All of This & Nothing

So I was listening to this one song of lore in my past.

A song that I used to listen to when I would think heavily.

And I pondered like I used to.

Earlier today me and my father were talking at a mexican restaurant about making money, with me doing radiology, and my brother doing his EMT stuff (I guess he's going to use that job to sustain himself while he works on his career of being a famous musician)

My dad had just finished a sentence about how my brother could make *so* much more money working for the fire department than if he was a paramedic when I asked him,

"who really needs all that extra money?"

My dad responded that all that extra money can be used to buy "toys" quickly, and that it's a really good feeling to be able to get what you want, when you want it, with money.

I replied that I didn't really care for money. I stated that all I wanted was to be able to live comfortably and no more.

"Why are people so materialistic? Is it to 'wow' their peers, or to feel empowered or what?"

After my dad thought about it for a minute (being a victim of materialism himself), he concluded that materialism was something that people get into because having another item staves off the depression they otherwise should be having. Acquiring a new toy makes them feel better about themselves. But, as the novelty of the new toy wears off, they must get a new one in order to sustain their feeling of well being.
And so the vicious cycle continues.

Usually I disagree with my father. My father is wrong much of the time and I have to get into shouting matches with him.

But this time I agree with him.

Listening to the song of pondering (+20 to intelligence?) a little while ago, I started to wonder if materialistic people were that much different from those who have drug addictions, or from those who become obsessed with an object (person or idea), or from those who work because they feel their worth is tied to their work.

Is it just a humanly thing to become wound up in something that ends up owning you?

But, back to the materialistic people and how I deal with it. For me, window shopping, and knowing, "Hey, I can buy that right now!" Is good enough for me. I feel as though an item is as good as mine if I can afford it. But even having the item doesn't matter to me. If I had the coolest computer/home entertainment system (say, where the audio signal of my computer was connected to the electrical wiring of the house) in the area I could still be the most saddest person in the world if I had no friends to share it with. I'd rather use my money to enjoy myself with people I care about, since that's all that matters to me. I see money as a means, not an end.

As a side note, If I have some really great friends and nothing but the shirt on my back (which has been a real scenario for me time and time again)some of the best memories can be made.

Deep down inside, all I want at least is to at least be "square" with everybody that I know. I have never felt good about having an enemy (in truth, I get a consistent stabbing feeling in my gut whenever that happens), and I feel like I'm too "old" to be hating people anymore.
I've felt that way since a week before my 17th birthday, when I came back to Humboldt, eager to build myself up like never before.

But more than that, I want to have fun with my friends. Nothing makes my day more than having people I know asking me to join them, and I work hard to make my life more capable of doing that, directly and indirectly.

I guess I'm just a social animal, a drama queen if you will.

...But Will I Change the World? I'm Running Out of Time!
D.