupy myself with their television. (I got into their whole Witch Hunter Robyn series...)
What a night.
I'd also like to mention that my computer is up again. I found that the viruses were coming from Eric Anapolsky's disc that he gave to me, so i switched to a different disc and everything is better.
On a side note, whether intentional or not, some guy in Uruguay is attacking my computer (though I have him blocked).
I had some enlightenment last night, remembering who I am. Sometimes (heh) I forget. Face back to reality now, get a good grip on it all... march forward!
Will is coming back to visit. I was unable to get ahold of him to tell him that I cancelled my moving plans, and now it's too late. It will be good to see him for a little while.
Oh, and Evan keeps playing me in the boardgame go. I'm picking up quick on his tactics again, and hope to defeat him a few games from now (he's had the advantage of playing many more games than I, but he doesn't diversify his strategies enough)
Japanese is going good. A friend of Shraigon's offered to help me with Japanese, but I really don't feel up to being affiliated to groups like Shraigon's (or Zack's) right now. Still recovering from that night (it wasn't that bad... it was just that I was stuck with people that I didn't like)
I am now able to do my homework when I need to do it without fighting myself (...much). Just focus on one simple thing each day... one small thing that you can do to make the day worthwhile... One simple accomplishment.
When I was talking about Zack and other people with sensei, I noticed that he was putting them all down, based upon certain attributes. All of them had some factual evidence within, but all of them were heavily opinionated as well. It makes me wonder: what does he think of me?
Why do people stab one another in the back (with their elitest bullshit)? Is there no one to trust you when you make a mistake? Can I just be who I want to be when I want to be without any reason without paying the consequences?
I guess not (well would you look at that. Looks like that last paragraph was teenage angst bullshit. hehee!)
I never fit into any group. Ok, maybe I fit in the misfit group. I just can't seem to stay the same all the time. I project a false image of myself to people I don't know that well if only to keep them from disliking me (creating conflict), one in which i'm quite agreeable (I can't help it. I like to try other peoples' ways as well, now that I know that my way is only the best way some of the time), and then, when I find that I have to deal with the person long enough, I become the one who dislikes them (all of this is not applicable to friends). Then, I put my foot on the ground and the person thinks i'm a mean person or that I've snapped or something.
This is MY fallacy. I recognize it. But I should solve it as well. And i've been trying to. (problem is that I like to explore other people's ways of doing things)
I gotta go to the bathroom and finish my homework, so i'll stop here! Right in the middle. Like the starting point(?)
It's just pure luck it turned out this way.
Excuse me, sir, but on a scale of 1 to 10 you are a fat fuck
D.
Monday, March 15
Blog Me Beautiful
*As news spread of the end of the flame war, Darrel exits his bunker. A platoon of supporters march over the horizon with varying materials. Darrel stops one of the members as they pass him.*
Darrel: *Ahem* Is it over yet? Yes? Good.
*Darrel walks over to a podium, barely placed by supporters, with a backdrop of a singed forest. A camera is placed squarely with the podium.*
Man, I am so surprised at all the comments that were flung 2 weeks ago! I never thought things were going to come down to name calling (didn't know I was hated that much...), but it was rather interesting to stay out of it all and see what people had to say. So many fallacies... so much hate! WH0000! Makes my head spin.
Just for the recording of my blog (since there may be some tender-skinned viewers reading this at this point in time), a friend of mine was looking through my blog and found links to former friends. He clicked on the links and proceeded to correspond to what they had to say (without mentioning anything to me). They mistook him for me, and fired volleys of flame at him. He was quite polite, but they were psychotic. He stopped corresponding when he was tired of being attacked (as well as at the urgings of others), and they all lived happily ever after. The End. (that's all I want to say about this)
On to things more important.
Tim, a friend of mine from Idaho, has moved into my house. After my sister left for Utah, life at the house was harmonious. Things are getting stirred up again. Fortunately, Tim is not a hassle to work with, and so things should not go so bad. Unlike the last living arrangement with my sister, Tim will be living in my room (with all my electronics and stuff), and so my room is PACKED! But it looks like a bachelor arrangement -- decent enough to pass my high quality standards test. (though a packed room can look really messy really quick)
Ray is leaving carts to work as freight. I am working on getting Tim to be the replacement.
