The face of Reality is brutal, ugly ... and real.

Okay. I just got back from my calculus test, in which I believe i didn't do too well.

And I feel like explaining myself.

First off, this test didn't deal with very difficult concepts (not compared to other calculus topics, at least) but, that trixy teacher tested me on things I didn't spend much time studying on, and I think I'm gonna pay for it.

First off, I spent waaayyy too much time dealing with what were probably not the best numbers to estimate Newton's method of finding the root of a function. I had to estimate to 9 decimal places, and the calculator just kept getting closer and closer to that magic number, but it $&#$* wouldn't get to the exact number! So, I didn't have that much time to deal with it.

Second, spring break has bitten me in the butt (just like every year) and I just haven't been feeling like doing calculus (especially because I don't need the class. That kills the motivation)

But, after this test, I have realized a process that I go through. I have gone through this process many times before, but I forget it each time.

Not this time!

When I have a workable schedule, and I keep going with it, somehow I feel like if i start slacking or diverting my attention somewhere else, the neglect is going to be negligible. I somehow mistakenly believe that whatever my responsibility is can take care of itself in some way. I'm wrong.

What I forget is that when I am negligent of what I'm supposed to be doing, I'm not only not helping it, i'm hurting it. I'm screwing the process up. I'm ruining the machine. I might as well start hitting it with a hammer!

It's frustrating, because I forget this every time. If I only maintained it and didn't get bored with it being such a routine, I wouldn't suffer. This is a lesson to be learned.

At least I feel like my butt is whooped now, so I'm going to try harder (I think reality just napalmed the tropical paradise that I labeled, "spring fever". What a bastard. Must it be in cahoots with the military?)

But, in a sense, this is all a good thing. It makes me feel like what I'm doing is important again. It has meaning. That creates motivation, and when I complete whatever it is I'm doing when i'm motivated, I am happy. This in turn creates positivity, and feeds into an upward spiral.

Okay. I need to go edit my last really big story (which is going to be printed in a book)

bai bai!