Lord of the Nametags, by Greg Arditto

THE LORD OF THE BADGES
It began with the manufacturing of the I.D.Badges. Four were given to the Cart Clerks, Depressed, Broke and Lowest Rank of all workers. Four Badges were given to the Security Crew, great Guards of the Eureka WinCo Store. And nine badges were given to the P.I.C.'s, who above all else, desire power. For within the P.I.C. badges, was bound the strength and will to govern their own department. But they were all of them deceived, for another Badge was made.
In the land of Modesto, in the fires of WinCo Destribution Building Furnace, the Dark Lord General Manager made in secret a master Badge, to control all others. And into this Badge, he poured his cruelty, his malice, his cost cutting and his will to Monopolise the entire Grocery Industry.

"One Badge to rule them all." onebadgetorulethemall
One by one, the Grocery Stores on the West Coast fell to the power of the Badge. But there were some who resisted. A last alliance of Safeway and CostCo marched against the Freight Crew of Modesto WinCo and at the front doors of the WinCo Building, they fought for the freedom of West Coast Grocery Stores.
Victory was near. But the power of the Badge could not be undone.
It was in this moment when all hope had faded, that Ian, Assistant to the Manager of CostCo, took up his Boss' sword.
The WinCo General Manager, the enemy of the free-business of the West Coast was defeated. The Badge passed to Ian, who had this one chance to destroy evil WinCo forever.

But the hearts of men are easily corrupted. And the Badge of power has a will of its own. It betrayed Ian to his death. And some things that should not have been forgotten were lost.
History became legend, legend became myth and for two and a half years, the Badge passed out of all knowledge. Until when chance came, it ensnared a new bearer.

((RAY: My Precioussssss))
The Ring came to the weirdo Raymond, who took it deep into the tunnels of the Shasta Mountains. And there, it consumed him.
((RAY: It came to me, my own, my love, my prrrrreciousssss!))
The Badge brought Raymond unnatural Popularity. For five days, it poisoned his weak little mind. And in the gloom of Gollum's cave, it waited. Darkness crept back into the forest of the world. Rumor grew of a shadow in Modesto, whispers a nameless fear, and the Badge of Power perceived. Its time had now come.
It abandoned Raymond, like a california skank. But something happened then the Badge did not intend. It was picked up by the most unlikely person imaginable.
((Don: What’s this?))
A Cart Clerk, Donald Reid of the Humboldt County.
((Don: A WinCo Badge))
((RAY: (from afar) Losssst!…My precious is lost!))
For the time soon come when Cart Clerks will shape the fortunes of all.

THE FELLOWSHIP OF THE BADGE
The Humboldt County…1 year later
Chris, The WinCo Security Guard: (SINGING)The road goes ever on and on down from the door where it began....
Greg: You're late!
(THE man does not look at Greg at first, then turns slowly, emphatic expression on his face that begins twitch to an old with and)
Chris: Security is never late, Greory Arditto. Nor are they early. They arrive precisely when they mean to.
(BOTH he and Greg slowly begin grin crack up into laughter)
Greg: (WALKS up toChris in the goft cart)Its wonderful to see you Chris!
Chris: You didn’t think I’ll miss Don's birthday?
Greg: What news outside of WinCo is there? Tell me everything.

Chris: Everything? But eager and curious for a Cart Clerk, most unnatural. Well what can I tell you? Life in California world goes on much as it has this past age, full of its own comings and goings. Scarcely aware of the existence of lowly paid Cart Clerks..., which I am very thankful.
Darrel: Look it's Chris! Its Chris!
(Chris grins and tips hat slightly)
(WinCo staff were putingup a banner by the shasta drink machines that reads ?Happy Birthday Donald Reid )

Chris: Ooh! The long expected party! So how is the ol' Don? I hear there’s going to be a party of special magnificence.
Greg: You know Don, he's got the whole Store in an uproar
Chris: Hmm, now well that should please him, hmmm.
Greg: Half the County hass been invited.
Chris: Good gracious me!
Greg: He is up to something.
Chris: Ooh really…
Greg: All right then keep your secrets. (Chris laughs)Before you came along we Cart Clerks were very well thought of.
Chris: (Laughs) Yeah Right.
Greg: Never had any major problems or did anything awful.
Chris: If you’re referring to the incident with that woman who lost her shopping, I was barely involved. All I did was give Don a little a little advice on how to deal with her.
Greg: Whatever you did, you’ve been officially labeled a disturber of the Cart Room.
Chris: Oh really?

(The Golf Cart slowly cruises by a few grumpy customers)

Jeannie: Chris! Welcome Back!


Greg: Chris - I'm glad you're back.

Chris: (As the Greg climbs off the moving Golf Cart) So am I, dear boy! So am I.
(Chris then parks the Golf Cart around the back of the WinCo Store. Chris made his way to the front of the store looking for Don. He went down the Coridoor and passed as sign saying) "Toilets Closed".
(Chris entered the Men's toilets and noticed one of the Cubicle doors was shut and locked. A faint odour was coming from the cubicle. Chris used the Reader Board Staff to knock on the door)
Don: (YELLS) Go away, i don't want to see Managers, Customers or Distant Relations!!!
Chris: How about very old men?
(Don quickly flushed the toilet and unlocks the cubicle door. Don, a plump man in his late thirties rushed out.)
Don: Chris!!!
Chris: 40 years old. (Chris examines Don's facial features) You haven't aged a day.
(Don smiled, Chris smiled. Don invited Chris upstairs to the Break Room for a cup of Tea.)
Don: Come in, Come in.
(Chris entered the Break Room. They both sat at the large white table and sipped the tea together.)
Chris: What's wrong, Don?
Don: I've got to get away from these confounded rude grim customers hanging around the cart room causing trouble--and the Managers, they never give me a moment's peace! I want to see mountains again, and my smokie the bear costume, Chris! And then find somewhere quiet where I can finish my book. Oh, tea!
Chris: So, you mean to go through with your plan, then.
Don: Yes, yes. It's all in hand. All the arrangements are made. (STARTS to pour water into tea cups, Chris opens lid) Oh, thank you.
Chris: Greg suspects something.
Don: ‘Course he does. He's Australian. Not some block-headed Eurekan from Humboldt.
Chris: You will tell him, won't you?
Don: Yes, yes.
Chris: He's very fond of you.
Don: I know. He'd probably come with me if I asked him (CHUCKLES). I think in his heart Greg is still in love with Australia: the woods, the fields, the way of life. I'm old Chris. I know I don't look it but I'm beginning to feel it in my heart. I need a holiday, a very long holiday. And I don't expect I shall return. In fact, I mean not to.
Don: Reeses Peanutbutter Cups. The finest chocolate made in America.

(Don and Chris each take a peanutbutter cup and slowly eat them)

Don: Chris, my old friend. This will be a night to remember!
(SCENE: Don and Chris are sat at ROUNDTABLE PIZZA alone, wearing party hats)

Chris: Are you sure your guests knew it was tonight, This amazing party?
Don: I thought it was clear.
Chris: Well, we are the only two sitting here.
Don: Oh well, we might as well eat and drink until we pass out.
(Suddenly, Greg, Evan, Darrel and a few other staff members from WinCo turned up, rushing into the area.)
Greg: Sorry we are late.
Don: No problem, Sit down all and eat up. Plenty of Food and Drink for all.
(The feast was huge and plentiful. Everyone had a great time drinking and eating and singing. As the night got later, Don got quieter.)

Guests: Speech, Don!

Evan: Speech!

Greg: Speech!

Don: My dear Cart Workers and Higher Paid Workers, Deli Workers and Pizza Workers, Bakers, Lay-abouts, Accident Prone Workers, Bludgers, Bulk Foods and Produce.

Produce Worker: Boo-Hah!

Don: Today is my 40th birthday!

Darrel: Happy birthday!

Chris: Happy birthday!

Don: Alas, Forty years is far too short a time to live among such excellent and admirable people. (CHEERS)I don’t know half of you half as well as I should like, and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve. (DEAD the from silence crowd)
Don: I, uh, I h-have things to do. (WHISPERS to himself)I’ve put this off for far too long. I regret to announce this is the end. I am going now. I bid you all a very fond farewell. (WHISPERS)Goodbye. (PUTS and on the Badge and vanishes)

Guests: (SHOCKED)Ooh!

(Don, is invisible to guests, leaves ROUNDTABLE PIZZA and returns to WinCo to collect his belongings.)

Don: Hahahahaha! (removed Badge and puts it in his pocket)
(It took about 2 minutes for Chris to get to WinCo. He enters and walked up behind Don, who is at his locker)

Chris: I suppose you think that was terribly clever.

Don: Come on Chris! Did you see their faces?

Chris: There are many important Badges in this world Donald Reid and none of them should be used lightly.

Don: It was just a bit of fun, oh you’re probably right as usual. You will keep an eye on Greg, won’t you?

Gandalf: Two eyes, as often as I can spare them.

Chris: What about this Badge of yours, is that staying too?

Don: Yes yes. It’s in an envelope. I put it in his locker.
(Don feels in his pocket)

Don: No, wait, its --here in my pocket. Heh, Isn’t that, isn’t that odd though? Yet, after all why not? Why shouldn’t I keep it?

Chris: I think you should leave the Badge behind, Don. Is that so hard?

Don: Well no… and yes! Now it comes to it, I don’t feel like parting with it, its mine, I found it, it came to me!

Chris: There’s no need to get angry.

Don: What if I’m angry it’s your fault! Its mine, my own, my precious.

Chris: Precious? Its been called that by Ray, but not by you.

Don: Argh! What business is it of yours what I do with my own things!

Chris: You found. It was never really yours. I think you’ve had that Badge quite long enough.

Don: You want it for yourself!

Chris: Donald Reid! Do not take me for some conjurer of dirty tricks, I am not trying to con you. I’m trying to help you.

Don: (STARTS crying)

Chris: All your long years we’ve been friends. Trust me as you once did, hmm? Let it go.

Don: You’re right Chris, the badge must go to Greg. It’s late, the road is long, Yes, it is time.
(Donald the door opens)
Chris: Don…
Don: Hmm?
Chris: …the Badge is still in your pocket.

Don: Oh, yes…

(Don reaches intohis pocket. He pulls the Badge. stares at palm, he then allows the Badge slip hand. It lands with a plastic sound thud)

(Don walked outside into the parking lot and then stopped. Chris was just behind him.)

Don: I’ve thought of an ending for my book – and he lived happily ever after…to the end of his days.

