It's really simple: I control how I feel, what lens I perceive the world through, to what degree my feelings affect my actions, and so forth. I'd just forgotten all of this in the Spring.
I think what cued me in was my run today. I put my bicycle in the shop (because I'm plain lazy to calibrate brakes, brake wires, mess with an oily chain, tinker with the gearing, and so forth), and so I had to run all the way to work, which is a... somewhat normal run. It was a little bit longer than what I used to average running (which would be either running around College of the Redwoods campus twice or going around College of the Redwoods once and then fling off into a very long and wind-ey trail... I don't like the word windy, just as I don't like the word wraith. (but I do like wrath)), but I enjoyed it very much. Although I didn't bring water while running in this beach-desert...
So, I'm not sure whether the run did it, but today, A whole bunch of memories and old ideas have been jolting through me(I'm so happy to remember!). One of those ideas, however, does have to deal with my running. It's an old relic of mine.
The idea is that there's always good to benefit from in every situation. There's always a consolation prize. And, in some cases, the worse the situation, the better the prize. Take my running, for example. Some people would say, "damn! I have to run today, instead of taking my bike! That sucks!". To me, I see this as an opportunity to rise to the challenge. "Sweet", I think. "I get to run today! That means I get to burn calories, eat more food later, see how fast I can run, use muscles I normally don't use..." and on and on. In fact, though I'm not sure where I got this idea (though I'm sure I'm not the first one to think of it), I know of two cases that helped me shape it.
The first one was when I worked at WinCo. At WinCo, we used a mechanical pusher, a cart hawk, to push carts. I always dreaded the failure of the 600 lb beast, because life would be hard. In fact, the reason why I did not weightlift was because of fear of having my muscles be too tired and sore to push if the cart hawk failed (which it did from time to time).
I really wanted to some resistance training, though. So here's what I did: I decided to push the carts myself, thereby doing three things. First, I got the strength training that I wanted; Second, I got around dreading the cart hawk's demise -- it was no longer necessary to have it! It was just icing on the cake; and third, I gained in ways I didn't think about -- pushing carts (and challenging my cow orkers to beat me) strengthened my relationships with fellow employees, showed my "dedication" to the store (fuck you, WinCo), and helped me obtain friendship in others (it's great to tell others your "big cart chain" story. I mean, everyone's got one... plus, feeling and looking great attracts people).
What I gained from this was many-fold. I had just proven to myself that doing something I didn't like, something that I didn't dare to do, helped me to get over my comfort zone and ultimately grow. I really did grow(!) from it. Just look at the blog postings from January to June of '04!
The second story is a lot shorter and simpler. It merely showed me how flawed my perspective can be. It also showed me ... bah. I have to go.
What I've Been Wondering Lately:
What's the boundary of our consciousness?
What's the boundary of our consciousness?
Where does my consciousness end?
Does my toe have a consciousness?
Does my toe have a consciousness?
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