Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger.

Can this be??? Another posting in a recent period??? It is!

Ok. So it's Halloween. Strangely, year after year, this is a day when MASSIVE changes happen for me. While no changes have actually occurred yet, I have opened quite a few doors of opportunity today, as well as I am jet-setting some future ones.

First off, my sister is going to be here TONIGHT. My dad is bringing her back from Utah because she decided to live with us. As long as she doesn't make too big of a mess, I'll be fine (historically that has been a problem). Supposedly, she's gotten better at taking care of that sort of thing, but we'll see. (update: she's here!)

Secondly, I beat dungeon siege (one of the few games that I've played out of the bajillion that I've acquired this year). Words of advice: Don't play Dungeon Siege! It's a diablo clone, yes, but it's so pretty... pretty pretty... ahhh.... and that's what hooks most people.

I'm glad that habit is over. On to learning!

I got my insurance cards today, so now I can go to the doctor and rack a huge bill or something. The fact that I get all medical stuff half off for working at the hospital doesn't hurt, either.

Thirdly, today I was accepted into the CR honors program. YAY!!! Time to go hammer out that thar degree, yessiree bob.

But seriously, I knew I was going to be accepted into the program from the moment I decided to join (maybe before?), and now that I got the ball rolling, I'm gonna use this opportunity to build something big and beautiful (transfer?). Although the next step is securing more financial aid (i'm worrying about keeping the financial aid that i have right now) I got mobilize myself for school, get this crazy train of a plan in motion!

I'm planning on ditching my car. After being able to slow my life down enough to get a good foothold, I did an audit on my financial situation (not just money, but time as well), and found that the car costs a little bit under $7 a day -- the cost of a restaurant meal. The bus, on the other hand, is significantly cheaper. even at $2.50 a day the bus is still a bargain.
On top of that, I'm spending roughly 1.5 hours a day driving -- time that I could use to sit and read on a bus.

The feedback that I've been getting from people is that I'll be ok with it for a while, but will want my car back after a few weeks. Well, there was a point where I took the bus to get everywhere that I needed to be, and i actually enjoyed it. Moreover, the disadvantage that made me have a car was that I was too far away from the bus stop (I was out in the boonies at the time). Now, I'm a mere few blocks away. To top it all off, if I really need to go somewhere, I can use my dad's car. What if I need the car? I won't. I found that I can't make it on my own without my father at this point (the price of housing compared to unskilled wages is INSANE), so I won't worry about it. Furthermore, the car may die very soon. If I implement plan "el BUS-o" now, I won't have to deal with this potential problem. In general, if it fails, I will make something work. It always works out in the end. I've been in worse situations than the painted scenario, and it always has worked out.

Continuing on, to cut costs I'm going to be setting aside some time to make my meals so I can eat at places like school and work. When I say that, I mean that I'm going to allocate some time each week to cook all my food, make sandwiches, whatever, and then have a steady supply ready to go. QUALITY meals (because I'm picky about what I put in me) that are cheaper is just a plain good idea (hey, somebody has to make the meal. Should you sit around, doing nothing, while someone else makes the meal (does he care about the food as much as you do?) or should you make it yourself)

Now, "why am I cutting costs when I don't need to?" is something you might ask. The answer is that I'm chopping my hours of work down to 16 from 32. Working on the weekends (hopefully, actually, it's pretty certain I probably will, considering this job), when working at the hospital is really just studying my books, is the goal.

What about entertainment? Won't I burn out? If I need some entertainment (although studying has proven rewarding for me), I have plenty of video games that I have bought/acquired (though I hope to god I don't try getting into one again since they really affect what I want to do -- god help me if it's a Massively Multiplayer RPG that I get sucked into!), and I also have a lot of entertaining learning that I could do (you wouldn't believe how much music I listen to. To make my own music now... especially after all my piano class has taught me, as well as I can just plain ol' draw (when I'm at work and I can't study but it's slow enough that I'm bored, I do this. Can't draw that great, though I have noticed significant improvements. This pleases me...)

In any case, I don't want to do pointless work. I want my job to work for me, not the other way around... (and, as time goes on, I find better and better strategies to make this closer to the ideal)


Repetition is the death of the soul

anyway, to sum up everything, I'm getting my shit together. I think I've bottomed out on my downstroke of productivity/life/etc. Time to go up!

To go off on my tangent: why is it that I go up and down in productivity/mood/etc? Several factors: 1) school starting and ending takes time for me to adjust. 2)changing jobs creates chaos 3) getting out of sync with my schedule screws me up (going to fast for my schedule is the first part of the process). It's up to me to fix everything, but it's hard.