Chris: And I’m sure you will my dear friend.

Don: Good bye, Chris.

Chris: Good bye, Don.

Don: (SINGING)The road goes ever on and on, down from the door where it began…

Chris: Till our next meeting.
(Chris walked up the stairs and stopped at the entrance of the Break Room. He stoops to pick up the Badge when all of a sudden a short blinding flash of a vision. It was a hot fiery image of the General Manager in all his anger)
(Suddenly, Greg ran up the stairs to find Chris sat at a white table sipping Tea. Greg sees the Badge that Don used to own. Greg picks it up off the floor. Greg walks over to Chris)

Chris: (MUMBLES) Riddles in the Dark.
Greg: Where is Don?
Chris: (mumbles): My precious.

(Chris suddenly notices Greg standing there holding the Badge)
Chris (mumbles): Don's WinCo Badge.

Greg: He's gone hasn't he? He talked for so long about getting the hell away from WinCo. I didn't think he'd really do it.

Chris: Hmm. He's gone to become smokie the bear again. He's left you his Vest… (Chris holds Greg's shoulder, open, Chris holds out envelope and gestures Greg to put Badge inside.Chris then seals envelope)…along with all his work equipment. The Badge is yours now. Put it somewhere out of sight.
(Chris to up gets leave)

Greg: Where are you going?

Chris: There are some things that I must see to.

Greg: What things?

Chris: Questions. Questions that need answering!

Greg: But you've only just arrived! You can't leave again.

Chris: I have more holiday time coming to me. About the Badge, Keep it secret, Keep it safe.
(In the Basement in the Modesto WinCo Building)
(RAY's voice can be heard as he is tortured)

RAY: Humboldt!!! Reid!!!
(The Back Roller Doors of the Modesto WinCo Building open and out ride Demonic P.I.C.'s in search for the one Badge)
(Chris rode the grand CostCo store just outside of Modesto.Chris is there to study its ancient scrolls)

(VOICE over)Year 2001 of the Second Age. Here follows the account of Ian, New Manager of CostCo and the finding of the badge of power. It has come to me, the One Badge. It shall be the heirloom of my chain of Stores. All that who should become Manager of CostCo shall be bound to its fate for I will risk no hurt to the Badge. It is precious to me, though I buy it with a great pain. The markings upon the badge begin to fade. The writing, which at first was as clear as red flame, has all but disappeared, a secret now that only fire can tell.
(BACK at Humboldt County)
(Local Eureka Bum staggering down Harris Street.Dog barks incessantly.)
P.I.C.: Humboldt. Reid
Bum: Reid. I think he works at that 24 hour Grocery Store. (POINTS)
(P.I.C. off rides)
(Greg and Evan are doing the nightshift at WinCo)

Evan: Well, my shift is finished. All the juice, Milk and Eggs are done for you.

Greg: Thanks again, Evan.

(Evan grabs his trench coat and heads towards the cart room exit)

Evan: Goodnight.

Greg: Goodnight Evan.

(Greg walked out of the cart room and gathered a few stray carts. Greg pushes them back inside the cart room)

(Chris grabs Greg's shoulder from behind)

Greg: Huh?!

Chris: Is it secret? Is it safe?!
(Greg searches his locker for the envelope. He finds it and hands it to Chris)

(Chris throws the envelope into the microwave)

Greg: What are you doing?
(Chris stops the microwave and opens the door and removes the Badge with a pair of tongs)

Chris: Hold out your hand Greg, it’s quite cool. What can you see? Can you see anything?

Greg: Nothing. There's nothing... wait. There are markings. It's some form of Chinese. I think it says "Made in China".

Chris: Nope, you have it wrong. There are few who can the language. It is a form of Slang from Modesto, which I will not utter here.

Greg: Modesto?

Chris: In the common tongue it says, "One Badge to rule them all, One Badge to Hire them. One Ring to bring them all and in the Basement Fire them."

(In the Cart Room)
Chris: This is the One Badge. Stamped out by a Badge Machine owned by the Dark Lord General Manager in the Basement of the Modesto WinCo Building. Taken by Ian from the hand of General Manager himself.

Greg: Don found it. In Raymond's cave in the shasta mountains.

Chris: Yes. 1 year the Badge lay quiet in Don's keeping, prolonging his life, delaying old age. But no longer Greg. Evil is stirring in Modesto and i am not referring to the drive bys. The Badge has awoken. It's heard its master's call.

Greg: But he was destroyed. The General Manager was destroyed.
Badge: (WHISPERS)Work Harder for Less Money…
(Chris and Greg look down at the Badge sat on the small dirty white desk in the cart room)

Chris: No, Greg. The spirit of the General Manager endured. His life force is bound to the Badge and the Badge survived. The General Manager has returned. His Freight Crew have multiplied. The WinCo Store in Modesto is rebuilt. The General Manager needs only this Badge to cover all the lands of a second darkness. He is seeking it. Seeking it, all his thought is bent on it. The Badge yearns above all else to return to the uniform of its master. They are one, the Badge and the dark lord. Greg, he must never find it.

Greg: Alright, we put it away, we keep it hidden. We never speak of it again. No one knows it's here, do they? Do they Chris?

Chris: There is one other who knew that Don had the Badge. I looked everywhere for the lazy turd, Raymond. But a gang working for the dark lord found him first. I don’t know how long they tortured him. Amidst the endless screams and inane babble, they discerned two words.
(SCENE to flashes Raymond's torture)
Ray: Humboldt!!! Reid!!!

Greg: Humboldt. Reid. But that would lead them here!
(CUTS to Gang Member standing in the street)
Gang Dude: Yo, Wuzzup?
(The Demon P.I.C. slices the head of the gang dude)
(CUTS back to WinCo Cart Room)

Greg: Take it Chris! Take it!

Chris: No Greg no.

Greg: You must take it!

Chris: You cannot offer me this badge!

Greg: I'm giving it to you!

Chris: Don't tempt me Greg! I dare not take it. Not even to keep it safe. Understand Greg, I would use this ring from the desire to do good. But through me, it would wield a power to great and terrible to imagine.

Greg: But it cannot stay in the Humboldt!

Chris: No! No it can't.

Greg: What must I do?
(SCENE to his Greg goes rushing about trying pack for journey)

Chris: You must leave and leave quickly.

Greg: Where? Where do I go?

Chris: Get out of Humboldt. Make for it to Garberville.

Greg: Garberville. What about you?

Chris: I'll be waiting for you, at the Bar of the Prancing LimpWrist Faggots.

Greg: And the Badge will be safe there?

Chris: I don't know Greg. I don't have any answers. I must see a good friend of mine. He is both wise and powerful. Trust me Greg, you'll know what to do. You’ll have to leave the name of Gregory Arditto behind you, for that name will soon be known and it will not be safe outside the Humboldt. Travel only by day. And stay off the road.

Greg: I can cut across country easily enough.

Chris: My dear Greg. Australians really are amazing people! You can learn all that there is to know about their culture on the discovery channel, and yet after a few days working with an Australian, they can still surprise you. (HEARS movement near an old shitbox of a hatchback) Get down!

(Chris walks over to parked car with the reader board staff in hand. He swings the staff and hits someone)
Evan: Oooff!!
(Chris grabs Evan and drags him up and over the hood of the hatchback)
Chris: Confound it all Evan Henderson! You’ve been evesdropping?!

Evan: I have been droppin no eves sir, honest. I was just admiring the wheels, if you follow me.

Chris: A little late for admiring cars, don’t you think?

Evan: I heard raised voices.

Chris: What did you hear?! Speak!!!!

Evan: N-n-n-nothing important. That is I heard a good deal about a Badge and a dark lord and something about the end of the world. But please Mister Foster sir, don’t hurt me. Don’t turn me into anythin’ --unnatural.

Chris: No, perhaps not. I have thought of a better use for you…

Chris: Come along Evan, keep up! Be careful both of you. The enemy has many spies in his service: Hobos, Gangs. (TURNS to Greg) Is it safe? (Greg pats pocket of jacket) Never put it on, for the P.I.C.s of the dark lord will be drawn to its power. Always remember, Greg, the Badge is trying to get back to its master. It wants to be found.
(Chris leaves Evan and Greg to start their journey)
(Greg and Evan make their way along a little stream)
(Greg and Evan make there way through a field)
Evan: This is it.

Greg: This is what?
Evan: I take one more step, it would be the farthest away from home I’ve ever been without my Honda Civic.
Greg: Come on Evan. Remember what Don used to say?
Evan: Where are all the Carts?
Greg: No, not that, the one about travelling in the woods.
Evan: Beware of bears?
Greg: Nevermind.
(Chris drives his little suzuki. He drives to his friend, Brent Wick the Blue)
Brent: Smoke rises from Modesto. The hour grows late and Chris the Wise rides to my home seeking my counsel. For that is why you have come, is it not...my old friend?

Chris: Saruman. (BOWS)

(Chris and Brent are walking through Brent's Gardens)

Brent: You are sure of this?

Chris: Beyond any doubt.

Brent: The Badge of power has been found.

Chris: All these long years it was in Humboldt County, under my very nose.

Brent: Yet you did not have the wit to see it. Your love of the Cart room clerks has clearly slowed your mind.

Chris: But we still have time. Time enough to counter the General Manager if we act quickly.

Brent: Time?! What time do you think we have?

(Chris and Brent are in Brent's living room conferring)

Brent: The General Manager has regained much of his former strength. He cannot yet take physical form, but his spirit has lost none of its potency. Concealed within his WinCo Building, the Lord of Modesto sees all -- his gaze pierces cloud, shadow, earth and flesh. You know of what I speak, Chris -- a great Being... Angry... wreathed in flame.
Chris: The Eye of the General Manager.

Brent: He is gathering all evil to him. Very soon he will summon an army great enough to launch an assault upon West Coast.

Chris: You know this? How?

Brent: I have seen it.

(Chris and Brent enter Brent's office to see a computer)

Chris: The Internet is a dangerous tool, Brent.

Brent: Why? Why should we fear to use it?
(Turns on Modem)

Chris: The internet is full of hackers. We do not know who else may be watching!
(Chris turns off modem. Before he does, the screen flashes red and a feiry figure appears for a second)

Brent: The hour is later than you think. The General Manager's forces are already moving. The Nine have left Modesto.

Chris: The Nine!

Brent: They crossed the Eel River on aMidsummer's Eve, disguised as riders in Teal.

Chris: They've reached Humboldt?!