Umm... I hurt my knee the other day. The impacted region is deep within. I try to stay off of it, but when that cart hawk breaks down (like it did yesterday)... I have to pull with the rope. Bah.
Paul's birthday was last Friday. I didn't have much time to celebrate, but I was able to take him to Los Bagels, which is having a bagel sale for their 20th anniversary. In fact, we were served by the owner of Los Bagels! The owner seemed like a salesman to me, acting all weasel-ey, seeming to be nice only because we had green pieces of paper. But, in the end, we got a good deal there. Originally, we got 20% off of my slug/pesto cream cheese bagel (ooh, I can be suckered into anything with a garlic/pesto cream cheese bagel), but Paul piped in to the owner that it was his birthday, so we got an additional 50% discount! On top of that, Paul got to spin the wheel of bagels, which is a spinning board that people who spend a lot of dough in the shop can spin to win a prize! Paul won a recipe book from this.
Tonight, me, Katie Von Kelso, and Paul are going to exercise the power of the recipe book! We cook tonight. All are welcome!
While I was away from blogging (AFB), I got several projects lined up (and some taken off the roster). The aforementioned cooking is tonight. The midnight matineeis still alive and kicking, but has been junctioned off from sensei's old movie marathon.
Spring Break (next week): It looks like Don in Carts is going to usurp the vacation! He's going to take vacation days off during the break and so there's more hours to fill. However, this will not stop me from vacation fun. I am going, on the 27th, down to the bay area to a movie director's open house with Erin and sensei (Richard). Should be fun
In May, I'm going to the NanoCon (nanotechnology convention) with Chris. It costs 300$ but I think it will be worth it. Should be fun! It's down In Palo Alto.
Also, this summer, I'm projecting to go back to Utah for 4 days, doing the Darrel Expo thing. There will be much nerditude going on (lots of downloading of software, debates on computer-related stuff, etc) with a whole bunch of my friends, as well as revisiting of family (and my extended family, the people I call my "brothers", though they aren't related to me). But, the primary plan for Utah and me is to go to a motivation workshop that my grandfather highly recommends (he has a lot of credibility built up from the past, so if he says something is really good, it almost certainly is). My grandfather has stated that, if he had taken it when he was 20, his life would have been so much more different. I love my grandparents and have vested complete trust in them (something I haven't really done for anyone else). They've been there, done that. They can point me in the right direction, and never try to hurt. They're great people.
Well, I have to get back to doing lots of homework. But I will leave these various scrambled thoughts which I wrote on my hand while driving ( The style of writing makes my hand looks like an 80's Punk hand):
Utah Schools different from California schools (I would like to argue this sometime. Utah schools are just more fun. Even though Utah ranks as the second worst funder of schools out of the 50, their curriculum is so terrific...)
It's A Sin (80's song. Meyer in the morning has an "80's hour" which happens at 9:00-10:00. This is when I drive to work/school. I am an 80's fan)
Pilot The Corporate Machine (Corporations are like cars or other machines. Take command! It might be fun and exciting)
WinCo is like elementary school/cafeteria (you want to leave, even on your lunch break, but can't. It's not a bad place to be at, but you don't want to be there at that moment. So, you figure out a way to make the place you're stuck in even more enjoyable. Ration it)
Nothing Compares to You (Shania O' Conner song. I Don't really care about Shania O' Conner the person but this song is great!)
So many choices on what to be in my life. Should I follow radiology (NO!)? Nanotech (doubtful)? Japanese (maybe)? Film (possible)? Computer programming with my grandpa(doubtful)? Stocks with my grandpa (maybe/doubtful)?
WHO KNOWS?
Freedom's just another word for Nothing left to lose
Amen.
D.
Darrel: *Ahem* Is it over yet? Yes? Good.