As for my personality right now, for the last 1.5 months I've been worrying about my reclusive nature. Why am I acting this way? Why am I not the social butterfly, with my entire day filled with friends and acquaintances, that I used to be? I sort of know why: I've been getting more passionate about topics in general, and I like to argue. I'm polarizing. I don't go out of my way to get conversations going. I just think about studying, and how much I'd enjoy doing it (I've turned studying into some sort of sick game. I like to do it)

I have a habit in my personality of trying to imitate others. If I see something that I like, I try to implement that into myself. Other times, I like to see and experience what others are going through by doing what they do -- even if it's something I don't really care to do. Generally, I'm apathetic on opinionated matters.

Though, as I mentioned before, i've been a little bit passionate about things in general.

On top of all this, I'd like to mention that my mind is such a dynamic thing. I change my opinions so much in such short periods of time (weeks) that I'll be the first to admit hypocrisy. That's just who I am. It's something I have to do to imitate others, consider possibilities, etc. unfortunantly, I can be wildly unpredictable at times (such as giving up things you'd think I'd never give up. Ever.) But, I value my mind in this state. I don't want to give it up.

Overrall, when I'm trying to say is that, while I was a "social butterfly" in the past, and a recluse in the present, I will be something different altogether in the future.

I'm never worried about these things. I do enjoy figuring out how I work by looking back at my past self (hind sight is 20/20, after all). The only time that I really stop and consider things are when I have to make decisions that have irrevocable consequences -- killing something, for example. Not that they're very common decisions (no, I haven't had to decide to kill anything. Hope I never have to) . Mainly, the decisions made today and the consequences thereof are almost always revocable.

It bothers me how some people can be so clung to such revocable decisions. Moreover, the decisions made can be stupid, silly things! Take my workplace, for example. So many little things that need to be done correctly that it's impossible to perfect (at least, without stressing yourself out/frazzling your nerves). When mistakes are made, people get so upset. "You shouldn't page laboratory on the intercom by saying 'laboratory department. "You should say 'laboratory' instead." "You need to answer 'operator' instead of 'office' on the telephone." "You need to get a copy of the medical card -- not just the POS ( <-- electronic insurance verifier)." "You need to highlight such and such fields with a highlighter. That way the billers will know the insurance is changed. What? you have a copy of the insurance cards on the back of the pack? Doesn't matter. Highlight all 18 of them anyway"

I think you get the idea. It's so stupid! There's a constant war, and it's because everybody is making mistakes. It doesn't matter! I don't strive for perfection anymore. Actually, I gave that up long ago. I do strive for perserverance, however.

Moreover, with school and everything, I'm beginning to discover that I'm happier doing my schoolwork than making money to buy big items. I've bought some pretty big items -- 27 inch television is the one thing that sticks out in my mind right now -- and this thing does absolutely nothing for me, except for when I bought it (it made me feel powerful).

Worse, I feel anchored with this item. I have to worry about it being taken care of (not getting damaged), it's that much harder for me to go somewhere, and, ultimately, I don't use it!

Furthermore, the concept of ownership is purely abstract. You don't really "own" anything! I could go steal your baked beans and ketchup right now, and, supposedly, under our rules of "governance" that was not an ok thing to do, but, if you eliminate all the rules that we assign right and wrong to, it was a legal thing to do according to reality. I can take the baked beans and ketchup, and I did. Nothing stopped me, so how can it be wrong? Because humanity decided that this perfectly legal act (at least, according to reality) was somehow a "wrong" thing to do. That, because I don't "own" the baked beans and ketchup, I have no "right" to make decisions about what happens to them.

Might Makes Right, Baby.

Now, I'm not saying I want this to be the law of the land. I kind of expect and like "owning" things. But, I think this is an important concept to recognize.

Anyway, I was talking about materialistic woes with Richard, and he told me his tales of starting out in Japan with nothing. He felt so free. I can relate to this when I was moving around so much that I had to ditch everything but the shirt on my back (and somehow I even lost my hair during that time, but that's a different story), and how it was such a... liberating? feeling? I suppose it's easier to look up at everything in the world when you're at the bottom, but I will say that I was pretty happy at that moment (and I was hungry to get my life going). I could focus on what I wanted. I didn't have to maintain anything...

As another tangent, I've been thinking about an earlier post I made, one about how houses are such a waste of money (I'm paying money to mow my own lawn and clean my house), especially when you have more rooms than you need (upkeep is painful). I've been wondering, "How can you stop the problem from even starting in the first place?" Of course, not making the mess is the answer, but I was also thinking about garbage, how everything is in a container that gets dumped, how it all costs money. Couldn't there be a way to get goods to consumers without the medium of containers? Couldn't we as a society improve ourselves somehow in this aspect?

Although, I must say I'm a bit of an anarchist. Kind of against the abstract ideas of "society", "government", "corporations", "ownership", and so forth. To believe in these things seems to be a fallacy on what reality is. Yet, I will continue to live this way without being bothered about it. These concepts have allowed me to be "given" things, have set an abstract "code" that is structured and easy to follow, and so forth.

Some things about these ideas are good, others are not so good. For example. Having to pay $25/month just to keep a waterline to your house - wouldn't water be considered a necessity? - without even getting one drop of water seems kind of wrong to me. "The pipes need to be maintained" is the reason. But, why doesn't government change it so that you pay a slightly higher price for water and start at $0 being owed a month? make it so that those that consume a lot of water pay more.