Brent: They will find the Badge...and kill the one who carries it.

Chris: Greg!

(Chris discovers the door out is locked with a key he did not have)

Brent: You did not seriously think that an Australian could contend with the will of the General manager. There are none who can. Against the power of Modesto there can be no victory. We must join with him, Chris. We must join with the General Manager. It would be wise, my friend.

Chris: Tell me, friend, when did Brent the Blue abandon reason for madness?!

(Brent picked up his broom and smacked Chris across the face. Brent hit him again and again until Chris layed still)

Brent: I gave you the chance of aiding me willingly. But you...have elected...the way of pain!

(Chris blacks out)
(Evan is walking through a corn field. He can't see Greg)
Evan: Greg? Greg! GREG!
(Greg emerges from bent)
Evan: (SIGH)I thought I’d lost you.

Greg: What are you talking about?

Evan: It's just something Chris said.

Greg: What did he say?

Evan: "Don’t you lose him Evan Henderson!" And I don't mean to.

Greg: Evan we're still in Humboldt County. What could possibly happen?

(Darrel and Jon bumped into both Evan and Greg)
Jon: Greg? Darrel! It's Greg the Aussie.

Darrel: Hello Greg!

Evan: Get off him! (HAULS Jon off Greg)Greg? Are you alright?

Jon: What's the meaning of this?

Darrel: Hold this. (HANDS to Sam vegetables)

Evan: You've been into Safeway's Dumpsters!

(Suddenly, Evan, Greg, Jon and Darrel hear police sirens as a california patrol car cruises by)

Police Officer: (BRANDISHING a Gun)Wait till I catch you little Assholes!…Stay out of Safeway's Dumpsters! You Bastards I’ll catch up with you!

Darrel: Dunno why he is so upset. It’s only a couple of carrots!

Jon: And some cabbages. And those few bags of potatoes that we lifted last week and, and the mushrooms the week before!

Darrel: Yes Jon! My point is, he is clearly overreactin’. Run!
(Evan, Greg, Darrel and Jon make a fast run for it. They keep running until they fall down a steep hill. They all come crashing down at the bottom with a hard thump.)
Jon: Ooh! That was close

Darrel: Ow! I think I've broken something. (PULLS a broken carrot out from under himself)

Evan: Trust you two to cause this kind of Trouble!

Darrel: What?! That was just a detour, a shortcut.

Evan: A shortcut to what?

Jon: Mushrooms!!! Now we can get HIGH!!!
(Evan, Jon and Darrel rush towards the wild mushroom and begin picking them.)
(Greg, stands still looking down the small tar road)

Jon: That’s mine!
Evan: Mmm…
Darrel: Here is a nice one, Evan.

Greg: I think we should get off the road.
(There was the sound of an animal heading towards them. It sounded like a horse walking slowly along the road)
Greg: Get off the road! Quick!

(The four guys ran down into the thick bushes and hid behind a large Redwood Tree. A rider of a horse pulled up nearby the tree. It was one of the Demon P.I.C.'s. This P.I.C. looked very fierce. He climbed off his horse and walked towards the tree slowly. The four guys hear the sound of pants being unzipped. The sound of splashing liquid could be heard. Darrel, Jon and Evan were worried as they listened carefully. The pee was making the bugs nearby the Tree, flee away. Greg slowly drifted into a trace. He was holding the Badge in his hand. Stroking the smooth edges of the rectangle plastic)
(The P.I.C. finished peeing and stood around. Greg almost had the Badge pinned onto himself, when Evan grabbed the badge and Greg's hand and pulled it away from his shirt. Greg snapped out of the trance. The P.I.C. climbed back on the horse and road off in the direction he was heading in)

Darrel: What was that?
(Greg stares at the Badge in his palm)

(The four guys ran from their hiding spot behind the Tree. They zig zag between trees keeping an eye out for the Demonic P.I.C. riding a huge horse.)
(The four guys hide behind a tree)

Jon: Anything?

Greg: Nothing.
Jon: What is going on?
Darrel: That Teal Rider was looking for something… or someone. Greg?
Jon: Get down!
(The Demonic P.I.C. rode through the Area, but did not see the four hiding)
Greg: I have to leave Humboldt County. Evan and I have must get to Garberville.
Darrel: Right. Follow me.
(The four guys run through the forst heading towards a small river. They step into the river and slowly make their way across. They can hear the Demonic P.I.C. stalking them as the horse hooves get louder. Then they see a fence. They climb over it. Greg begins to lag behind as he struggles with the barbed wire. Then Darrel sees what he was looking for. Ahead of them there was a wider, rougher river. Tied to the side of the river bank was a make-shift timber raft)
Darrel: Run! This way, follow me! Run!

Darrel: Get the rope Evan!
Evan: Greg!
Jon: Run Greg!
Greg: Go!
Evan: Hurry!
Darrel: Greg!
Evan: Jump Greg! Go on faster! Jump!
(Greg leaps from the river bank and launches out and onto the timber raft)
(The four scared guys look back at the river bank to see the Demonic P.I.C. on his horse. The teal colour hooded cloaks stood out against the darkness)
Greg: How far to the nearest crossing?
Darrel: Fortuna, Twenty miles.

(The four cart guys arrive in Garberville. Garberville was a dark, gloomy, dangerous and dirty place. They were suddenly stopped by the local police officer.
Garber Cop: What do you want?

Greg: We’re heading to your local drinking etsablishment.

Garber Cop: Cart Clerks! Four Cart Clerks! What business brings you to Garberville?

Greg: We wish to stay at the inn. Our business is our own.

Garber Cop: Alright young loser, I meant no offence. ‘Tis my job to ask question after nightfall. There’s talk of strange queer folk abroad. Can’t be too careful.
(The four cart guys continue heading towards what looked like hell called a "BAR")
Men of Garberville: Move! Watch where you're going! I did your wife and your sister too!!!

(The four cart guys enter the BAR)

Greg: Excuse me?
Butterfingers: Good evening little bastards! If you’re seeking accommodation then we got some nice cozy cheap cart clerk affordable rooms available. Mr. uh--

Greg: --Um...Errrrr, my name’s.. Underage...Mr Underage.

Butterfingers: Underage. Hmm.
Greg: We’re friends of Chris the Wise. Can you tell him we’ve arrived?

Butterfingers: Chris? Chris? Ohhh yes! I remember, elderly chap, gray hair, drives a shitty little suzuki hatchback. Not seen him for 6 months.
(The cart guys were surprised. They had worried looks on their faces)
Evan: What do we do now?
(The four cart guys find a table and sit at it)

Greg: Evan, He’ll be here. He’ll come.

Bum: (To Darrel) Get, get out of my way.
(Darrel returns to the table with a mug filled with beer)

Jon: What’s that?

Darrel: This my friend, is a pint.

Jon: It comes in pints? I’m getting one.

Evan: You had a whole half already!
(Jon rushes to the bar)
Evan: That fellow’s done nothin but starin at us since we arrived. You think he is gay, Greg?
Greg: (Takes Butterfingers aside) Excuse me, that man in the corner, who is he?

Butterfingers: He’s one of them queer folk. Kinky they are-- Goes to wild parties. What his real name is I’ve never heard but around here, he’s known as Spider.

Greg: Spider? What kind of Spider?
Butterfingers: What do you mean, what kind of Spider? His name is Spider. Geez.
(Greg begins fondling the Badge. He can hear it speak to him. Tempting him)

The Badge: Put it on...Wear it...You know you want it...You are nothing but a low income cart clerk...Arditto!
Jon: Arditto!
(Greg snaps out of trance)
Jon: (At the bar) Sure I know a Greg Arditto. He’s over there, Greg Arditto, the Aussie. He's a mighty fine worker if I do say so myself. He could go places that guy. Maybe even become famous.
(Greg gets up and begins making his way towards Jon. He is trying to stop him. Spider sees this.)
Greg: Jon!
Jon: Steady on, You'll spill my beer!!!

(Greg is elbowed and knocked backwards. He falls and the badge goes up into the air and the loose pin of the badge lands and stabs through his jacket. Instantly, Greg vanishes. Spider sits upright staring at the spot Greg once occupied)
Voice of the General Manager: You cannot hide! Peek-a-Boo, I see you!!!
(Greg tugs at the badge and the pin slides out of jacket. Greg crawls away takes reappears, Suddenly Spider grabs Greg by the left shoulder of his jacket and is yanked upwards onto his feet)
Greg: What the..?!
Spider: You draw far too much attention to yourself Mr. "Underage"! (Tosses him up the stairs of the Bar)
(Spider enters a quiet empty room and tosses Greg to one side)

Greg: What do you want?

Spider: A little more caution from you. That is no trinket you carry.

Greg: I carry nothing.
Spider: Indeed.
(Spider walks to the windows and puts out the candles)
Spider: I can avoid being seen if I wish. But to disappear entirely, that is a rare gift.

Greg: Who are you?

Spider: Are you frightened?

Greg: Yes.

Spider: Not nearly frightened enough. I know what hunts you.
(Suddenly the door bursts open, Spider draws his sword as he sees three Cart Guys storm in. Evan carries a broom handle)

Evan: *Stand off! Let him go! Or I’ll have you drawn and quartered!

Spider: You have a strong heart and good looks for a simple cart clerk, but that will not save you. You can no longer wait for Chris, Greg. They are coming.

(The Garberville cop sees four teal riders storming towards him. He puts up his hand to gesture them to stop. They do not listen. Within 2.2 seconds, the cop loses his raised arm and head.)

Greg: What are they?
Spider: They were once good men and women. Great P.I.C.'s of WinCo Foods. Then the General Manager the all promising Evil Store Lord, gave to them nine P.I.C. Badges of power. Wanting to keep their jobs, they took them without question. One by one falling into darkness, giving in to the will of WinCo. Now they are slaves to his will. They are Demonic P.I.C.'s, Badgewraiths, neither living nor dead. At all times they feel the presence of the Badge. Drawn to the power of the One. They will never stop hunting you.
(Following day leaving Garberville)
Greg: Where are you taking us?

Spider: Into the wild.

Darrel: (To Frodo) How do we know this Spider is a friend of Chris?

Greg: We have no choice but to trust him.

Evan: But where is he leading us?

Spider: To Redding Master Evan, The Holiday Home of Gerry.

Evan: Did you hear that? Redding! We’re going to see the loggers!
(Around noon, Spider noticed the group stopping.)

Spider: Gentlemen, we do not stop till nightfall.