*Darrel walks over to a podium, barely placed by supporters, with a backdrop of a singed forest. A camera is placed squarely with the podium.*
Man, I am so surprised at all the comments that were flung 2 weeks ago! I never thought things were going to come down to name calling (didn't know I was hated that much...), but it was rather interesting to stay out of it all and see what people had to say. So many fallacies... so much hate! WH0000! Makes my head spin.
Just for the recording of my blog (since there may be some tender-skinned viewers reading this at this point in time), a friend of mine was looking through my blog and found links to former friends. He clicked on the links and proceeded to correspond to what they had to say (without mentioning anything to me). They mistook him for me, and fired volleys of flame at him. He was quite polite, but they were psychotic. He stopped corresponding when he was tired of being attacked (as well as at the urgings of others), and they all lived happily ever after. The End. (that's all I want to say about this)
On to things more important.
Tim, a friend of mine from Idaho, has moved into my house. After my sister left for Utah, life at the house was harmonious. Things are getting stirred up again. Fortunately, Tim is not a hassle to work with, and so things should not go so bad. Unlike the last living arrangement with my sister, Tim will be living in my room (with all my electronics and stuff), and so my room is PACKED! But it looks like a bachelor arrangement -- decent enough to pass my high quality standards test. (though a packed room can look really messy really quick)
Ray is leaving carts to work as freight. I am working on getting Tim to be the replacement.
Umm... I hurt my knee the other day. The impacted region is deep within. I try to stay off of it, but when that cart hawk breaks down (like it did yesterday)... I have to pull with the rope. Bah.
Paul's birthday was last Friday. I didn't have much time to celebrate, but I was able to take him to Los Bagels, which is having a bagel sale for their 20th anniversary. In fact, we were served by the owner of Los Bagels! The owner seemed like a salesman to me, acting all weasel-ey, seeming to be nice only because we had green pieces of paper. But, in the end, we got a good deal there. Originally, we got 20% off of my slug/pesto cream cheese bagel (ooh, I can be suckered into anything with a garlic/pesto cream cheese bagel), but Paul piped in to the owner that it was his birthday, so we got an additional 50% discount! On top of that, Paul got to spin the wheel of bagels, which is a spinning board that people who spend a lot of dough in the shop can spin to win a prize! Paul won a recipe book from this.
Tonight, me, Katie Von Kelso, and Paul are going to exercise the power of the recipe book! We cook tonight. All are welcome!
While I was away from blogging (AFB), I got several projects lined up (and some taken off the roster). The aforementioned cooking is tonight. The midnight matineeis still alive and kicking, but has been junctioned off from sensei's old movie marathon.
Spring Break (next week): It looks like Don in Carts is going to usurp the vacation! He's going to take vacation days off during the break and so there's more hours to fill. However, this will not stop me from vacation fun. I am going, on the 27th, down to the bay area to a movie director's open house with Erin and sensei (Richard). Should be fun
In May, I'm going to the NanoCon (nanotechnology convention) with Chris. It costs 300$ but I think it will be worth it. Should be fun! It's down In Palo Alto.
Also, this summer, I'm projecting to go back to Utah for 4 days, doing the Darrel Expo thing. There will be much nerditude going on (lots of downloading of software, debates on computer-related stuff, etc) with a whole bunch of my friends, as well as revisiting of family (and my extended family, the people I call my "brothers", though they aren't related to me). But, the primary plan for Utah and me is to go to a motivation workshop that my grandfather highly recommends (he has a lot of credibility built up from the past, so if he says something is really good, it almost certainly is). My grandfather has stated that, if he had taken it when he was 20, his life would have been so much more different. I love my grandparents and have vested complete trust in them (something I haven't really done for anyone else). They've been there, done that. They can point me in the right direction, and never try to hurt. They're great people.
Well, I have to get back to doing lots of homework. But I will leave these various scrambled thoughts which I wrote on my hand while driving ( The style of writing makes my hand looks like an 80's Punk hand):
Utah Schools different from California schools (I would like to argue this sometime. Utah schools are just more fun. Even though Utah ranks as the second worst funder of schools out of the 50, their curriculum is so terrific...)
