injury, you're a sexy songwriter, one-of-a-kind. I love you

Lately i've been playing with fruity loops. Don't know why. Just have. Maybe one day i'll show what i've made. It'll never be anything good, at least at the rate of work that i put into it, but that doesn't bother me, it's just a hobby.

I've been feeling like I need to go work, and work, and work until i hurt so bad that i don't want to work, and then work some more just to break the limit. Sometimes it feels so good to just physically and mentally hurt. Makes you feel alive, makes you feel mortal. Makes you feel like you've done something worthwhile today, and it makes you stronger, tolerating even more pain the next time you decide to make yourself hurt. On top of that, if you fulfill any painful activity, self confidence builds when you feel as though you can get things done. This is not to say that i'm depressed right now, I'm just feeling like considering many ideas.
BUT, there's some pains that i'd rather not ever feel. Such as puncture wounds, and emotional pains (such as depression) These pains never helped anyone (save for scarring, if you like the look of scars on one's body), and do long term damage to one's self-image and, ultimately, lifespan. There's no benefit to them, and should be avoided at all costs.
Mainly, I love to kick ass and take names. The thrill of just giving it your all, not too unlike gambling, is great.

One day in the future I'll probably look at this and giggle, "Boy, that was stupid rhetoric". Much like the Megan letters. Oh well.

Recently, I've been suffering from social burnout. I've just been going nowhere but older as I keep pursuing the exchange of ideas. Not that i expect anything from anyone (pending a legal contract, that is. Isn't that awful?) I don't learn anything new lately from the people I talk to (For the record: It's my whole social group, not just two people, who know who THEY are). With phase 1 complete I proceed to phase 2. Phase 2 involves finding bunches of people, and extending my already large group of friends. Gotta keep going. Break the boundaries. I have decided to chat with people in chatrooms and getting information based on their location, as well as just saying hi to people, especially people i don't know. Just warming up to people. I'm tired of knowing the same people all of the time when there's a world of others out there with such potential. Some people can be so shallow. I do not want these people generally, but on the short term would be interesting. I find that i turn shallow as people get to know more of me. This is only because I am imitating what they desire, albeit compromising by following certain rules about me.
In my time living on certain parts of this planet, as well as traveling around, I have found that humans are not all that different. They will befriend you if you have what they desire and you supply what they desire, and will stick with you if you do not give them all that they want completely. Using this piece of knowledge has tremendous advantages, allowing you to manipulate a situation if you want. Some people may ask, "Why not be yourself? Be true to yourself first, then at least you are being honest to everyone". I find that those that are true to themselves don't do much, and are generally not very well rounded individuals in general. They are pseudo-outcasts who slowly learn about new things around them, squandering their time on doing the same thing over and over again. After I do my little dance of "I do what I want" many times, I quickly become bored and miserable. Stagnation is a major cause of decline. I have nothing better to do in my spare time, so why not link aspects of me that are similar to you and only talk about those similar aspects, going our own ways when appropriate? Does any of this make sense to anyone? Maybe i should go take speech class.
What i'm trying to say is that you can expand every aspect about yourself by befriending certain people based upon similar aspects. The only problem of doing this is that generally people will have a tendancy to try and link other aspects of themselves to a person whose one aspect is similar, but then the two people find that they have little in common in that area, causing tension. It's hard to be close to people, because you have to make so many sacrifices of yourself to have all your aspects be in-line with theirs. Eventually you can learn to enjoy anything, though never to a full extent. In general, you can be very independant and yourself in many strange ways if you befriend people based upon one similar interest and then only visit that friend when it's based upon that interest. In addition, you build a strong, large network of people who will help you in times of need. You can even manipulate them, although that should only be done when you don't care about your victim and want to gain a short term gain out of them. But if you're smart, you'll keep the people you earned, as increased jewels of knowledge and fortune may come your way from these people. (Personally, i like to see people succeed. It makes me feel good when i helped someone i knew go farther in life than if i wasn't ever present at any moment of their past)

I like to rant. Many ideas permeate me as I stay silent amongst people. Thinking. I usually hate trying to explain my ideas to people because the time it takes to explain the idea slows my mind down to where i lose my place as well as it takes even more time to explain the idea to someone else, but what's the point of having tons of ideas race in your mind if know one ever knew you had the idea? It's an idea wasted, especially when you forget the idea. I guess I need a neurological link to my mind.