Jon: What about a Rest?

Spider: We already had it.

Jon: We've had one 10 minute break, yes. What about a second 10 minute break?
(Spider away walks)
Darrel: Don't think he knows about second 10 minute break, Jon.

Jon: What about the 30 minute break? 5 minute stand around break? 2 minute nap? Shasta Drink Break? Donut Break? He knows about them doesn’t he?

Darrel: I wouldn't count on it.

Merry: (Impatiently) Pippin!

Brent: The power of my Temple is at your command, General Manager, Lord of Grocery.

Voice of the General Manager: Build me anFreight Crew worthy of Modesto!
(A Couple of Newly hired Freight Workers enter)
Bob: What orders from Modesto my Lord? What does the General Manager command?

Brent: We have work to do!

(Chris the awakens on Brent's rooftop, sees work going on around it)

Tim: The Redwood trees are strong, my Lord. Their roots go deep.
Brent: Rip them all down.
(Spider and the four cart clerks arrive at a rustic old ruin farm house with barn)
Spider: This was the great farm house of Moonshine Hill. Notice the entire right side of the house missing. That was the great Gin Explosion of '68. We will sleep here tonight.
(Spider drops a backpack holding four swords)
Spider: These are for you. Keep them close. I’m going to have a look around. Stay here.
(After awhile, it is dark. Greg awakes up to find Evan, Darrel and Jon sat around drinking beer and they had a huge bon fire going.)

Jon: Can I have another Brewski?

Darrel: Ok. Want that in a cup or the can?
Evan: I like to use a straw.

Greg: What are you doing?!

Darrel: Beer, Weed, Nice Prescription Drugs.
Evan: We saved some for you, Greg.

Greg: Put the fire out you fools! Put it out!

Jon: Oh that’s nice! Greg is going to rain on our parade!

(Suddenly there was a sppoky screeching groan from a hundred feet away or so)
(It was the Nine Demonic P.I.C.'s)
Cart Guys: Uh?!
(Greg motions them to go hide in the rustic Barn)
Greg: Go!!

(It didn't take long for the four Cart Clerks to be completely surrounded by the dangerous Nine)

Evan: Back you over paid demons!

(The Nine begin moving closer. Evan swings his sword about trying to hit any of the Nine. He is knocked over quickly. They move in on Greg. Darrel and Jon are thrown aside. Greg is knocked over too. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out the Badge. The Nine see it. They are fixed on it. Greg quickly pins on the Badge. Suddenly, he is in the world of darkness and wind. The Nine are like a negative version of the darker selves. They are also dressed different. They all wear Regular Casual Clothes. They walk in faster with their swords ready. The leader, The Manager in Training, walks up to Greg and reaches for the badge. Greg pulls away and the P.I.C. stabs Greg in the left shin. Suddenly Spider turns up and fights them all. Then they flee. Greg removes the Badge and reappears.)
Greg: Aaaahhhh!
Evan: Greg! (Rushes to his side)

Greg: Oh CRAP!!!
(Spider makes sure they have left the area, before seeing Greg)

Evan: Spider! Help him Spider.
Spider: He’s been stabbed by a Modesto blade. (The Blade like the typical worker disappears) This is beyond my skill to heal. He needs New Age medicine.
(Spider put Greg over his shoulder and the group moved into the thick woods. In the distance, they all heard the screeching groans of the Demonic P.I.C.'s)

Spider: Hurry!

Evan: We are six days from Redding. He's Australian, He’ll never make it!
Greg: (Muttering) Chris…
Spider: Hold on Greg.

Greg: (Cries out)…Chris!!!!
(On Brent's rooftop of his modern looking home, Chris sat there feeling cold as the rain started to come down. Suddenly a Huge Moth was drawn to the lights inside the house. It flew around in frustration of not being able to get to the lights. Then it flew up and over the house, where Chris caught the Moth in his two hands)
Chris: (Whispering) Mothy, Mothy, Go, Go, Mothy, Mothy.
(The Moth flew away when released and flew up higher and higher, until it was sucked into the engine of a low flying Jet)
(Spider layed Greg on the soft grass. It was dark and wet. Greg's fever from rusty metal infection was getting worse)
Evan: Greg? (To Spider) He’s going cold!
Jon: Is he going to die?
Spider: He’s passing into the shadow world. He will soon become a Badgewraith like them.
(Greg groans in pain)
(The Nine screech in the distance)
Darrel: They’re close.
Spider: Evan, do you know Cactus plant?
Evan: Cactus?
Strider: geez, the spiky plant that looks like a dick.
Evan: oh...Yeah, uh, that's not WEED!!!
Spider: No, it is not Weed, butIt may help to slow the infection. Hurry!
(Evan and Spider split up and go looking for a cactus. WHile Spider is searching, a mysterious blade slides across his throat)
Amanda: What’s this? A Backpacker caught off his guard?

(Greg sees a vision of Amanda in white light)

Amanda: Greg.... Im Amanda. I have come to help you.

Amanda: Hear my voice. Come back to the light.

Darrel: Who is she?

Amanda: (Kneels) Greg!

Evan: She's from Redding, a New Age Herbalist.

Amanda: He's fading!

(Greg Gasps for air)

Amanda: He's not going to last. We must get him to Gerry. He is Wise in the Herbal Medicine.

Darrel: I didn't know Gerry had a holiday home in Redding?
Spider: Gerry is well known in Redding. He stopped the SARS outbreak that happened in Redding. He also helped people with the common cold and bad cases of the sniffles.

Amanda: The Demonic P.I.C.'s have split up.There are 5 P.I.C.'s behind you. Where the other 4 are, I do not know.
(Spider puts Greg on Amanda's horse)

Spider/Angus: Stay with the cart clerks. I will send a transport for you

Amanda: I’m the faster rider. I’ll take him.

Spider/Angus: The road is too dangerous. The State Government have not repaired the roads properly.

Jon: What are they saying? Is the Government to blame for our crappy road?

Amanda: If I can get across the Raging River, the power of Gerry will protect him.

Amanda: I do not fear them.

Spider/Angus: Best of Luck then.

Spider/Angus: Amanda, ride hard. Don’t look back!

Amanda: Ride fast you stupid horse or it is the glue factory for you!!!
(Amanda rides away with Greg)

Evan: (To Spider) What are you doing?! Those Demon Bastards are still out there!

(The P.I.C.'s chase after Amanda)

Amanda: Ride faster, Don't make me use the whip!!!

(The Horse struggles to cross the raging river, but they make it. The complete Nine P.I.C.'s are together on the other side of the river)

P.I.C.: Give up the cart turd, Sexy!
(Amanda draws her sword)
Amanda: If you want him, come and claim him!

(The Nine begin to slowly cross the raging river)
(Amanda begins her mystical white witch chant)
Arwen: Nin o Chithaeglir, lasto beth daer, Rimmo nin Bruinen dan in Ulaer!
Nin o Chithaeglir, lasto beth daer, Rimmo nin Bruinen dan in Ulaer! (Waters of the Shasta Mountains listen to the great word; flow waters of StrongWater against the Badgewraiths!)

(The Water lifts up like a tidal wave and slams the nine badgewraiths, breaking their necks and killing them and their horses)

(Greg falls off the horse and is out cold. Amanda goes to him.)

Amanda: No! Greg...No! Greg, don’t give in! Not now!
(Amanda embraces Greg and cries)

Amanda: (VOICE over) What grace is given me, let it pass to him, let him be spared, save him.
(Everything is white in Greg's mind. Suddenly the face of Gerry appears)
Gerry: Lasto beth nin. Tolo dan nan galad. (Hear my voice, come back to the light)
Greg: (half asleep) Where am I?

Chris: You are in the holiday house of Gerry. And it is 10 o’clock in the morning, on October the 24th if you want to know.
(Greg wakes up)

Greg: Chris!

Chris: Yes...I’m here. And you're lucky to be here too. A few more hours and you
would have been beyond our aid. But you have some strength in you, my dear under paid Cart Clerk!

Greg: What happened Chris? Why didn't you meet us?

Chris: Oh I'm sorry Greg... I was delayed.

(FLASHBACK Chris is sat on Brent's rooftop. Brent is also up there to make him one last deal)
Brent: Friendship with the General manager is not lightly thrown aside.
Brent: One ill turn deserves another. It is over! Embrace the power of the Badge…or embrace your own destruction!

Brent: There is only one Lord of the Badge! Only one can bend it to his will.
And he does not share power!

(Chris gets up and takes a leap off the roof. He crashes into the rose garden, destroying Brent's prize roses. Brent watches in anger as Chris runs down the road soaking wet)

Brent: So you have chosen - death.
(Chris snaps back out of his flashback.)
Greg: Chris? What is it?

Chris: Nothing Greg.
(Evan enters the room)

Evan: Greg! Greg!
Greg: Evan!
Evan: Bless you, you're awake! For a moment, I thought the Aussie was dead!
(Greg chuckles)

Chris: Evan has hardly left your side, except for breakfast, morning nap, Lunch, afternoon nap, dinner, dessert, sleep and showers.

Evan: We were that worried about you, Because you owe all of us so much money and we would prefer you pay us back first before you die, Isn't that right, Chris?

Chris: By the skills of Gerry, you're beginning to mend.

Gerry: Welcome to Redding, Gregory Arditto.

(Greg meets up with Darrel and Jon. The four of them make jokes and stuff. Then he sees someone he was not expecting. He sees Don)

Greg: Don!

Don: Hello Greg!

Greg: Don! (HUG)
Don: Oh my. How are you doing?

Greg: " Don, your Book...To Hell and Back Again: A Cart Clerk's Tale by Donald Reid". (Gregleaves the book open) This is wonderful!

Don: I meant to go back...wander the paths of McKinleyville... visit lolita...see the Shasta Mountain again. But age it seems have finally caught up with me. (Don leans to one side and lets a ripper fart escape) Gas also seems to be slowing me down.
(Greg looks at the map of Humboldt County)

Greg: I miss Humboldt County. I spent 12 months hating it, wishing I was off somewhere else…Back in Australia! (Realises sadly) My own adventure turned out to be quite different.
Greg: I’m not like you Don. I don't like wearing the smokie the Bear outfit. It itches something terrible!

Don: I understand. I will say this. You are a great worker and a great friend.

(Back outside, Evan is getting ready to leave. Greg notices Evan packing his backpack)
Evan: (TO himself) Now where did I leave those condoms?

Greg: Packed already?

Evan: No harm in being prepared.