It's A Sin (80's song. Meyer in the morning has an "80's hour" which happens at 9:00-10:00. This is when I drive to work/school. I am an 80's fan)
Pilot The Corporate Machine (Corporations are like cars or other machines. Take command! It might be fun and exciting)
WinCo is like elementary school/cafeteria (you want to leave, even on your lunch break, but can't. It's not a bad place to be at, but you don't want to be there at that moment. So, you figure out a way to make the place you're stuck in even more enjoyable. Ration it)
Nothing Compares to You (Shania O' Conner song. I Don't really care about Shania O' Conner the person but this song is great!)
So many choices on what to be in my life. Should I follow radiology (NO!)? Nanotech (doubtful)? Japanese (maybe)? Film (possible)? Computer programming with my grandpa(doubtful)? Stocks with my grandpa (maybe/doubtful)?
WHO KNOWS?
Freedom's just another word for Nothing left to lose
Amen.
D.
Wednesday, March 3
I WEAR "I VOTED" STICKERS ON MY SHOULDERS!
What's up with anime front-line heros always toting swords? Swords are WAY overused. That and guns. Well, guns aren't as overused, but I'd like to find anime that doesn't need "symbols of power" for a change.
I'm getting sick of the generic sword anime. -sigh-.
and while we're on the topic, animesuki has all the torrents I need, so i'm probably getting a MASSIVE overdose on anime. Hooyah!
But back to things that i'm sick of: advertisements. They're fucking everywhere! They are everything! I'm a living advertisement right now! Just beg me for my money, consistently, relentlessly, always wanting me to be loyal to your brand banner.
FUCK YOU!
Now, time for some creative accounting. Just what's perfect for someone who's obsessive-compulsive or addicted to meth (of which I am neither), since it's so repetitive.
-sigh- I don't know how I get it done, anyway.
On a different note, I have found that my body is really sensitive. Evan's girlfriend (practically wife i swear), Angela, keeps tickling me/poking me, and I've found that the feelings she imparts on my skin linger for up to half an hour! Can you imagine feeling all tickly for half an hour? I was always told not to tell any woman that, but she jumped the questioning and now it's out. Bah.
I suffer! I suffer for YOU! -this add sponsored by the organization for a more jebus world of tomorrow
(No i'm not Christian)
D.
I'm getting sick of the generic sword anime. -sigh-.
and while we're on the topic, animesuki has all the torrents I need, so i'm probably getting a MASSIVE overdose on anime. Hooyah!
But back to things that i'm sick of: advertisements. They're fucking everywhere! They are everything! I'm a living advertisement right now! Just beg me for my money, consistently, relentlessly, always wanting me to be loyal to your brand banner.
FUCK YOU!
Now, time for some creative accounting. Just what's perfect for someone who's obsessive-compulsive or addicted to meth (of which I am neither), since it's so repetitive.
-sigh- I don't know how I get it done, anyway.
On a different note, I have found that my body is really sensitive. Evan's girlfriend (practically wife i swear), Angela, keeps tickling me/poking me, and I've found that the feelings she imparts on my skin linger for up to half an hour! Can you imagine feeling all tickly for half an hour? I was always told not to tell any woman that, but she jumped the questioning and now it's out. Bah.
I suffer! I suffer for YOU! -this add sponsored by the organization for a more jebus world of tomorrow
(No i'm not Christian)
D.
Of life and Politics
He scrawls on his bathroom wall. His blogging bathroom wall. He's metrosexual, and he doesn't like clunky. He's the Metrosexualist (Also known as Erin).
Erin started a blog. Like me, he is pseudo-addicted to blogging. He'd much rather blog than do homework (I hate you, blogger!). I should be writing the oral introduction to my TERM PAPER right now, but i'm not. Such is the way of things.
Am I turning into a writer? I hated English, but now my major is Japanese! I never thought it would really happen, but now I'm dedicated to this. I spend plenty of time, even at work, writing and I feel that I can follow through with japanese (which is what i've been doing for the past 2 weeks), so I will write words and study japanese.
