Go.

Oi!
The aforementioned cooking thing didn't turn out quite right, but I met a lot of people, some from my old highschool!

I'm starting in the middle, for those of you who just joined. The one big hurdle with writing for me is that the introduction take a long time to make. But I want to schpiel right now! Not later! Usually I create the introduction later, but not this time!

As I said before, there were problems in the cooking process. That is, we didn't cook. There were just too many people. So, we had a party type situation instead. Paul had brought several of his buddies, most from his erghing (sic? my no dictionary policy proves to be my downfall! *looks at a dictionary, breaking his policy*) class, to my house. I was surprised at how many people I knew already that came!

This town just keeps getting smaller and smaller. The more persons I get to know, the more I find that said persons know someone I already know. Time to move? It's already been in the projected cards!

I came here from Utah because I enjoyed the liberal atmosphere. Sometimes I wonder if I'm done living here; if I should go back to Utah to get my life back on track. Sure is pretty out here, but there's nothing but work to do. I don't feel secure (though I'm remarkably secure. Just look at all the postings my friends made when my dad was going to kick me out!), and I've never felt like I was "part of the group" (though that was the virtue of this place. The people here are different enough that I can't mix with them all that well. I love differences in thought and culture). What bothers me most is that most people here seem to be in the doldrums. They seem to be lost, but they don't care.

I feel like writing the tangential things my mind decides to think about.

Last night, while I worked, I smelled this one brand of cigarette... I don't know what it is or what, but it makes my taste buds go nuts. Maybe I have a tolerance to smoking, since i'm forced to inhale smoke during my workshift... I don't know. I know that smoke does kind of relax me (psycho semantic???), and that brand... but I have a 0 tolerance policy for smoking.

At least I KNOW I will never smoke. Alcohol, on the other hand, is a different matter. For several days, I could taste the sweet, sweet taste. I don't know why, but I wanted some. It was terrible. Why on Earth was I wanting something to drink??? Alcohol is such a bad drug. I hadn't drank for at least a year.

But then everything changed when I got off of school on Monday last week.

I was waltzing into WinCo to buy materials to cook late at night(heh, I remember now... cake and some funky stew), when, around the corner from the cart room was Zack and his cohort (I don't recall his name). He was having his going-away party (to the navy) and invited me. Being one to increase my network of people, as well as remembering that distorted taste of booze in my mouth, I accepted. When we both finished shopping, I followed him to his house, where i met strange people. An interesting note to post here is that Zack's group of friends are a lot like Shraigon's group of friends - kind of lowlife-ish, young, dumb, full of cum, that kind of thing. I tried to keep a low profile throughout the whole thing, though there was this gay guy who wouldn't leave me alone till he got stoned (partially I wanted to leave this place, but there wasn't enough reason to leave. More on that after this sentence), when he was too tired to bother me. As I got to know these people, I began to lean more and more towards not liking any of them. I realized rather quick that Zack is kind of crazy, having some weird mental problems (as a consequence of this he's living in his own fantasy world of anime, Japan, and glory while in reality not having shit. He acts strange). But at least he wasn't bothering me. (Did I mention Zack has a website? I don't remember the name... but he's quite a vain person. hehe) I didn't drink much there, and, thankfully, that sweet, sweet alcohol taste turned into a nasty sweet taste that repulsed me. During the night, I sort of clung on to Tim (Adrienne's boyfriend, Zack's former roommate, and a good wisecracker) to keep me from succumbing to weirdos. That and I tried to occupy myself with their television. (I got into their whole Witch Hunter Robyn series...)
What a night.

I'd also like to mention that my computer is up again. I found that the viruses were coming from Eric Anapolsky's disc that he gave to me, so i switched to a different disc and everything is better.
On a side note, whether intentional or not, some guy in Uruguay is attacking my computer (though I have him blocked).

I had some enlightenment last night, remembering who I am. Sometimes (heh) I forget. Face back to reality now, get a good grip on it all... march forward!

Will is coming back to visit. I was unable to get ahold of him to tell him that I cancelled my moving plans, and now it's too late. It will be good to see him for a little while.

Oh, and Evan keeps playing me in the boardgame go. I'm picking up quick on his tactics again, and hope to defeat him a few games from now (he's had the advantage of playing many more games than I, but he doesn't diversify his strategies enough)

Japanese is going good. A friend of Shraigon's offered to help me with Japanese, but I really don't feel up to being affiliated to groups like Shraigon's (or Zack's) right now. Still recovering from that night (it wasn't that bad... it was just that I was stuck with people that I didn't like)

I am now able to do my homework when I need to do it without fighting myself (...much). Just focus on one simple thing each day... one small thing that you can do to make the day worthwhile... One simple accomplishment.

When I was talking about Zack and other people with sensei, I noticed that he was putting them all down, based upon certain attributes. All of them had some factual evidence within, but all of them were heavily opinionated as well. It makes me wonder: what does he think of me?

Why do people stab one another in the back (with their elitest bullshit)? Is there no one to trust you when you make a mistake? Can I just be who I want to be when I want to be without any reason without paying the consequences?

I guess not (well would you look at that. Looks like that last paragraph was teenage angst bullshit. hehee!)

I never fit into any group. Ok, maybe I fit in the misfit group. I just can't seem to stay the same all the time. I project a false image of myself to people I don't know that well if only to keep them from disliking me (creating conflict), one in which i'm quite agreeable (I can't help it. I like to try other peoples' ways as well, now that I know that my way is only the best way some of the time), and then, when I find that I have to deal with the person long enough, I become the one who dislikes them (all of this is not applicable to friends). Then, I put my foot on the ground and the person thinks i'm a mean person or that I've snapped or something.

This is MY fallacy. I recognize it. But I should solve it as well. And i've been trying to. (problem is that I like to explore other people's ways of doing things)

I gotta go to the bathroom and finish my homework, so i'll stop here! Right in the middle. Like the starting point(?)

It's just pure luck it turned out this way.

Excuse me, sir, but on a scale of 1 to 10 you are a fat fuck

D.