Greg: I thought you wanted to see Redding girls, Evan.

Evan: I do! But they are not puting out! It sucks!!!

Greg: That's Nasty.

Evan: we did what Chris wanted didn't we? We got the Badge this far
to Redding and then I thought...seen’ as how you’re on the mend, we'd be off soon, off home.

Greg: You're right Evan. We did what we set out to do. (Greg looks at the ring which is sat on his palm)The Badge will be safe in Redding.
Greg: I am ready to go home.
(Chris and Gerry are on the balcony watching Greg and Evan talk)

Gerry: His strength returns.

Chris: That wound will never fully heal. He will carry it the rest of his life.

Gerry: And yet to have come so far, still bearing the ring, for an Australian, he has shown extraordinary resilience to it's evil.

Chris: It is a burden he should never have had to bear. We can ask no more of Greg.

Gerry: Chris, the enemy is moving. The General Manager's business planners are amassing in the south-- Their sights are fixed on building a new WinCo in Redding. And Brent, you tell me has betrayed us. Our list of allies grows thin like the hair on my head.

Chris: His treachery and plumbing runs deeper than you know. By foul craft Brent has crossed blacks with asians, he's breeding an army in his back yard. An army that can do freight work and cart work for lower wages. Brent is coming for the Badge.

Gerry: This evil cannot be concealed by the power of my friends. We do not have the strength to fight both Modesto and Brent!
(Chris moves away from Gerry as he is in deep thought)
Gerry: Chris, the badge cannot stay here.

(Chris sees Sean, Kammie and Mike arrive at Gerry's house)

Gerry: This peril belongs to all of the West Coast. They must decide now how to end it. The time of the New Age Peace Lovers are over-- my friends are leaving these shores. They are living it up in Fiji. Who will you look to when we've gone? Nevada? They only care for their gambling. They hide in their Casino seeking riches-- they care nothing for the troubles of others.

Chris: It is in CostCo workers that we must place our hope.

Gerry: CostCo workers? They are weak. The Strength of CostCo workers is failing. The payroll of CostCo is all but spent. It's pride, dignity and cheap deals are forgotten. It is because of CostCo the Badge survives. I was there Chris. I was there three thousand years ago...
Gerry: Ian took the Badge. I was there the day the strength of CostCo failed.

(Gerry has a vietnam like flashback. He and Ian stood at the Crusher of the Modesto WinCo building)
Gerry: Ian hurry. Follow me.

Gerry: (VOICE over) I led Ian into the heart of the Modesto WinCo building, where the mighty crusher was, the one place it could be destroyed.
(AT the WinCo crusher)

Gerry: Cast it into the Crusher!

(Ian looks at the Badge. It whispers to him)

Gerry: Destroy it!

Ian: No.
(Ian walks away)

Gerry: Ian!!!
Gerry: (VOICE over) It should’ve ended that day, but evil was allowed to endure. WinCo stocks grew fat.
(The flashback ends and Gerry sees Redding out his window)
Gerry: Ian kept the ring. The line of CostCo managers is broken. There is no strength left in the world of CostCo. They’re scattered, divided, leaderless and far more expensive that other stores.

Chris: There is one who could unite them, one who could reclaim the rank of COstCo manager, One who could offer discount vouchers to valued customers.

Gerry: He turned from that path long time ago. He has chosen Pumping Gas at a Texaco.
(Inside Gerry's Billard room)

Mike: The shards of the Mighty Sword! The blade that cut the Badge from the General Manager's hand!

(Mike runs his finger along the shattered blade. He cuts himself)

Mike: (In amazement) It's still sharp!
(Mike turns to see Angus looking at him)
Mike: No more than a broken heirloom!

(Mike drops the broken sword onto the floor and leaves the room. Angus gets up off the seat and picks up the broken piece and places it back on the stand. The Amanda enters the room and walks up to Angus)

Amanda: Why do you fear the past? You are Ian's heir, not Ian himself. You are not bound to his fate.

Angus: The same blood flows in my veins. (Turns to Arwen) Same weakness.

Amanda: Your time will come. You will face the same evil, and you will defeat it. The Shadow does not hold sway yet, not over you and not over me.

Amanda: Do you remember when we first met?

Angus: I thought I had strayed into a dream.

Amanda: Long years have passed…You do not have the cares you carry now.

Amanda: Do you remember what I told you?
Angus: That I could wear your dresses if they make me feel comfortable.
Amanda: No, not that, the other part.

Angus: You said you'd bind yourself to me.

Amanda: And to that I hold. I would rather share a low income wage with you, than have millions and be alone.

(Amanda gives Angus her silver heart shaped pendent. Angus opens it to find a photo of him and her)

Amanda: I choose a low income life.

Angus: You cannot give me this!

Amanda: It is mine to give to whom I will...like my heart.
(They kiss)

Gerry: Strangers from distant states, friends of the good old days. You have been summoned here to answer the threat of Modesto. The West Coast grocery stores stand upon the brink of destruction. None can escape it. You will unite or you will fall. Each store is bound to this fate--this one doom. (Gestures to the stand) Bring forth the Badge, Greg.
(Greg stands up and walks to the short stand. He places the Badge there and then walks back and sits down)
(PEOPLE starts whispering)
Mike: So it is true...
Someone whispers: The Doom of all Stores
Mike: It is a gift. A gift from the turds of Modesto! Why not use this Badge? Long has my friend, the Acting Assistant Manager of CostCo, kept the forces of Modesto at the bay area, by the blood, sweat and tears of the workers-- all your stores kept safe! Give CostCo the weapon of the enemy. Let us use it against him!
Angus: You cannot wield it! None of us can. The One Badge answers to the General Manager alone. It has no other master.
Mike: And what would a backpacker know of this matter?
(Kammie stands suddenly)
Kammie: This is no mere backpacker. He is Angus, son of Fungus. You owe him your allegiance.
Mike: Angus? This... is Ian's heir?
Kammie: And heir to the Manager of CostCo.
Angus: Sit down Kammie.
Mike: CostCo has no Manager. CostCo needs no Manager. (Returns to his seat)
Chris: Angus is right. We cannot use it.
Gerry: You have only one choice. The Badge must be destroyed.
Sean: What are we waiting for?
(Sean steps forward, grabbing an axe. He swings the blade at the Badge. His blade his the badge and the blade shatters.)
Sean: ARGH!!!
(The Badge is in perfect condition. Greg feels the impact of the blade against the Badge)
(WHISPERS the ring of were coming out)
Gerry: The Badge cannot be destroyed, Sean, son of _____, by any craft that we here possess. The Badge was made in the fires of a furance in the Modesto WinCo building. Only in the Crusher can it. It must be taken deep into the WinCo building and cast back into the high pressure hydrolic crusher.
(Everyone was quiet)
Gerry: One of you must do this.
(Dead silence from the council)
Mike: One does not simply walk into Modesto. The heavily armed black gangs are painfully vicious. There is evil there that does not sleep. And the great fiery figure is ever watchful. It is a barren wasteland of graffiti and pollution. Riddled with gun fire and Cigarette ash and choking dust. The very air you breathe is a poisonous fume from buses. Not with ten thousand men could you do this. It is folly!
Kammie: Have you heard nothing Gerry has said? The Badge must be destroyed!
Sean: And I suppose you think you're the one to do it?!
Mike: And if we fail, what then?! What happens when the General Manager takes back what is his?!
Sean: I will be dead before I see the Badge in the hands of an girl!
(ARGUMENTS start among them)
Sean: Never trust an girl!
Chris: Do you not understand that while we bicker among ourselves, The General Manager's employee number grows?! None can escape it!
Badge: Put me on, Put me on, Come on, Come on, Wear me, Put me on, Put me on.
(Greg stands up and watches the other argue. He takes a deep breathe)
Greg: I will take it! I will take it!
(The Arguement Dies Down)
(Chris closes his eyes when he hears Greg's statement)
Greg: I will take the Badge to Modesto. Though-- I do not know the way.
Chris: I will help you bear this burden, Gregory Arditto, so long as it is yours to bear.
Angus: If by my life or death, I can protect you, I will. You have my sword.
Kammie: And you have my bow.
Sean: And my axe!
Mike: You carry the fates of us all Aussie one. If this is indeed the will of the council, then CostCo will see it done.
Evan: Heh! Greg ain't goin’ anywhere without me!
Gerry: No indeed, it is hardly possible to separate you even when he is summoned to a secret council and you are not.
Jon and Darrel: Wait! We are coming too!
Darrel: You'd have to send us home tied up in a sack to stop us! Plus, We're useful people.
Jon: Anyway you need people of intelligence on this sort of mission, quest... thing.
Darrel: Well that rules you out, Jon.
Gerry: Nine companions... So be it! You shall be the Fellowship of the Badge!
Jon: Great! Where are we going?
(Greg is sat in his bedroom. Don enters with some items of interest)
Don: My old sword, Icall it Pointy! Here! Take it, take it!
(Greg examines Don's sword, which looked like it had seen better days)

Greg: It’s so Rusty.

Don: Yes...I know--But it'll do the job...made by the girls you know. The blade glows Pink when Freight Crew are close. And its times like that, Greg, when you'll have to be extra careful!
(Don brings out the Metal like shirt. It is huge and looks way too big for Greg)

Don: Here’s an interesting thing --aluminum! As light as a feather! And it looks cool too. It is made from 1,600 shasta soda cans, mostly diet cola. Let me see you put it on. Go on.
(Don sees the Badge pinned to a chain around Greg's neck)

Don: Oh...M-my old badge! Oh well… I sh-sh-should very much like, to hold it again, one last time.
(Greg begins to button up his shirt and cover the Badge)
(Don gets angry and lashes out at Greg, trying to grab the badge. A second later, Don is crying and ashamed of his actions)

Don: I’m sorry I brought this upon you, Greg...I’m sorry that you must carry this burden. I’m sorry for everything! I'm sorry for WinCo paying such low wages! I am sorry about the WinCo pizzas tasting like Crap on Bread!
(Greg places a hand on Don's shoulder)
(The Newly formed Fellowship begin to leave Redding)
Chris: (Voice over) We must hold this course west for the Shasta Mountains for 4 days. If our luck holds the Gap of Indian Country will still be open to us. From there our road turns south to Modesto.

Mike: Two, Three, Four, Five. Good, very good. You cart dudes learn quickly when fighting with a sword.

Angus: Jon, Move your feet.
Darrel: That’s good, Jon.

Jon: Thanks.