What a garbunkular paragraph I just wrote. Should be revised, but screw that!
Well, it looks like Gallegos (-sigh- *MY HERO!*) won the recall! Take that Gloria Albin Sheets! Haha Schectman! Worth Dikeman, you're fucked!
I voted for Schectman for the D.A., provided that Gallegos fell (which I hoped wouldn't happen), cuz he's a tiger! If Gallegos lost, Schectman would've continued the assault on PL. In my opinion, I think Schectman would be a more badass attorney than Gallegos, but I'm much more glad Gallegos won (It's his office. He's doing a fantastic job. Leave him alone!)
I'd like to give a very special award to the new jobseeker: Worth Dikeman. Dikeman fucked himself when he started to attack the D.A. How can you trust a backstabber? He's gonna lose his job... soon...
I'd like to reaffirm what i've said all along: Gloria Albin Sheets is a skanky bitch. She had no chance. It looks to me like she ran for the office to defeat Gallegos, the person who fired her, in order to have a stab at attacking Gallegos. If nothing else, she got to say whatever hurtful things she wanted to say. Bastard.
But the big loser, of course, is PL. They just spent a quarter of a MILLION dollars and now they are going to earn a loss in court over their illegal cutting of trees, as well as they have earned a suit over their illegal moving of election money, as well as they have earned the vengeance of a DA who hates them in the worst despicable way. What a deal!
So many people got egg on their face this election! I love it!
Speaking of candidates, hopefully John Kerry wins. I bet he will, since so many democrats are willing to compromise some of their democratic views just to get someone to defeat the Bush. I have heard little sympathy towards G. (who does not get enough respect to have his name completely posted (either that or i'm afraid i'll be labeled a terrorist or something)) as well as I have little feeling towards G.
Arnold, my superhero Buff Hero man, is doing well! I love his use of words, like "Armageddon cuts", that illustrate the consequences of certain house member's actions. I hear he's also teaming with Gray Davis, who, I think, is a fabulous person to team up with (though I don't think he's a good decision maker). Arnold has a certain aura of representing the people, and I think he's doing an excellent job.
Speaking of elections, I think the object of selecting someone has boiled down to a ratio between the chance a candidate has for winning and the corruption of said candidate. I can only say that Arnold has NO corruption! He hides nothing! He represents the people!
Example: I'm sorry to say but i'm all for his talk that the whole same-sex marriage in San Francisco must be stopped. It IS illegal. If the people want to legalize it, then an amendment should be made in California legalizing it BEFORE we go about wedding people (not that I think marriage is an important thing. In a way, it's kind of stupid, methinks. Useful to me only to symbolize commitment to someone. But that's another story). I should also say that Arnold is all about representing the people's views. He has said, and stands by what he said, that he is in support of same-sex marriage if that's what the people really want (even when fellow republicans frowned at him for what he said). He just doesn't want people breaking the law.
I should also mention that the "American Way" is a lot like English. The rules are broken repeatedly until someone amends them so that the rules are not broken. So, while i'm in support of having an California amendment first and marriage later, logically, what's going on right now is the way that the rules change.
I just wished that this whole gay-marriage civil rights thing had happened a little bit later, when Bush wasn't in office. Hopefully he doesn't create a constitutional amendment (which, since the guy is practically invincible until we can get him out, is quite possible)
In other news:
I'm almost done moving all my stuff that was in the living room into my room! I have the ultimate bachelor pad! Booyahh!!!
Oh, I'm quitting kempo. For time, financial, and social reasons I cannot continue. At least Planet Health is located in the morning (out of the way, time wise), costs nothing (compared to 40$/month), is close by, doesn't jostle my schedule (much), and doesn't anger my boss.
Yep, that's right. PLANET HEALTH IS NOT DEAD! It's alive and kicking.
PENIS PENIS PENIS!
Erin started a blog. Like me, he is pseudo-addicted to blogging. He'd much rather blog than do homework (I hate you, blogger!). I should be writing the oral introduction to my TERM PAPER right now, but i'm not. Such is the way of things.