I suppose that if you didn't use water for a long time in the house the pipes might break, yet there would be no money from you to give to the water authorities, and that would be a problem. But, I don't know. Government is a screwed up thing like that.

One more thing about the water. Isn't it against the law to not use the public water line, due to sanitary reasons and so forth? If this is so, it's almost like there's a mandatory $25/month tax to live in a place!

But, who's to tell me to use their water? What right do they have? Apparently, this group of people who have legally monopolized the water market! And don't give me that nonprofit crap - just because it says it's nonprofit doesn't deter those who would like to make an extra buck doing what they do (who wouldn't like to make an extra buck?)

In a way, I'd like to, some day, try to live my life in such a way that I don't give any of these ideas to exist. Maybe pump my own water, grow my own food, etc? I dunno. It might be harder to do it myself than enjoy the benefits of specialization. And,
these concepts of "government", "corporations", etc. could be useful or even fun to deal with. See, I've always had this idea of these abstract things as "machines" you can use them to elevate yourself into powerful positions, but in return, as you get closer to the top, you are "obligated" to help the machine become more powerful. This constant counterweight is, to me, much like a car engine and the flywheel, or even the transmission. Converting limited ranges into one large range. When all works harmoniously, some fantastic things can happen!

Furthermore, I think it's in humanity's nature to stabilize from anarchy, anyway. I mean, assume an anarchial society. Everyone for themself! Well, those that don't starve to death are farming, so now we got people yielding crops. Now, A few of those farmers do really well and have a surplus. They use that surplus to convince some starving, not-so-well-off farmers to do things, like guard or attack other farms. Thus, we now have something along the lines of a monarchy or despotism (without the issue of religion inserted into the equation)

Overrall, this is just how I feel about this sort of stuff. For most all people, this is heavily controversial, and I'm pretty sure i'm quite alone on this ideology, but... this is all just me, and remember that I'm a hypocrite. Feel better now?

But, speaking of government, I'd just like to quickly mention that I'm writing a paper for a religious organization on why the draft cannot be tolerated in that organization.

In addition, I don't know if i'm going to be able to vote because my ballot registration process was a little bit weird, and I still haven't gotten anything in the mail...

I gots to go, but I'd like to quickly wrap up with whats been going on lately

my math class is going good. I'm enjoying doing equations that I wonder if any students get to see (IIRC one of them was y=x^sin(x), and y=x for predicting maxima, for example, as well as checking it on polar graphs and other fun, useless stuff)

Observational astronomy is great. Lots of female nerds, and I'm the know-it-all student in the class (I was obsessed with astronomy in 3rd-6th grade).

Japanese class is really coming along awesomely. The dictionary that I bought, The New Anchor is such a pleasure to read (with examples like, "I went to the Sting concert yesterday", and "When Professor Kagasawa came out of his house in his underwear, we were embarrassed to have knocked on his door", or "I don't give a fart") that I spend quite a bit of time reading it. My vocabulary is skyrocketing like MAD with that book, as well as the new nelson (the kanji dictionary), which is needed to decipher the japanese example sentences, is getting memorized as well.

Piano is coming along awesome. After some point in the class, I have just been picking up concepts so easily. I'm really flying through the book. Consequently, the teacher is really impressed, and is even devoting time after class to listen to me play, so he can have some sort of grip on where I'm at!

Oh, next Tuesday, Halo 2 comes out. I think I'm going to be ruined when it comes to schoolwork for a while, but i'm sure a lot of my friends will be, too.

Lastly, I'd like to state that i've been DDR'ing like mad at home (hey, when you got that 27 inch television, dual 12 inch subs in the rear, a 5.1 sorround system all around, and another television's speakers, you gotta use them on something, right?), and I've been getting REALLY good (better than ever), though I cut my foot on the mac that I found for free... Needless to say, I can't DDR till the wound heals up enough

D@MN YOU MACS!!!!

I think macs are evil. So evil, in fact, that I was considering replacing my jack-o-lanterns with macs at the porch. I was gonna have a scrolling marquee (after dark... 4.0, anyone?) saying "Happy Halloween!" I'm sure nobody would visit my house for fear of the terrible curse of the MAC.

Then, gaining their evil spirit devil powers, the macs would jump to live and start smashing themselves a la kamikaze style into trick-or-treaters. And beware of the chords...

They like to cut people. Beware!

Ok time for bed.

(hollers) Bring out the quotes!

For four years George W. Bush has used the power of words to overcome insurmountable facts.
-The Daily Show Skit
George W. Bush: Words Speak Louder than Actions
The Daily Show

"In the words of TS Eliot: When Dealing with questions, Don't respond to what they have said; rather, answer what you would have wanted them to have said"

Robert S. Macnamara (well, roughly what he said. I don't recall the exact wording)