Mike: Faster

Sean: ‘Anyone was to ask for my opinion, which I know they’re not, I’d say we were taking the long way round. Chris, we could pass through the government tree logging area. My cousin Bert would give us a royal welcome.

Chris: No Sean, I would not take the path through there unless I had no other choice.
(Kammie sees something in the distance)

Mike: Come on. Good.

(Mike accidently clips Jon with sword)

Jon: aaaah!

Mike: Sorry!

(Jon kicks Mike in the groin)

Mike: Ahh! My family Jewels!!!

Darrel: Get Him! Kick him in the head!
(Mike is kicked in the side of the head by Jon. Then Darrel joins in, Angus laughs)

Jon: For the pot smoking humboldt honeys!

Jon: Hold him! Hold him Darrel! I want to knee him in the groin!
Darrel: He got my arm! He got my arm!

Evan: What is that?

Sean: Nothing, it’s just a whiff of cloud or fart gas.

Mike: It’s moving fast…against the wind.

Kammie: Gases from Brent!

Angus: Hide!

Mike: Darrel! Greg!

Angus: Come on, come on! Take cover! Don't breathe the fumes!!!

(Gases float overhead. Fellowship hides behind rock outcroppings.)
Chris: Gases of Brent. His southern passage is far more evil than I expected. We must take the Avenue of the Giants.

(The Fellowship move into the huge redwood forest area. The avenue of the giants was filled with trees that stood over 350 feet high. Greg trips and falls.)

Greg: ungh!

Angus: Greg?
(Greg feels aroud his neck for the Badge. It is gone. He panicks. The Badge was about 15 feet away, laying near Mike's feet. Mike picks it up and stares at the Badge)

Angus: Mike!

Mike: It is a strange fate we should suffer so much fear and doubt over so small a thing… such a little thing.

Angus: Mike! Give the Badge to Greg.

Mike: (Hands the Badge to Greg) As you wish. I care not.
(Greg snatches the badge from Mike)
(The gases return to Brent, who stares into the fumes and recieves a vision of the fellowship)
Brent: So, Chris, you try to lead them through the Avenue of the Giants. And if that fails, where then will you go? If the Avenue defeats you will you risk a more dangerous road?

Brent: Cuiva nwalca Carnirasse; nai yarvaxea rasselya! (Wake up cruel LumberJacks and Wood Carvers! May your Ax and Chainsaw be bloodstained!)
Kammie: There is an old voice on the air.

Chris: Its Brent!
(A Huge Redwood tree tips over and crashes, just missing the fellowship. The another topples over)

Angus: He’s trying to bring down the forest! Chris, we must turn back!

Chris: No!
(Chris holds out his reader board staff and speaks out to the forest)
Chris: Losto Caradhras, sedho, hodo, nuitho i 'ruith! (Sleep Dear Redwoods, be still, stand strong!)
(Brent, standing nude on his rooftop of his house, continues the chant)
Brent: Cuiva nwalca Carnirasse; nai yarvaxea rasselya; talhira notto-carinnar! (Wake up Cruel LumberJacks and Wood Carvers, May your Ax and Chainsaw be bloodstained)
(Lightning suddenly strikes five trees at once, weakening them enough for the whole five to come crashing down around the fellowship)
Mike: We must get out of this forest! Make for the Indian Country and take the west road to a CostCo store!

Angus: But the Indian Country we need takes us too close to Eureka!

Sean: If we cannot pass through the forest, let us go around it. Let us go through the government logged area.
(Brent opens a government hard cover book. He is reading information about that area. He sees photos of the area)
Brent: The Government Logged Area. You fear to go there. The locals are weird and insane. You know who lives in that area. The Red Hair, The huge body...The Anger!
(The Fellowship are stuck deciding)
Chris: Let the Australian decide.
Chris: Greg?

Greg: We will go through the logged area.

Gandalf: Oh Crap...So be it.
Sean: The logging Area!
(The Fellowship stop at a huge metal fencing gate. Chainsaw and a combination padlock stop them from continuing)

Chris: Now, let’s see. A three digit Combination -- Can't be that hard to crack.
(Chris holds the padlock in his hand and studies the lock)
Chris: It reads "Jake & Sons locksmiths. Padlock made in china."

Darrel: What do you suppose that means?

Chris: Oh it’s quite simple. That we Americans buy too many products made in china. This action will hurt american jobs.
(Chris tries the first combination...without success)
(He then uses the numbers of his birthday...No luck there)
Gandalf: Ando Eldarinwa! (Crap on a stick!)

Evan: Angus, will Chris ever get the combination?

Angus: Sure, Chris is Wise. It may take him a day or two, but sooner or later, he will crack that lock.
(Darrel throws a broken brick up and over the fence for fun. Jon follows suit but Aragorn stops him)

Angus: Do not disturb this place.

Gandalf: (Exhausted) Oh, it’s useless!
(Greg examines the lock and recognises the cheap construction. He pulls out his sword and hits it once and the lock falls apart)
Greg: Cheap locks. All they need is a good hit.

Chris: Well Done!!!

(The Fellowship enter the logging compound, which looks totally deserted)

Sean: Soon kammie you will enjoy the fabled hospitality of Loggers. Roaring fires, Cheap Domestic Beer, ripe meat off the bone. This, my friend, is the home of my cousin Bert. And they call it an insult to the environment. An Insult!!!

Mike: This is logging Site, it’s a Scam!
(Logger bodies lay all over the place in the next clearing)

Sean: Oh! No! Noooo!!!
(Kammie picks up an empty Moonshine bottle)

Kammie: Rednecks!
(Kammie gets her Bow at the ready. Angus and Mike draw their swords)

Boromir: We make for the indian country area. We should never have come here.
(Police cars arrive at the open gateway)
Mike: Oh Crap, Police!

(Greg is grabbed by one of the hick cops)

Evan, Darrel, and Jon: Greg!!!

Evan: Spider! (Punches one of the cops) Let him go!
(The entire Fellowship begin fighting the cops. They begin to free Greg from the back of the cop car)

Greg: aah!

Darrel: Angus!

Greg: Help!

Mike: (knocks out a hick cop) Run for it, Greg!

Chris: Into the logging area!

Mike: Kammie! Come on, Hurry up!

(The fellowship run inside and the other cop begins firing off rounds from his gun. No bullets hit them. They disappear deep into the logging compound)
Chris: We now have but one choice. We must face the dangers of drunken loggers in their domain. Be on your guard. There are scummier and fouler things than just loggers in the deep lands of northern california.

Chris: Quietly now. It’s a 2day journey to the other side. Let us hope that our presence may go unnoticed.
(The walk through thick forests, then another logged area, where there are hundreds of stumps, then back into another forest area)

Darrel: It is so Quiet!
(Chris stops at one point and wipes his forehead with a piece of cloth he was carrying in his top left pocket. He looked confused)
Chris: I have no memory of this place.
(Chris and the fellowship sit and rest for a moment)
Jon: Are we lost?

Darrel: I think we are.

Evan: Shh, Chris is thinking.
Jon: Darrel?

Darrel: What?

Jon: I could go for a brewski right now.
(Greg walked up to Chris, who was deep in thought. Greg looked behind himself then back at Chris)
Greg: There’s something down there.

Chris: It’s Raymond.

Greg: Raymond?

Chris: He’s been following us for three days.

Greg: He escaped the basement of WinCo in Modesto!

Chris: Escaped? Or set loose? He hates and loves the Badge, as he hates and loves himself. He will never be rid of his need for it. He's a player and a poser.

Greg: It’s a pity the WinCo freaky customers didn’t kill him while he was working in Carts!

Chris: Pity? Yes, it may be a pity. Many that live deserve death, and some that die deserve life. Can you tell me which one Ray deserved, Greg?
Greg: Death!!!

Chris: Do not be too eager to deal out death and judgement. Even the very wise can not see all ends. My heart tells me that Raymond has some part to play yet, for good or ill, before this is over. The pity of fate may rule the life of many.
(Greg sits next to Chris)
Greg: I wish the Badge had never come to me. I wish none of this had happened.

Chris: So do all who live to see such times, but that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us. There are other forces at work in this world Greg besides the will of evil. Don was meant to find the Badge, in which case you also were meant to have it. And that is an encouraging thought.

Chris: Ah! It’s that way.

Darrel: He’s remembered!
(The Fellowship head through the forest to the left)

Chris: No, but the air doesn’t smell so foul this way. If in doubt, Darrel, always follow your nose.

Chris: I think we are making progress.
(They arrived at the central logging camp. It housed old logging equipment from the 1940's)

Chris: Behold the Realm of the Logging Community of Rio Del.

Evan: That’s an eye opener and no mistake.
(FELLOWSHIP walks of the a lay about through sees forward hall. Gimli ray sunlight shining Chamber Mazarbul. Corpses scattered)
Sean: Holy Crap!

Chris: Sean!
(Sean runs to one of the sawing machines. He finds a decomposing body of his cousin Bert)

Sean: No! No! (SOB) No! (SOB)

Chris: He is dead then. Its as I feared.

Sean: (WAILS)
Kammie: (To Angus) We must move on, we cannot linger!
Chris: It seems i have found a work log book...Very interesting. "We have had people break in, Destroying out equipment. They sneak in at night and rob our supplies. There is one of them we all fear. She is Fat. Very Fat.The ground shakes when she walks. Her burps are deafening. (Turns the page) Today they have broken in while we are working. They have set fire to the communication room. She has brought friends, hundreds of friends.We cannot get out. She moves closer, Her friends follow. We cannot get out…They are coming."

(Jon plays with a switch and the old rusty machine comes to life with a huge roaring rumble. Jon panicks and shuts it off)

Chris: (Slams the log book shut) Dumbass! Well, I am sure every Redneck in the entire area heard that racket!

(A banjo can be heard in the distance. It is the call of the Redneck)

Evan: Rednecks!!!