Am I turning into a writer? I hated English, but now my major is Japanese! I never thought it would really happen, but now I'm dedicated to this. I spend plenty of time, even at work, writing and I feel that I can follow through with japanese (which is what i've been doing for the past 2 weeks), so I will write words and study japanese.
What a garbunkular paragraph I just wrote. Should be revised, but screw that!
Well, it looks like Gallegos (-sigh- *MY HERO!*) won the recall! Take that Gloria Albin Sheets! Haha Schectman! Worth Dikeman, you're fucked!
I voted for Schectman for the D.A., provided that Gallegos fell (which I hoped wouldn't happen), cuz he's a tiger! If Gallegos lost, Schectman would've continued the assault on PL. In my opinion, I think Schectman would be a more badass attorney than Gallegos, but I'm much more glad Gallegos won (It's his office. He's doing a fantastic job. Leave him alone!)
I'd like to give a very special award to the new jobseeker: Worth Dikeman. Dikeman fucked himself when he started to attack the D.A. How can you trust a backstabber? He's gonna lose his job... soon...
I'd like to reaffirm what i've said all along: Gloria Albin Sheets is a skanky bitch. She had no chance. It looks to me like she ran for the office to defeat Gallegos, the person who fired her, in order to have a stab at attacking Gallegos. If nothing else, she got to say whatever hurtful things she wanted to say. Bastard.
But the big loser, of course, is PL. They just spent a quarter of a MILLION dollars and now they are going to earn a loss in court over their illegal cutting of trees, as well as they have earned a suit over their illegal moving of election money, as well as they have earned the vengeance of a DA who hates them in the worst despicable way. What a deal!
So many people got egg on their face this election! I love it!
Speaking of candidates, hopefully John Kerry wins. I bet he will, since so many democrats are willing to compromise some of their democratic views just to get someone to defeat the Bush. I have heard little sympathy towards G. (who does not get enough respect to have his name completely posted (either that or i'm afraid i'll be labeled a terrorist or something)) as well as I have little feeling towards G.
Arnold, my superhero Buff Hero man, is doing well! I love his use of words, like "Armageddon cuts", that illustrate the consequences of certain house member's actions. I hear he's also teaming with Gray Davis, who, I think, is a fabulous person to team up with (though I don't think he's a good decision maker). Arnold has a certain aura of representing the people, and I think he's doing an excellent job.
Speaking of elections, I think the object of selecting someone has boiled down to a ratio between the chance a candidate has for winning and the corruption of said candidate. I can only say that Arnold has NO corruption! He hides nothing! He represents the people!
Example: I'm sorry to say but i'm all for his talk that the whole same-sex marriage in San Francisco must be stopped. It IS illegal. If the people want to legalize it, then an amendment should be made in California legalizing it BEFORE we go about wedding people (not that I think marriage is an important thing. In a way, it's kind of stupid, methinks. Useful to me only to symbolize commitment to someone. But that's another story). I should also say that Arnold is all about representing the people's views. He has said, and stands by what he said, that he is in support of same-sex marriage if that's what the people really want (even when fellow republicans frowned at him for what he said). He just doesn't want people breaking the law.
I should also mention that the "American Way" is a lot like English. The rules are broken repeatedly until someone amends them so that the rules are not broken. So, while i'm in support of having an California amendment first and marriage later, logically, what's going on right now is the way that the rules change.
I just wished that this whole gay-marriage civil rights thing had happened a little bit later, when Bush wasn't in office. Hopefully he doesn't create a constitutional amendment (which, since the guy is practically invincible until we can get him out, is quite possible)
In other news:
I'm almost done moving all my stuff that was in the living room into my room! I have the ultimate bachelor pad! Booyahh!!!
Oh, I'm quitting kempo. For time, financial, and social reasons I cannot continue. At least Planet Health is located in the morning (out of the way, time wise), costs nothing (compared to 40$/month), is close by, doesn't jostle my schedule (much), and doesn't anger my boss.
