Yowza!

Click-A-Boom!
Yeah, there's some strange French going down.

Ok, Anyway...

I'm still feeling rushed. I have to finish my homework and turn it in, and finish my term paper and read it to all the class. I'm thinking about just reading off big numbers that I imagine in my head to see if anybody is paying attention. If they don't fall asleep before that, that is.

Off to Kinko's so I can give all my classmates a nice, neat, and flat piece of garbage.
What bullshit.

But that's what's got to be done for the grade, and I adhere to those who control my grade.

I COULD ask for the papers back when my presentation is done. I COULD make paper airplanes out of the papers.

Paper airplanes are cool, especially when they have decals like "$1,492,000" and "current assets/current liabilities" on them.

So, spending all that money to make copies might be worth it!



My sister is not coming back to Humboldt County. This is GOOD NEWS. VERY GOOD NEWS. She was, in my dad's words, "being just a complete ass". So he left her. The dog will be coming back to stay with us (Mr. Duke! Roo! Roo! Roo!)

Eheh...

Me and Jamie are back conversing again. I know that quite a few of you will probably hate that (except for you, Paul. You understood). What can I say here? Everything I write here will be under close scrutiny. Maybe the best approach is just the facts (ma'am).
Partially, this seems like such a... a... hot topic, and not a Tarina Tarantino topic. Whoops, am I digressing to get out of this? Nay!

Begin inserting the cheese aspect into my lines!
She just came back and started talking to me again, out of the blue. Partially, I wanted to be angry. Maybe it was because I haven't talked to her for a long time and I've been driving myself nuts by not communicating. I don't know, I just felt like I "should" be angry. Like it was the right thing to do.
But I knew better. No reason to be angry with her. And when I reactively smiled from her first sentence, I knew I was had. I missed her so much.
Two out of two times (so far) I have been called a fool, outright, for accepting her. I don't think you understand who she is. I don't think you knew the torture that I endured daily. There wasn't a single day I did not think about her and hurt at least a little bit. I rarely told anyone, and I instead sucked it up and continued with life.

When you truly love someone, you'll be as screwed up as I am. heh...

Maybe she doesn't really love me. So what? I still love her. I cannot help it. I tried to end it all a long time ago, sealing the deal with hatred, but it just didn't work out. I officially had it all ended, and figured that all I needed to do was to tough it out when the pangings hit. I was told that it would be something like experiencing the death of a loved one. That it would get easier in time.

As a side note, Did I "murder" the old relationship? She wanted to end it several times before I put in my side of the agreement.

Good god, I hope I die before she does.

The feelings never waned thereafter. That's a perfect indicator that I knew I truly loved her, without a doubt. The more I hurt about it, the harder I worked, packing activities into my day.
I've had a secret that I kind of knew all along in the back of my head. I have had no rest and relaxation. I just couldn't do it. I'd try, but I'd just feel idle, like I was wasting time. The only time I felt relaxed was when I would exercise until the endorphins would give me that "runner's high", and the pain from my muscles being exerted made me tired enough to know I had done an honest day's work.
A whole bunch of people have told me I was a strong person. They told me I would go far in life. They were impressed with my work, the work that I compelled myself to do for lack of relaxing, and for promise of a better life in the future. But even the strong have weaknesses. I am not infallible.
I'm not saying that she was the sole reason why I am unable to relax, but I do think she was a factor. Sure it seems dumb, but good people are hard to find.

It has been proven that humans remember certain pieces of information based upon whether it has to do with something meaningful to them. Anything can be meaningful to a human, based upon their perception. It could be a binky, a palm tree, a pet, Adolph Hitler... it doesn't matter how "dumb" or "silly" it is. It's always about perception.

I think that a lot of people would tell me that I'm screwed up. I'm just being honest here, out in the open like I try to be. I hope to be understood and accepted for being who I am, and to be critiqued so that I may better myself by the people that I select to help me be better (my friends). I think that, if people look into themselves, they may find out they're not so different after all in terms of being crazy. I'm just explaining how I tick, because I do think I'm somewhat predictable...

Hmm... Reminds me of a book series I read when I was young: "Everybody's crazy, Jim. What matters is the degree of craziness."

digression always makes its unannounced visit, doesn't it?

Jamie's a terrific person, and I can really relate to her. A whole bunch of you may not like her behaviour, but that's because you never really knew her. (I should mention right now that i'm feeling rushed. Eric wants me to go to lunch with him. It's 1 o clock and I haven't finished anything. Hehehe! But I haven't done a good blog in a while, so I determined that blogging was worth more to me. Time flies fast when I blog)
Anyway, before I turn you all loose...
I made a lot of mistakes in the past. I am starting over with the memories of those mistakes in my mind. I think that, with the blunting of memories by time, things will be "green and good" this time, again. I intend to keep it that way.

Psst. Leo? I'm Moopheus. Have you heard of... the meatrix?
D.

Continued!
I just got done eating. My head feels better (albeit a headache permeating 'round the skull), and I realized I didn't mention anything of what happened. Me and Jamie talked and talked... and talked, all the way till 10 at night. We had dinner (lunch?) as well.
The End. Now, On to my term paper!