Kammie: Drunken and Horny, The worst kind of Redneck!
(Mike goes to the edge of the next forest and looks deep within it. Suddenly two shotgun blasts rip the redwood bark apart)

Angus: (To the Cart Guys) Get back! Stay close to Chris!
(Angus helps Kammie and Mike try to keep the gathering Rednecks at bay)
Mike: Oh great,They haven't washed in a month!!!
(Kammie takes aim with her bow and waits for a clear shot. Mike and Angus draw their swords)
(Sean draws twin Axes and stands ready for a fight)
Sean: Aarrgghhh!!! Let them come! We'll teach these Redneck Faggots not to screw with us!
(Suddenly a large group of Rednecks with banjos, mouth organs, shotguns and moonshine come running out of the forest. Some have pitchforks and try stabbing Mike and Kammie. Kammie rapidly shoots her arrows into the offensive rednecks)
Evan: God help me they Stink like they crapped their pants!
(Everyone is now fighting the rednecks but the fellowship is beginning to get outnumbered)

Chris: There is a large green steel bridge that crosses a fairly large river. If we run for it. We may make it there.
(They flee the area and continue on running towards the Green Bridge that Chris told them about. They soon arrive at the bridge area. Kammie would shoot a few Rednecks to slow them now every so often. Then suddenly they stopped when the rednecks left and disappeared. They all looked deep into the woods when they hear a thudding sound. A fat figure was in the distance making its way towards them)
Mike: What is this new devilry?

Chris: Big Bertha- a disgruntled WinCo shopper. She has had a hatred for WinCo works. Your Customer Service skills are no use here. Run!!!
(Chris watches the others run across the bridge. Chris begins to cross and then stops and turns half way across the bridge. He faces Bertha)
(Bertha Swears and growls)
Chris: You cannot pass!

Greg: Chris!
Chris: I am a Security guard of WinCo Foods, wielder of the Sticky Stick. The awful stench will not help you! Nor will your heavy weight!
(Bertha was steaming mad at this point she moved towards Chris, her fat rolls shifted and she was growling at Chris)
Chris: Go back to the low income houses where you belong!
Chris: YOU…SHALL NOT...PASS!!!
(Bertha pulled out a thick leather whip and cracks it at him. Chris uses his reader board staff to block her attacks. Then Chris runs at her with his staff at the ready and crashes into her mass bulk. Bertha staggers backwards and goes over the edge of the bridge. As she falls she cracks her whip again and it catches Chris' foot and drags him over the edge. Greg tries running to save his friend)

Mike: No, Greg!

Greg: Chrisssssss!

Chris: Run, you fools! (He falls over the side of the bridge)

Greg: Noooooooooooooooo!!!!
(Pissed off Rednecks appear shooting their shotguns at the fellowship. Some bullets hit real close to them)
Mike: Angus!

Greg: Noooooooooooo!!!
(Angus looked at the bridge in horror. Not only did Chris get pulled over the side by a fat monster of a woman, but the rednecks were drinking moonshine from urine jars)
(The Fellowship found the other exit that existed on the far side. They climbed the locked gate and were free for a second)

Angus: Kammie, get them up.

Mike: Give them a moment for pity's sake.

Angus: By nightfall these hills will be swarming with Rednecks! We must reach the Woods that bear no name. Come Mike, Kammie, Seani, get them up. On your feet Evan. Greg? Greg!
(Angus sees Greg weeping for his fallen friend. Later that afternoon, they arrived at the woods that bear no name. It was a beautiful quiet forest with little sparkles that seemed to have a life of their own that floated in the air)
Sean: Stay close young cart guys! They say there’s a great mistress that lives in these woods. A hooker of incredible Talent. All who look upon her, fall under her spell...
Ginger's Voice: (Whispering echo) Greg....
(Greg looks startled and spins around to see nothing but his companions)
Sean: ... and are never seen again.
Ginger's Voice: You're coming to us… is as the footsteps of doom. You bring great evil here badgebearer!
Evan: Greg? You ok?
Sean: Well, here is one dude she won't ensnare so easily. I have the eyes of a hawk and the ears of a fox!
(Suddenly they are all surround by men holding bows to the fellowships heads)
Sean: Oh Crap!
Harold: This Dude breaths so loud we could have shot him in the dark.
Sean: Grrr....
Angus:Harold of the woods that bear no name, we come here for help. We need your protection.
Sean: Angus, these woods are perilous! We should go back.
Harold: You have entered the woods of the Lady of the Wood. You cannot go back. Come, she is waiting.
(Inside the Treehouse in the woods that bear no name. The fellowship stand before a queer looking guy and a cheap sleazy looking hooker)
Cecil: Eight that are here yet nine there were set out from Redding. Tell me where is Chris? For I much desire to speak with him.
(Ginger looks at Angus and reads his mind)
Ginger: He has fallen into river.
Ginger: The quest stands upon the edge of a knife. Stray but a little and it will fail to the ruin of all.
(Ginger looks at Mike. She sees his thoughts. Mike shakes his gaze from her)
Ginger: Yet hope remains while the company is true.
(Ginger smiles at Evan, who smiles right back at her)
Ginger: Do not let your hearts be troubled. Go now and rest for you are weary with sorrow and much toil. Tonight you will sleep in peace. (Whispers to his Frodo in mind) Welcome Frodo of the Shire. One who has seen the fiery figure of WinCo!
(The fellowship is laying around with sleeping bags they were given by Ginger. Some of the people of the forest were singing songs of Chris)
A Olorin i yaresse ( Old dude, who once was...)
Mentaner i Numeherui… (sent by the Lords of the West…)
Kammie: A lament for Chris.
Darrel: What do they say about him?
Kammie: I have not the heart to tell you. For me the grief is still too near.
Tirien i Romenori (to guard the lands from WinCo…)
Maiarion i Oiosaila…(wisest of all Security Guards…)
Mana elye etevanne…(what drove you to leave…)
Norie i melanelye? (that which you loved?)
Angus: Take some rest. These borders are well protected.
Mike: I will find no rest here. I heard a voice inside my head. She spoke of my Nephew and the fall of CostCo. She said to me even now there is hope left. But I cannot see it. It is long since we had any hope.
Mike: My nephew is a honest guy, but his rule is failing. And now our…our workers lose faith. He looks to me to make things right and I would do it if I didn't work for WinCo. I would see the glory of CostCo restored. (Sigh)Have you ever seen it Angus? The Big red letters spelling out the name CostCo, light up by several thousand watt bulbs. It's roof high above all other stores. Have you ever been called back to the store by the clearance slaes they have on undergarnment?
Angus: I have seen the Big CostCo store. Long ago. I used to buy bulk powdered Milk there.
Mike: One day, A massive discount sale will lead us there. And the store security will ask us to see our CostCo membership cards. When she sees our names she'll announce, "The Lords of CostCo have returned!"
(Greg follows Ginger into a small clearing in the woods where a small table stood in the centre. On the table was something that look like a Wok and a deck of Tarot cards.
Ginger: Will you look into the Wok of a thousand Meals?
Greg: What will I see?
Ginger: Even the wisest cannot tell. For the Wok has cooked many things.
(Ginger pours some cooking oil into the Wok. Greg walks over to the Wok)
Ginger: Things that were, things that are and some things… (She throws some basil in) that have not yet come to pass.
(Greg peers in and sees vision of Devilled Eggs, Stir Fried Vegetables and even some Noodles in black bean sauce. He panicks and suddenly catches a vision on the fiery figure, Greg clutches the badge around his neck and collapses backwards)
Ginger: I know what it is you saw. For it is also in my mind. (Speaks to Greg telepathically) It is what will come to pass if you should fail. The Fellowship is breaking. It has already begun. He will try to take the Badge. You know of whom I speak. One by one it will destroy them all.
Greg: (Telepathically) If you ask it of me, I will give you the One Badge.
(Greg offers her the badge)
Ginger: You offer it to me freely. I do not deny that my heart has greatly desired this. To wear the badge of WinCo. To gain the power and respect of the public. To put a stop to them calling me a useless whore.
(Ginger bgins to approach Greg. She has her eyes fixed on the badge)
Ginger: In place OF A DARK LORD, YOU WILL HAVE A QUEEN! NOT DARK BUT BEAUTIFUL AND SEXY AS I REMOVE MY CLOTHES! AROUSING AS THE SEA! STRONGER THAN THE FOUNDATIONS OF THE EARTH! ALL SHALL LOVE ME AND PAY ME FOR MY SERVICES!
(Ginger turns to her normal self)
Ginger: I pass the test! I will leave, and go into the North, and remain a simple hooker.
Greg: I cannot do this alone.
Ginger: You are a Badgebearer, greg. To bear a Badge of power is to have great responsibility. This task was appointed to you and if you do not find a way, no one will.
Greg: Then I know what I must do. It's just… I'm afraid to do it.
Ginger: Even the lowest paid person can change the course of the future.
(Meanwhile, back at Brent home. Brent has a whole bunch of evil dumbass meat heads from Ukiah.
Brent: Do you know how the Rednecks first came into being? They were Cart Guys once, Given a low pay which drove them to drink, become filthy and their teeth fall out. They hook up playing the banjo and making moonshine. But now with my cross breeding of Redneck Males with City folk females I have found perfection. perfected, my fighting Ukiahs. Who is your daddy?
Larry: Brent!
(Brent is slapping the Ukiahs with white sticky fluid on his hands, forming hand prints on their clothes and helmets. Brent is grinning and enjoying himself)
Brent: (To the Ukiahs standing around in his backyard) Hunt them down. Do not stop until they are found. You do not know pain or decent wages. You do not know fear or decently cook pizzas. You will become gay and enjoy the taste man flesh!
Brent: (To Larry) One of the Cart Clerks carries something of great value. Bring them to me alive and unspoiled. Kill the others!
(The Ukiahs leave Brent's home in search for the fellowship)
(The Fellowship are standing on the sandy bank within the forest. Inflatable rubber rafts are waiting for them)
Ginger: Farewell, Gregory, the short Aussie. I give you the light of the Mystical Forest, our most beloved Light.
Greg: It looks like a regular flashlight to me.
Ginger: Sssshhhhhhhh.
Ginger: May it be a light for you in dark places, when all other lights go out.
Greg: Does it come with spare batteries?
(Ginger walks up to Evan. She hands him a spool of rope)
Ginger: Evan, take this mystical rope of the forest. I know you have a fondness for B&D and the silky smooth texture of the rope will enhance your pleasure.
(The Fellowship climb into the rafts and leave, heading further in their journey)
(The Fellowship drift down stream of the river. Meanwhile the Ukiahans run cross country in search of the group)