Yep, that's right. PLANET HEALTH IS NOT DEAD! It's alive and kicking.
PENIS PENIS PENIS!
Monday, March 1
blog wild
Heh, I guess it's too easy to write these lil' bloggies. I guess I kinda reward myself with a little break of blogging (though I reward myself in other, strange ways).
Over the past several days (ok. Over the past 2 weeks), me and Evan have been talking about... me. And a little bit about himself, but only to compare himself to me. I don't know how these discussions get started up, since i'm not really one to talk about myself and who I am when I'm with people, but that is what our discussions have been frequently coming up to.
People are better at telling you who you are sometimes than you are able to tell about yourself
for example, we steered into a conversation about Jeremiah, and how his elitism cost him much. Evan talked about an occasion where he was going to do drugs with a friend of his, and how Jeremiah told him he would not think about him as highly if he went and did it. Evan hopped into his friend's car anyway, possibly doing drugs, possibly not (I cannot divulge! I don't know anything!) and, from then on, Jeremiah never treated Evan like a good friend.
What does this have to do with me? Well, we steered into a conversation about elitism, and Evan revealed to me that I have quite an elitest attitued, but not such an elitest attitude that I am really disliked. I suppose that is my charm. I'll say things in an elitest fashion, but i'll listen to what you say. People feel as though they get some agreements on topics important to them from someone who is "elite", and would put down other topics.
I've tried to rebel against elitism, but I guess I've been pulling one big, stinkin', honkin', hypocritical act.
How "me" of me.
Meghanraye points out, and Evan seconds, that I crave attention. I'm some sort of "drama queen". I suppose I am.
lastly, me and Evan having been talking about the devious things we do. Everyone has some sort of devious quirk, and we're no exception. But, while Evan is upfront in that he takes advantage of people occasionally, I take advantage of people with no indication of my motive (kind of likes stabbing people in the back).
But we also talked about this and found that I don't really do that. Evan made me come to the conclusion that I don't stab people in the back; I'm actually a pretty good person whose only benefits are derived because people want me to take advantage of their benefits. People like me, and want to help me.
When he said that, I found that that was true. LOTS (and I mean LOTS) of People had been telling me i'd go far, and I always thought it was because I was taking advantage of others (of course, I kept that to myself). But my reality must be distorted, because I'm taking less than most people do. I don't have any motives of wanting to take advantage of others; I merely ask people if they would help me out and if they don't I make ends meet some other way.
PM gets annoyed that I don't open my "hand" and accept help from my peers. I have a hard time doing that.
I guess the theme of this whole post is:
Do not judge me by what I say, but by what I do.
D.
Over the past several days (ok. Over the past 2 weeks), me and Evan have been talking about... me. And a little bit about himself, but only to compare himself to me. I don't know how these discussions get started up, since i'm not really one to talk about myself and who I am when I'm with people, but that is what our discussions have been frequently coming up to.
People are better at telling you who you are sometimes than you are able to tell about yourself
for example, we steered into a conversation about Jeremiah, and how his elitism cost him much. Evan talked about an occasion where he was going to do drugs with a friend of his, and how Jeremiah told him he would not think about him as highly if he went and did it. Evan hopped into his friend's car anyway, possibly doing drugs, possibly not (I cannot divulge! I don't know anything!) and, from then on, Jeremiah never treated Evan like a good friend.
What does this have to do with me? Well, we steered into a conversation about elitism, and Evan revealed to me that I have quite an elitest attitued, but not such an elitest attitude that I am really disliked. I suppose that is my charm. I'll say things in an elitest fashion, but i'll listen to what you say. People feel as though they get some agreements on topics important to them from someone who is "elite", and would put down other topics.
I've tried to rebel against elitism, but I guess I've been pulling one big, stinkin', honkin', hypocritical act.
How "me" of me.
Meghanraye points out, and Evan seconds, that I crave attention. I'm some sort of "drama queen". I suppose I am.
lastly, me and Evan having been talking about the devious things we do. Everyone has some sort of devious quirk, and we're no exception. But, while Evan is upfront in that he takes advantage of people occasionally, I take advantage of people with no indication of my motive (kind of likes stabbing people in the back).
