Heh, I guess it's too easy to write these lil' bloggies. I guess I kinda reward myself with a little break of blogging (though I reward myself in other, strange ways).
Over the past several days (ok. Over the past 2 weeks), me and Evan have been talking about... me. And a little bit about himself, but only to compare himself to me. I don't know how these discussions get started up, since i'm not really one to talk about myself and who I am when I'm with people, but that is what our discussions have been frequently coming up to.
People are better at telling you who you are sometimes than you are able to tell about yourself
for example, we steered into a conversation about Jeremiah, and how his elitism cost him much. Evan talked about an occasion where he was going to do drugs with a friend of his, and how Jeremiah told him he would not think about him as highly if he went and did it. Evan hopped into his friend's car anyway, possibly doing drugs, possibly not (I cannot divulge! I don't know anything!) and, from then on, Jeremiah never treated Evan like a good friend.
What does this have to do with me? Well, we steered into a conversation about elitism, and Evan revealed to me that I have quite an elitest attitued, but not such an elitest attitude that I am really disliked. I suppose that is my charm. I'll say things in an elitest fashion, but i'll listen to what you say. People feel as though they get some agreements on topics important to them from someone who is "elite", and would put down other topics.
I've tried to rebel against elitism, but I guess I've been pulling one big, stinkin', honkin', hypocritical act.
How "me" of me.
Meghanraye points out, and Evan seconds, that I crave attention. I'm some sort of "drama queen". I suppose I am.
lastly, me and Evan having been talking about the devious things we do. Everyone has some sort of devious quirk, and we're no exception. But, while Evan is upfront in that he takes advantage of people occasionally, I take advantage of people with no indication of my motive (kind of likes stabbing people in the back).
But we also talked about this and found that I don't really do that. Evan made me come to the conclusion that I don't stab people in the back; I'm actually a pretty good person whose only benefits are derived because people want me to take advantage of their benefits. People like me, and want to help me.
When he said that, I found that that was true. LOTS (and I mean LOTS) of People had been telling me i'd go far, and I always thought it was because I was taking advantage of others (of course, I kept that to myself). But my reality must be distorted, because I'm taking less than most people do. I don't have any motives of wanting to take advantage of others; I merely ask people if they would help me out and if they don't I make ends meet some other way.
PM gets annoyed that I don't open my "hand" and accept help from my peers. I have a hard time doing that.
I guess the theme of this whole post is:
Do not judge me by what I say, but by what I do.
D.
Monday, March 1
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