Angus: Greg, the CostCo billboard! Long have I desired to look the CostCo name on a big sign.
(The Fellowship pull the rafts over at a quiet spot in the grassland area)
Angus: We cross the lake at nightfall. Hide the boats and continue on foot. We approach Modesto from the north.
Sean: Oh, yes?! It's just a simple matter of finding our way through several danagerous suburbs filled with gun carrying scum? An impossible labyrinth of run down old buildings! And after that, it gets even better! Festering, stinking hobos far as the eye can see!
Angus: That is our road. I suggest you take some rest and recover your strength Sean.
Sean: Recover my…?! Phrrrrr...
Kammie: (Quietly to Angus) We should leave now.
Angus: No. Rednecks patrol the roads ahead. We must wait for cover of darkness.
kammie: It is not the roads ahead that worries me. A shadow and a threat has been growing in my mind. Something heads near...I can feel it!
Sean: I do not need to recover my strength! (To Jon) Pay no heed to that, Jon.
Darrel: Where's Greg?
(Evan and Angus notice not only Greg was missing, but so was Mike)
(Greg was going for a nice peaceful walk. Suddenly he heard the voice of Mike)
Mike: None of us should wander alone, you least of all. So much depends on you. Greg?
Mike: I know why you seek solitude. You suffer; I see it day by day. You sure you do not suffer needlessly? There are other ways, Greg. Other paths that we might take. Like the one to the main CostCo store, where great products can be found for great low prices.
Greg: I know what you say. And it would seem like wisdom to get a discount on tampons but for the warning in my heart.
Mike: Warning? Against what? We're all afraid, Greg. Afraid to buy that 50 pack of Red Pens, But to let that fear drive us to destroy what hope we have. Don't you see that is madness?
Greg: There is no other way!
Mike: I ask only for the strength to help my nephew and CostCo! (Throws cap to the ground) If you would but lend me the Badge...
Greg: No. (Steps back)
Mike: Why do you recoil? I don't stink. I am no Hobo.
Greg: You are not yourself.
Mike: What chance do you think you have of finding a better deal or a lower price on toilet paper? They will find you! They will take the badge and you will beg for 10% off the retail price before the end!
(Greg tries to run away from Mike)
Mike: Fool!
(Mike gives chase)
Mike: You Dumbass Australian, thinking you are all knowing and tough because you speak funny. (Tackles Greg) Your silly shows flooding our cable channels and your stupid damn songs about kangeroos. Damn you Aussies to Hell!!!
(Mike struggles with Greg)
Mike: Give it to me! Give me the FUCKING BADGE!!!!!
Greg: No!
Mike: Give me… Give me the badge!
Greg: NO!!!
(Greg manages to pin on the badge and vanishes. Mike looses track where Greg was. Suddenly, Greg kicks Mike in the chin and runs)
Mike: (Looks around desperately) I see your mind. You will take the badge to the General Manager in hope of a big pay raise! You will betray us! You go to your death and the death of us all! Curse you! Curse your family! Curse your animals! Curse the Crocodile Hunter and his stupid wife and kids! And all the fucking Aussies!
(The madness passes and Mike comes to his senses)
Mike: Greg?...Greg?...what have I done? I've caused an international incident!...please...Greg!
Boromir: (In the background) Greg, I'm sorry! Oh no!
(Greg walks through the Badge world of winds and darkness. He hides behind something solid, something like a small building. Then he sees his enemy, the fiery figure. It speaks to him)
The General Manager: Peek-a-Boo, I see you..Hahahahaha...Pull my Finger!!!
(Greg removes the Badge and reappears in the regular world. He was infact hiding behind a redneck outhouse. Angus Approaches)
Angus: Greg, were you taking a crap?
Greg: (Startled) Huh?! It has taken Mike.
Angus: I told him to go easy with the Chillis. He doesn't listen to me, poor guy.
Greg: No, The madness for the Badge has taken him.
Angus: (Intensely) Where is the badge?
Greg: Stay away!
(Greg runs from Angus)
Angus: Greg!
(Greg stops)
Angus: I swore to protect you!
Greg: Can you protect me from yourself?!
(Greg shows the badge sat in his palm)
Greg: Would you destroy it?
(Angus looks at the badge in all its WinCo glory)
The Badge: Angus...Angus…Son of Fungus...Pin me to your cloak!
(Angus reaches out towards the Badge and he closes Greg's hand over the badge)
Angus: I would have gone with you to the end, into the crime ridden bowels of Modesto.
Greg: I know. Look after the others, especially Evan. He will not understand.
(Angus suddenly spun around to be faced with a large group of Ukiahans all angry and buff looking)
Angus: Go on Greg. (Draws his out sword) Run. Run! Get the fuck out of here!
(Evan begins searching for Greg. He is panicked)
Evan: Greg!!!
(Evan hears fighting and tries to avoid it while searching for Greg)

Larry: Find the Cart Guys! Find the Cart Guys! Look for the Depressed Low Paid guys.

Angus: (Jumps onto the group of Ukiahans) Boo-Hah!!!!!
(Kammie is shooting Ukiahans one after the other. Sean is hitting them in the groin with his big battle ax)
Kammie: Angus! Go!

(Greg is hiding behind a big redwood. He notices Darrel and Jon. They notice him. They are hiding behind another big tree)
Darrel: Greg!

Jon: (Beckoning) Hide here quick! Come on!
(Darrel and jon both see Greg shaking his head in refusal)

Jon: (To Merry) What’s he doin'?

Darrel: He's leavin’ us, He's leaving WinCo!

Jon: No! (Runs towards Greg)

Darrel: Jon! (Goes after him)
(Darrel and Jon stand next to Greg. They see a group heading their way)

Darrel: (Whispers) Run Greg! Go!
(Darrel Yells out to the group of Ukiahans moving through the woods)
Darrel: (Cups his hands around his mouth) Hey you! Over here! Yeah you, you limp dick assholes!!!
Jon: Hey!
Darrel: Over here!
Jon: (Waving his arms) This way! You shit for brains!
(Greg disappears deep within the woods. Darrel and Jon see large groups of Ukiahans heading their way)

Jon: Its working!

Darrel: I know its working! Run!
(Darrel and Jon are being closed in and several Ukiahans approach fast with big axes. Suddenly Mike comes launching in at the group and blocks their attacks with his sword. He throws a knife into the throat of another Ukiahan. A massive fight breaks out)
(Kammie, Sean and Angus are fighting larege numbers of Ukiahans)
Kammie: At this rate, Ukiah will have a low population soon.
(Suddenly a loud raspberry was heard)
Kammie: The Greet Sound of CostCo!
Angus: Mike!
(Kammie, Sean and Angus leave the battle and head for the sound. He for Mike)

(Mike makes another loud raspberry sound again, using the inner cardboard from a roll of toilet paper)

Mike: (To the Darrel and Jon) Run! Run!
(Mike killed many Ukiahan. Slashes their faces, Chests, hit them in the groin and gut. He was winning the battle. The Larry turned up. He took aim with his crossbow. He fired the first arrow. It went deep into Mike's stomach. At first Mike thought it was a dream, that he was ok. Then before his brain had a chance to realise what had happened, a second arrow punctured his chest. This knocked Mike back a few steps, but he did not fall. He swung his sword and killed a few more Ukiahans. A third arrow hit him in the groin, knocking him to his knees)

(Darrel and Jon drew their swords and started attacking the other Ukiahans. They killed a few, when the numbers of the enemy suddenly grew larger. They grabbed Darrel and Jon and took off through the woods with them. Mike was still on his knees trying to catch his breathe as blood pumped out of him)

(Larry stood before Mike. Larry loaded his crossbow again and took aim for Mike's forehead. Before he had a chance to shoot, Angus jumped him, knocking him off balance and the crossbow went off firing an arrow into a nearby tree. A punch up broke out and Angus was getting beaten. larry was a monster of a guy in size. Angus managed to get a good swing at Larry and removed his head from his neck. Larry's dead body collapsed)
(Angus went up to Mike, who was laying against a mighty redwood)
Mike: They took the low paid ones.
Angus: Be still.

Mike: Greg, where is Greg?

Angus: I let Greg go.

Mike: Then you did what I could not. I tried to take the badge from him.

Angus: The badge is beyond our reach now.

Mike: Forgive me, I did not see it. I have failed you all.

Angus: No, Mike, you fought bravely! You have kept your honor. (Starts to pulls the arrows from Mike)

Mike: Leave it! It is over. The world of CostCo will fall, and all Shopping Discounts will come to darkness… and the chain of stores will be in ruins.

Angus: I do not know what strength is in my blood, but I swear to you I will not let CostCo fall, nor our workers fail!

Mikes: Our workers? Our workers.
(Angus places Mike's sword in one of his hands and a dirty magazine in the other)
Mike: I would have followed you my friend, my partner, my boss!
(Mike passes away while clutching his dirty magazines)

Angus: Be at peace, loyal son of CostCo.
(Sean looks away and Kammie bows in respect for they have lost a friend)
(Evan keeps running through the woods looking for Greg)
Evan: Greg!
(Greg walks to the rubber Raft and climb in, Evan soon follows and throws himself into the raft too)
Greg: Evan, i should be going to Modesto alone.

Evan: Of course you are, and I’m coming with you!

Greg: You are not prepared for the evils you will see on this trip, Evan!
Evan: I made a promise, Greg. A promise! "Don’t you leave the Dumb Aussie, Evan Henderson." And I don’t mean to! I don’t mean to.

Greg: Oh Evan! Come on.
(Mike was wrapped in a few CostCo bags they had in their backpacks that they used to keep their food fresh. He was then thrown into the river and his body drifted away. His lifeless body still clutching his dirty magazine)
Kammie: Hurry! Greg and Evan have reached the Forest of Tourist Trap.
(Angus did not move)
Kammie: You mean not to follow them?

Angus: Gregs fate is no longer in our hands. In some ways it never really was.

Sean: Then it has all been in vain! The Fellowship has failed. If Gerry could see us now. He'd be really pissed off.

Angus: Not if we hold true to each other. We will not abandon Darrel and Jon to the Bizarreness of Brent. Not while we have strength left. Leave all that can be spared behind. We travel light. Let’s hunt some Ukiahan!
(Kammie smiles at Sean)
Sean: Yes!!! Haha!
(Angus, Kammie and Sean run through the woods in the direction that Darrel and Jon were taken in)
(Greg and Evan stand on the otherside of the forest of tourist trap. They can see a sort of marsh land that resembles Louisiana. In the far distant distance, they could see a microscope view of a WinCo sign)

Greg: Modesto. I hope the others find a safer route.
Evan: Spider will look after them.

Greg: I don’t suppose we’ll ever see them again.

Evan: We may yet, Greg. We may.

Greg: (Turns, smiling)Evan, I’m glad you’re with me.
(Greg and EVan begin heading towards the marsh lands and Modesto)
(To be continued)