But we also talked about this and found that I don't really do that. Evan made me come to the conclusion that I don't stab people in the back; I'm actually a pretty good person whose only benefits are derived because people want me to take advantage of their benefits. People like me, and want to help me.
When he said that, I found that that was true. LOTS (and I mean LOTS) of People had been telling me i'd go far, and I always thought it was because I was taking advantage of others (of course, I kept that to myself). But my reality must be distorted, because I'm taking less than most people do. I don't have any motives of wanting to take advantage of others; I merely ask people if they would help me out and if they don't I make ends meet some other way.
PM gets annoyed that I don't open my "hand" and accept help from my peers. I have a hard time doing that.
I guess the theme of this whole post is:
Do not judge me by what I say, but by what I do.
D.
Hangovers
W00... after all of that blogging on Wednesday, I'm suffering from a blogging burnout; a blogging hangover, if you will.
It looks like the results are in for the moving contest. And the winner goes to....
Dad?
But only after the front-line contestant had his say. I was this close *uses finger distance to show how far away* to moving to sensei's house, in replacement for Gabriel and Brianna. In fact, sensei offered to let me stay in his son Ashley's room if I had to move prematurely just to keep me here. The rent is quite affordable, and having roommates would be fun, so my dad had nothing on me when we finally had our discussion.
Me and my dad got into a fight, but it was not so bad. In the end, it goes to show that he was just trying to bulldog me into submission with moving out on my own. He lost, since I had nothing lose against him. In the end, we worked out my autonomy in the house, how we both agreed the house looks like rubbish (and should be changed now that Sarah's gone), and how I will be cleaning my dish after each use. Simple enough, for free rent.
It's good to know that I have the securities of friendship to save me in times of great crisis. One of the big reasons that I get depressed (which isn't that often, but happens) is that I have a feeling that failure may be imminent; failure with BIG consequences. (In fact, the only reason why I get depressed is I don't feel like i'm progressing. When I'm busy worrying about not failing, I'm not progressing). But now I feel many more times secure. In fact, I felt secure enough from the start that I wasn't even worried about anything bad happening when I got kicked out. Huzzah.
This crisis did reveal to me the pathways to go. I will be going to japan, and so practicing japanese is of the utmost importance now. There's a lot of hard work ahead of me.
Now, I must plan out the decoration of my room. I might also help my friend with his self-automated zen garden idea in the mean time.
I never did like the flute
D.
It looks like the results are in for the moving contest. And the winner goes to....
Dad?
But only after the front-line contestant had his say. I was this close *uses finger distance to show how far away* to moving to sensei's house, in replacement for Gabriel and Brianna. In fact, sensei offered to let me stay in his son Ashley's room if I had to move prematurely just to keep me here. The rent is quite affordable, and having roommates would be fun, so my dad had nothing on me when we finally had our discussion.
Me and my dad got into a fight, but it was not so bad. In the end, it goes to show that he was just trying to bulldog me into submission with moving out on my own. He lost, since I had nothing lose against him. In the end, we worked out my autonomy in the house, how we both agreed the house looks like rubbish (and should be changed now that Sarah's gone), and how I will be cleaning my dish after each use. Simple enough, for free rent.
It's good to know that I have the securities of friendship to save me in times of great crisis. One of the big reasons that I get depressed (which isn't that often, but happens) is that I have a feeling that failure may be imminent; failure with BIG consequences. (In fact, the only reason why I get depressed is I don't feel like i'm progressing. When I'm busy worrying about not failing, I'm not progressing). But now I feel many more times secure. In fact, I felt secure enough from the start that I wasn't even worried about anything bad happening when I got kicked out. Huzzah.
This crisis did reveal to me the pathways to go. I will be going to japan, and so practicing japanese is of the utmost importance now. There's a lot of hard work ahead of me.
Now, I must plan out the decoration of my room. I might also help my friend with his self-automated zen garden idea in the mean time.
I never did like the flute
D.
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